Jesus Christ, Adolf Hitler and Nostradamus are in a bar...

Charlemagne, what REALLY happened to your brother? How good was the pussy to give half the empire to a stripper?

Black period Francisco Goya, design a tattoo for me? (Apparently he was all sorts of demented and deaf by this point, so it'd be either very funny or disturbing to see him drunk)

Emperor Caracalla, just to hear the stories about how bad ass it was to be a dick of a Roman Emperor, and get away with it (until being assassinated).

 

Gore Vidal (the ACTUAL Most Interesting Man In The World)

Seth MacFarlane (the funniest, most warped mind in the entire world)

Elvis Presley (Because he's fucking Elvis, that's why. The greatest thing ever to happen to music.)

 

Warren Buffet- No person understands the US economy better

Lincoln- The greatest leader of all time

Bill Murray- I just think he'd be a blast to hang out with

 

Erwin Rommel - The Desert Fox. A brilliant tactician and controversial leader.

Bill Watterson - Creator of 'Calvin and Hobbes'. Arguably the greatest cartoonist of all time, and a superior critic of modern culture.

Bill Hicks - The comedian against which all modern comedians must be judged. Enough said.

 

Jesus I'd just have about several thousand questions.

Michaelangelo Mostly to pick his brain about his techniques. My favorite artist.

Hunter S.Thompson Just for the conversation.

 

Charles Manson -fascinating, fascinating individual

Tucker Max - I don't want to talk to him, I just want to stare deep into his soul

Dave Chappelle - oh how I would love to smoke a blunt with Mr. Chappelle (and discuss the finer points of being Rick James)

 

my grandfather I'd like to figure out why him and my dad hate each other. The man is a painter and has told me that I dream to much, weird motherfucker. I haven't talked to him in four years.

Robert Heinlein I love his books, he's got an interesting view on society.

Chuck Palahniuk same as above

 

Bill Hicks: As someone mentioned above he is the gold standard for comedy.

Genghis Khan: He created one of the greatest empires this world has known.

Gordie Howe: Mr Hockey, need I say more.

 

Allan Bloom to ask him about post secondary education, youth, culture and other themes from The Closing of the American Mind

Philip Roth because no one has better captured what it's like to grow up as a neurotic Jewish manchild

The Last Psychiatrist I need to absorb his knowledge. His blogs leave me amazed and stupefied.

 

Clarence "Kelly" Johnson: Brilliant Aerospace Engineer and it would be amazing to gain some knowledge from him for my chosen profession.

Genghis Khan: Learn about leadership and his tactics

Clint Eastwood: I'd just want to have a beer with him and chat about random shit.

 

Richard Pryor - not MS-Pryor, but the Richard who was banging piles of women and who partied a lot. Why? Because he is astoundingly funny and there would be lots of hoes nearby

Winston Churchill - if the quotes attributed to him are true, ze conversation would be entertaining. Also, he's pretty fuckin bad ass.

Jesus Christ* - not really so I could talk to him in a bar. Every single hypocritical, greedy, lying son-of-a-bitch who says they live their life based on the teachings of the man when in fact their invocation of God is little more than a calculated strategy intended to disguise their truly despicable nature would be in for a rude shock once Jeebus comes to town. He'd drop a little knowledge on their monkey asses.

*Don't need to hear about whether he's real or not. Bill Hicks is as close as we've come in recent times. Yes, I compared Bill Hicks to Jesus. They have their good points, but fuck me their followers can be annoyingly righteous.

 

Victor Lustig, Con Artist. - I just want to hear some awesome stories

Maddox - So I can Masturbate

Myself - Fuck that'd be fun.

 

Thomas Jefferson to get his perspective on where the empire went 200+ years later, and whether he thinks we screwed up or not. Actually, I'd do it just to silence all the jackasses on the Internet that complain all the time that if Thomas Jefferson were around today he'd be all pissed off. I think a lot of things that made perfect sense in Jefferson's day (including and especially the heterogeneity among the states) are no longer reasonable in an era where we have a real national identity.

Richard Feynman for a million different reasons, but mostly just to brag to everybody I know that I got to hang out with Feynman.

Dad to ask him to show me how to do his famous card trick, and also to ask him what the deal was with the vaguely-famous band he played with years ago. Specifically why, even in the era of the Internet, nobody seems to remember he was in it. It's not that I doubt that he actually played with those guys, but he was probably a session player on tour. Or did he record with them? On what tracks? Nobody I know that's alive today remembers.

 

Jim Lee - He's one of the best comic book artists to put pencil to paper and I think it would be cool to just chat him up about his crazy career and maybe learn a few drawing tricks from the man.

Queen Elizabeth I - I just think it would be pretty interesting to have a chat with the woman who ruled England alone and brought about the Golden Age. They say she was a pretty moody lady, so it would probably be pretty entertaining.

Ricky Gervais - The man is hilarious and I bet it would be a riot to share a few pints with him.

 

Charles Manson: Actually surprised that I'm not the first one to say this one. I'd love to just see what that conversation would be like.

George Carlin: One of my heroes, and I'd probably laugh so hard I'd fall over

Eleanor of Aquitaine: One of the most powerful and kick ass women of her time. Mother of Richard the Lionheart and Prince John. Spent 16 years in prison for helping her son revolt against her husband. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eleanor_of_aquitaine Also ended up being the basis for one of my favorite movies of all time, The Lion in Winter (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0063227/) Possibly one of the most interesting women in history in my opinion.

 

Augustus (Octavius) - I can't list or describe all the accomplishments of this man. I mean this man had a month named after himself, how many people can claim that they have a month named after themselves?

Ferdinand and Isabela - This married couple, during their reign managed, to end the reconquista (re-conquering) of spain and therefore ending the Islamic occupation in western Europe, they sent Columbus to America and their grandson was Charles V, Holy roman emporor.

Robert E.Howard - The man was just crazy, but his writing and his ability in story-telling showed some of that genius often found in people like this. He'd be a good drinking buddy.

 

Henry David Thoreau My favorite great thinker of all time. I would love to pick his brain.

Bob Marley Great Musician with a great outlook on life. Not only could I learn a lot from him, but I am sure he has great pot connections.

Cleopatra She has always been one of the most fascinating historical figures to me. Plus I figure if she got high enough off of Marley's weed she might put out. And who wouldn't want to fuck Cleopatra?

 

Dylan Moran - If you know him, I don't have to explain.

Bill Kirchen - The greatest living guitarist. The man can play anything, and I would love to talk old school country and rockabilly with him.

George Washington - He forged this nation not throught words but deeds. He never sought power but always accepted the responsibilities of power when it was asked of him. The epitome of the citizen soldier.

 

Isambard Kingdom Brunel - Discuss the huge projects he completed in his life time. I'd like to know what else he had planned. Although I'd most likely irritate him by the end of the conversation by constantly steering it towards the railways.

Saul Bass - Discuss work.

Claudia Winkleman - See avatar.