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Limericks

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Bundy Bear, Mar 6, 2010.

  1. Bundy Bear

    Bundy Bear
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    I'm about as trashed as five men but not as shitfaced as I should be and I just saw something that triggered some funny stuff. Limericks are great and should be spread around. here are some dirty ones i know.

    There once was a young man from caldir,
    Who was fucking the maid on the stair,
    On the 53rd stroke,
    The bannister broke,
    So he finished her off in midair.

    Once was a young man from leeds,
    Who swallowed a packet of seeds,
    Tufts of grass,
    Came out his arse,
    And his dick was covered in weeds.

    Focus: What are the funny, dirty, wrong limericks you know coming into St Ptricks day.
     
  2. Dmix3

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    In the four-toed statue
    The grandson of old Davy Crockett
    Was propelled down the road by a rocket
    The force of the blast
    Sent his balls up his ass
    And his dick was found in his pocket
     
  3. ghettoastronaut

    ghettoastronaut
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    Classic:

    There once was a man from Nantucket
    Whose dick was so large he could suck it
    He said with a grin
    As he wiped off his chin
    If my dick were a cunt I would fuck it

    EDIT: The guy from XKCD set up this limerick page: <a class="postlink" href="http://limerickdb.com/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://limerickdb.com/</a>

    Some really good ones there.

     
  4. Improper

    Improper
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    There was a young plumber from Bree
    Plumbing his girl, by the sea
    she said "Stop you plumbing,
    someone is coming!"
    Said the plumber, still plumbing, "It's me!"
     
  5. Racer-X

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    I didn't write this one and I realize it's super nerdy, but it's one of my favorites.

     
  6. Angel_1756

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    Courtesy of my grandmother:

    On the chest of a barmaid from Sale
    were tattooed all the prices of ale.
    Whilst on her behind,
    for the sake of the blind,
    was precisely the same, but in Braille.
     
  7. cochisewv

    cochisewv
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    My middle school principal was named Dr. Pass. The following limerick was created about him:

    Dr. Pass had balls made of brass
    They clang together,
    Causing stormy weather,
    And lightning shot out of his ass.
     
  8. Benzilla

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    There once was a girl from Madras
    Who had the most marvelous ass
    It wasn't rounded and pink, like you'd usually think
    Instead, it just ate leaves and grass
     
  9. SaintBastard

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    The best limerick ever:

    There once was a man from Benglave,
    who found a dead whore in a cave.
    He said, "How disgusting,"
    "But needs only dusting."
    "And think of all the money I'll save!"

    Funny and educational.
     
  10. zyang31

    zyang31
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    Here's something even nerdier.

    And for the math geeks:
     
  11. Fernanthonies

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    I fucking love dirty Limericks.

    A randy marsupial named Reeves
    Spent some time with the whore's 'tween their knees
    When they'd asked him for money
    He'd say "Listen honey
    A koala eats bushes and leaves."
     
  12. scotchcrotch

    scotchcrotch
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    There once was a girl from Toledo,
    Who found something small in a speedo.
    She hopped on it twice,
    Found it quite nice,
    Then turned around and thanked Don Vito.
     
  13. Maltob14

    Maltob14
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    I once knew a man from Nantucket
    Actually, you know what, fuck it.
    I'm not wasting my time
    Making up a lame rhyme.
    You guys can just go suck it.
     
  14. zyron

    zyron
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    I always heard this version:

    There once was an old hermit named Dave,
    who kept a dead whore in his cave.
    Though he kept her on ice,
    she didn't smell very nice
    But think of the money he'll save.
     
  15. TPapp

    TPapp
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    There once was a woman from Hortense
    Who's breast were so big they're immense
    On a jolly day of soccer she kicked her left knocker
    And it flew right over the fence
     
  16. djbj

    djbj
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    There once was a man from Goloshem
    Who took out his testes to wash 'em
    His mother said Jack
    If you don't put 'em back
    I'll step onthe bastards and squash 'em
     
  17. BrotherNumberOne

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    Johnny, Johhny, puddin' pie,
    Jacked-off in his girlfriend's eye,
    When her eye was glued and shut,
    Johnny fucked that one-eyed slut.
     
  18. BL1Y

    BL1Y
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    From The Simpsons (the episode where Homer becomes a famous poet):

     
  19. Veovis

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    Told to me by an old scotsman a friend worked with.

    There once was a woman from Wales
    Who's diet was horse shit and snails
    When she got sick of these
    She fed on the cheese
    That she scratched from her snatch with her nails.


    There was a fair maiden named Jill
    Who tried a dynamite stick for a thrill
    They found her vagina
    In North Caralina
    And bits of her tits in brazil.
     
  20. Moose

    Moose
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    There once was a man named Jocket,
    who stuck his balls in a socket.
    A son of a bitch
    turned on the switch
    and Jocket went up like a rocket.