Looks can be deceiving

I'm 6'3", 300 lbs., with a beard, and tend to dress like the aging frat boy I am. However, most people are shocked as shit to learn I'm a classically trained opera singer. Absolutely blows their minds.

 

Be it in the change room at the gym, hockey or reffing, people are always surprised that I have multiple tattoos. I'm a tall, lanky white kid who seems (and is) as harmless as a fly, so whenever I take my shirt off and people finally see my ink, they're always taken back. On top of that, all 3 of my tattoos are essentially covered by a wife-beater so they're only ever seen if I'm completely shirtless.

 

Nobody believes that I'm a virgin.

I dress well and am fairly muscular. Half the people I'm close with are women that are quite attractive. I was in premed, now in medicine, so it's not like I'm a bum or an idiot or anything. Most people, even my good friends, honestly believe I get laid all the time (And I've never lied about this so they come up with that on their own). People really struggle with the concept of a 22 year old straight male not having had sex.

Also a disturbing amount of people assume I have a girlfriend. People I've just met ask me what my girlfriend does, or what does my girlfriend think about this or that.

 

Im 24, and I still get double carded. Last weekend, I was in two different bars and despite being ID'd at the door, a bartender asked for my ID. What the hell? Its no wonder I insist on always having some sort of stubble.

FOCUS:
When talking about sports I played when I was younger, alot of people that I talk to assume I played Lacrosse for some reason. I love the sport, but it just wasn't around where I grew up so I've played it no more than 5-6 times. Guess its my build?

Semi on that note, Ive had multiple girls upon, um, seeing me down there, make some sort of comment about it being a pleasant surprise. Now I'm not packing an anaconda, but I'm satisfied. I don't know whether to be pumped and take it as a compliment, or be upset that girls assume that since I'm thinner, that I have some baby penis.

 

I'm a tall drink of water who looks like the Hitler Youth, so people tend to assume that I'm a total preppie fuck. I dress like it occasionally, but not all the time.

So when I start talking about how much I like listening to Rammstein, Arch Enemy, and Iron Maiden, people are a little taken aback.

 

People think I'm drunk when I'm sober. People think I'm drunk when I'm drunk, too. Surprisingly, I have a job.

 

I was mistaken for a teenager into my 30s, but that party ended about a year ago as the weathered face and, woe is me, gray hair started coming in.

Twenty years ago, people were surprised to learn that a socially retarded nerd could be a metalhead. Actually, people are still surprised today that a socially retarded nerd can be a metalhead. Um, so I'm told.

 

I'm 22 and still working on the teenager part. A few months ago I was in a grocery store and the sample lady told me she would need parental permission unless I was over 12. Bartenders always spend extra time looking at my ID and last New Years Eve the clerk at the liquor store wouldn't even sell to me. Hey, if I can still get college ass when I'm 40 I say it's a plus.

 

Every person on the planet assumes that I am a hairy motherfucker. I have a head full of hair, am never going bald, and can grow a beard in about a week. Its so bad that I get stopped at the airport/border almost every time because I look like a hezbollah faction member. But from the neck down, almost zero hair. I have no chest hair, no back hair, hardly any pit hair, and I guess the regular amount of bush hair.

Every girl that I've ever dated has done the back rub check when we go out, she'll put her hand on my shoulders, or back and give me a friendly rub. Its a great sign, because if they're checking to see if I have back hair, they're thinking about doing the hippitty dippitty.

 

Tucker who?

Focus: I think Fedor Emelianenko fits this thead pretty well.



I mean, he doesn't look like a pussy, but he also doesn't look like one of the very best fighters on the planet, which he is. You would never know by looking at him that he could break both your arms and rip your head off in about 6 seconds flat.

 

I am 6'6 230 pounds and people think I play ball.

I do, but I suck.

 

I'm a 6'3" 300lbs mixed guy. People tend to view me as intimidating. As long as I have booze in me I am one of the most friendly outgoing guys you will meet.

Unfortunately people have gotten used to the friendly BP. So when I tell people, that I was partying with just the other night, to get the fuck out of my bar* they think I'm joking. Damn my booze induced niceness!






*I'm a bouncer.

 

People still ask me if I lost my mother in the store. Fuck.My.Life.

 

I seem to pass as a pot head when people first meet me. Don't get me wrong, I used to like to get down back in the day, but its been a while.

Oh, and every single person I meet also tells me I look exactly like Steve-O from jackass. I haven't decided whether this is a good or bad thing yet.

 

Up until about two years ago most people thought I was the most innocent person they've ever met, because I'm fairly shy if I don't know you well. And then once you hear some of the things I've done in the past couple of years (mostly involving women) they're shocked that a skinny jewish kid like me can pretty much get away with anything if he has confidence.

 

If you ever met me for the first time, you would be under the impression that I'm a relatively smart guy who is knowledgeable on various topics. You'd think I'm just a normal dude who went to college and like most normal kids, did his share of drinking during those four years. You'd think I'm a normal guy looking for a normal job in whatever normal field I go into in college. I can talk to you programming and video games, etc. I wear normal polo tees and khakhis for the most part. I talk normally. At face value, you'd think I'm just another normal guy 20 something year old guy. You'd probably like me if you met me and walk away thinking "wow, now that is a guy who seems like he knows what he is doing"

In reality, if you become my friend, you will know that I rap for food, do more drugs than jim morrison and ozzy combined, punch someone in the face with no hesitation, have a police record longer than my.... and I'm actually pretty stupid. I have no problem talking to strangers, but once me and you hang out together for more than a day, you'll notice that I am actually not as outgoing as you thought I was. I got kicked out of two high schools, and somehow managed to receive my HS diploma through several loopholes. I'm working on my degree, but it's not going well. In general, once you get to know me, you'd either embrace me, or run away as fast and as far as possible from my general presence. Thank god for my friends. I'd be dead without them.

 

I used to always shock people when I told them that I wasn't a raging pot head. This was back in my university days when I tended to have shaggy hair and a beard more often than not, and always wore t-shirts and sandals. It may also have something to do with the fact that I'm a big fan of Phish and other "hippy jam bands".

Of course, now that I have a respectable job and am usually clean cut and wearing slacks and collared shirts this isn't the case. Comes with getting old I guess.

 

My hands are covered in small cuts, with skin torn off across each knuckle due to the hazards of working at a fishmongers. I don't know where or when I suffer these minor injuries, but at the end of the working day, my hands will be in shreds from thousands of little cuts. The skin torn off the knuckles I assume comes from rubbing my hand past the slate boards the smoked fish is displayed on, or perhaps the sharp edges of our cutting boards. Thanks to the hundreds of tiny little cuts on my hands, people tend to assume I am a violent person and engage in fights frequently. I am the total opposite, I have only been in a handful of fights, all at school. I've been in heated arguements which could have broken out into something much worse at any moment, but I've been good/lucky at diffusing those situations. So its quite humorous that I have a,"tough guy" image thanks to the minor hazards at my day job. The positive side is that I have fairly good skin, so I often appear to be a man engaging in many fights, and clearly winning (unless you assume I am a fan of thumb war) so I'm often left alone in public spaces.

Everyone perceives me to be a friend of Dorothy. Being well spoken, working in an artistic field (the fishmonger job is a short term answer to a dry spot in the design market and sporadic freelance postings) willfully visiting museums and owning more than one book are all (apparently) clear signs that I wave the rainbow standard. I don't help the situation by avoiding an answer to the question when asked, "Are you gay?" although this is because I don't see how it is of anyone's business, unless they're not so subtly trying to arrange a courting. However, this almost always has an interesting turn of events when my partner turns up. The shocked faces all around, the very careful and delicate answers given when I ask, "Oh... what made you think that?" and the sudden sparked interest from the fairer sex (which confuses me, as the sudden turn of events would clearly suggest that I'm not available at this present time) continues to amuse me.

 

I'm very similar, but I've honestly smoked weed less than 5 times in my whole life.

It still happens with people who do know me. To be honest it just takes me half the day to wake up.