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I'm stuck with Father O'Malley!?

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Gravy, Sep 3, 2012.

  1. Gravy

    Gravy
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    I'm stealing this from reddit because I think you folks can do a better job of bringing the funny.

    Focus: What would your life be like if you had to spend the rest of it married to the person you lost your virginity to?
     
  2. Trakiel

    Trakiel
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    Call me Caitlyn. Got any cake?

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    Let's see... The girl I lost my virginity to was the screwed-up older sister of a girl I liked in during my senior year of high school. I'm pretty sure she was a dropout, she lived in a filthy basement at her (friend's? ex-bf? pimp's?) place, and told me at one point (because I was too young and stupid to know not to ask) I was the 30th-something guy she fucked (she was 19 at the time). On the other hand she didn't show any crazy around me and even though we didn't explicitly talk about it we both understood it was a solely physical relationship, but I'm still gonna say I dodged a major bullet there.

    I really shudder to think what my life would be like if I had to spend the rest of it with her. I have this sneaking suspicion a trailer would be involved.
     
  3. Angel_1756

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    The Big Four-Oh

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    The sex would be amazing, but, from what I construe from Facebook creeping, I'd run a traveling karaoke company and drive a lowered Windstar with tinted windows.
     
  4. Flat_Rate

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    Rampant alcoholism and soul crushing depression, it would be horrible. Definitely brought out the worst in each other, although I hear she has been sober and back on her meds for some time.


    The Old Lady has never been with anyone other than me so I'd like to think she'd give a good response.
     
  5. Crown Royal

    Crown Royal
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    Just call me Topher

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    Best to my memory, I would be married to a camp counsellor that calls every guy "sexy" and likes to knee people in the nuts. She would also be five inches taller than me (score) and have bangs.
     
  6. CharlesJohnson

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    [​IMG]

    "Some say he just snapped one day..."
     
  7. Popped Cherries

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    Who gets 4 erect penises etched into their tombstone?
     
  8. Rush-O-Matic

    Rush-O-Matic
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    Focus: What would your life be like if you had to spend the rest of it married to the person you lost your virginity to?

    It would be:
    a. filled with the most wonderful, regular blowjobs
    b. short-lived, because I'd kill myself

    I was young, and didn't know the "don't stick your dick in crazy rule." She was a ballet dancer, continued it through college, but holy shit, was she insane. Still is, I guess. Loved to suck dick, though.
     
  9. Kubla Kahn

    Kubla Kahn
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    Honestly, I could not tell. All I can gather from facebook and the night we hooked up is that I'd probably be married to a lush who has to be goaded into giving a blowjob. Like Crown Royal my girl would have a good 5-6 inch height advantage on me. The last time a ran into her at the Liberty Bowl last year it looked like she may or may not have had a child (she had a seemingly post pregnancy gut on her but she has absolutely zero pictures on her facebook of a child). I saw her twice that weekend once when she was drunk and friendly once while she was sober and stand offish. Her friend had told my roommate a while back she had been upset I didn't tell her I was a virgin so I guess there could have been lingering trust issues?

    If blow jobs counted I'd be married to a super fucking cool indian girl whose twisted sense of humor perfectly matches mine.
     
  10. effinshenanigans

    effinshenanigans
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    If she remained the same person, then I'd be with a controlling, passive-aggressive, easily-angered, spoiled, entitled, J.A.P. who would've driven me to beat myself into a vegetative state with a tennis racket.

    I hear she's better now, but I have no first-hand experience. My last interaction with her was after we both had graduated college and came back to our hometown, and she brought up the idea of being fuck buddies since she had "gotten better."

    I declined.
     
  11. toddamus

    toddamus
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    My life would be awesome, we'd be married, have kids and puppies and everything would be amazing. She's such a wonderful person, I can't imagine a better fate.....wait, were you guys expecting to hear something else?
     
  12. lust4life

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    I'd be living in Wisconsin in a huge house on a lake, waiting for my father-in-law to retire (if he hasn't already) so I could take the reigns of his commercial construction and plumbing companies because his son has CP and I married his only daughter. We'd probably have 4-5 kids, she'd be a stay-at-home mom who's very active in the community and the kids' schools, and would set up FMF threesomes for us on a regular basis.

    Glad I dodged THAT bullet.
     
  13. JWags

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    Do tell more...


    FOCUS: I'd likely be living in Denver married to a soon to be doctor with rich in-laws. However, my mother in-law would be batshit crazy and hate me cause nobody is good enough for her daughter. Sex would be frequent but a bit vanilla.

    My ex is an awesome girl who I still talk to regularly who is starting med school at UCLA. She's even helping my sister who just started at UC-Boulder where she went and talks to my mom via email semi-frequently. However, her mother is fucking insane and her sister is a chip off the old block. Scratch that, we wouldn't be in Denver. We'd need to be far away from that bitch.
     
  14. audreymonroe

    audreymonroe
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    The most powerful cervix... in the world...

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    I've had two serious relationships. The second was ridiculously turbulent and emotionally tortuous, but years after we broke up he's still one of my best friends, I'm always really excited to see him, and we have great sex. The first - who I lost my virginity to - did some shitty things, but the main reason we broke up was because I drastically changed over the two years we were together while he remained exactly the same and we were no longer compatible. And yet, when I think about him, my reaction ping-pongs between being completely ambivalent to seething hatred and anger. I hate his worldview and his ideology and his priorities and his interests and his hobbies and his habits and his face. He stayed at my apartment for the night recently because he had an early flight and I stayed in my room the whole time because I couldn't be moved to even say a polite hello and had absolutely no interest in carrying on a conversation. He's two years older than me, but finally finished school two years after I did, and I'm pretty sure he's working a grocery store now. He would probably hold me back from attaining anything close to what I consider success or fulfillment, and we'd likely end up on some fucking commune where I'd get the stink eye and a lecture every time I ate meat or read a fashion magazine. It would be awful.
     
  15. lust4life

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    She was a nymphomaniac and me being the novice, I was very intimidated--so much so, I psyched myself out of the relationship. Had it lasted longer than it did, I have no doubt a threesome with one of her sorority sisters would have been in the cards, among many other things.
     
  16. caseykasem

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    Focus: We would be unhappily married pretending we didn't hate each other. She would demand that I cater to her every whim and desire while criticizing everything I did. I would avoid interaction with her and our cats because I hate cats and don't really care for her too much either. In order to do this, I would tell her I was going to the library or working on my comment for law review but I would really meet my friends at the bar, all the while envying their freedom and happiness.
     
  17. amjoyce

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    I can say, with all seriousness, that I would probably be better off financially than I am now. She was the one girl that actually pushed me to be a better person instead of trying to bring me down to her level. Oh, and she was one of the most logical and realistic females I have ever met.

    Other than that, I would just be bored all the fucking time. The sex was mediocre (even to an 18 year old kid), we never went out to do anything, and she had a family that hated me.

    Does anyone else always have a problem with your significant others family members? Their parents always hate me...
     
  18. silway

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    I probably get along better with my in-laws than with my blood relatives. I can't really think of a time when a girl's folks hated me. The whole concept seems kind of odd to me, even though it's a pop-culture staple.

    More on focus: It's hard to say, really, since we've long since lost touch. She was married so clearly something would have had to change thereabouts. I think I'd probably be less successful and somewhat more dysfunctional, but having tons of awesome sex all the time with her, her and other women together, and other women since she was bi, kinky, and permissive. Ultimately though, I don't think i'd be terribly happy. We got along perfectly fine, but it wasn't a romantic relationship really.
     
  19. villagebicycle

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    I'd be married to a lesbian.
     
  20. toddamus

    toddamus
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    So it'd be just like a regular marriage, endless hours of staring at each other without screwing.