On Saturday I was lounging around in bed watching DVRed episodes of History Detectives, when I heard the distinct sound of someone turning my doorknob. This was a shocker since I live alone and wasn't expecting anybody. Luckily my door was locked; I don't always lock it when I'm at home. I threw on some pants (because who wears pants when watching History Detectives anyway) and snuck over to the door to see what was up. Nobody was there, but some jagoff had left a card for tree-trimming or something like that. Now, whether he was actually turning my doorknob or not, I can't say, but it left me a little nervous. Later, I was reading a different forum when someone said that they had left their door unlocked and gotten all their stuff stolen, and other apartment-dwellers chimed in to say that people try apartment doors all the time. I am not sure what would have happened if I were actually home, but now I'm quite a bit more wary of Jose's Tree Service. I don't even have any goddamn trees, it's an apartment. FOCUS: Have you ever gotten any shit stolen? What was it? Did you make it easier on the thief accidentally (e.g., did you leave the door unlocked)? Did you plot revenge on the thief, find him pawning your stuff on Craigslist, and then channel Nettdata and punch him with OVER 9000 PSI of power? ALT FOCUS: Have you ever stolen shit? Tell us what paltry things you have taken that were worth an eternity of torture and agony in hell.