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Jimmy is a cheap bastard

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Juice, Jul 23, 2019.

  1. Aetius

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    Posts like this make me realize how posh I must be. In my "culture" everyone brings a bottle of wine or a six pack for the host. This is in addition to the selection of booze the host has procured for their guests, which is usually overkill because they don't know what the guests drink. So basically by the time six people sit down to eat a dinner at which none of the plan to get drunk, there's enough booze to kill each person twice over, of which only a single bottle of wine and two bottles of beer will be opened. Repeat next month, while not acknowledging all the booze you still have from last time.

    If it is an event where people plan to get drunk, you show up with a 30 rack of cheap beer or at the very least a sixer of much nicer stuff, and toss it into the communal ice bucket and everyone drinks until its gone.
     
  2. Juice

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    People that throw a BYOB party are cheap. You don’t need to have $20 4-packs of craft beer, but if you’re throwing a party, you can throw down for some 30 racks. And yeah, I’ll bring something for the host out of appreciation and custom, but that’s assuming they’re not cheaping out to begin with.
     
  3. Kubla Kahn

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    Yeah normal get together is bring an 18-24 pack of Bud Light and something better if you want as extra. These days thems White Claws are the rage.
     
  4. walt

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    We don't throw parties like we used to, but when we did I always said "the first round is on me". Meaning, I'll buy the first case or so, typically two brands, something I like and a generally liked beer. Maybe a bottle of wine for those who prefer that. People tend to bring their own brand anyway.

    If I bring beer to a function, I leave it there when I go home unless the host says to take it.
     
  5. dixiebandit69

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    I'm going to say it: FUCK FREEZING BREAD.

    Jesus H. Christ, my mom would do that, and the worst part was that she would KEEP IT in the freezer. This wasn't a case of buying in bulk, she insisted on keeping it in there because it would "stay fresh longer."
    When I would complain about the bread being stiff and frozen, she would tell me to put it in the toaster (did I mention our toaster worked like shit? Because it did. Despite what the dial on the side said, it only had two settings: 1) Takes all day, and 2) Burned to a crisp.).
    I just wanted to make a peanut butter sandwich like a normal person.

    Oh, and guess what else my mom insisted on storing chilled: peanut butter. Do you know how hard it is to spread cold peanut butter?
    Of course, if I left it out to warm up, she would get mad at me for leaving it out.
     
  6. effinshenanigans

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    My grandparents freeze their garbage in Ziploc bags, then drive it to the dump using the saddle bags on their motorcycle so they can both save money by not paying for trash pickup and save gas by not using the car. I've always wondered how much they pay to deep freeze their table scraps living in Florida, but then I realized that logic had likely left that house a while ago.

    I first learned of this practice when I opened "the wrong freezer" one time at their house.
     
  7. Revengeofthenerds

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    This brings back some painful memories. One of my cousins used to live in town, he'd always come over to drink, fish, shoot guns, whatever. Dude loved him some bud light, but he loved my nicer beer even more. So he'd show up with like a 12 pack of bud light, and over the course of the day/evening go through maybe 4-6 of them. Of course, that was because he'd help himself to my sam adams, fat tire, modelo especial, blanco brewing, whatever I had stocked at the time. Ate my food, drank my beer, passed out on my couch and never offered to help with a dime. Only reason we tolerated him is because my wife and I would wake up his hungover ass with airsoft guns, tasers, bucket of ice to the face, hot sauce in the mouth, you name it. Punishment and wake up call time varied based upon on how much of a dick he was the night before. One of those choose your own adventure things.

    Now, I subscribe to the tradition, as I believe most rational people do as well, that when you leave you're supposed to leave your beer for the host. Sure, bud light isn't the greatest, but it's always useful to tip workers with, and plus I'd have some for his cheap ass next time. But this fucker would leave in the morning and, if he didn't take the remaining BL cans with him, without fail we'd get a call around 1-2 that afternoon when he was ready for a hair of the dog saying he left his beer at our house and when was a good time to come get it.

    My wife's solution was simple: we started drinking it all. Soon as he left, whether we kicked him out at 7 am or he left closer to noon, soon as that front door closed we'd start chugging his beer. Now, she doesn't like the taste of beer because she's a heathen, and bud light is one of the only brews I'd refuse even if it was cold and free, but we'd still gulp that shit down like a champ. Spite drinking. And when he'd call to reclaim it, we'd just lie. "Not here, you must have drank it all. Are you sure you didn't take it with you? You were drinking quite a few last night, you don't remember?"

    He's eventually moved and now he's married to an insufferable twit who thinks he has money when he doesn't. I'm bringing bud light to their wedding.
     
  8. Crown Royal

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    Back in the 1980’s, my rich uncle gave his mistress all his money so he could declare bankruptcy and not get touched by my aunt for child support. It sounds like something out of a shitty Hallmark movie.

    Recently he lost his whole leg in a motorcycle accident. My reaction was “Wow...........drag.” before no longer being able to contain my laughter.
     
  9. GTE

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    99% of the time I'd agree with you. But, I had this one friend who wasn't a big drinker, maybe a couple beers if he was BBQ'ing, one beer if he had a bad day at work, something along those lines. He was building a hot rod so I'd go over there to hang out and help. I'd bring an 18 pack, have 3-4 and leave the rest in the fridge. Few weekends later head over and they'd all be gone and unreplaced. I'd buy another 18 pack, have 3-4 leaving some for next time and they'd all be gone again. So I started taking the rest home with me. He can have my free labor but not my free beer also.

    Like Aetius said, if the wife and I are invited to a friends house, we always bring a bottle of wine or some nice beer. Difference with our friends versus his friends is that we finish them.
     
  10. Revengeofthenerds

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    The exception that proves the rule: if you’re providing free labor, at minimum you get to keep your beer. Ideally it should be free and cold when you arrive. My rule of thumb is if someone (like my father in law) is doing free labor at my house, I provide the beverage of their choosing for free, in unlimited amounts provided they consume it at a rate that doesn’t doesn’t turn their free labor into costly for me to fix their drunken mistakes.
     
  11. scotchcrotch

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    BYOB for drinks for sure, more than fair.

    I’m gonna start instigating a BYOW for potheads because I’m sick of people smoking mine.
     
  12. Binary

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    My girlfriend's dad is the cheapest person I've ever met. He's the kind of guy who values his time at zero, so he will happily spend hours on a small task that might save him a couple bucks at most. He has, for about 5 years running now, continued to tinker and temporarily fix a small electronic piece of his furnace. Each year around Christmas, we talk about what might be wrong with it, and he replaces the terminating screws and re-strips new wires and cleans it and checks everything with a voltmeter. He must have 15 hours invested in this little controller. The problem is that he's had it for 20 years and it's so full of smoke and tar that it needs replacing. A new one is $25. Nope, keep fixing it.

    Last year I was washing dishes and washed this little thing that looked like a square plastic colander. I asked him where in the kitchen it went and he said, "in the basement." I gave him a funny look and he explained that he uses it for sifting dirt. You see, when he pots a new plant, he wouldn't dream of using new dirt, so he just sifts the dirt out of the old plant pots stacked in the basement to get rid of all of the leaves and sticks and stuff.

    On the other hand, he's the nicest, most generous guy in the world. You practically have to tackle him if you want to pay dinner bill. He totes good beer with him everywhere, mostly to give away. If I told him I needed a hundred grand, I guarantee he would think for a few minutes about it, but only so that he could figure out a way to pay the fewest taxes on the money before he gave it to me. But he sifts dirt.
     
  13. Juice

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    Holy crap. This reminds me of a customer I used to have, and Ive definitely told this story before. When I was in college I worked at Staples at their EZ Tech desk, which is just an even worse version of Geek Squad. The location of my store was in a town with a very rich, but old demographic. This one guy would come in all the time with his stupid Gateway desktop and demand that Music Match Jukebox be reinstalled because he bought a "lifetime subscription." This was years after iTunes had been out and the market matured around it. After I explained to him that Yahoo had bought MM Jukebox, no longer supported it and that he could download iTunes for free, he was having none of it. He wanted his software he bought his lifetime subscription to. Every time I somehow got it working, but just a little bit to make him happy and had to charge him an absurd fee. It got to the point where i blatantly told him he was being ripped off and that the money he spent having it reinstalled had far exceeded the amount he spent on his subscription. Nope, didnt care. I might have felt bad charging him, but he was a huge prick about it each time.