FOCUS: What is your favorite curse word? ALT FOCUS: What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
Focus: Cock jugggling thunder cunt! Alt-Focus: I'm thinking about starting a side business ghost writing personals profiles for people and doing social media consulting. I'm immensely bored with corporate IT. Considering doing some basic dating coaching as a less ethically challenged alternative to the PUA thing.
There's nothing I can say about the word fuck that hasn't already been said already - hell, they made a documentary about it - so I'll leave it at this: the distance between "fuck you" and "fuck me" is unbelievably immense.
Focus: Fuckberries. Alt Focus: Professional musician. This would require a huge amount of practice and studying theory but I am game if the money is there. I think it goes in reverse though. You get the money if you already know how to play.
Focus: Although the word "fuck" is almost as satisfying to say as it is to do, my favourite is "asshole" because the word itself speaks volumes about the person you're describing with it.
Fucker. You can't get more basic than that. You can add words to the beginning of it to create a certain ambiance too, ie; mother, stupid, pig, etc. Try it out yourself kids!! It's hours of fun!! Anit: Bank Robber. How can you not want to go around robbing banks, and being so good at that you get away every time!!
Focus: Fuck is obviously the pinnacle of curse words when it comes to anger, but cunt might trump fuck when it comes to anger towards a female. Cunt is bitch times 10. Alt Focus Drummer. I think I would be really good at it, but I'm too old to start now. If you've ever been around someone who is just starting to learn an instrument, it is painful. I don't want to do that to anyone.
Focus: I like to alternate, so things don't go stale. Variously I like asswipe, fuckwit, cum stain, fuck head and motherfucker. The last day or two it's been cock wallet, for a change. Alt Focus: Professional fight trainer. I'm medically unfit to fight myself, so I couldn't be a fighter myself. Plus, who wants a thread peppered with "professional musician". My second choice would be high class porn movie casting director. Really, I think I could do both. I would pay for tapes of this. And not just because I would probably need the help.
Focus: I don't really curse a lot, but the one that slips in the most is fuck. (So original.) I really like saying "God fucking damn it" when I'm angry. It feels good. Alt-Focus: I would really like to work for the movies. I'm secretly a cinephile, and I think it would just be the coolest thing. I'd want to either style the costumes, create the sets, or choose what music plays when. (I'm not even sure of what these job titles are.) I think that with my background, I actually could try and do the costumes thing, so who knows. Maybe it'll happen.
With a tip of the hat to Karl Pilkington (<a class="postlink" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karl_Pilkington" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karl_Pilkington</a>) I have to go with knobhead. Less because of the word itself and more because I heart Karl.
FOCUS: God fuck it. Alternately, God fucking cum on it, Yahweh ejaculate on it, sodomy of Christ, or if I'm feeling English bugger all. ALT FOCUS: Hitman. Duh.
Focus: Fuck is good. Very versatile. Also there's this: Spoiler and this Spoiler Not that I use them that often in everyday speech, seeing as English isn't my first language (the Estonian equivalent of cock - türa is the one I sometimes find using as a comma). Alt focus: I've always had this thing about working with wood. Selling handmade furniture. That or a billionaire. That's a profession, right?
I have found that the term "get fucked" is appropiate for so many situations. The alternative to that would be "shut your whore mouth" No idea where the second one came from. The military takes cursing, and makes it an art form. Other profession? Something in Law Enforcement. I am working on that as we speak.
Lately, I'm all about calling everyone a "dick farmer" - and ironically enough, I'd totally be down with farming dicks as a profession other than my own.
I don't mean this to be offensive just for the sake of it, but I find 'god-fucking-dammit!' rolls off the tongue nicely when something bad happens (putting 'fuck' in the middle of other words works in general). Same with 'shit-cock!' and 'cunt-bag!'. Doesn't have to make sense, just has to relieve the anger.
I think fuck and God dammit are probably my two most used curse words...and I always feel a little guilty about the second one. However, my current favorite is much less vulgar: Butthole. Specifically used in the style of Eric Cartman, calling someone a "Sneaky little butthole". I can think of three other professions that are pretty close for the second question. First would be some sort of Academic/Research physicist. I have always had a love for science, specifically physics and astronomy, so I think it would have been really interesting to follow that path all the way to the Ph.D. level and be a cosmologist or astro or particle physicist or something along those lines. Second, for a long time I wanted to be an FBI Agent. I think that is probably a combination of my step dad being a cop, watching lots of X-Files and various other shows and movies that featured the FBI, and my fascination with having the power to carry a gun wherever I wanted to. Also I always was interested in more of the investigative side of law enforcement, and the FBI would have let me do that on a less trivial scale than being a local police detective or something like that. Third would be a carpenter or something similar. I have recently had the strong desire to start some sort of DIY hobby, something where I can work with tools and build something with my own two hands. In the near future I would like to build my own custom computer desk, something unique.
Holy unrelated Focus and Alt Focus, Batman. Focus: Motherfucker. You can call someone that quickly, like "Hey, motherfucker, give me back my watch." Or describe the action without introducing anything "Motherfucker - took my watch!" I especially like to slow it down with a pause in between adding an extra hard "f" to use as an expletive, for instance, walking out to your truck and seeing that you have a flat tire, "Mo-ther Fucker! Also, when describing something awesome and you don't really need to curse, you can reduce it, "I just got a new guitar - check out this mofo." Or, also, "mug." Alt.: I would like to be a professional song writer.
Favorite swear: My most common is for sure just "fuck" I find a way to use it each and every day. But my favorite is probably cunt, I need to find more opportunities to share that with the general populous. I've always wanted to be a professional athlete, in the past couple years I've been doing muay thai. And I think I could build up my BJJ and wrestling to a pretty good level as well. I would love to do that. But instead I'm going to med school in Ireland... That doesn't suck too much.
Focus: Judas Priest. My grandmother says it, and she is 93, tiny, white-haired, and fashionable, so the incongruity is truly outstanding. Must be used carefully because it's not super vulgar so you feel like you can say it with impunity but it will in fact annoy the shit out of religious people. Also, my gay friend from b-school uses fuckerbear, which is hilarious for creativity purposes and also because he's 6'5" and wears tight jeans and belly shirts from Abercrombie. Anti-focus: I always wanted to be a back-up dancer on a pop music tour. That kind of commercial/hip-hop dance is extremely fun to do, you're in great shape, and you get to travel around and bond with a random group of creative people. Unfortunately, that is the young single person's game and when I was young and single enough I wasn't quite good enough.