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Lawyers, Guns, and Money

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by DrFrylock, Nov 4, 2010.

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Make Your Choice and Appease Zoltar

  1. The Lawyer

    46 vote(s)
    25.1%
  2. The Gun

    41 vote(s)
    22.4%
  3. The Money

    90 vote(s)
    49.2%
  4. I'm Just Here to Fuck Chater

    5 vote(s)
    2.7%
  5. I'm Here to Fuck Frylock, He's Hotter

    1 vote(s)
    0.5%
  1. DrFrylock

    DrFrylock
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    The White

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    The Genie of the Lamp, who looks a little bit like Vin Diesel and says "eh" a lot, grants you one of the following:

    • A supernatural lawyer on permanent retainer, who can get you off for any crime up to the level of a misdemeanor for the rest of your life, but cannot help you with felonies.
    • A ray gun that can be used once a week and will knock someone out for 20 minutes with no repercussions to you whatsoever. Some annoying guido asshole blabbing on his Bluetooth in the supermarket while standing in front of the chips you want? Blam, he's out cold for 20 minutes.
    • A one-time cash payment of US $65,000, tax free.

    Which do you choose, and why?
     
  2. Kubla Kahn

    Kubla Kahn
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    So when you say "no repercussions" does that cover what ever sexual acts you perform on the stunningly hot girls you'd ray gun blast each week?

    If it does, then Im collecting the top hottie starlets for my basement love nest (dungeon), without repercussions.
     
  3. DrFrylock

    DrFrylock
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    The White

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    Sadly no. There are no repercussions for knocking them out, but surprise sexing them while they're out is still a felony. Not even the supernatural lawyer can help you with that.
     
  4. Uno

    Uno
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    Does the misdemeanors include driving violations, speeding, etc? Because than that's what I'm choosing.
     
  5. kindalas

    kindalas
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    Disturbed

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    I take the gun, because ray guns are just cool.

    And a super lawyer isn't going to get me out of a shotgun wedding like a ray gun would.
     
  6. dubyu tee eff

    dubyu tee eff
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    Thinks he has a chance with Christina Hendricks...

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    That money is certainly enticing considering how fucking poor I am, but god damn the ability to speed as much as I want and park wherever the fuck I want anytime anywhere is just too succulent to pass up. God I would be such a fucking dick on the road if I knew I could get away with anything.
     
  7. Kubla Kahn

    Kubla Kahn
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    He'd have to be able to do it while Im in absentia because I'd never fucking sitting through that much court. One nine month DUI trial was enough to put me off legal proceedings for fucking ever. It would also be helpful to know if he would be able to legally wrangle charges down to misdemeanors from felonies and how he could handle them then.
     
  8. ssycko

    ssycko
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    Money. Don't really care about the lawyer, don't really care about some lame ray gun. Money.
     
  9. Crazy Wolf

    Crazy Wolf
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    Definitely this one. Not having to worry about an entire section of crimes? Although I don't exactly plan on breaking many laws, it's still a nice thing to have taken care of. Permanently.
    Once a week's kinda limited, ain't it?
    In the long term, $65,000 ain't shit. Although it could be stretched nicely, I just don't see how this option could be the most popular one, that awesome lawyer on permanent retainer is certainly worth more than that.
     
  10. Danger Boy

    Danger Boy
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    Apparently you're not up to your balls in debt. Make a $65,000 mortgage payment and then tell me it ain't shit in the long term.
     
  11. lyle

    lyle
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    The Ray gun all the way for me.
    It would make working in a bar so much easier though I can only use it once a week. But to be able to instantly silence an obnoxious coke head would definitely be worth it.

    The money would be nice right now, but my money issues are nothing that I can't get out of in a month. It would mean I could take a year or so travelling, but I'm working on making that happen anyway.

    The lawyer though is tempting. However, bar occasionally having drugs on my person I do not break any laws and don't see myself doing so in the future, someone else could get a hell of a lot more use out of the lawyer than I.
     
  12. silway

    silway
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    I don't really break the law, and not just because I'm afraid of getting caught, so having a super lawyer is sort of a non-issue.

    Money vs. ray-gun is the key question. The ray-gun seems really nice for an oh shit situation and the money would be super helpful to climb out under some of the debt I have.

    I think, in the end, I may go ray-gun. I feel like, somehow, I could use that to make money anyway and the benefit of being able to shoot someone I was worried was threatening me or my wife without the worry of killing someone is pretty nice.
     
  13. Frebis

    Frebis
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    I think we should have a poll option to have this thread closed for being lame. Yes this is a write in.

    A real hypothetical question would be- "Would you rather have sex with a well groomed collie, or the elephant man? If you don't pick one, you will be forced to do both."
     
  14. Nick

    Nick
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    Experienced Idiot

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    A $65,000 mortgage payment equates to a home loan of approximately $12.8 million (assuming a 30 mortgage at 4.5%). If you own a $12.8 million+ home, my sense is that $65k barely puts a dent in your income.

    What you might have meant is that you would pay your mortgage principal down by $65,000, which is a pretty dumb to begin with. #1) it wouldn't reduce your monthly payment at all (unless you have an interest only loan), #2) your home is a highly illiquid asset (especially in this market), and #3) why would you use $65k to pay down a debt instrument that only costs 4.5% or so when you could invest it in the market and earn a lot more than that? I'm not sure about you, but my mortgage is the cheapest of all my debts. Theoretically, all that would do is reduce the aggregate interest and the number of years it ultimately takes you to pay off your loan, but wouldn't give you any liquidity in the near term.

    Do you have tattoos?
     
  15. Frank

    Frank
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    If you look at it objectively, you should think: would I be willing to pay 65k for either 1.) a lawyer that could get me out of any misdemeanor or 2.) a zero consequence ray gun?

    My answer is a resounding no for both. I'm not poor, but I am by no means rich or really even satisfied enough with my current financial situation to justify spending 65k on being able to speed as much as I want or knock idiots out without going to jail.
     
  16. Rush-O-Matic

    Rush-O-Matic
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    Interesting. In highschool and college, I'd have chosen the lawyer. For about 5-7 years after college, the money. Now, it's the ray gun, easy. My mind will wander the rest of the day, now, wishing I had that ray gun. Dammit.
     
  17. Ogee

    Ogee
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    Apparently, you don't live in the Northeast. $65k on a jumbo mortgage ain't shit, son.

    That being said, fuck yes I'd take the money. $65k will cover pretty much any load at a mutual fund, and with the prime performers up 35-60% YTD, you could make some decent life choices with that kind of coin. Granted you still had a job.

    If I didn't have a job, I'd take the ray. I mean, if I am unemployed and skating along in life anyway why not have a ray gun? It's like all those por people in the ghetto with their 60" plasmas and big ass rims.

    And fuck you if you didn't laugh at the last joke. I was catering to your sanctimonious ass anyway.
     
  18. Misanthropic

    Misanthropic
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    Unlike you, my mortgage is my only debt. And there is this miraculous new invention called refinancing, that would allow me to pay off a large chunk of my principal, and reduce my monthly payment.

    I would choose the money. See above. I'm tempted to choose the lawyer, but only if he practices in multiple areas of law. I don't need someone to get me out of misdemeanors very often But such a lawyer who also was proficient in real estate law, tort law, civil law, etc. could be very useful.
     
  19. Nick

    Nick
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    I think you missed my point. Why would you use $65k to pay down debt when mortgage rates are so low? It doesn't matter that you don't have any other debt. The point is that you should be able to earn better returns in the marketplace than the theoretic 4-5% you would be saving by reducing your mortgate debt. And isn't your ability to refinance your mortgage at a lower rate mutually exclusive of whether or not you have $65k at your disposal (assuming your credit is good and your loan to value is reasonable)?

    Sorry for the unnecessary financial discussion. If this needs to go to PM, cool.
     
  20. Trickysista

    Trickysista
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    Disturbed

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    It was hard to choose between the money and the gun, because I'm flat broke right now...but I picked the gun because shutting up the obnoxious middle-aged woman who sits next to me at work once a week would help retain my sanity. Although $65,000 does have a nice ring to it...dammit.