This is the tough thing, who do you trust for investment advice? Personally I wouldn't trust an accountant into providing me with a solid investment strategy for such a large sum. Financial Advisors are in the large part rip off merchants looking for kickbacks and well Wealth Advisors from Investment Banks haven't exactly fared to well recently. I would probably opt for a combination of all three to provide advice and then myself to QB it. I mean this in all seriousness. Go and see a Shrink right now. Being so utterly obsessed with someone who insulted you on the internet isn't healthy, hell it isn't even funny to others. It is something that requires medical attention.
I personally find it rather hilarious. All told though, $17 million isn't THAT much money in this day and age, so assuming you found a reputable accountant, you should be ok so long as you're up front about not wanting to make risky investments. The growth on your principle probably won't be stellar, but it would be solid and something you could count on for a long time.
First thing I'd do is pay off all debt. Then, I'd give both parents whatever they needed to live in whatever level of comfort they wanted for the rest of their lives. I'd invest the rest sensibly, and then I'd proceed to never do another productive thing again. People say things like, "Oh, once the novelty wore off, you'd have to find something to occupy your time." This may be true, but I just came off over two years of self-imposed unemployment and I can easily say that I'd have no problem filling the days, and I'd enjoy every minute of doing "nothing" for the next forty years.
I wasn't clear that was my fault. What I meant by trust is I wouldn't trust them to get the growth I would be after. I would rely heavily on the accountant for tax minimisation but in terms of investment vehicles your average accountant isn't going to be able to offer anything you couldn't find yourself with a little bit of research.
You people are no fun at all. First things first, I gather up the three friends and three family members I actually care about and we fly in the largest private jet(like Austin powers had) I can find to Vegas. We have three days and a goal of spending half of the money. Then we take the Jet to some third world shit hole where I build a huge mansion on a hill to live in for the rest of my life. I may buy a sweat shop there too. Then I figure it should take about $73 per year American to live like a King until I die. For the rest of my life I would not lift a fucking finger. I would never work, cook, or clean. Not a red cent goes to charity. If anything I may use it to make the poor poorer.
Oh, I forgot to add... I would use a large chunk of the money to develop some kind of software/hardware that allowed Chater and Nettdata to administer non-fatal electrical shocks through the keyboards of people who fight about silly shit on the non-Random Drunk Threads. That would be sweet.
Not joking. The very first thing I would do is call the dealer in Chicago and get the order process rolling. Then I'd buy a big ass plot of land, right here in Evansville. Build a nice home and a brewery. Then I'd hire the brewmasters away from Bell's and 3 Floyds. But no I wouldn't sell this beer, its all for me and my guests.
I'd get a car for every season, move out of my parents basement [hey stop looking at me that way], and use the buzzword term of 'have my money work for me' I'm really easy to please. I like driving and boobs. The former I can do more easily with money and free time, the latter I quite like my girlfriend already, but if that relationship ends I like my odds as a fat nerd with an eight digit bank balance rather than simply a fat nerd.
There are a couple things that come to mind. First, trust funds for the boys. Buy an old ranch, 500 acres or so, and start breeding and breaking horses again. Invest some, save the rest. I like South America for this, although I'd likely miss home. I could do this in Columbia. That way I could supplement my income by keeping Ballsack in snow.. Or I'd just travel. I'm not too extravagant, so I could make that money last.
I daydream about random shit like this all the time. The first thing I'd do is pay off the debt that I have. Secondly, I'd take my best friend and my dad to England for a few Premiership games, including a Merseyside derby. Third, I'd pay for my mom and dad to take a nice vacation down to Antigua for a month or so. Fourth, I'd take my girlfriend and my best friend and his missus out to Vegas for a week or so. After that, I'd take the money I had leftover and buy a couple bars in my hometown, and start working on monopolizing the bar scene, so I could keep making money for the rest of my life. I'd also put one of my good friends who I trust with my life in charge of running them, so I don't burn out my liver by the time I'm 40.
My father actually very recently came into approximately $17 million through a deal in Sugar Commodities. While a lot of it was his skill in the business, the randomness of the market was a huge player, so he can't take credit for it all. He really hasn't changed that much. He bought himself a 2009 Porsche GT3, but besides that we've been living the same. We live in the same house and he wears the same clothes and such. He grew up very poor so I don't think he feels the need to live extravagantly. I'd like to say I'd do the same....but I'm young, who knows what the fuck I'd spend it on.
I'd purchase the most expensive alarm clock I could find, get naked, crank up The Final Countdown as loud as possible, exit my home, doust said alarm clock with gasoline, set that shit ablaze, and girate my body as to have my penis violently slap against my bellybutton.
I would figure out a way to set aside money in a fashion that it earns interest/returns money and I absolutely could not touch the original amount. This would be the money I would live on after I fucked up the rest of it. I would do the same as above with a smaller amount for children. I'd give my parents enough money to pay off their debt and retire comfortably. I'd buy a modest house in the mountains and a house on the beach. The beach house would be somewhere in Central America, probably Costa Rica. The mountain house could be anywhere there are big trout. I'd probably buy a few thousand acres of farm in Arkansas, Missouri, or Missippi. I would lease the farmland and retain all hunting rights. My very first purchase would be a Polaris 6x6. The girlfriend wants one in the worst way and my only objection to her having one is I don't know if I'd ever see her again. She'd just spend all of her time running shit over. I would also buy a badass boat motor to replace the one some bastard stole from me.
Well let's see here. Buy three or four new guitars, 2 or 3 amps, some mics, probably a drum set. Probably around $25,000. And then pay off my student loans which at this point are still accumulating. ~$60,000 after I graduate. Take some money to have some fun in the stock market, then hire an accountant to do good with the rest. I don't need much.
I'd set aside a mil for paying for my future childrens' college funds and other overpriced stuff. Then comes buying my own house outright, as well as a middle-of-the-road car, maybe a motorcycle too. Yeah, mine's perfectly average, but what the hell, I'm barely an adult. I don't know what I want to do with myself just yet...
I always considered my "lottery plan" a little fucked up until I read stories like that. Anyways here it is. Step one, tell NO ONE. Not family, not friends, not anyone other than the lawyers I hire. Step two, contact a law firm and register a company with a very bland meaningless name, Acme Associates for example. Step three, have the law firm accept the check on behalf of Acme Associates. Step four, buy a piece of property that's very inaccessible under a shell corporation name. Have my new house constructed there. Then I'd open a business or two. Nothing too flashy but enough that I could start spending some of my money under the guise of making it in the business. I like the region I live in and don't want to be forced to move or act differently or be hit up for money by every asshole I've ever had a beer with. Over the course of the next few years I'd do nice things for my family and close friends. Take away the bigger burdens in their lives like their kids college tuition and mortgages. $16.9M is a lot of money but it could be burned up quick. It's also an amount I think I could hide fairly easily without anyone becoming the wiser.
It really does not pay off to speed read through posts -- I was thinking, well, gee, children don't even hate alarm clocks yet.
Fuck it, I'm old and don't really give a shit anymore. I'd buy a tropical island somewhere, bulldoze all the flora and fauna, build a race track and buy 20 F1 cars for me and my buddies to run laps around the island. When the tree huggers complain that I am ruining the natural order of things, I would gently explain to them that I do care about the environment and that if any of the drivers hits a monkey they lose a lap. And then I would open fire with cannons on their potuli wearing, dreadlock sporting, unwashed monkey loving asses.
I'd hire a PI to track you all down, once I had those details I would hold you all to green rep ransom, if I didn't get at least 100 a week one of you fucks would suddenly just drop offline. I'm sure after 20 or 30 of you "disappeared" the green would flow like the mighty Amazon river. Oh yes it would. Failing that you would all be executed. So it’s a win win. I'd also buy me a Real Doll and a new George Forman grill.