When you live on a ship with over a hundred people, you learn alot about how people perceive you. One of the things I learned is that people, upon looking at me, automatically assume I'm a virgin. I am not a virgin. Yet no matter how many times I tell people, they just don't want to accept the fact that a man with a baby face and a nervous twitch has ever had rough sex with a perfect 10. They might accept a 1 on the Tucker Max scale, though (read I hope they serve beer in hell if you don't know about the Tucker Max scale). Let me put it this way - the following conversations actually happened. Guy 1: "And that was the best lay I've ever had." Me: "I've had some as good as that." Guy 1: "What? No way!" Guy 2: "Pat, $10.00 says you're a virgin." Guy 3: "Fellas, don't jump to conclusions. We all know that Pat has had pity sex at least 3 times in his life." Oh, and my personal favorite is this one I had shortly after I gave up on trying to convince people of my non-virgin status. Guy 1: "I like it when women wear D cups." Me: "I like how boobies feel like sand bags". Girl 1: "Pat, you're scaring me." Guy 1: "Don't listen to him. He's just quoting 40 year old virgin again." Here's a link to a post I made with another funny conversation I had at a bar. http://www.theidiotboard.com/messageboard/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=35&start=15 FOCUS: What do people assume about you based on the way you look or act that is completely not true? Are you a 6'6" 300 pound man who looks like a wrestler but actually knits in his spare time? Or are you someone who looks like an emaciated emo but actually loves life and can kick Bruce Lee's ass in a heartbeat?
People think I'm a guy all the time. I work as a designer for residential housing (specifically, roofs). I've worked in construction my whole life, in one capacity or another, so I'm pretty knowledgable about most things with houses. This is generally enough to cause confusion, but when you factor in the fact that my first name is unisex, well...kiss it goodbye. Virtually every time I've had to deal with someone via email first, when it comes time to have a telephone conversation or meet face-to-face most expect to meet a man. What they get instead is a 5'3", twenty-something chick. I get one of two responses: 1) The quick-thinkers give an awkward pause, and then carry on; 2) The not-so-quick-thinkers stammer: "Oh!...Isn't [DCC] a man's name?" So far, though, no one's ever taken me less seriously than any of the guys, so all that sexual descrimination garbage is just BS.
You would think I'm a retarded person. Upon first introduction, I don't talk, I rarely make eye contact, and I generally don't engage you in any way until I've watched you interact with other people and I'm reasonably satisfied that I can deal with you. After that initial stage, I'm told I'm just delightful. You know, when I type it out like that, it sounds weird. No time for reflection, though. These jars of piss and semen won't freeze themselves.
I have the opposite problem. Ever since my early twenties I've tried to pass myself off as a virgin and no one ever believes me. No pity, cherry popping fucks for me. I tried like hell though.
The other week someone commented to me that I was the type of person who wouldn't say shit if my mouth was full of it. Ah, innocence.
Although I'm 32, I get mistaken for someone at least ten years younger all too often. I still get I.D'ed at the Beer Store and even when buying fucking cigarettes. Because of my size and the fact I don't smile very much, people consider me menacing looking although more often than not I'm like a kid. At get-togethers, I'll play with everyone's kids on the floor all night instead of socializing with the other boring adults. I like kids better than adults. They don't judge you or talk behind your back, they just want to have fun and punch you in the balls when you're not looking here and there.
I'm a mother of teenagers. Every teenager who's ever met me assumes on first meeting that I know nothing about music, that I'm clueless about textspeak, that I'm internet-retarded, and that I work in an office job doing something that involves shuffling papers around. I think it's kind of funny.
I too get carded for cigarettes and I just turned 40. In the photo on my passport I have long hair and a beard and since I am newly shorn people don't think that its me. I suppose there are worse things like when I was 30lbs heavier and people thought I was Jim Belushi. John Belushi I could have dealt with but not Jim.
When people first meet me they think I'm another clean cut computer nerd that has had the life experience of a gnat and probably spent most of my early adult life inside of a school book. In reality: I never graduated high school, and fucked around at a community college for a couple years. Spent most of my youth draped in black leather and spikes frequenting bay area punk metal and grindcore shows. Spent some years homeless on the streets shooting speed and carousing with dealers, hookers, and murderers. Now excuse me as I finish filing my nails in preparation for this 2pm meeting with the executive advisory board.
People mistake me for Lisa Leslie* all the time. So annoying. Kind of serious though, because of my height, apparently I should have been in the WNBA. EDIT: I guess no one pays enough attention to know the funny in that is that I'M A WHITEY. Sheesh. Sucked the funny right out.
I have been lifting weights for about 4 years now, and I can bench press 275 no problem (which is great for me!). When I started out I weighed 135lbs...I have always had a skinny frame and even though I now weigh 200lbs, I still look like I've never been to the gym. Only when I wear certain clothes does my figure actually show. Like somebody else said, I also never graduated high school, but it doesn't matter because I am so clean-cut white that nobody is ever going to investigate.
My eyes look like I am constantly staring directly into the sun. Either that, or really, really high. Think Lamb Chop from Shari Lewis. Thus, I am constantly mistook for an Asian. If I get asked to help on one more math problem...
I don't work in the design field anymore, I'm on the job site doing physical labor. I can't stand the looks I get from other subs. Yes, I have large boobies. No, I'm not a lesbian. Yes, I tote lumber. Yes, I use power tools, including saws. Although, most guys are pretty cool once they realize that I'm not a dipshit and I do my job very well.
That I look indifferent and detached. I guess I can be aloof sometimes, but I am actually a caring person who can be quite passionate and expressive.
Like in another post, I mentioned I have ALOT of tats. People guess I'm a thug, but shocked when they find out I'm the Po-Po. One waste of air asked me (while in uniform) if I "spent time in prison". I said yes. All my Tats are very good quality, too.
Wow this is pretty much me to a tee, although I'm only 22. My brother gets passed off as the straight laced boring cop type but he's actually got a great sense of humor.
Been through much Jesus Juice? Because I dress sharpish and sound more English than “Aussie Mate”, I’ve been told I can come off as an unapproachable yuppie. I’ve even been asked by an old lady “where are you from dear” when I said “about 5k North” she replied with “no, I mean originally” she wouldn’t believe I was probably more native than her. My GF basically picks most of my clothes because “I have no fucking idea” and I sound a bit like a snobby pom because that was how I was raised, I can fake a flawless yob accent at the drop of a hat though. Over half of my best mates are *Tradies, and sinking piss and getting my hands dirty style pursuits fill most of my weekends. *The other half are Lawyers.
People assume because I can speak English properly and with almost no hint of accent that I didn't cross the border.
Don't you mean math probrem? FOCUS: People assume I'm a book nerd, and considering I go to an engineering school, they're part right. Then when they find out I also play rugby, they don't believe me.