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Man Law

Discussion in 'All-Star Threads' started by downndirty, Jan 26, 2010.

  1. Jubes2681

    Jubes2681
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    Forgive me if my vajayjay gets in the way, but these two come to mind:

    Playing video games is a hobby and not a waste of time.

    If drinking a White Russian, the only acceptable names for said drink are "a Caucasian" or "a beverage".


    I'll go back to the kitchen and finish that roast now.
     
  2. whatisinaname

    whatisinaname
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    Hoping to be even a fraction of the man Jim is.

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    A man never delays a shower nor terminates it early in order to pee. A running shower is a perfectly acceptable venue in which to pee. Bonus chuckle points if she in the shower with you and doesn't realise that her warm calf is courtesy of you.
     
  3. Benzilla

    Benzilla
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    There goes my career in Biology...
     
  4. MadDocker

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    Along these lines, the world is our toilet. Anytime, anywhere.
     
  5. Maltob14

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    Gentlemen, after six pages I can't believe we've forgotten one of the most important and most used Man Laws, the Urinal Laws.

    1) There is always to be one space between yourself and the next man.
    2) Use good judgement and mind both sides of you. Never take more spaces than this one space if it is not necessary so as not to disrupt the maximum combined piss intake of the urinals.
    3) Eyes forward, mouth shut. No exceptions.
    4) More than two shakes is playing with it.


    Its late but this needed to be mentioned. I know I'm forgetting some, help me out boys.
     
  6. Lasersailor

    Lasersailor
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    #1 Most Important Man Law: Don't Cross the Streams.


    Anything else is a distant, distant second.
     
  7. SaintBastard

    SaintBastard
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    Only keep a map in your car to slap the shit out of anyone who tells you that you are lost.
     
  8. ghettoastronaut

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    Keep enough beer on hand to avoid the inconvenience of a beer run after you've already had a few.

    When in doubt as to whether or not it is time for a beer run, it is probably time for a beer run.

    On the topic of booze, a question about the good stuff: when is it acceptable to keep it to yourself, and when is it obligatory to share?
     
  9. JoeCanada

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    It is perfectly normal to feel the pride swell in your chest when you look down after taking a shit and see one of those mammoth "these only come around every couple years or so" logs that comes out of the water on both ends.

    If you're camping, you're either drunk, getting drunk, or waking up (aka about to start getting drunk).
     
  10. Sam N

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    I have to say that question is entirely dependent on how much you have. If you've got a six pack of something phenomenal hanging out with a buddy watching some football or something, you've gotta give up a couple. I'd say basically half of what you got should be shared, but I'm generous.

    Unless you only have a single serving (yes, those 24 ounce bottles of deliciousness count as one serving). I'd say law states you've gotta give up at least one, just so they can experience it. Unless they are cunts, then you can sit there and go, "MAN is this GOOD" after every sip.
     
  11. Sam N

    Sam N
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    As a rule of thumb, any whining about a relationship that you are in will be met with, "She's a fucking cunt, dude," and that is all. We aren't girls, we aren't going to hash out the stupid details of your disfunctional relationship. We'll be supportive by insulting the girl in some vague way, that's it. If you continue whining, you will be met with something like, "Dude, I don't give a FUCK, quit being a bitch and get drunk."
     
  12. flacco

    flacco
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    I can't believe I forgot this one

    Every man must have at least one man cave, whether it thy be single or in a relationship. One room in home must be devoted entirely to be a man cave. Man cave must have TV and at least one gaming console and readily available stash of alcohol.
     
  13. dubyu tee eff

    dubyu tee eff
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    Thinks he has a chance with Christina Hendricks...

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    Disagree. Coconut is cool. As is the milk. But a man doesn't consume anything with sprinkles on it. Ground chocolate shavings is cool. But sprinkles? No way. ESPECIALLY not rainbow sprinkles.
     
  14. thevoice

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    - The only time it is acceptable to change the channel during the game, is to check the score of another game.

    - Singing in the car is encouraged at all times, as long as the song is appropriate and manly. *Bonus points for bands like Journey and Night Ranger.*

    - If your buddies help you move, you'd best be supplying the beer when all is said and done.

    - If your buddies help you move, you'd better return the favor.

    - Don't you dare throw out a man's white t-shirt with the holes in it, it's his favourite. He'll throw it away whe he's damn good and ready.
     
  15. Natty

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    Thou shall interpret the phrase 'couples shower' as an event in which soapy sexual intercourse takes place in your bathroom. If this event is made known as otherwise, an immediate thought of 'what the fuckin fuck?' should consume your brain. If invited to one, thou shall reply: 'seriously dude, what the fuckin fuck?'

    Thou shall get to where the fuck you're going as quickly and safely as possible, if said obligation requires inquiry of directions from another person: who gives a shit you little dicked bastard?
     
  16. Happy

    Happy
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    You buy a car manufactured in your homeland.

    Never talk about politics or religion when just hanging out with the guys.

    You should have extensive knowledge on gadgets. New and old.

    Jeans from at least three years ago must be the most abundant pant in your closet.

    If there is a woman around, there should be no dirty clothes, ever.
    If no women is around, T-shirts can go 2 wears before being washed. Jeans are 2 weeks, and underwear is a "one and done" thing.

    YOU BETTER KNOW HOW TO TIE A NECKTIE.

    Support at least one sports team that loses. I will not want to watch sports with you if you say "Yeah, my teams are the Lakers, Yankees, RedWings, Patriots, USC and Duke"
     
  17. Nettdata

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    Bullshit.

    You buy the car that provides you with the most visceral driving experience. For me, it's German, and comes in a lowly flat-6 configuration. It also screams at 115db, red lines at 9,200 RPM, has a 13.5:1 compression ratio, and drinks 114 octane leaded race fuel like a whore does coke.

    You then learn how to drive, such that the car is the limiting factor in your performance, not your own driving ability.

    You then go out on track and do battle with others, spending thousands upon thousands of dollars and risking your very life for the sake of $5 trophies and bragging rights. And the occasional grid girl.

    To own a car and only get groceries in it means you're a eunuch, and deserve to be made fun of.


    And real men know how to heel-toe, up/down shift, and turn left/right at the edge of grip... not just peel out from one stop light to another.

    To understand such things as g-sum, slip-angles, and the relationship between torque and horsepower, means that you are a man among men.

    If you can design and implement your own forced air engine, you are a God.
     
  18. Natty

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    Re: Man Law AA ddodogdog ppaparparkpark tththathatthat iI hhahad

    To be fair, dude, my ubaru wagon also takes my toaster sized dog, adorned with a Georgia tech bandanna, to the dog park.
     
  19. Nettdata

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    If you're a chick, then why worry about Man Law at all?
     
  20. Natty

    Natty
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    Hi there Nettdata, we've been on the same messageboards for years, and I have a penis.