I was having a discussion with a buddy last night on intrusive thoughts that pop into our heads for no reason other than our brains messing with us. I told him about one when I visited the Hoover Dam. I thought to myself, "I could just jump over the side of this thing right now. It would be so easy." Other thoughts that came out of our discussion included: "I should just go up to that old lady and scream in her face." "I'm going take a shit on my bosses desk at work and let her find it." EDIT: Apparently there's also a subreddit for it, some gems from there: "Im having such a nice conversation with this random old man at the bus stop. I wonder what would happen if I forcibly french kissed him?" "This guy is twice my size. I should flick this cigarette in his face." Focus: What are your intrusive thoughts?
I think everyone has these thoughts and the only difference between your average human and the Jeffrey Dahmer's of the world is they act on those thoughts. Over the years, I've found this line of reasoning helps make some sense of otherwise senseless acts.
When I lived in a more urban area I always had that "What if I dived in front of that huge metro bus as it flew by?" "If I turned my steering wheel 3 degrees I'd fuck that old lady's day up!"
I was driving through a town one time far away from home and I remember thinking, "I wonder if I could rob a bank and then just keep on driving to home without getting caught." Who'd ever suspect me, right? I didn't though. In case anyone was wondering.
I have a common one whenever I'm on or near a balcony "what if my legs decided to just jump off right now and I couldn;t do anything about it" It's getting to the stage that whenever I'm walking on a leveled corridor/ledge I walk to the side as far away as possible. Or if I'm staying somehwere with a balcony the door has to be locked.
In every interview where Ive been the interviewee, I cant help but imagine what kind of face the interviewer makes when they orgasm. Then I have to try to keep myself from laughing.
I used to walk by this window of a gym where there were like 20 treadmills etc facing out. I'd always think every single time about staging some weird scene in front of it to fuck with them. Sword fight, robbery, or relationship fight. Just something random as fuck they'd think was real.
Similarly - if I have to interact with a person on a regular basis, at all, I can't help but imagine what they look like fucking.
I work in a pretty large office building (45ish floors) with a lot of law firms, consulting firms, etc. So a lot of people ordering dinner on expense accounts when they're working late. The delivery folks never ask for any proof that it was actually you that ordered that sushi. Every time I walk out of the office around dinner time, I think "I could just steal one of these dinners from the clueless delivery, take it with me, and NO ONE WOULD EVER KNOW."
I am not religious, nor was I raised particularly religious, but almost every time I masturbate the thought flickers through my mind: "What if God is watching me right now?" Then I wonder if everyone I know who has died is just hanging out watching me. Can they see the disgusting porn that I'm watching? Do they know what I'm thinking about? Or do they all just, like, flutter to the other side of the world for a minute while I take care of this?
.... Just grab that bitch sitting behind you at work by the back of the head while she is droning on the phone and slam it into her desk again and again. Grab that bitch sitting behind you by the back of the head while she is droning on the phone and slam it into her desk again and again.... You won't do it you pussy, will you....
My wife and her wanna be hipster 50 year old vegan, gluten free, only eats shrimp friend has a group called fun with feminist. They are not fun to hang with nor are they feminist but they like to see these local plays put on by nerds and hipsters and during the play there are always very quiet scenes when I want to yell obscenities. It is to the point where I think about it so many times I almost do it but I bite on the side of my cheek so hard it starts to hurt and takes my OCD mind off of ruining the night for all those people.
When I'm driving alone in my car I think about swerving into the next lane and hitting the person driving next to me. I also have to actively suppress the urge to drop to the ground when I'm walking with a lot of people around me. I just feel the sudden urge to trip 5 or 6 people.
Taking no fewer than six, 35-story elevator rides per day, my thoughts intrude often. I still remember the first, typically low-brow intrusive thought I had: on an elevator ride packed with professional business women, I had to fart. And I knew that, if I wanted to, I could force it out real super loud. The intrusive thought was how funny it would be if I let rip and acted like I expected all the ladies to think it's funny, elbowing them in the ribs and hanging a high five while asking "Good one, hey girls?", then tussling their hair and calling them poor sports for not laughing along. Sometimes they're more subtle, like if I was in the elevator with just one person and I started sighing really distressed and loudly, rolling my eyes in a "you don't want to know" way when they ask, then doing it again even louder. But mostly farts.
One that I had a while back ... Middle aged Chinese woman pulls up to the red lights in a flashy Mercedes coupe as I am waiting to walk across the intersection. ..."Fuck her; pull that old Asian bitch out of the car and speed off." .... come on you pussy....
When people accost me during my daily errands to force their intellectually/morally bankrupt opinions into my ear canals, I spend the duration of their monologue visualizing the best combination to leave them bleeding on the floor. Is it straight-hook-straight-clinch-knee, or would hook-uppercut-jab-jab-straight be more effective? Can they dodge the first shot? What will they throw back? Does this 50 year old secretary telling me about the masonic conspiracy that controls our government know any submission defense or could I just standing guillotine her right now? Sometimes I wonder if they can see a shadow of these thoughts cross my face.