Every time you talk about sex you remind of the SNL skit "Who's More Grizzled?" with Robert Duvall: "The day I set foot on that beach in Normandy, I never wished more that there was a god in heaven, and I was never more certain that they wasn't." "Damn. You ARE grizzled."
I lost my virginity to a girl who wasnt sure if the movie Independence Day really happened. We had sex on the cold concrete of a basement floor of her friends parents house, whom she lived with because her dad is in jail and her mom is a meth addict. She had and regularly used her Tamagotchi well into her 18th year. I can't imagine spending my life wih her.
I have no interest in putting myself out there since I know with 100% certainty that I will be rejected and be shot down in a most likely humiliating way, quite often to the amusement of others. My 30 years on this planet has taught me a few things, one of them being that human cruelty is boundless. Why would I be interested in something that will most likely end badly for myself and the woman? Two scenarios would happen here: 1) I'd get bored and she would leave or, more likely 2) she'd meet someone better and leave. My abrasive personality and extreme stubbornness would likely see to that and I also have no desire to change, since changing would likely make me less honest with myself. It wasn't difficult to convince myself I am not interested. EVERY thing that has happened in my life, including my experiences at home, has convinced me I am not mistaken about my own life here. It still doesn't change the fact that I have no interest in relationships or sex so I have no reason whatsoever to put myself out there for that. /derail
Marriage to the woman I lost my virginity to in college wouldn't be wildly different from my current life on the face of it. I would be married to an intelligent woman, in the same geographical area, at almost the same income level, with likely the same number of children. But the baggage. Not that my family is a cakewalk, but her family is pretty white trash, with issues surpassing even my own. We'd be neck deep in step-family bullshit, missing teeth, poor health, and visits from Youth and Family Services. I'd also be bored out of my mind. The sex wouldn't be any better than it currently is. She was extremely intelligent, but knew nothing about most current events - political, sports, or technology. As a result our conversations would be (and were) limited to school and our jobs, and her family, for the most part. We wouldn't laugh nearly as much as I do with my wife, who has a great sense of humor. And the health issues. Her entire family is in poor health and she is no exception. I feel sorry for her, but that's just one more con against her. I didn't need this thread to make me aware of this, but the day she broke my heart and left me turned out to be one of the best days of my life.
Sweet Jesus. There is just too much here. But I will say that your attempts to paint yourself as honest about yourself to a fault and exceptionally abnormal are just that, attempts. The first paragraph makes you sound socially lazy and incorrigible, the second like, regardless of a seemingly shitty lot in life, you spend far too much time feeling sorry for yourself and your situation, and there is an overall theme of being a walking talking self-fulfilling prophecy. Fuck I hope Arsenal wins the EPL cause you need something to curb your nihilism.
Yea, why try to do something good with life when its easier to just do nothing. Focus: I'm with the small group here where I don't think my life would be all that much different than it is now. Dated in high school and still keep in touch regularly. She's not a go to friend, but if something truly awful ever happens to me shes gonna be the first phone call.
To paraphrase Binary, at a certain point, it's probably easier to convince yourself that you're abjectly incapable and/or unworthy of affection than to put in the work of pursuing it.
I think 3 would be more viable. She gets tired of you not having a job. Does South Africa have socialized health care? Because you seriously need to get some therapy before you die without having accomplished anything ever. You know you are better than the life you live. Now go do something about it! Even if you are asexual, that doesn't mean there isn't something out there you can do to make your life better. Trust me, my life is defined by much more than my significant other.
This right here is a fair point. You talk about it like it would define you as a person if you did it. Don't get me wrong, sex is part of who we are (you included), but it very rarely defines us.
Focus: What would your life be like if you had to spend the rest of it married to the person you lost your virginity to? I'd have been married to a 5'1" fiery red head with enormous boobs for the past 23 years, who was a year older than me, awesomely crazy in bed, but fairly normal in every other way. She's done well for herself over the years, and we'd probably be financially well off, have around 3 or so kids, with the youngest one graduating from high school around this year. She was a good, sweet, fun girl, and we still chat once a year, or so. She's also the reason I have a terrible weakness for redheads. We broke up only because we were off to different colleges and had way more life to live before settling down. I could do way worse.
If facebook is to be trusted I'd be with a smoking hot lawyer with a degree from a top 14 school who has an awesome sense of humor, probably one of if not the best senses of humor of any female I've met in person. On paper I can't see any flaws with this, but love is a weird thing and we just aren't compatible.
I lost my virginity to a heavy set chick that was living in a local group home she was released to from juvenile hall for stabbing a state trooper, when she escaped from yet another group home. 'Liz', was the product of a long line of foster homes, sexual abuse, long stays n mental institutions, and damn near every illicit drug known to mankind. I stuck my dick in a severe case of crazy, but I was desperate to lose my virginity and figured it was my best shot at the time; (it wasn't but that's another story). I lost touch with her not long after losing my virginity, she turned 18 and the group home could no longer legally hold her. She popped up about nine months later living in a crack house; disappeared and then popped up again hitch hiking across Arizona. That was about three years ago, and though I never have spoke to her since she called me from Arizona I have looked her up on Facebook and she's locked into some weird cycle of miscarriages, homelessness, and a new soul-mate a week. So... If I had married her I'd either have shot myself years ago or be living in a box smoking a crack pipe. A little crazy can be fun in the sack, and 'Liz' crazy is best avoided at all costs.
Hmmmmm..... Then: Marginally popular baseball jock who had a gorgeous head of sandy blonde hair. Never was ambitious, but he always had enough Boone's Farm and weed for all the freshman and sophomore ladies. He always preferred to date ladies much younger than myself, though--as a senior, he dumped me (sophomore) for a girl who tested out of eighth grade and went straight to high school. And then he cheated on her constantly. Now: Marginally functional alcoholic and college dropout who smokes up at his job...mowing the grass at my old country club. Never went to college, but rumor has it that he still provides Boone's Farm for all the mostly-legal local teenage girls. Hasn't progressed past his glory days as an above-average baseball player, according to those who've been cornered by him on the golf course and forced to listen to him talk about the "unfairness" of his old coach. Still has a great head of hair, though. I'd be working full-time at some crappy job to support his questionable life choices while he cheated on me at every opportunity he could grab. I would be miserable and stuck in my stagnant hometown. I'd probably have to listen to him talk about his highschool baseball career whenever he decided to stay home and drink instead of getting hammered with 18 year olds. We would have gorgeous children, though. Even with the beer gut and pouches under his eyes, he's still a decent-looking dude. But if they took after him at all, I'd basically be an unpaid slave to all of their needs. Ugh, no thanks.
Oye, I hate this Focus. I try not to look at the girls FB. Serious daddy abandonment issues. Things were pretty good while we were together, but when I wasn't next to her to fill the void, she got someone else too. I have no idea, she was pretty cool. Can't tell what the fuck she's into or doing now, but I don't think it was a match made in heaven. It could have gone either way. Probably would have wanted to try other things in the long run though.
I would be living with my parents still sneaking around to have sex with a still hot woman who has a good job. I probably would have graduated in my first effort at college because she made me better. My folks would still like her more than me. Oh, and I could do random standing doggie for a quickie. I do miss dating a woman who is six feet tall. All in all I have made much worse relationship choices. Oh and I would be very confused as to whether I would refer to my step mom as my step mom or mother in law...maybe step mother in law.
Focus: I did marry her, so awesome, I guess. I ended up a de-facto stay-at-home dad married to a Pharmacist who makes more than enough money for us both, and we have one kid with plans on two. She is smart, funny, hot, and I pretty much hit the jackpot. I should note that even though she was my first, she was not my only (nor I hers). We broke up for a while in college and both went kinda nuts before getting back together, which is a very long story in and of itself.