Insecurities

A thread about our insecurities to balance out this thread on our vanities.

Focus: What are you insecure about?

 

I used to be insecure about my nose, especially when my own mother said they would pay for cosmetic surgery (broke it twice) plus I'm 6 foot and weigh about 180. Actually, as I write this, I was supposed to go to the gym for the first time in months, but got stuck in traffic and now have to go to work in 30 minutes.

But then, I watched the movie She's Out of my League. I'm a ten, god damnit! Shit in your hand!

Just kidding, but seriously, I'm probably a 7 according to that movie, so I can live with that. And my nose doesn't look nearly as awful as Owen Wilson, or when that Saigon whore bit off Chris Farley's nose in Dirty work, so I can be happy about that.

 

I have big bouncy boobs, a teeny tiny waist, juuuuust enough junk in the trunk... fucking thunder thighs had to ruin it all. It's like a funnel jammed into an apple.

 

My weight. I'm 6'4"-6'5", and currently tip the scale at about 300 lbs and weight has always been somewhat of a problem, but it escalated to a whole new level in the past 15 years. I have a rare endocrine disorder that wasn't diagnosed until I was 34 that causes an overproduction of ACTH and subsequently, cortisol. I underwent two surgeries on my pituitary gland and then radiation treatment which basically rendered the gland null and void and left me with hypothyroidism, among other things. What I have to do just to maintain this weight would have pounds flying off most people. For me to lose weight requires 1.5-2 hours in the gym 7 days/week doing both cardio and weights and a very restrictive diet, which I've done, until I broke my wrist last fall, went on opiate pain meds (which for me, zaps all motivation and triggers sugar cravings like you wouldn't believe), couldn't life weights (still can't--I've lost a significant amount of mobility and strength in my left wrist and hand). The 50 lbs. I had lost in the months leading up to the wrist break I put back on in less than 2 months. I've had a harder time walking down the soda aisle than the beer aisle, and I am vehemently anti-soda. I've been able to turn the eating around for the most part since then, but not to the restrictive level I need to, and without the exercise component, weight loss just isn't going to happen. I feel very self-conscious in the gym to begin with, which feeds the insecurity, but I know I just need to block that out, get in there and do what I can and need to do. Thanks for posting this. I think I just got my motivation back.

 

When I was in high school I was insecure because I was fairly scrawny. In particular, my legs were like twigs, so I rarely wore shorts, no matter how hot it was.

I've put on more weight over the years, so the scrawniness isn't an issue, but now the beer gut is. Unlike lust4life, however, this is entirely my fault.

 

My intelligence. I work with PhDs, people with 20+ years doing what they do, and just overall brilliant scientists. And even though I graduated with a degree in chemistry from one of the best schools in the country, I still second-guess every decision I make when the smarties here start asking questions. It bothers me a lot that I can't just buck up and be confident in my abilities.

 

My girlfriend looks WAAAAAAAY worse in photos than she does in real life, it's disturbing. I don't even know how to explain it, it's like right before every picture taken of her the lighting is as bad as it can be, she pushes out her stomach, makes the stupidest face possible and her clothes shift in the dumpiest way you can imagine. The only logical explanation I can come up with is that she has big shoulder and arm muscles from swimming but you can't see the definition in pictures and it makes her look fat, she's not at all.

I refuse to associate with her on facebook so my exes don't think I took a step down (I didn't).

I'm pretty fat, that kinda sucks. Luckily I'm trimming down, just lost another ten pounds this past month and all the muscle I put on is starting to show. My friends have told me that my appearance has shifted from sloppy and jolly to intimidating, but I probably have another 30-40 pounds to go before I'm satisfied.

 

My weight. But the opposite of others. I have a super fast metabolism which sounds great but I am 5'7"-5'8" and right now am 115 pounds. Would be great if I was a woman.

 

My Size

I feel bad posting this after lust4life's, but I have always had a problem putting on weight.

I've always been a smaller guy. When I finished 8th grade, I was 4'9" and about 105lbs. soaking wet. SheGirl would've shit bigger than me at that point. That summer I grew like crazy, and entered high school at 5'5" and about 115lbs. I got taller from there, but didn't put on much weight. I couldn't. No matter how much I worked out, nothing stuck and I was always a twig. I asked my doctor why I had problems gaining weight and he basically told me that my metabolism acts in hyperdrive, that I could essentially eat whatever I want and work it off watching TV. It was also the reason why I was tired all of the time--all my energy was burned off so quickly.

Since I've gotten older, and college introduced me to the wonderful empty calories present in alcohol, I've been able to put on a decent amount of weight. Working out now produces results because there's actually some fat to convert into muscle, so I'm not a damn stick figure--or at least not as much of one, anyway. A lot of the time, though, I still feel like that small kid in the 9th grade, even though I'm about 5'10" and I bounce between 155 and 160. It was a big deal when I had to start buying pants with a 32 inch waist recently. I had been a 30 for about 7 years (and for a few of those years I had to wear a tightly-cinched belt because I was probably a 29).

In the past couple of years I've gotten better about it and tried really hard to have an "I don't give a shit" type attitude. I've given up trying to fight it and now I just try to stay in shape without worrying about gaining any weight. At some point, this metabolism is going to take a permanent vacation, so until then I guess I'll just enjoy riding it into the ground.

 

SGEDIT: All you did was quote The 'sack. Try again.

 

My hair and hairline.

I used to have a pretty low hairline but I've noticed that it's been regressing ever so slightly in the last couple of years. It's not the end of the world, I'm 6 months from 30 and I really haven't lost much hair, but still... I don't like it one bit. I've also discovered that skin that has never seen much sun before burns really quickly and the corners of my forehead get pink fast.

Also, I've been growing my hair out and styling it differently than I ever used to. I've gone from taking 30 seconds to do my hair to upwards of 15 minutes and using a few different products. Well, products sounds too fancy it's basically grease, grease that I have to get from the ethnic hair care section. Because it is a new style to me, I find myself checking on my hair a couple of times a day worrying that it has fallen out of place. Silly, I know.

Edit Oh and I could definitely stand to lose a little weight. I'm not fat but I wouldn't consider being seen shirtless unless I lost 10 or 15 lbs.

 

I also have to say my teeth. They are fairly straight and while they aren't super white, they aren't bad. The main problem is that the two teeth to the left and right of my front two teeth on the top are smaller than the rest, especially the one on the right which is really small (which apparently is called a "peg lateral" in the dental world). They are just small enough to make my canine teeth look extra big, and while its probably not bad I feel like they look fucked up. Because of this I have never really liked my own smile.

I also hate pictures of myself, partly because of the above stuff about my smile, but also it just seems like almost every picture I am in makes me look fat and akward.

 

I was a fat little fuck in junior high. In 6th grade, I was 5'8", 195 lbs and didn't wear it well. I took a lot of fat jokes that really fucked me over mentally until I started wrestling the next year. I trimmed down to about 165 and coupled with a nasty aggressive streak from years of fat jokes and pillsbury pokes I ended a lot of jokes quickly and harshly. I spent a lot of time conditioning and lifting for football, wrestling and baseball and put on some solid muscle. Before cutting for my senior year of wrestling, I was 5'9", 195 lbs and jacked. The ego boost from pulling girls and beating ass on and off the field/mat was huge and made me keep the aggressive streak and kept me hating even the slightest bit of pudge.

Now I'm 5'10" and around 215 lbs going into my junior year of college as a rugby player with muay thai and bjj on the side. I've still got a little bit of fluff weight from rugby season that I'm working off now, but if my bottom abs aren't showing through, I'm not happy. My rugby trainer has told me countless times to keep my body fat around 12% (I'm at probably 15% right now), but I'm not happy unless it's below 10%. Washboard abs will return this summer and they're there, just with a load in right now.

I still can't stand fat jokes aimed at me. I have no problem making fun of fat people, but if one gets directed my way, there's going to be a fight or some macho staring down. Not fucking funny asshole. Hypocrite? Yes. Do I care? No.

 

My size, except it makes no fucking sense since I'm 6,2 200lbs. I still look scrawny however and people usually think I'm about 170, I can't fucking explain it.

I'm also insecure about my nose, it makes me look like a middle eastern MR Bean.

 

My "war wounds". I have a very easy-to-see scar that runs through my left eyebrow nearly dividing it in half, and another one on my lower lip (I was jumped and thrown into a fire hydrant). I hate them, but nobody else ever really mentions them so whatevs.

 

I gain all of my weight in my stomach. No joke. I have chicken legs, no ass and tiny arms. No matter how much I exercise, I still have this poochy belly. I hate it. I've asked Mr. Pink countless times if I could just lipo out what I can't lose and he keeps saying no. Bastard.

 

The right side of my face is paralyzed due to my first tour in Iraq, so i cant smile (permanent Bells Palsy to explain it best), so that kind of sucks. Other than that my weight I used to be 6'2"205 now I’m 255, about a month ago i have started running 3-4x a week to remedy that.

 

Easy. My teeth. My mother's from the Appalachian mountains and currently has all of 8 teeth left in her mouth. I was blessed with a mouthful of teeth, and my father's genetics ensures they're quite strong and healthy, I just have waaay too many teeth in my mouth. I've had teeth removed to help with the crowding, but I still need braces.

We were never able to afford braces, so, it never happened. It probably won't happen until I have a permanent job.

 

I would say my height. Everyone is constantly reminded of their size, big or small. Just by looking at each other. At least that's the way a short guy looks at the world. I'm 5'8" and 185 lbs, so I've never had an issue with size, or girls for that matter, but I've never heard a girl compliment a dude for being short. My roommate in college was 6' a lot, and looked like Pau Gasol, but he still got laid all the time. I was always jealous when girls would just approach him and compliment his height like it was something he worked for and earned. Juxtaposed I looked a lot shorter and him even taller.

Some girls like dark hair and eyes, others like blonde hair and blue eyes, but the description of any girl's dream guy always starts "tall....." In response to that I've never dated a girl over 5'5" in consideration of the fact that girls like to wear heels, and my pride stops me from looking up at a woman. That cuts the field down quite a bit, but there's no real way around it.