It's going in your butt. And you're gonna like it.

Inspired by:

Spoiler

Focus: Ever stuck it to "the man"? What's your story?

Alt. Focus: Ever stuck it to someone else who totally had it coming?

Alt. Focus: Is there anyone in your life right now that you'd like to really stick it to? Spill, who knows, maybe we can help.

 

I wouldn't mind hearing about my daughter's father in some unfortunate situation, but not necessarily by my doing, and nothing physical. Those scars heal, mind fucks last forever.

I'm thinking a tranny hooker and a webcam should be involved somehow, but I'm open to suggestions...

 

Gotta say anytime I've ever processed customs in any non-first world nation, I feel like I've truly stuck it to the man. Yes please stamp my passport six times, have me crawl through the metal detector naked and then question my life history for half an hour...I guess that really isn't sticking it to the man, but it's definitely an ordeal worthy of a drink afterwards. Maybe a bit of an exaggeration, but makes TSA/Homeland Non-Security look tame.

 

I got sued because some stupid bitch doing a walking tour of the neighborhood tripped on the shitty sidewalk outside my house. Joke's on her, residents don't own the sidewalk and aren't responsible for its upkeep. IN YO FACE, OLD WHORE. I HOPE ALL YOU LOVE DIES SLOWLY IN FRONT OF YOU.

Alt. Alt. Focus: Mentioned my best friend of 20+ years before. He needed a place to stay so I put him up in the poolhouse for $100 a month; which was basically his chunk of the electric and water bill. He spent the next 8 years completely destroying it, then blaming me for having him live in a shit hole. He also spent those 8 years living out of my fridge. Did I mention over 2 of those years he didn't pay any rent at all because he was jobless? He also racked up $400 a month in electricity between the dozen high wattage lamps for his lizard collection, and never cleaning the dog hair from the wall unit A/C. His dad, an air conditioning repair guy, didn't bother to clean the fucking filter and rigged a drainage system that drained onto the roof causing a massive leak. Friend also was a garbage hoarder and infested the whole neighborhood with rats.

I just remodeled that room. Complete gut. Cost somewhere in the neighborhood of 12k. How the fuck filthy do you have to be to yellow porcelain tile? No legal recourse, because there was no lease.

I have not talked to this guy in 3 years. He actually wonders why I'm upset with him. I also haven't pressed him for money, because I can't bear the thought of hearing him whine. I just hope he dies. Not even joking, I'd laugh.

 

Alt Focus:

Filing charges on ExH2 for the shotgun incident was definitely something he had coming. The conviction shows up on his background checks for residency in any decent apartment complex he applies for, it shows up on the background checks for all decent jobs he applies for, and he lost his job over it.

Lost his job.
Lost his house.
I'm sure there are other things he lost as well, as every now and then a creditor will call me looking for him.


Of course, he used the internet to find a broken 16 year old girl, spent two years grooming her online through twitter and then convinced her to move away from her entire family and in with him when she turned 18, so his life isn't ALL bad I guess.

 

Focus: Back in my junior college, I left an internship at a time that put the boss I hated in a shitty spot. People were leaving the company like rats jumping ship and that left us poor saps left with lots of extra responsibilities. Hope he enjoyed the fun warehouse and order packing work until he found my replacement.

Alt-focus: My girlfriend's former roommate/landlord... by far the biggest asshole I've encountered in recent history.

Spoiler

She rented a room in a 2BR townhome from this guy in his late 20s, starting a couple years ago. We found out out he's been the kind of fella that:

Spends a week or two away from the townhome on work trips, comes home unannounced, and loses his mind over there being a couple of crumbs on the floor in front of the oven (of all places!), or keys on the kitchen table- a no-no in his house. He'd take close up photos of individual crumbs and email them to her. She asked several times that he'd let her know when he'd be arriving so she could make sure it was clean but that never happened. Plus, this hypocrite had some parties before he left for trips and my girlfriend was the one to discover things like puke on the bathroom wall and jello-shots fuzed into rugs afterwards- and cleaned up for him.

Noted in a letter how a single cup was missing from the cupboard and a cooking wok was discolored, and threatened to charge both to the damage deposit (yes a single fucking cup). This is after she went out of her way to buy him a whole new set up plates after accidentally breaking a couple.

Plays super loud dance techno music on weeknights and goes out clubbing with the music left on. Does not respond to text messages sent an hour apart and loses his mind when she goes into his room to turn it off herself one time. Better yet, he'd have obnoxiously loud sex with random buddies at all hours on weeknights. She let him know that she could hear everything coming from his room and it was bothering her, but of course he disregarded her and kept it up.

Had half a dozen video cameras in the place (hallways and entrances) which came off a little creepy at first but we figured was fine for security. He ended up using them against her as evidence she went into his room once and that my dog was there at some point too. Plus after he left the letter with invoices for floor repairs, he set one up overlooking the living room and kitchen, and took the shared TV remote from the room too.

Complained about seeing footsteps on the garage floor that were too close to his Porsche, despite her having to park her car next to it. The best part is, I saw he parked his mountain bike less than a foot in front of it and has it leaning towards the car too. I'm crossing my fingers it tips over onto the hood one of these days.

Mostly communicated to her via letters. He avoided confronting her in person at all costs so if he communicated with her, he'd leave a passive aggressive letter on the table and only before he'd leave town for an extended trip.

The ultimate was telling us (in writing) it would be okay for my dog to stay over as long as we're careful- so we trimmed his nails, brushed his coat, and told him to be a good boy. Buck inevitably left some minor scratches in the wood flooring (the kind you only see in the right lighting, right angle) and had a little pee accident too- this was grounds for having the entire wood floor refurbished for $2000 and handing her the bill. He even let friends have their dogs over after the incident but before he had quotes taken for the floor and there were just as many scratches left from his parties like imprints of beer bottle caps. At that point she wanted to just move out and move on, but he wouldn't agree to terminate the lease early unless she paid. We could have taken him to small claims court and made him eat shit (with the help of her older brother, a lawyer) but she would have had to stay there through this summer and didn't want to deal with him anymore- so she paid up and left. Just moved into her new apartment on Monday.

Normally I'm not really a vengeful person and can move on, but my girlfriend is an incredibly considerate and careful individual and the dickish way he treated her was uncalled for and infuriating. She did her best to be a good tenant and sincerely treats people the way she wants to be treated- and he still had to be a petty, immature bully over the whole thing. Ultimately, I figure he'll get what he deserves at some point and will die miserable and alone, but I still want this fucker to eat some payback somehow.