Did we do this already? Free Breast Exams So, a plea deal was reached for this dude. He is "accused of posing as a doctor and offering free door-to-door breast exams at a Lauderdale Lakes apartment" This is completely reprehensible, obviously, on so many levels. quote ". . . women allowed Winikoff into their apartments before they realized something was amiss after the exams started. Winikoff even carried a little black doc bag. The first woman, 36 at the time, told detectives he started the exam by fondling her breasts, . . ." /quote What did he say, I mean how good of a salesman is this guy, so that they would invite him in their apartment? And, get to the point where he's fondling their breasts? Focus: Have you ever pretended to be something you're not? How long did you keep up the charade? If you got caught, what happened? If not, what made you stop? Alt Focus: I know what this guy did is wrong, but the part of the story I quoted made me laugh. I guess partly because it seems so preposterous. At least he offered the exam for free. Seriously, though, when have you laughed at something that was really inappropriate?
A famous radio host used to give advice to guys attempting to nail chicks. One of the cornerstones of his strategy was that it's a lot easier to pick up randoms if you just lie about who you are and what you do. He would provide a list of exciting-sounding professions that were simultaneously difficult for people to dig into - never the rock star, but maybe an assistant producer or a recording engineer that works with Motley Crue or something like that. He had other suggestions for maintaining the illusion: for example, look around busy ATMs for discarded receipts with large bank balances on them and then use that as the scrap of paper you write your phone number on. Make sure you have a cell phone with a desirable area code. And so on. Maybe y'all haven't done anything as extreme as this, but tell us what you have done...
My honest guess is that it was because he was 81 years old. I don't think anyone would fall for a young guy trying that stunt, but my speculation is that because he was that old it probably fell out of their minds the possibility that he was a pervert. Also, since this guy is obviously a deviant, you would think that there's probably a history of sex perversion in his past, yet I would think the article would've mentioned it if there was. So either he's committed other sex crimes in the past and has gone unpunished for them, which is likely, but - and this is hilarious to me - what if he just decided that since he's 81 and about to kick off soon that he'd see what he could get away with, knowing that really, who cares about the consequenses at that age?
Yeah, the bolded part is what is fascinating. At each step in his plan, I wondering if he was thinking, "well, she won't invite me in." Oh, that worked. Well, she won't take off her shirt. Oh, that worked! I wonder if I can get away with fondling her. And, then he did it again.
If I'm very drunk and talking to someone I don't care about, I'll often start an egregious lie and see how far I can take it. It's not a attempt to deceive, I just want to say something silly and absurd. It is really revealing how far people will believe something patently false before questioning it. A few months ago I was at a bar talking to a woman. She asked me what I did and I told her that "I was a professional rock climber until I tore some tendons in both hands. I spent the last few years doing physical therapy for my hands and gained incredible dexterity. Now I'm a brain surgeon, ranked number 2 in the country." She promptly invited me back to her apartment for a massage. (I declined, went home to the GF.) I don't care how drunk you are, it is just common sense that nothing in that story makes sense. Realizing that many people will accept those kinds of stories as true made me realize how easy it is to bullshit on smaller issues.
I usually make up frivolous stories when I don't feel like having a meaningful conversation at a bar, usually when wingman-ing or talking to people I was forced to. Flat out lying to get a girl to sleep with me seems so seedy and I just frankly feel like it wouldn't work. However, one time I was doing it as a joke and it worked with flying colors. I was visiting a friend at college in Milwaukee during my sophomore year. Well said friend wasn't feeling well, so he laid low while I went out with another of his friends, who I knew decently well, who went to the University of Wisconsin. So we're out and about and its getting tiresome when people are asking us how we know each other talking about our mutual friend, so we just start saying we're in a band together. Innocuous enough until you realize that he was in arguably the most popular college band in Madison and the state at the time and they regularly toured around the Midwest (we'll call them The BAMFs for now). So we were telling most people I was the lead singer of the BAMFs and he was the drummer, which was true. Well one group of girls we were talking to grew up in Iowa City and had, wait for it, seen the BAMFs play live multiple times and still believed me when I couldn't look less like their lead singer. So we return to my friends apartment with these two visually impaired strumpets in tow and continue living the lie. When we get back, the girl I am chasing sternly looks at me and asks me to play her a BAMF song. Considering I know probably the first 4 chords of one of them, I figure this may be a challenge. So we go into my friend's bedroom, I grab his guitar and play probably 15-20 seconds the best I can remember. She emotionlessly gets up, closes the door and pounces on me to an extent I barely got the guitar out of the way in time. I still laugh when I think of the absurdity of it. My voice doesn't match, we had different color hair and I was 4 inches shorter than their tall gangly vocalist, just ridiculous. But I had just broken up with my gf of 10 months a few weeks before, so maybe it was just what I needed.
Your line of reasoning sounds frighteningly similar to a) my tactics with women, or b) the standard operating procedure for every corporation listed on the stock exchange.
The top story simply made me think of these guys <a class="postlink" href="http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2336#comic" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db ... 2336#comic</a>\ As for telling stories, well I supose the best one I used was in Las Vegas when I decided to explain that I recycled pencil erasers for a living. Why? It wasn't to get girls or anything, it was simply for fun because well....Las Vegas, and I figured it seemed like the most absurd bullshit I could think of and that no one could ever beleive. Apparently my 8 step system approach from an office building to the dump to the final product was drunken sold well enough for a few people to be amazed. This was likely due to the fact that I chose people drunker than me and waited for the inevitable...."So what do YOU do?" It also went well with the outfit I was wearing and the photocopied piece of paper of my edited drivers licence that stated my name was Barry McCaulkiner.
I love lying. I think it's why I became a writer. I think I've told this story before, but I started a series of lies in my last two years of college that I have yet to fess up to (at least to the people I've told the lies.) In a semi-racist drunken argument, I told someone that I was born in Morocco so that I could win the argument about the phrase "African American." Other people heard me, and I had to continue pretending I was African American so that I wouldn't come off as racist. It got out of control, but I couldn't stop lying because I was having fun. I also told people I was part gypsy for a reason I can no longer remember. I almost got caught with this one when my friend's new girlfriend asked me what kind of gypsy. On the spot, I said Lithuanian, which worked as far as I know.
This seems as good a thread as any to repost this: Apparently, if you tell women you're doing it for Putin, you can touch as many boobs as you want.
1. I've mentioned before that I knew a girl who taped some white paper to a coffee can, drew a red cross and on it, and used to go around asking people for money for 'charity' (meth). 2. An old boss of mine is a bit of a spunk, and every time we'd go out on the piss he'd get hit on relentlessly, despite wearing an engagement ring. He started taking the piss out of the girls to amuse himself, telling them that he invented the post-it note, or the glue stick, or the device that separates McDonald's buns, or something else totally unbelievable to anyone with a grasp on time (he was 29 when he did this). Probably 90% believed him. The funniest part about this is that he's a successful serial CEO who earned his first million well before he was 30 and is well known in our industry nation wide, so he was actually downplaying himself. I got a good laugh out of this, but I broke up with a girlfriend while working for him and he decided to wingman for me. Sounded good in theory, but in practice, turns out having a much better looking guy sitting next to you doesn't help your chances. At least, it didn't help mine, and it was mildly demoralizing to see stunning women flock to him and then try to puzzle out why he was with me. So, the cheeky bugger decided to start helpfully fictionalizing me. I was at various points: the son of the owner of the club we were in; the tour manager for a Russian figure skating team; lead bass player for any number of visiting bands; or a clothing designer for Australian fashion week. Usually this would start when a couple of girls would come up and say hi (this doesn't happen when I'm not out with him sadly) and he would introduce us with something like 'Hi Ladies, how are you? Did you know this is the famous AlmostGaunt you've been reading about? AG, tell them about your latest book/dress design/tour experience', at which point I'd try and improvise something suitably impressive. Now, I've never felt comfortable around the high maintenance / gold digger crowd, and the more pissed I was, the less I felt like staying in character. So after awhile, I'd lean over and confess to the girl that I wasn't actually a tour manager; I was in reality a minder for my cousin who was testifying about bikie gangs bribing political figures/hiding from a failed marriage with millions in assets/ an ex drug dealer on the run. The girls would clock his ludicrously expensive outfits, rolex watch, and 350Z parked outside, and decide to start pursuing him aggressively. He would then have this amazing scene where he'd tell them he had a girlfriend, and they'd say 'oh, there's no need to lie to me, I know about the bikies/drug dealers/ex wife, it's fine'. The last time I did this, one of the girls just dropped into his lap and tried to make out with him. Then I had to explain to his then-fiancee (now wife and mother of his child) what I'd done. That was the third time I'd met her. The game stopped after that. I haven't spoken to her in a while...