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Is It Cheating?

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by lostalldoubt86, Jun 9, 2011.

  1. lostalldoubt86

    lostalldoubt86
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  2. DrFrylock

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    The White

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    This oughta be good. I think this falls under the category of "emotional cheating" as well, which has always fascinated me.
     
  3. PewPewPow

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    No, maybe it's cheating maybe it's not, but good luck finding a married man with half a nutsack that lets you get away with that shit.
     
  4. dubyu tee eff

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    Whether or not it's "cheating" is an issue of semantics, and so, largely pointless to discuss. What I do know is that if you need to keep the person you married in the dark about it, it isn't right. I'm not saying there shouldn't be any secrets in a committed relationship; everyone is entitled to their privacy. This case, however, refers to maintaining a relationship that your partner is unaware of, and so, it is wrong.
     
  5. scootah

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    How is this even a discussion? Do you know that your partner would disapprove and go out of your way to keep your actions from them? Then it's fucking cheating. If you have the kind of marriage where while your spouse was looking over your shoulder, you'd send that same picture and then high five about how awesome it is? Then it's not cheating.
     
  6. Frank

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    100% agreed, every relationship is different and should abide by their own guidelines, not ones prescribed by society. If your SO wouldn't be ok with it if they found out, it's cheating. If they would, it's not, seems pretty black and white to me.

    For the vast majority of people (myself included) I would consider it cheating, but there are definitely people out there who wouldn't bat an eye at this.
     
  7. PIMPTRESS

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    My man would die if he caught me sending naked pics to another person. I would not respond well, either.

    To be honest, I have done it. I did it at the end of my last awful relationship and I have done it (not for some time, though) with my current relationship. I still feel guilty at times for doing it, I was mad at him and behaving childishly instead of confronting our issue.

    Isn't the very premise of a relationship to give your all to your mate? If you still have some to give to others, you are holding back from your mate and failing.
     
  8. scootah

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    I vehemently disagree. I think this passage from 'The Ethical Slut' is fantastic, and very accurately describes what I think is the biggest flaw in that idea.

    You can love all your kids, both your parents, numerous friends or siblings without running out of love or affection. Do you even for a moment think that by loving one child, a parent takes love away from another? Why would romantic love be any inherently different?

    Basically I think a relationship is a commitment. Probably the most important commitment that anyone ever makes. Doing everything you can to communicate all the terms of that commitment honestly and clearly, and abiding by that commitment is hugely important. And if monogamy, or all consuming hollywood rom com monogamy that hardly ever works in the real world, is what you and your partner want - that's awesome. But it's not a necessary part, let alone a premise of all relationships.
     
  9. PIMPTRESS

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    I see your point Scootah, but most of us are in strictly monogamous relationships and that was what I was referring to. I would not be comfortable with my mate having sexual conversations or picture sharing, in our case it would be inappropriate. I do have some girls that still send me naughty pics on my phone and I usually show the pics to him. He is my best friend and I try to share everything with him. If I were to share with every Tom, Dick and Harry, it wouldn't work for my relationship or my self esteem. That's just me though.

    Somehow missed this. I am not having sex with these people. I am not engaging in sexual intimacy with my family. Choosing a spouse, for me, is choosing one person to devote my heart to. My kids are another type of love, but I love my kids more than my neighbours. I am still kind to others, but feel no need to share sex with them. That is for Mr P. and I to have.
     
  10. silway

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    As other people have said, cheating is up to the relationship and the understandings within it. If you and your partner(s) have set something as off limits and then you do it? You're cheating. If you're not sure, do it anyway, and then hide it? Yeah, you're cheating there too and trying to equate the concept of plausible deniability (I didn't *know* you wouldn't approve) with how you communicate in your relationship. And when it comes to a serious relationship, why the hell wouldn't you err on the safety side when you're not sure?

    If you're not cheating, if you're not doing anything wrong, there should be no reason to feel like you have to furtively hide it. And if you feel like you can't talk about it freely, then maybe that's an issue worth focusing on in the first place.

    Obviously this shit is easier to say than do sometimes, but for example, one of the biggest ways I knew that I wanted to marry my wife is that I was able to openly and honestly talk to her about all this stuff in a way i had never really felt comfortable doing before.

    As an aside, if I try to imagine a contextless relationship of Average Man and Average Woman and whether or not this is likely to be considered some form of cheating then my hunch is that most people would.
     
  11. sartirious

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    If you're hiding it from them, or would be ashamed if your significant other found out about it - you probably shouldn't be doing it. It doesn't have to be physical, to be unfaithful.
     
  12. lust4life

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    Sure it's cheating, in the same way being in an abusive relationship doesn't necessarily require getting smacked around. Though as others have said, if one's partner is aware of it and isn't bothered by it, no harm no foul applies. But I do think that eventually someone's going to end up hurt. We're still dealing with emotions. The way I see it, if my wife were engaging in such online activity, she's looking to fill a need that I'm not fill for her (keep the "fill her" jokes to yourselves) and there's a deeper problem in our relationship. But that's me. I suppose those in the swinger set and proponents of open marriages would see it differently, but I never understood their marriage mindset either.
     
  13. Nom Chompsky

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    I absolutely agree that if you feel compelled to hide it, you clearly believe it's cheating.

    I also wouldn't want somebody I was dating to be engaging in heavy online flirtation with another person.

    However, I recognize that the line is a bit more arbitrary than I might have thought: for example, I would never date somebody who told me that I couldn't look at porn. I also would never tell somebody they couldn't look at it. I don't really have a problem with somebody I'm dating posting naked pictures of themselves online, as long as they're willing to deal with whatever fallback there is. Or posting erotica, or whatever. Or on certain threads here (cough, cough).

    So I guess it's the interaction that I would have a problem with.
     
  14. mya

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    I agree with most of what has already been said here. If you aren't willing to tell your spouse what you are doing one on one with somebody online, then you are probably cheating. Simple as that.

    A couple of other questions though. Do the married gals who submit pics for our enjoyment on the booby/bootie threads share this information with their spouses? What do they think of it?

    To the guys (and gals too I suppose), suppose you are starting to become flirtatious online with somebody. Do you take their marital status into account? If the other person is ready to go, do you pull back when they admit to you that they are married/taken?
     
  15. Chellie

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    If it's not something you'd be comfortable doing with your partner sitting right next to you, it is cheating. Alternatively, if it's not something you've discussed openly and received explicit consent for, it is cheating.

    To second what some others have said, if you feel compelled to hide it, you know damn well you are crossing a line, regardless of your definition of 'cheating'. Then again, I may be overly sensitive and bitter because my first marriage ended in divorce due to his online flirtation (and subsequent marriage) with a Floridian whore. Named Gigi. That he met on World of Warcraft. Oh, the embarassment.
     
  16. lhprop1

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    Just to be clear ladies, it is ok to post them up on an internet message board if they're for the general public and not directed at another person.

    That is all. Carry on.
     
  17. mya

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    From what I am reading here, that would be OK only with spousal approval. Can't have it both ways fella's
     
  18. Nick

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    If I sent a picture of my junk over the internet, the only person that would be getting cheated is the recipient.

    Someone said it earlier, but it all comes down to semantics. To me, cheating is making non-platonic advances or suggestions towards somebody that you wouldn't ordinarily feel comfortable making in front of your significant other.

    To some people, so long as you don't physically act on those suggestions, it's not actually cheating. As long as they don't hold their significant other to a higher/double standard, then I guess that could be an acceptible definition in the context of your relationship.

    If you are a public figure or politician, and you cross any line, you are already well aware of the consequences. In the case of Weiner, I'm not even sure if the definition of whether or not it's cheating really even matters here. He clearly ignored the risk. He should have boned those chicks. It's like he walked into a high-end jewelry store and got caught stealing cubic zirconia. What a dumbass.
     
  19. lhprop1

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    Pay no attention to this heathen gender-traitor, ladies. It is ok to broadcast your boobies to the masses and does not require spousal approval. So sayeth the lord.
     
  20. Happy

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    I remember when we had the CamGirl come and answer some questions here on TiB. I'm pretty sure that she said that her boyfriend at the time enjoyed what she did for work, but as so long as it stayed behind the monitor. That being said, I cannot understand why anyone would try to qualify "what is cheating" under an umbrella. Every situation is different.