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LAWDY I GOT A STORY BUT JESUS SAY I NEED A WRITER

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Allord, Feb 29, 2012.

  1. Allord

    Allord
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    So in my probably-excessively wide net I'm casting during my job hunt I came across this gem of a posting:

    http://neworleans.craigslist.org/wri/2811261153.html

    (Spoiler'd because apparently quote tags don't work? What?)
    MY NAME IS ANGELINE LAFRANCE. IM IN NEED OF SOMEONE TO HELP ME TO PUT MY STORY OUT, MADE AVAILABLE TO THOSE BROTHERS AND SISTERS WHO FIND THEMSELVE LOST CONFUSE VICTIMS OF ABUSE OR FIND THEMSELVE ABUSER IN THE WORLD IF THEY JUST LEAN ON JESUS HAVE FAITH IN GOD AND HE CAN BRING YOU THROUGH.I HAVE WRITTEN SOME STUFF BUT I NEED HELP TO WORD THINGS IN MY BOOK

    I CANT TURN BACK I GOT MY MIND ON JESUS PLEASE CALL ASAP TO TALK TO ME AND I CAN EXPLAIN MORE 9853518918

    <a class="postlink" href="http://tinypic.com/r/jhdd08/5" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://tinypic.com/r/jhdd08/5</a>

    Focus: Do you find themselve lost confuse victims of abuse or find themselve abuser in world? Do you have a story to share about it? If not, did you ever help someone word things in their book about it?

    Alt. Focus: Have you ever experienced grammar and syntax so painful it made you weep tears of blood? Or failed translations? What idiosyncrasies of the not-quite-English vernacular really get your proverbial goat?

    Alt. Alt. Focus: Ridicule this post. Because fish are delicious, even if they were shot in a barrel.

    On an unrelated note, proverbial goats are the most irrational of the herd animals and can only be outdone by the equally esoteric proverbial chupacabra.
     
  2. Kubla Kahn

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    Well I've always found Allord's post incomprehensible in that "he ate too many magic mushrooms today" sort of way. Not a syntax or grammar issue, more along the lines of content trying to be weird just to be weird for laughs which usually produces crickets on my end issue.
     
  3. ghettoastronaut

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    Just today I received a message in the dumb waiter attached to a file folder, "where u want this brung?"

    The man who wrote it is not clinically or legally retarded and does not lack for fluency and proficiency in English; he was just being lazy. It offended me.

    Oh, and franco-ontarians in general. You know that your french is bad when even I am shocked at the horrible grammar and anglicisms used therein.
     
  4. Veovis

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    Other than my own ability to have to use MS Word to make sure I'm not entirely retarded when writing the simplest things? I suppose my father who at one point was an english teacher will use bad "spelin" but it became more a game between us as to hoo cud rite sum thing using the wrong type of wurd or letter. (sum/some hear/hear kinda crap)

    As for that individual writing a book, well I think that lands in line with the book on parenting (rumor has it) that my cousin is currently writing, which would be fine except for the fact she is a 35 year old childless virgin who has moved back in with her parents because she was getting too close to having a boyfriend. What in the hell is that book going to be about? What will it be called? Parenting After It's Grown Over: A Virgins Perspective

    I could write a book without spell check mixed with my rambling ability to not get to the damn point in any story and have it be more useful to parents. (at least I made a couple)
     
  5. Noland

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    Funny thing is I had to read that two or three times to find anything wrong with it. That's pretty standard colloquial English down here.
     
  6. MoreCowbell

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    I've posted this before in one of the drunk threads, but I still cry evrytim. I also want to know how he fit a diamond ring inside of a poptart.

    [​IMG]
     
  7. Crown Royal

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    I always thought that humour was the most important part of this board. Trying to make others laugh is what we do on here.

    I wish I could be a gnat's dick as psychotic as that kid. We all have our own "way" on here. Look at KIMaster. He would defend his opinions to the death PLUS he was creepy and self-destructive as a special bonus. Ballsack specializes in acid tongue, Black Jesus...well, he and Allord are very similar, but I find them both geniuses with humour.

    Allord also knows a LOT about fish and top hats. If you start a thread about THAT, you're sure to get more than left-field psychosis and NSFW photos that would gag a Turkish pimp.
     
  8. RCGT

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    [​IMG]

    I cry evrytim.
     
  9. Crown Royal

    Crown Royal
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    Just call me Topher

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    Of course, we have BigPerson to thank for our most popular (future) dead horse...

    <a class="postlink" href="http://i.imgur.com/Dayoc.jpg" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://i.imgur.com/Dayoc.jpg</a>

    ...it was a Voltron Of Awesomeness. Also, it was responsible for the most commonly used go-to since "shitpussy" and gorilla suits (which wasn't funny the first time).
     
  10. StayFrosty

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    Dramatic reading:



    Not as good as the first, but still:

     
    #10 StayFrosty, Feb 29, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 27, 2015
  11. ghettoastronaut

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    How is babby formed? How girl get pregnant?

     
    #11 ghettoastronaut, Feb 29, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 27, 2015
  12. MoreCowbell

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    That one may be dumber, but I submit that this is funnier (even if it's not real). Spoilered for size:
    [​IMG]
     
  13. Crown Royal

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    That is hilarious, I've never seen that. I hope it's real. Her friends really threw up a strong support for her honour. Those types of disasters always get the funniest once the public gets wind of it and starts carpet-bombing the conversation, as it did on there or with Troy Holm.

    EDIT: the part with the meme made me honestly howl with laughter. I'm dying.
     
  14. MoreCowbell

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    The part where I lose it is "idk give him some angry eyebrows or something"
     
  15. AlmostGaunt

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    Alt. Focus: Have you ever experienced grammar and syntax so painful it made you weep tears of blood?

    Sigh. A company is attempting to convince our committee that we should give them an exclusive license to our intellectual property. We asked them for some information to do some due diligence. I just received this email from the CEO of the company, sent to the entire comittee.

    Shockingly, the committee was less than reassured by this missive.
     
  16. caseykasem

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    Alt. Focus: I go to school with a girl who graduated from UC Berkley undergrad. She is of mixed races who goes out of her way to sound black or hood or what ever you want to call it while texting or in emails. I've seen her writing and know she is capable of quality work. That said, texting her is like talking to a 16 year old girl from Compton. She constantly uses cuz, whut, wat, U, boi, gurl, craazay, brung, and other shit. Fuck this is annoying.
     
  17. uzisuicide

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    I have a facebook page, so, yes. Yes, I do experience it daily through status updates. It wouldn't be that big of a deal, but some of the worst offenders are people with degrees and jobs.

    Oh, and this:

    <a class="postlink" href="http://youmakemetouchyourhandsforstupidreasons.ytmnd.com/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://youmakemetouchyourhandsforstupid ... ytmnd.com/</a>
     
  18. dubyu tee eff

    dubyu tee eff
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    Thinks he has a chance with Christina Hendricks...

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    On a comment thread on a picture on Facebook I saw a girl write "U're" and then write another comment saying "Ur*".

    Not only are neither of those "your" as they should be, does she not know you can delete and rewrite comments on Facebook?

    Worst part: the offender is my cousin. Meaning we share a whole bunch of genes.
     
  19. Loke

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    [​IMG]

    Obligatory.
     
  20. Allord

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    Double post, delete me.