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Letting you down gently

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Dcc001, Dec 15, 2010.

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  1. Rush-O-Matic

    Rush-O-Matic
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    Emotionally Jaded

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    This is crazy! It's like men and women are different, or something. It's like they approach relationships, dating, sex and emotion in ways that aren't the same. Somebody should write a book about that.

    Also, just curious . . . I'm assuming that your response was, "Uh, no. We're not on for Wednesday."
     
  2. Trakiel

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    Call me Caitlyn. Got any cake?

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    I doubt it, considering she had told him that she'd love to be friends. I personally go out to eat, watch movies, or engage in other social activities with my friends all the time, so it'd be difficult to turn him down without looking like a complete liar.
     
  3. shegirl

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    Redemption Seeking Whore

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    "love to be friends"

    You left the door cracked. He's still got hope. He's a man. You did it wrong.
     
  4. 8Track

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    Yeah, all I hear is, "Someday, I'd love to touch your pee pee."
     
  5. Psychodyne

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    Or at least "I might still let you touch my boobies."

    If you told him you wanted to be friends then at best he still wants to go to dinner with you, have fun, and get to know you, because that's the sort of thing friends do. At worst he still wants to go to dinner with you, feed you some wine, and hope you'll invite him back to your place for "a nightcap", because that's what lots of people do. After all, you don't have to date someone to have sex with them. I don't know what all your "lets be friends" conversation included, but apparently it didn't include cancelling dinner, so he still sees options. Generally, in guy speak that means "She didn't say no, so who knows what might happen."

    Had you said something like “I don’t feel comfortable having dinner together, so let’s cancel that, and I’ll see you around the office”, I’d say you were pretty clear. “Let’s be friends”…not so much.
     
  6. Beefy Phil

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    Yep.

     
    #86 Beefy Phil, Dec 23, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 27, 2015
  7. Harry Coolahan

    Harry Coolahan
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    Are you guys fucking retarded? I'm sorry but "let's just be friends" in the context of a conversation about dating cannot possibly mean anything but a gentle rejection. I wouldn't blame this guy for being a chump, and I wouldn't be surprised by a couple dissenting voices from forum members, but a consensus from this board that this was open to interpretation is fucking stupid. Even a child comprehends subtext. You guys must be terrible to hold a conversation with in person.
     
  8. ssycko

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    It's not that it's not a gentle rejection (it is), but that fact that it still leaves things openended to any male with a penis. Unless the girl specifically says "I DO NOT WANT YOUR PARTS NEAR MY PARTS EVER" guys are still always gonna look for a chance. Just human nature.

    Granted, even after being blatantly clear, the guy is still going to want you, but more than likely those interactions will take place solely in his mind as he furiously beats off into a tube sock thinking about you bending over to pick up some copies you dropped, and then mails you the sock 3 weeks later for Christmas.
     
  9. Trakiel

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    Call me Caitlyn. Got any cake?

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    No, people (men or women) don't get a free pass with the "let's be friends" line. If someone tells me they'd like to be my friend when in reality they don't have any real desire to be my friend then I'm going to call them out for being a lying sack of shit.
     
  10. ghettoastronaut

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  11. lust4life

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    I have to agree. If she really wanted to be friends, she wouldn't have gotten that restraining order.
     
  12. Mantis Toboggan M.D.

    Mantis Toboggan M.D.
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    Yeah....but on the other hand, if she didn't really love me, she'd have chewed through the duct tape and broken out of the trunk by now.
     
  13. ParkerBro

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    Dude here. "Let's just be friends" is a clear, unequivocal, get the fuck away from me I don't want your dick.

    If hope persists because a guy is socially retarded or there is a "glimmer" of hope, that's his problem.

    Look, if a girl is open to fucking a guy, or finds him sexy, or what have, she will not, I repeat NOT, give him the lets just be friend speech.

    If a girl is in a tricky situation, but wants to fuck the guy later, or doesn't really know what she wants, she will NOT give him the lets just be friends speech.

    It's reserved for guys she wants to crush all hopes of "getting with her."


    And hope really has nothing to do with it. It's the embarrassment factor. LJBF has some, but not very much, embarrassment factor, depending on your level of social intelligence. So a guy has no in-you-face emotional reaction to stop hitting on the girl.

    A public or explicit rejection has a high embarrassment/ ego-crushing factor generally, making the guy want to avoid the women to avoid future daggers of emotional pain. Oh, but he still thinks he has a 2% chance of fucking her, at least.
     
  14. Subito

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  15. shauncorleone

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    Any guy with half a brain is not given hope by the initial "let's be friends" line. The trap most guys fall into is when the girl calls them, makes plans with them, bitches about her inattentive/abusive boyfriend to them. I'm not saying it makes them anything less than a dumbass, but the way some women crave attention for the sake of validation, the guys who give it to them live off reading too much into it. Every guy at some point in his life has thought "Wow, she must really want me to save her from this asshole she's dating." Some just put 2+2 together earlier in life.
     
  16. E. Tuffmen

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    Or constantly hounds YOU to go out but no matter how many times you say no she keeps asking. It wouldn't be so bad if she was just an average chick, but when she is exotically hot and you get along really well and all the while she laments constantly about what an abusive asshole her boyfriend is yet still stays with him, so you finally relent and go out and its phenomenal but then you stop off at her favorite local bar and she tells you she'll get a ride home when you were obviously thinking things were looking really good.... oh, wait, so yeah...

    I met my wife at work, and I never understood the whole shit where you eat thing. If it works, it works no matter where you meet.
     
  17. McSmallstuff

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    Focus:

    For men: Oh, I'm so glad you asked me out! You remind me so much of my mother! I've been thinking of our wedding since almost the first time I met you. In fact for our first date, we should have dinner with her! I'm sure you two will be best friends! (All of this in one overly exuberant breath.)

    For women: Well thank you so much! Being celibate, its really hard to find a guy who is interested. You don't mind if I bring my five cats along though do you? The little snookums get lonely with out their mommy.
     
  18. Nettdata

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    Sometimes the best way to let someone down gently is to just die.
     
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