From the bedside table thread: Jesus fucking Christ. I can't stand this anymore. It's like quantum physics: I can't tell when it's crazy enough to be true. FOCUS: Scootah, when you get a chance, please edit this post and add a poll with 10 options. Make some of them true statements about your life, and some of them plausible but false statements about your life. So for example, a true statement would be "I have a stainless steel anal hook" and a false statement would be...fuck, I can't even imagine. Something like "I was once summoned to an old house using an ancient magical puzzle box and then I ate this chick's father and assumed his corporeal form." Set the options per user to 5 so people can vote on the 5 they believe to be true. Then unlock the thread. Everyone else: vote on which you think are true Scootah facts when the thread is unlocked. scootah EDIT: I didn't go with the originally suggested five and five split. It's more fun when you don't know how many are true.
As a side note - the anal hook really isn't that scary. It's not like I want the people I'm with to be using a colostomy bag or something. I'll post a (generic, from the web) picture of one later for illustrative purposes.
ALT FOCUS: Post your own "scootah facts" in the tradition of Chuck Norris facts. Example: Scootah once visited Tijuana and all the donkey shows had to close down because everyone was paying to see him instead. Scootah once had a fetus implanted in his navel on a Friday because it sounded like fun. He birthed a healthy 8 lb. girl Monday night. And came at the same time.
Herpes takes its medicine to avoid Scootah outbreaks. Scootah's fuck buddy group is so big, it has its own Facebook page. I know this, because Facebook told me that 12 mutual friends are members.
With its current set of modifications, scootah's penis can be used as a bottle opener, a set of pinking shears, and a functional doorbell. Additionally, it is a master key for any Hondas or Fords made after 1999. Scootah is banned from airports because whenever he gets near the terminal all the metal detectors short out. Scientists invented Velcro after seeing how much shit gets caught on Scootah's piercings when he walks around. Freddy Krueger is afraid to fall asleep because he might dream about Scootah. The original defense system against the smoke monster on LOST was Scootah. When exposed to the sunlight, Scootah's skin twinkles like a Twilight vampire's. Scootah was once involved in a 5-person orgy that involved 8 vaginas. Warwick Davis was 6'3" tall until he fell asleep one night in a club where Scootah was hanging out. When Scootah was born, the doctor said "that's no moon!"
Scootah once wore a tiny fetishist as a backpack to a music event for the hell of it.... Scootah and I once had a serious conversation about whether a woman who had a guy trussed up, and was smacking/throwing him around, was doing it safely enough... oh.. wait... I'm confused. Are these supposed to be made up?
Coroners usually leave Scoootah's orgies shellshocked and vomiting. S&M slaves wear Scootah suits to get into character. Scootah has taken enough domination abuse that it is literally inpossble to draw blood on him via lashing. Scootah makes his slaves listen to the song "Lips of an Angel" during sessions. He's just that fucking cruel. The weapon is actually called A Scootah 'o' Nine Tails.
Seriously, you can buy these things from Amazon. NSFW you can also get vaginal hooks. - a link that shouldn't need an nsfw tag.
I met a chick that was so ugly, I wouldn't have fucked her with Scootah's dick. At orgies, Scootah carries his lube in a Camelbak. Scientists are trying to developed a strain of Gonorrhea that is resistant to Scootah. Scootah once did a heavily pregnant chick just to see what it would be like to fuck and get a blowjob at the same time. A slutwalk that Scootah was to attend got cancelled because he was too slutty. Scootah's testicles are affectionately known by his fuckbuddies as Sodom and Gomorrah. Nymphomaniacs don't go to hell, they go to Scootah.
Scootah once took a lovely young lady out for a date (with the blessings of the lady's father), was a perfect gentleman throughout dinner, had a very wide variety of interesting discussions during which he was attentive and understanding of her ideas and points of view, held her hand during the scary part of the movie, was back at her house by the curfew time designated by her loving father, walked her to the door and settled for a simple good night kiss, because he respects her wish to take things slow and quite honestly looks forward to the long fulfilling courtship with this lovely lady much more than the idea of using her for purely physical reasons. He then went home and dreamed of his wonderful evening with his lovely lady, and made plans to call her again soon.
Scootah was once contracted by the US government to use his extensive BDSM skills in the interrogation of prisoners. The contract was revoked when the prisoners began demanding more frequent sessions. Attendees of the Brisbane Slutwalk experienced a massive Rapture-like orgasm when Scootah arrived. Scootah has been the top in a BDSM session with God, Satan, and Chuck Norris. Simultaneously.
Scootah places weekly orders for his bespoke condoms to exacting specifications, kevlar based and teflon coated. Scootah's fuckbudies like to keep a fire extinguisher close by during sex in case he starts smoking. Only thing is, Scootah rarely has a cigarette. Some think it's kinky to tickle their naked lover with a feather. Scootah likes to use the whole chicken.
Scootah cut out his own tongue simply on the basis that he would no longer be able to yell the Safety Word. Safety words are for pussies that don't have death wishes.
A burglar once broke into Scootah's house. They reenacted the scene in Pulp Fiction. The sybian *NWS* was modeled after one of Scootah's late night orgy sessions. Scootah once fucked a pregnant lady into submission. The end result was Hellen Keller.
I don't have any fake facts, just a couple of questions. A couple of really immature questions, based off of the kind of people I've met in my life that are big into the kink community. This is more of a "Is Australia that similar to America" line of questioning, not trying to disparage or mock anything that you're doing... Scootah, how many girls/guys that you're sleeping with would you say are: -overweight -in the IT industry or some sort of struggling artist -objectively NOT attractive (think if their picture was posted on the internet, what the general opinion might be, regardless of how good they are in bed. This is purely physical) -bisexual -one or more tattoos that require a background in gaming, sci-fi, or fantasy to understand -aged 18-22 OR over 35 -living with people they met off of the internet Edit: Maybe it's my own ignorance, but when I think of a kink party I never think of a tanned lawyer laying pipe into a school teacher, both of which are in shape and hold a variety of interests outside of the BDSM/kink community. I think of pasty overweight girls who did theater in high school getting fucked by some insanely skinny guy with a Zelda tattoo. I KNOW that this isn't always the case, but it's hard to shake the notion that 90+% of the community aren't hanging out somewhere near the fringes of society, or at least want other people to think that they are.
Seal Team 6 found pictures of Scootah on Osama Bin Laden's computer Scootah wants to visit New York to see if his Statue of Liberty butt plug is accurately rendered Scootah drank celery water and pineapple juice for a month and was subsequently banned from future bukkake festivals
Scootah keeps getting accused of crimes he didn't commit because his bodily fluids are basically everywhere.