"Then don't do that," said the doctor. Shegirl went in for surgery a few days ago due to a rather exciting fall from a balcony, and we're anxiously awaiting her glorious cyborg resurrection. FOCUS: Discuss any major surgeries you've had, the recuperation, and the lasting effects. ALT-FOCUS: What new cyborg features will Shegirl sport when she reappears?
Focus: Not me, but the husband had double hernia surgery a few years ago. It has resulted in two things: 1) Two scars on his abdomen which, when he's flaccid, make his wang look like an angry elephant; and 2) Internal meshing which pulls every time he sneezes, so he'll sneeze, grab his stomach and groan. It scared some old lady in a bus stop the first time he did it.
I'm not sure if all this fits, but they all required some form of surgery so I'm going to give it a go. My left arm is basically held together by duct tape at this point. In eigth grade I managed to break my radius, ulna, and wrist along with most every bone on the backside of my hand. Ulna popped through the skin, that was great. I've got a nice 4-5 inch scar where they cut me open, two smaller circle scars from the pins being removed (and getting them removed was so weird, I could feel inside my arm if that makes sense), and a larger one from where the bone popped out (which they periodically dug some matchlike thing into the wound when I changed casts so it would heal. Worst pain ever). In highschool I broke two of my knuckes pretty badly. I'm assuming it is there, but it sure doesn't look like I have a pinky knuckle. In college I managed to dislocate the elbow, luckily no scarring there. Surprisingly the arm/hand functions completely normal other than not being able to straighten my thumb when I bend my wrist back, which is just annoying when doing pushups or having to push something heavy. I've also broken my right ulna, but it was just a hairline crack so it wasn't too bad. I've busted my head open roughly 15 times. Most times it required stitches, most being 12 least 3, although I got lucky on some and only needed a butterfly bandage. I've also got a pretty interesting scar on my lip from being bit by a dog. They fixed it by basically cutting it back open 4-5 times and stiching the scar closer and closer together. It feels very odd to have your flesh cut into while under what is essentially super novocaine. Basically I'm either unlucky or an idiot. Haven't figured that out yet.
My wife lost part of her leg in the military. She was in ICU for 3 weeks. She has severe, chronic pain and major nerve damage from six debridement surgeries. In hindsight, we wish they had amputated above the knee but she didn't want to do that at the time. I told her to, I told her they would give her a little metal leg, I told her we could still do everything we always did, I told we could still live our dreams. I also told her she would swim slower, and possibly not in a straight line. It got a giggle back then. Edit: I have nothing compared to her.
Focus: I've basically only ever had two surgeries, my surgeries for my lazy left eye and my wisdom teeth removal. Wisdom teeth removal made it so for about six months afterword my hind-jaw always felt like it was being pressed on with needle-nosed pliers. Also, it made it so I had to blend my food for the first two weeks after their removal. The lazy eye surgeries started when I was real young, and I was one of those kids who had to wear an eye-patch over my "correct" eye, my right, to try and train my lazy eye into not being such a dick. Eventually, three surgeries later, my left eye only goes off course if I am really, really drunk, and even then it just sort of vibrates off course and then re-focuses. Alternate Focus:
I was one of those kids, too. Except it took four surgeries to correct mine because I was cross eyed at the same time. My left eye still gets wonky when I get tired. As an aside, the fourth surgery I had was performed at the Children's Hospital in Houston by an Argentinian surgeon named Gunther Klaus von Norden. We all pretty much think i had surgery by an escaped Nazi.
I've told this story before (probably many times), but I almost drowned once. Wound up in an induced coma for a few days, two collapsed lungs etc. Besides a couple scars and (probably?) a lower lung capacity, not too much lasting damage. I was also an idiot and started playing basketball again way before I was supposed to, but I'm going to believe that actually helped me recover faster.
I had stomach surgery when I was a baby to tighten up the bottom of my esophagus, I didn't have the muscle that holds stomach contents down, so I was throwing up almost everything as a baby. It's the same surgery, I was told, they do to stop chronic heartburn. When I was little it was insanely hard for me to vomit and I only did it a few times when I was sick during k-12. There would be a sharp shooting pain in my taint when I actually did vomit, never knew why. Since Ive aged and have continued to drink heavily each weekend vomiting has become I guess I'd say easy and without taint pain. I had surgery on my left arm as a kid when I broke it and popped the growth plate out of place. Im not sure if it did much to affect that arms strength, it is weaker than my dominant hand but not by too much. Lately Ive had tennis elbow and I think ulnar nerve compaction on that side, due to it's location to my surgery scars I supposed it's somehow in connection with the surgery. Then again I think getting old is probably the main thing....
Haha, the one I thought of was similar. Spoiler I've only had two surgeries: -wisdom teeth removal. I got knocked out for that one, best dental visit ever. I should be allowed to sleep for all dental visits and haircuts. -c-section. The lasting effect of this one turns 12 in a couple weeks.
I've had quite a few medical scares the first being when I was born so I don't remember that one. The first was being born 7 weeks early (twins) so we had to stay in the hospital until we stabilized and all that newborn stuff. The second was having strep throat and the infection making it's way to my kidneys. I was in first grade at the time and the only thing I can really remember is being on dialysis and the machine going haywire and having a bag of blood hanging where my IV was to recover what was lost. Between the major medical issues I seem to develop something every 18 months or so. Last year it was some infection which didn't allow me to eat or drink anything for a couple days. I ended up in the hospital for a week before Thanksgiving. The more recent medical problems would be developing a blood clot around my knee area. This happened the summer before my freshman year in college. I ended up spending a couple days in the hospital then staying on the couch for 2 weeks before I could walk more than 20 feet. I didn't have any noticeable side effects from this clot. After 4-5 years I developed another blood clot in the same area of my knee. The process was mostly the same for recovery, but I destroyed some valve in my knee which controls the amount of blood flowing to my calf. If I walk or do a lot of exercise during the day, I can feel my leg becoming swollen and have to sit down for a bit. A couple times during class I've had to tell my students that I needed to sit down for a bit because of my leg. It's more aggravating to have to stop what I'm doing at the moment, but overall it could be worse. tldr- weird medical problems every 18 months ending in a couple blood clots
I've had my wisdom teeth out(all four in one hit), adenoids cauterized, tonsils out and septoplasty to straighten cartridge and remove turbinates. Except for the teeth it's all been because of sleep apnea. Unfortunately no cool side effects but I come out of general anesthetic real quick and after my first surgery I pulled my cannula out because it was annoying the fuck out of me and got in heaps of trouble with the nurses. Painkillers have sweet fuck all effect on me as well.
Five wisdom teeth out (well 4 and a supernumerary molar) and all I got was fatface and blood clots for a week or two.
I still notice a slight sandy/gravely noise in my neck when I run. I've told the doc and my old physical therapist about it and no one else can detect it or tell if anything is wrong. My head will probably just fall off one of these days. I have tenderness on the bottoms of my feet and the outside of my hands from where my extra digits were surgically removed as a baby. Well, the toes were, the fingers were simply tied off. As far as I can tell, there are 3 main classifications of polydactylism: all skin, skin with cartilage, full digit. I had full digits on my feet and skin and cartilage on my hands. There is a slight regrowth of bone on my feet and cartilage on my hands, hence the tenderness. No super powers from this one, just extra wide shoes and pain for no good reason. I've had 2 of my wisdom teeth out. They put me under for that one. When I woke up, I was on a timed regimen of rx painkillers. I was way fucking chatty and annoyed the hell out of my mom and dad. I told them how much I loved them. Everything was wonderful. After about 12 hours of those things, I got really itchy and had to stop taking them. Turned out that I really didn't need them, or at least didn't need them after that. Now that I'm a little older and am around people hooked on pain pills, they freak me out a bit so I am glad I only took them for the short period that I did. Alt Focus: I predict that with Shegirl's new pins and plates in her broken body, she will be the next amazing bionic woman. She'll be even stronger and more amazonian than usual and will benchpress cars for fun on the weekends.
I have had several... Wisdom teeth - I can still remember the surgeon talking about fishing as I was coming to and he was still working in my mouth. I tried to talk, but drugs don't let that happen. Torn Right ACL - knocked out and a femoral nerve block. I was asked to transfer myself to surgery table after getting the nerve block. I bent my leg a bit, then couldn't flatten it back out. Nurse pushed my leg flat. Pilonidal Cyst - This one sucked...big ass wound at the crack of my ass Bleeding Belly Button - when I was 24 or 25, my belly button started bleeding one day...finally saw a surgeon who operated. So I now have coin slot for a belly button and a smily face scare under it.
I'm just over 3 months into recovery from ACL/ALL/meniscus surgery. Knocked out, femoral nerve block and local - when I woke up the nurse asked me what my pain level was. I said 5 or 6, she looked at me like I was lying and said there was no way I should have been in that much pain, and then given that the painkillers helped a surprisingly small amount during the first stages of recovery, I guess I'm one of those lucky ones who is resistant to pain meds. At some point in time, we get to do it all over again on the other knee. I'm hoping to get that scheduled at my next followup in November.
Both of these hooks have been cut out of my body. The turquoise one is a surface iron (aka jig) that is pretty light, it has a treble hook on it. I was on a boat with 20 plus people and we were fishing for barracuda 120 miles southwest of San Diego, I was throwing the jig 40-50 yards from the boat and burning it back in, about 15 yards from the boat I get a bite and swing on the fish to set the hook and the hook did not set and came flying at me at a high rate of speed. I just tucked in my arms and turned to brace for impact. The hook sank in 3 inches below my elbow into my forearm, the tip of the hook exited about one inch later and then buried back in my arm. The Captain saw it happen and cut my line and said lets go in the galley right now. The tip had re- buried itself right below the bar so that had to be pulled out before we could cut the rest of it off so a pair of pliers and his finger nail got that part out and the rest of the hook was cut with a dremel and then pulled out of my forearm. It was not really painful but it is not very cool to watch. The bigger hook was cut out the palm of my hand from the fat part right underneath my thumb. The boat I was on had an upper deck for tackle storage and a guy from Minnesota was not to swift on his feet was trying to climb the ladder that went to the upper deck with 5 rods in his hand, I was polite enough to suggest he climb the ladder and I would hand him his gear so that is what we did, except when I handed him the rods he jerked them out of my hands and that big ass hook sunk into my palm about and inch deep with the barb long gone. There is only one way to get that kind of hook out, you have to make an exit hole for it to come through and the skin on your hand is some tough stuff. The boat I was on had one deckhand that had some "medic" training so up to the wheel house I went with the captain and 2 of the mates, luckily they had a bottle of lidocaine and a clean needle. I think the guy gave me 8 or 9 injections plus I drank a few shots of rum before we started the procedure, after a few minutes I could move the hook side to side with no pain and it was decided that I should try to push the point through as I was the one who could feel any pain that may occur, this was my first ever attempt at pushing a huge piece of metal out of my hand so I did not know what to expect, as I started to push the point of the hook out of my hand I could clearly see where it would exit out of my palm but I could not put hard enough to get it to break skin so my medic and the captain started pushing down on my skin around the point of the hook and all of the sudden it popped and out came the point and with a little more effort the barb followed, the next order of business was finding a bolt cutter to cut off the barb that had just exited, once one was located that cut was not to bad not much pain and pretty quick, it was the last step I was not real excited about and that was pulling the hook minus the barb back through but thanks to excessive lidocaine and liquor it was painless.