Another weekend, another lengthy discussion about what Man Laws should go in the Bible of Balls. 1. Thou shalt not fuck anything bigger than you. 2. If you didn't remember, and she didn't remember, it didn't happen. 3. Feel free to lie to any girl you can fit more than 4 fingers into...if she can take a fist, she can take a lie. Keep adding to it.
Not so. If you have just carnally dominated the woman of your enemy, it is quite acceptable to fight naked when said enemy breaks into the room to confront you. It is also quite acceptable to maintain an erection, while fighting naked, due to the blood lust of battle.
Never, ever let your [wife/girlfriend/sister/female friend] change a car tire while you are present. That's your job.
-Fuck steak sauce. The only sauce needed is the blood coming from your medium rare steak. -Thou shall not buy tampons, yeast infection cream, or any other maintenance items needed for your cooter.
"Your cooter" implies possession, is there something you aren't telling us? I think a whole new set of laws applies if that is the case.
Thou shall not cross the man. Especially in regards to semantics when you don't know what you're talking about. Bake me a cake.
If you're the wingman, you take the uggo. If you take the uggo, you must say you just talked with her. None of your friends are allowed to make fun of you (at least to your face) for fucking the uggo, as that is the height of sacrifice during wingman duty.
Though shalt never acknowledge the existence of more than 6-8 different colors. Exception being if it is in reference to the colors of a sports team.
The only reasons to cry are as follows: Death of a parent Death of a dog Death or dismemberment of an automobile who you have bled for during its maintenance or restoration There are no rules to fighting. If you fall asleep from drinking at a party in college your face shall be written and this shall be preserved on celluloid Your pimp hand shall remain strong at all times
First at the murder of wife and kids, the energy spent on tears should be spent taking a month vacation from work finding you and torturing you while eating a roast beef sandwich with horsey sauce. I can get another wife and make more kids. I'm just sayin. A dog? Can't replace a good dog. You can get another one but it'll never be the same. A man's dad? Never replace that. Mom? Who makes breakfast like my mom? Nobody. And an automobile? That requires no explanation. Oh and in the case of Pimptress since she is part dude, you can cry at the loss of a horse.
You may take the last beer. You may take the last slice of pizza. You may not take both. If you are drinking at a friend's, you must bring enough booze to at least supply yourself. That's not a "granny flat". It's your parent's basement. Get out. Now. Must have at least basic knowledge on how to cook on a barbecue (i.e meat that is palatable)by the time you live in your own place (provided you have outdoor access). If not, squeeze your hand inside your George Foreman Grill for 10 seconds. Does it hurt? DOES IT FUCKING HURT, POINDEXTER?!?!? Good. Go get a barbecue. If your friend gets in a fight, you are on call until it's over. No "jump shots" or any other poseur bullshit unless it's your own goddamn pool table. You are not Fast Eddie. You're a guy who folds the same sweater 40 times a day while wearing a headset. If a woman attacks you for some reason, take your lumps. You are going to lose no matter what the outcome is, and this is the easiest one. Pay all your bills. On time. A man only hold the door open for another man if he's a senior citizen or injured (depending on the injury, of course). Instead, you do the "Fling": where if you are in jeopardy of possibly getting caught holding the door open for another able man, instead you fling the door open really hard so he can catch it before it closes. It allows you to be courteous without looking like you're cruising him.
When the two of you are going somewhere together, unless you are too drunk, you should be the one driving. Whether it's your car or hers.