You know what's fun? Coming home from your workout early in the morning, going to your truck to get something before going into your house, attempting to shut your car door, and accidentally smashing yourself across the bottom of your nose with the tip of the door, leaving a giant bloody gash INSIDE of your nostril. Seriously, yall should try it. Its a friggin' blast. Soooo... Whatcha'll wanna talk about?
With the amount of injuries you inflict on yourself, have you considered a helmet? Maybe a bubble? Jesus, man, how you survived puberty is fucking amazing.
Hey, just 'cause a guy falls off a couple of balconies, and just so happens to draw blood every single time he is around any sort of manual labor, he's automatically "accident prone" and "clumsy"? Yeah. That's what I thought. You're clumsy. Shut up.
Easy, there, Crash Bandicoot. I am a bit clumsy, but have managed to stay on most balconies I have had the privilege of standing on.
A joke for you all to start your weekend with: A guy went down on a girl and noticed her vagina smelled like horse semen. He looked up at her and said, "Oh! So that's how you died, Grandma."
Dirtier than fingering your sister and finding your father's wedding ring. On the same note Solo section in this version is fantastic.
Today is the official start of hurricane season. I want everyone to tell me how I shouldn't live where I live because of sea level, too close to the ocean, it's a miserable cesspool, etc. Just get it out of your system now so when the next one sets its sights on us I don't have to listen to it.
If I could find a decent job out there, I would relocate from MN to the Outer Banks, NC in a heartbeat - hurricanes be damned. But all of you living in a floodplain? That's just stupid.
Thank you for fucking reminding me what day it is. I only get to see the countdown every single day when I log into Citizens Property Insurance's website. I only get to hear it on every single radio station, and see it on every single TV station. I really hate Florida sometimes. We were hit with a tropical depression before the season even damn started. Half of my 20 acres is still under water. Oh look, it is raining outside again. If it is not the sinkholes it is the hurricanes. I'm just in a bad mood today. I need sex, a nap, and a drink. It doesn't have to be in that order. Bleh.
Thank you for fucking reminding me what life I'm leading. I only get one of the three above, and today I won't even get that. I sure get cranky when I miss my nap.
Tangentially related question. Am I an asshole for basically refusing to pronounce New Orleans as "N'Awlins?" I think it's great and awesome that locals can do that. But seeing as I have yet to set foot in even the state of Louisiana and the majority of my New Orleans knowledge comes from The Real World: New Orleans, Treme, Hurricane Katrina coverage, and some Girls Gone Wild thing Snoop Dog did there one time I am a little hesitant to start saying "N'awlins". This issue has hit critical mass now that Applebee's has named it's new succulent, decadent, reheated, authentic blast of cultural flavor the "N'Awlin's Skillet." God help you if you decide to order it as the "New Orleans Skillet." Your server will meet you with a steely glare of condescension that he has been waiting to give someone ever since he dropped out of community college and give you the haughty "oh, you mean N'awlins skillet", while you suddenly decide that Mr. Pink was right all along.
Oh, I wouldn't worry about it. There's plenty of other reasons you're an asshole. I kid, I kid. Do you say, "New. Orleans." or do you say "N'worlins?" I don't think all the guys at SportsCenter are going to start saying "N'awlins Saints" are they? Meh, you could just pronounce it the way a lot of other people do: cesspool.
Wait, you refuse to improperly pronounce something, just because a bunch of retards have collectively agreed to do something wrong and you're refusing to go along with it? That's called having moral conviction. And yes, that makes you an asshole. Asshole.
I say "New Orleans." I also wear a fannypack, drive a ford windstar, have a strong affinity for ranch dressing and short cargo shorts, and make my family pose for "zany" pictures at "Now Entering XXX" state sign's and other various monuments.
Living near the Memorial Tournament usually sucks because of the traffic and I don't give a shit about golf. But last night I hung out with a bunch of awesome Scottish guys. It's hard to believe people travel so far for this shit.
I was curious about that. I mean, people living in that area must pay ridiculous prices for insurance in order for it to be profitable. Do you get state subsidies or something? Just opened my first bottle of beer of the day, and it is glorious. Also just decided how I will be spending my summer: Sitting in a bathrobe on a deck, drinking beer with my feet in a paddling pool and playing the banjo. I don't own a banjo or know how to play, but dammit I'll get one.
I'm going to be taking a personal drinking night. I definitely had a dream that I owned 3 dragons ala Dany from Game of Thrones. I was running through my house looking for meat for them to char and eat. Good thing I'm taking a break and now switching to Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.
I never knew it was wrong to call it New Orleans. Like Gravy, I have never even stepped foot in the state so I feel awkward trying to sound like a local. In fact, I'm sure I've pronounced it New Orleeeens at some point in my life. Today is the start of Philly Beer Week and after work, I'm going to see this. I really have no idea what the significance of this is, all I know is the bar will be crowded and I'm not really looking forward to it. Just get me drunk.
That's why I bought a lot that's not in a flood zone. In a tier 3 Parish where there is no separate Wind/Hail deductible. I get all the fun out of living in a potential disaster area without the worry all the bad stuff. Sweet! And Gravy- Noland may feel different because he's actually from there, but I say "New Orleans". "Naw-lins" makes me think asshole in the way that you're trying too hard, like the Popeyes' commercials made by people who have never been to this state. Also, "New Or-leeeeens" sets my teeth on edge. Unless you're Mexican, in which case you get a pass obviously.