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In My Time of Dying

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by katokoch, May 1, 2014.

  1. katokoch

    katokoch
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    Emotionally Jaded

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    Focus: Any special requests for your funeral?

    Alt-focus: How do you want to be remembered once you're gone?
     
  2. Chellie

    Chellie
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    Disturbed

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    In the last decade there have been companies popping up that can turn your corpse into compost and then use you to plant a memorial tree or whatever. I'm squicked out by the idea of bugs eating me so I'd rather not be buried, but I figure I should probably give these minerals and what not back to the universe, so if the bugs want to just crawl around and poop in me, that's ok.
     
  3. FreeCorps

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    #1 Internet Boo

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    Not a funeral, but bash.org had a pretty good idea for a suicide.
     
  4. Crown Royal

    Crown Royal
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    Just call me Topher

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    Necrophiliacs, I am your man.
     
  5. Angel_1756

    Angel_1756
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    “I’m going to die and I have to tell people what to do with my remains. I have an idea for something to do with my body or for other people to do with it, that will do good in the world. It doesn’t exist yet as an institution but I’m gonna create it, starting with my body. What it is, it’s a place where you can go and be with a dead body and you just do whatever you want. And the point of this is that there are people out there who have sexual compulsions and they can’t control them and so they go and they bother alive people. And with this you get it out of your system. This is the deal. You go in the room. There’s nobody else with you. You’ve got 90 minutes. You just do whatever you want, whatever it is. Shit in my mouth. Stick my toe in your pussy. Piss on my face. Whatever is the thing you gotta do. Jack off with the cartilage of my ear. Whatever is your heart’s desire. I want to be the Willy Wonka for perverts. You can come on my back and pretend that I’m your father. I am dead, I don’t mind.”
    Louis C.K.
     
  6. Crown Royal

    Crown Royal
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    Just call me Topher

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    I want my corpse to be jury-rigged with hydraulics in the coffin during my Eulogy my body pops out like Big Mouth Billy Bass and starts singing "I Won't Back Down".
     
  7. JWags

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    All y'all planning on actually dying are pussies and quitters, modern science in this bitch. Call me Methuselah
     
  8. tweetybird

    tweetybird
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    My grandma specifically requested a cocktail party instead of a funeral, and to be cremated and have her ashes spread in Lake Tahoe.

    In terms of the party, excellent call: there is something oddly comforting about being with people you love, reminiscing, and getting a little too drunk because of all the feelings.

    In terms of the ashes: if you are in the position of receiving a relative's ashes, specify what container you want it in (you will have to provide said container I believe). Otherwise, Grandma comes in a plastic bag. And when Grandpa tries to open it with his pocket knife, Grandma blows all over the back of the boat, and Cousin has to awkwardly try to sweep the bits of Grandma off the side into the lake. And then Bitch Wife of Uncle will reach into the bag and grab a big old handful of Grandma (who hated her guts) to spread in the lake and you all give her the evil eye and also wonder WTF you touch this stuff now do I have to do that? Wait, where was I? Anyway. Cremation. It's a good thing.

    I know I want to be an organ donor. Beyond that, no concrete plans.
     
  9. Bundy Bear

    Bundy Bear
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    What's the difference between an Australian wedding and an Australian funeral. One less drunk. Being of the Ginger variety I have no soul and can never die, I just move on at regular intervals and change my identity stealing other peoples souls and killing other Gingers much like Highlander.

    If everyone at my funeral doesn't get drunk I'm going to haunt them all.
     
  10. Gravy

    Gravy
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    I'm okay with the burning aspect of cremation. It's the crushing of the bones into powder that is discomforting.

    If I were rich though, I would arrange a Tibetan Sky Burial.

    I also want to have any of my inheritance doled out in the following way. Each person in the will shall be given a costume. They must appear in that costume at the funeral without telling anyone else to receive anything.

    I want some village people, a few harlem globetrotters, and a giant penguin to be there for sure. I don't think I will have enough cash to pay for anyone else to act a fool on my behalf.
     
  11. AlmostGaunt

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    Genius.
     
    #11 AlmostGaunt, May 3, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 27, 2015
  12. Flat_Rate

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    I am all for cremation, I'd want Walter handling the remains.

     
    #12 Flat_Rate, May 3, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 27, 2015
  13. lust4life

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    I am going to eulogize myself via DVD. There will be an full gospel choir, and upon exiting the service, there will be a procession lead by drummers and bagpipers in kilts to the bar where there will be a group of Irish banshees in the corner to do the crying while everyone else drinks. My urn will be placed on top of the bar with a sign saying, "No thanks, I've had enough."
     
  14. JWags

    JWags
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    Rich? Why so you could actually have it in Tibet? Otherwise, I'll happily give you an American Sky Burial on some hill here domestically for $1000
     
  15. Pow

    Pow
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    It seems like everyone wants to have a gigantic party when they die - but every funeral seems to be the same. Except apparently in Australia.

    On top of that - funeral homes are a huge scam. Ludicrous charges, fees, all in the name of guilt. My grandfather just died and had paid $2k/year for 10+ years to have his service covered when he died. Well, turns out 'the parent company changed and those policies weren't carried over, garbage garbage garbage we're soulless dickheads, etc' and my family still paid out $2k more.

    So I propose a new type of funeral home - the funeral bar. You tell them whatever ridiculous things you want for your funeral, they get it written in the will, and then there's an actual party at the swanky funeral home - open bars, pool tables, a dance floor with your reanimated corpse doing the YMCA dance, and a closet full of animal costumes.
     
  16. katokoch

    katokoch
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    Like I said in the drunk thread, I want to be cremated.

    Rather than have a stupid expensive funeral, I'd like people to celebrate me with some fishing and hunting trips to my favorite places in Minnesota. I want half of my remains dumped into the fishing hole in Lake Three where I caught my first big pike years ago:

    [​IMG]
    The other half is to be loaded up in various rifle bullets and shotshells so I can still go hunting for a long time after I'm gone and be further scattered across hunting land.

    This is already being done anyways: <a class="postlink" href="http://myholysmoke.com/About.html" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://myholysmoke.com/About.html</a>