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March Madness: 2014 TiB Douchlympics

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Crown Royal, Mar 27, 2014.

  1. Crown Royal

    Crown Royal
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    Just call me Topher

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    *Shegirl: I will add the rest after the thread is up and running

    March Madness: 2014 TiB Douchlympics

     
  2. shegirl

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    Redemption Seeking Whore

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    No prob. Have at it.
     
  3. Crown Royal

    Crown Royal
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    Just call me Topher

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    Donald Trump vs. Ryan Milliron
    Ah, Donald Trump. Braggart. Douchebag. Self-entitled billionaire who for decades has never once stopped yammering about “The Art of the Deal” and “What makes a great businessman”. ]I’ll answer that for him: Your dad dies with $400 million in the bank. But don’t take it from me, take it from a man who’s corporations have declared bankruptcy four times. And his opponent….our boy. Milly. He came, he bragged, he got shut down in 48 hours. Not just his blog, but his message board, his whole site..his fucking CLOTHING LINE shut down forever all because he wandered into the wrong neighbourhood, dropped the lamest introductory post in the history of the internet and was laughed out of town like none other.

    Kanye West vs. Lee Hotti and his BOYYYYYYYYZZZZZZ
    I’m going to avoid going into a tyraid because I personally hate Kanye West and want to remain fair, but he definetly makes this list was his endless spree of self-importance and whiney, crybaby jags he goes off on. Not to mention with all the owmen he could marry he picks a weather-beaten fleabag who has had half the dicks in America in inside her at one point. LeeHotti and his “Boyz” are more of a group, but they only function well as one, like Voltron. You know them, because you’ve seen them. This is them:
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    …possibly the most copied gang of douchenozzles in the entire interwebs.

    Tila Teqilla vs. Elizabeth Hasselback
    Super-morons from Planet Dingbat. Tila Tequila used to have men and women compete for her on a third-rate reality cheesefest, since then she has been slowly transforming into a bipolar fruitcake who leaps to new unfounded heights of demented behavior, not to mention she’s a raging whorebucket and retard. Speaking of retards, we have ex-Survivor contestant and for some reason talk show co-host Elizabeth Hassleback: the world’s only living bvrain donour. She interrupts, she impulsively judges, she never shuts up, and she’s pretty much never right about anything. She MUST be destroyed.

    Amanda Marcotte vs. WitchWind
    All man-haters report front-and-centre. Ms. Marcotte is “An internet writer who lives in a Brooklyn loft apartment with other internet writers”..so you probably like her already. She writes all sorts of screeds against the evil penis and how it will kill us all, most famously declared anybody who supported the wrongly-accused Duke Lacrosse players “Are nothing but lowlife, rape-loving scum period!!!”. Yeah, DIAF. The “woman” known only as WitchWind wrote the most hateful thing about men I have ever read. She just might be the most delusional, hateful woman on the planet. The article is called “PIV is Rape” and it WILL make you mad. Here's just a taste of her enlightenment:
     
  4. Crown Royal

    Crown Royal
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    Just call me Topher

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    Michael Crook vs. Romeo Rose, King of 6th Street
    A crafty veteran pitted against a newcomer to most of you. Crook is the founder (and probably only ever member) of the now defunct Forsake The Troops,judging by his insanely ugly face he's a fetal alcohol victim who actively denies the Holocaust and has been recently charged I think with plagiarism for purposely trying to ruin married men who answer Craiglist ads, an act he stole. He's a miserable poster boy for vasectomy and his death will be a blessing to us all. His opponent... well you may not more. I cannot explain Romeo Rose, King of 6th Street. I will let himself explain him. Get ready for this:
    First, this is what he looks like:
    [​IMG]
    ...and THIS is what he said while inline dating. Pure charm:
    …he has a 50,000 word article on how he think black people are disgusting but is NOT AT ALL racist. Look it up, it is beyond words.

    Chris Berman vs. Ryan Lochte
    Over to the world of sports: First we have the most obnoxious voice in sports history, a brain-damaged obese mouth absent brain. By all means, Berman. You "Swammi" routine was hilarious!!!! Even if you DO get 90% of your predictions wrong. And your home-run derby play-by-play? Never gets old! You can shriek "Back....Back....Back..!!!!!" for the rest of my life and I'll die a happy man.Swimming up to challenge is Ryan Lochte, single-digit IQ club member and star of "What Would Ryan Lochte Do?" of course a reality day that follows around this degenerate shitheel and his "Lochterage", a gang of unlikable dinks that are "Dedicated to turning it up AT ALL TIMES." Just drown already.

    Paris Hilton vs. Kim Kardasian
    This one needs no explanation. It's the two most useless famous women in history, the only question is who's BETTER at being useless?

    Hope Solo vs. Janice Dickinson
    First we have soccer superstar Hope Solo, world-class cunt and crybaby who blasts everybody that crosses her mind on Twitter, and marries class-act Jarramy Stevens who is in the felony assault club, and who commited said assault on her shortly BEFORE their wedding. After losing on Dancing With The Stars she threw a hissy fit, said the show was rigged from the start and that her dance partner sexually assaulted her. What a fucking mess. Challanging in Janice Dickinson, a psychotic crazy homeless woman with cobwebs and bats exclusively filling that jam jar she has for a skull. STILL insisting she's a beautiful supermodel despite the fact she makes Lisa Ann good-looking by comparison (or a peat bog mummy for that matter) and still insists as well that she's the FIRST supermodel, despite the fact she's retarded and Gia is the first supermodel. This titanically cunty cunt should be drowned in a mud puddle.
     
  5. Crown Royal

    Crown Royal
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    Just call me Topher

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    FOCUS:

    Don't just simply vote or say "So-and-so should win, they're the biggest douche." SELL your douche. WHY should they beat their opponent, and feel free to post anybody you think I may have left out.

    First round votes only, folks. Don't vote the entire bracket right away. And the final will be the male winner vs. the female winner.

    If you have any questions about who these people are if you don't know them, I'll be happy to fill you in with details.
     
  6. shegirl

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    This is the one and only warning you guys get, if this thread turns into a clusterfuck and/or goes to a taboo topic I will lock it. Be good TiBers.
     
  7. Crown Royal

    Crown Royal
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    Just call me Topher

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    I'll start to give people the idea (unless we're doing polls? I dont know how to do those) My votes for round one:

    Pool 1 and 2:

    John F. Page
    Joe Francis
    Amy Bouzlago, kitchen cunt
    Amanda Bynes
    Terry Richardson
    Spencer Pratt
    Quinn Woodward Pu
    Cameron Diaz

    Pool 3:

    Donald Trump
    Kanye West
    Elizabeth Hasselback
    Witchwind

    Pool 4:

    Micheal "Handsome" Crook
    Ryan Lochte
    Km Kardashian
    Hope Solo

    I may regret not picking Romeo Rose, the fucking guy could have a thread for himself on his level of doucheness. And he looks like a gargoyle with Down Syndrome to boot. Awesome. But.. he's up against Crook who is quite simply a waste of flesh and oxygen.
     
  8. Kampf Trinker

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    Alright, I'm bored enough to take a stab. I'm not going to write long explanations for each one because there are just way too many in the first round.

    Pool 1:

    - What I know of Mystery is mainly based off what I read in the game. I'm not sure if I hate him, but what makes his insecure creepiness so profound is how he seems borderline incapable of interaction with other people in any kind of normal manner. He treats every human interaction as something that needs to be studied and manipulated. Just plain fucking weird. John Fitzgerald is going to be borderline unbeatable. What kind of douche brags about his SAT score WELL into his 30s? His only redeeming quality is that he is unintentionally hilarious. Have to go with Fitzgerald here.
    - Francis is probably a bigger douche, but I'm going with Guy Fieri because I hate talentless hacks who get put up on a pedestal.
    - How is this a first round match up? Both could be favorites to win it all. I'm going to take Nancy Grace because Amy only had her 15 minutes in the spotlight and she at least made me laugh. Nancy Grace makes me seethe. If I was ever going to hit a woman it would be her. Bitch deserves to be strangled to death.
    - Bynes since I remember her saying more offensive bullshit. Both are really just embarrassments rather than douches though.

    Pool 2:
    - I'll take Charney. Don't know much about either of these two.
    - Justin Bieber. I can't remember the last time I heard anything about this guy that didn't piss me off. I don't know much about Pratt, but he seems more stupid than anything else.
    - I'll take Wotherspoon. I just can't understand people who go on dates with someone that they have no interest in just to get a free meal, although I'm sure she's gotten more than that at times.
    - Diaz because while Paltrow seems to be a bit of an attention whore at times I can't remember her doing anything over the top in douchiness.

    Pool 3:
    - Trump for so many reasons. For one he can't just be made to go away by being ridiculed. He practically shouts everything he has to say, as if it's both so fucking important and as if he was some kind of undeniable authority. He was also part of all those retarded conspiracy theories about Obama, which gave validation to a lot of idiots. Worst of all I can't stand him pretending to be a brilliant business man after what he inherited.
    - Lee Hotti. Someone please set him on fire.
    - Hasselback, but I don't really care about this match up.
    - Has to be Marcotte. What was really bad about her vilifying the Duke lacrosse players was the way she acted after they were exonerated. She came out criticizing the media for jumping to conclusions and creating hysteria when she was the worst propagator of them all. She said she wanted for criminal justice to just work it's own way without the media doing anything and then practically claimed she never attacked the Duke players at all as if she wasn't on record several (dozens?) of times doing just that. I don't know if she really thought everyone would just forget, but it was one of the most ridiculous things I've ever seen. You might call Witch Wind a douche because she is so shamelessly sexist, but she is way too crazy for me to actually hate. She thinks women can talk to plants and all kinds of other craziness. Bitch is pure nuts.

    Pool 4:
    - Romeo Rose because Crook is just too pathetic to hate.
    - I don't get this pairing. Neither of them seem very douchey. I guess I'll go with Berman because he's at least a bit annoying. Maybe Lochte is a douche on his show, but I've never seen it. He's so stupid I just feel bad for him more than anything else.
    - Going with Kardashian. It's hard to top the way she sold her wedding and then almost instantly got divorced.
    - Don't know much about either of these two. I'll take Hope Solo since I've actually heard of her.

    Edit: We really need a poll for this because I don't think everyone wants to write an explanation for every single pick.
     
  9. Crown Royal

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    Just call me Topher

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    Sorry, I didn't mean explain every vote, though the feedback WAS great. I meant the ones that stand out the most, I should have said that.

    Or just vote. Or don't. I ain't the boss of any of youse.
     
  10. Revengeofthenerds

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    You made a solid effort to start something interesting. The least we can do is make a half-baked effort to keep it interesting. I'll bite.

    POOL 1:

    Mystery. JFP is just a delusional individual, whereas Mystery represents a whole industry run and supported by delusional individuals and douchebags. He gets the nod because of what he represents.

    Joe Francis. I liken the "hating a celebrity chef" thing to hating on certain micro brews. You know what? Every niche culture needs someone like Emeril Lagasse or something like Blue Moon which is palatable to the masses in order to get it off the ground, so be thankful to them, because now you have a massive micro brew industry and a lot more talented individuals are wanting to be chefs. Some people like Guy Fieri and some people drink Leinenkugel, so lay off. Joe Francis is a sexual predator disguised as an asshole.

    Nancy Grace. 15 minutes of infamy pale in comparison to a lady who's the poster-granny for "this is why people hate America."

    Lohan. In a landslide. Bynes is a Lohan wanna-be. Lohan is the madonna of celebrity trainwreck culture (though brittney spear's tears paved the way). She was going to rehab and skipping court dates before everyone did it.

    Dov Charney. He's the biggest douchebag America has never heard of.

    Bieber. Recency-effect in play here. Also there's a change.org petition, which the president now has to respond to, asking for him to be deported. That's a pretty damn douchey trump card. Bet he uses it as a pickup line. In jail.

    Erin Wotherspoon. I actually want to see that reality show trainwreck.

    Paltrow. She's clearly a douchebag, and Diaz doesn't even deserve to be on this list. "Oh no!! She's an asshole with autographs!!" So are a lot of celebrities.
     
  11. Revengeofthenerds

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    Pool 2:

    Trump. I know he's the hometown favorite, but one guy burning out on one board does not a winner make. Especially when you're up against the trump.

    Lee Hotti. When god invented the word "douchebag," he was thinking of this guy. When he put volcanoes in Italy, he was thinking of this guy. When MTV came up with "Jersey Shore," they were inspired by this guy.

    Tila Tequila. Because when you're on a reality show, you're a douchebag. When feel the need to have a stage name for your reality show, you're a super-douchebag. And when part of that stage name involves a type of alcohol, you definitely have herpes. Bet I could get drunk just off licking her pussy though.

    WitchWind. Proud to be a rapist.


    Pool 3:

    Michael Crook. Romeo Rose is a douchebag, don't get me wrong, but he's a local douchebag. Crook's douchebaggery went on a national level.

    Lochte. He's what results when you cross "the situation" with an olympic-level athlete. And if you get compared to "the situation" (seriously, how the fuck is that guy not on this list?), then you should get a first-round bye.

    Paris Hilton. I'd still fuck Kardashian ten ways from sunday. But I'm.... kinda scared to with Hilton. Like with Kardashian, maybe my dick would turn colors, but it wouldn't be too ugly a color and it would go away with some cream. With Hilton though, I'm afraid it'd just fall off when I was done. Also Kardashian at least has some business sense, whereas Hilton coined a catchphrase.

    I'm not voting on the last one. Hope Solo shouldn't be on this list and the other name is too obscure.


    Write in:

    "The Situation" vs. "Carrot Top": What Lee Hotti did to the Internet, The Situation took to TV. And Carrot Top is, well, LOOK AT HIM!!!!
    [​IMG]
    That picture, by the way, was the second image that came up when I typed "douchebag" into Google Images. The first one? Lee Hotti.



    ... Fuck it, I hate both of them too much. Substitute "The Situation" for the bullshit Hope Solo matchup, and make Carrot Top my write-in
     
  12. Reifer

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    For right now I'm only going to comment on the Nancy Grace/Amy Bouzlago match up. Hands down Nancy Grace takes this one. Amy is a complete sociopath and should be beaten to death with a garden hose, but good ole Nancy is just a hate spewing piece of trash with a national stage to spout her unending bullshit. She is the epitome of garbage and the fact that she has the ability to reach millions makes her a far more harmful individual to the rest of the human race.
     
  13. Pow

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    Holy crap, ignorance is bliss. I read through the names and only recognized about 80% of these. I would read and vote on these show downs, but I feel like it's just going to increase my contempt for ... everything.
     
  14. Cult

    Cult
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    My only question is why was Piers Morgan left out of the running?
     
  15. Trakiel

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    Call me Caitlyn. Got any cake?

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    I literally had to do a triple-take at that picture before I realized that's the way the douche dresses; I kept thinking it was a picture of a guy dressed up as Cardinal Richelieu. And as much as Michael Crook is a douche for his Forsake the Troops idiocy, I always thought his whole thing with that was more of a made-up shock attempt designed to get attention. This Romeo Rose guy is on a whole other level. I'll take RR.
     
  16. Crown Royal

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    Just call me Topher

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    This guy....

    ....Apparently three races came from Iberia, and European and Russian is a race. French is a race. I'm DYING here.

    ...TAH-DAH!

    Do I have to again point out that THIS is what he looks like:

    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]

    It's incredible for far a human being-- ALWAYS in the West-- can carry their delusion that far. Is it entitlement or attention-whoring? You can't be that fuck ugly, that shallow and THAT full of yourself without something going wrong somewhere down the line.
     
  17. CharlesJohnson

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    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    He looks like Beaker choking on chiclets.

    I don't know 90% of these people. Which is a good thing. I think that is wonderful punishment. The only people that know you exist are those that loathe you. I personally like to nominate people that are legitimately poison to culture or the advancement of us as a species.

    Like Chris Brown.
     
  18. Crown Royal

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    Just call me Topher

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    I think Quinn Woodward Pu qualifies, because she is a festering bowl of toxic buzzard shit. This is what happens after a guy dumps her after only two dates:

    So, she slams this guy not withholding his full name, where he's from, etc. It goes viral all over the internet, And sends him this:

    [​IMG]

    ...relentlessly she brags about "Having two published books and a condo" BA HA HA AH HA HA HA because those two published books are her autobiography about being a spoiled rich bitch and its sequel. Self published, on a free website that lets you upload manuscripts and Photoshopped covers for free. But a CONDO. Welcome to Club Anybody.
     
  19. Kubla Kahn

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    Did that dude ever explain why he has chiclets implanted into his gums?
     
  20. Crown Royal

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    Just call me Topher

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    i think his mother was sexually assaulted by Max Headroom.