It's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care

After my recent separation (and upcoming divorce), I found a new place to stay temporarily as quick as possible because my ex was leaving and I couldn't afford to keep the apartment for myself. A guy I train with was renting rooms, so I went to live with him. I've discovered quickly that he is a perfect mix between laziness and intelligence. The guy is an engineer, in charge of a company that builds roads and takes decisions daily that involve a couple hundred thousand dollars, can manipulate people way too easily for his own good and has a super fast and great understanding of new concepts. In BJJ, he understands techniques faster than anyone I've seen, and he's even physically he's got gifts for athleticism and speed. In short, he's super talented in a lot of stuff. The thing is, he's lazy. Seriously lazy. I had seen it at the gym sometimes, but living with him has provided me with dozen awesome stories about the extent of his laziness, and the hilarious ways he'll find not to do an effort.

Examples include:
- He almost never washes his dishes, and they end up in a pile in one of the kitchen sinks. With the summer heat, the ones with sugary stuff in them started attracting fruit flies. Did he wash the dishes? Nope, he built a trap for the flies.
- The floor next to the bath is leaking through the basement ceiling? He put a towel on the ground and told people to be careful not to spray any water on the area that leaked. Even after I physically put the caulking tube in his hands he managed to avoid doing it. I almost pissed myself laughing when I saw mushrooms (not moss, actual mushrooms with a stalk and a cap) growing on the towel because he's too lazy to change it.
- He routinely won't eat because he's too lazy to cook. He'll look in the fridge, say ''Oh that looks good I could make it.... nah, it would take too long'' and go back in his room. Seriously. He'd rather stay hungry than make the effort to cook something.

I've got about a dozen other examples like these, and his laziness and creativity never stop entertaining me. He's super smart and could avoid so much future trouble by making the efforts to fix stuff for real the first time, but he just won't because he's just so damn lazy.

Focus: Laziness. Know any lazy people? Human sloths who take not making efforts to the next level?

Alt. focus: What are you lazy at?



One last one - A week ago he woke up with his back hurting and the following exchange happened:
Me: What happened to you?
Him: I don't know, I think I slept on a hard object that was on my bed. There's a lot of stuff on it.
Me: Then... why didn't you move them out of your bed before going to sleep?
Him: I don't know, I didn't feel like it

ALT FOCUS:

<a class="postlink" href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=20tsBr-unnQ" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=20tsBr-unnQ</a>

So, it's the time of year that I like to watch Any Given Sunday and Hard Knocks to remind me why football is awesome. I go to the gym after watching this speech and do the 300 workout in 26 minutes (and nearly vomit in the process, but hey...).

Alt- Alt-Focus: Movies or shows that motivate you. What causes you to leap off the couch and kick some ass?

 

At one point between high school and college, I had a grasping claw that I used to reach my longer grasping claw so that I could pull open the door to my mini-fridge and grab a beer without having to get up out of my chair while playing video games.

The fridge was probably 3-4 feet from the chair, and the process of grabbing one claw with the other* and fumbling with the door and the can took way longer than simply leaning over and reaching. But the process was admittedly free of both leaning and reaching, so it continued until the fridge died and I upgraded to a cooler right next to the chair.

*The longer one was constantly farther away because I'd use it to grab the remote off my desk when I was in bed. I upgraded to the longer one when my grandmother died and I found it in her closet when we were cleaning out/claiming her things. Before that time, I still had to lean to get the beer with the shorter claw.

 

That's not lazy, that's time effiecient. When I would be driving to/from school back in college or back from my internship in Michigan (both about 6 hour drives), I would regularly urinate into bottles least I have to stop. Gatorade bottles have a fantastic width for that purpose. Cups from fast food restaurants were a bit more dicey. Probably the most ridiculous was when I had to pee terribly, I was in a great driving zone, but had no bottles. Not wanting to stop, and in a particularly desolate stretch of Michigan, I peed in a Subway bag and pitched it out the window and somehow managed to not shower myself or the car with urine. It was remarkable.

 

The first time I saw this I think I immediately called up some buddies to go open up the gym and roll (I was doing jits at the time).

This short is also amazing.

 

Alt-alt-focus:



I won't say I'm the laziest human being to ever live, but I'm one of the lazier ones. Too lazy to eat? Yep, that's me. I've been trying to breed myself out of it, but it's harder than you think.

 

-I think I posted this before, but I during my last year of college, my roommate and I used the sink as a urinal. We were too lazy to make the two room walk.

-In my first place after college I use to piss out my bedroom window. But that was legit, I would have had to have gone all the way downstairs to get to the bathroom there.

-I only shave if I have an important meeting or some event like a wedding.

-Second to last year of college I let my room get so cluttered that I couldn't get to the bed, instead of cleaning it out I pretty much just moved in with my girlfriend. The funny thing is now I'm pretty anal about keeping shit clean.

 

I'm so lazy

 

Alt. Alt. Focus

 

I haven't exercised in a decade, that count? Sure I'd like to be 50 pounds lighter but goddamn there is nothing I hate doing more than lifting weight, so fuck it I eat what I want and I'll die like a man.

 

I am the king of temporary makeshift fixes, generally involving the liberal application of WD-40 and/or Gaffer Tape, that have a habit of becoming permanent.

I probably put more effort into these fixes than i would were i to do it right the first time. Objectively i know this, yet i still do it, possibly because it makes me feel like fucking MacGuyver.

It infuriates the GF to no end but i think what really sets her off is they work, and continue to work well past any reasonable expectation.

This pretty much sums me up:

 

I noticed tonight that the sink was almost full of dirty dishes.

So I took them all out and rearranged them so that they stacked together more efficiently.

Now it's not as full.