Ive known some girls that were the super besties' type that would run around holding hands and kissing and so forth mostly, read only, when drinking. Though the acts were sexual in nature it never seemed like they were doing it for any sort of sexual arousal. It would have never escalated into a hook up. Just a sloppy drunk show of friendly affection. So in that sense I never really saw this as cheating behavior. If a girlfriend was legit bi-sexual then it would start to matter. Unfortunately I can be the extremely jealous type and all fuckery would stop as soon as we were in a full blown committed relationship. Purely out of principle. The murderous rage inducing thought of being cheated on, her with a dude, is so pervasive I'd just have to cut anything off. I'd expect the same feelings from her if I cheated with another girl. I'd probably be cool with it if it we were just casual and be insanely cool with it if we were casual and she wanted a FFM threesome.
I've been making out with girls since junior high. Now that I'm an adult, I do it mostly after drinking. It never leads to sex with them, just a good therapeutic make out session. I doubt I'll ever be married again, but if I am and he isn't cool with it, I wouldn't do it. Of course, if he's the type that isn't cool with it, we probably won't work out. It's not something I have to do, just a release I enjoy now and then. I don't view it as possessiveness though. People just have different views of what constitutes a relationship.
Yeah, I agree with most of what's been said here. If I know going in that a person is bi (or whatever) and needs that release sometimes, we can agree to it beforehand (whatever stipulations that takes). However, the idea that "it's just girls" kind of undervalues female sexuality as only existing in relation to dick, and is (I've found) a major issue for bi and lesbian women everywhere. In short, it's definitely different and I can see why somebody would need both, but it's also definitely nonmonogamy which shouldn't happen without a conversation. Just like I'd consider Parker jerking off JWags to be something he should tell his gf, even though they were talking sports while it happened.
Two things, I think the "it's just girls" applies to two straight girls, so the rest of your assertion doesn't apply. If it was a straight girl hooking up with a bi or lesbian, it wouldn't be just "mouth hugs". Also, we all know I'm only into black dudes, so I fixed your post for you.
I can't mouth hug with a dude because I'm into dudes sexually, so it would eliminate the non-sexuality of the act. I, however, did not realize the word 'possessive' was such a hot-button word for relationships. Isn't that the very definition of the word? Wanting something to be yours alone? Not in a negative way, just in a grammatically accurate way.
Because in the context of a relationship, that word has never had a positive meaning. Its usually used to describe jealous and insecure people. Which I don't think applies to people not wanting their SO's making out with other people regardless of sex. Possessive and jealous guys are the ones who sit on the same side of the booth as their date/SO so they can who they are looking at or vice versa. Or the ones who make the girl check in when she's out with her friends or something. Not a guy or girl who doesn't want their other half giving a "mouth hug" or whatever other euphemism you choose to call it. The mental gymnastics going on here are amazing.
That's really my point, though. You're not into girls at all? Not even a little bit? I suspect it's more than none, since you're engaging in what's at least partly a sexual act. You wouldn't, after all, tongue kiss your mother (I'm guessing). Would you be completely comfortable with your boyfriend making out with one of his male friends? Not even a little question in the back of your head that he might be turned on? In any event, whether you can separate out the sexuality of it really isn't the issue - it's whether he can. Whatever the rules of a relationship in terms of monogamy, I don't think it's strange to think of making out as very sexual and non-monogamous, even if it's with your same gender. "Possessive" is usually used in a negative context to describe someone who is overly controlling or jealous. I see what you're saying - everyone is at least a little possessive of their significant other, it'd be weird if you weren't. I think most people view the word in a negative light, though.
So, would everyone voting on the "it's just girls?" side of the spectrum be equally comfortable with their male partner smooching his guy friends? "Just bros being bros"? As a bisexual woman I absolutely would consider it cheating if I "mouth hugged" a chick while in a relationship with anyone. Most of the time when a straight woman is making out with her friend in public it either holds a sexual connotation or they're doing it for attention. Neither option would be appropriate if there was a relationship involved, unless he was present and we were wrangling for a threesome.
In case it wasn't readily apparent, the Man and I have already discussed this, and I ceded to his viewpoint. No making out with girls unless we're having a threesome, or I'm seducing some girl into having sex with us. That said, I am all for continuing to discuss my failings as a human being and relationship partner, but I can't be the only one who has looked at their partner sideways for asking the complete opposite of everything you ever grew up with. Hell, even my 56-year-old mother from a strict Persian upbringing thinks making out with your girlfriends is fine occasionally. Although she also told me open communication with a ton of lies sprinkled in is how you maintain a long relationship, so maybe she's not the best source of information on what's healthy.
Back in my drinking days, I'd almost always want to make out with someone by the 5th or 6th round. When I was in a committed relationship or marriage, guys weren't an option (my definition of cheating), but chicks were fair game. Turns out, my first ex-husband did not share that opinion; in fact, he was adamant that kissing was far more intimate than just getting some strange. It didn't matter that I was always tipsy/drunk/drunker and would have made out with tree bark, or that I'd tell him about it always; it made him uncomfortable so I stopped. Although never expressly stated, I don't think he saw a difference between kissing a guy or girl; it just wasn't ok. Now that I'm old(er) and apparently some sort of role model for my daughter, I'd rather save the kissing for my ImaginaryBoyfriend. Because that can lead to some spectacular naked fun...or so I've heard.
I've now found out that all of my male staff have made out with each other. Also Dude and Dudette are married, have fucked Duderina and Duderino, also Dudette has fucked Duderina's boyfriend while Duderina has fucked Dude as a contingency for her getting to fuck Dudette. I TOLD YOU GUYS IT WAS CULTURAL. Also it may be time to hire some new staff...although I'm worried I'll just make a weirder tangled web here.