Adult Content Warning

This community may contain adult content that is not suitable for minors. By closing this dialog box or continuing to navigate this site, you certify that you are 18 years of age and consent to view adult content.

I'll Just Hug My Beer, Thank You

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by toytoy88, Apr 7, 2015.

  1. toytoy88

    toytoy88
    Expand Collapse
    Alone in the dark, drooling on himself

    Reputation:
    1,264
    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2009
    Messages:
    8,763
    Location:
    The fucking desert. I hate the fucking desert.
    I grew up in a very uptight family. Physical displays of affection were verboten,

    You didn't even hug anyone, ever.

    When I was about 19 or so my best friend was from a very physically demonstrative family and they taught me that normal folks would hug the people they cared about. This was completely foreign to me. It had never even entered my mind that I could, should, or even think about hugging anyone.

    To give you an idea of how ingrained this whole non affection thing was ingrained in my family, a couple years ago I made my 80 year old mother dinner for Thanksgiving and she put out her arms, half way and unsure what to do next. I grabbed her and gave her a hug. She just went limp. She didn't know how to hug a person, even her own child.

    I find that incredibly sad, for both of us.

    Focus: Are you from a physically demonstrative family? Or a family that shuns any physical contact?
     
  2. lostalldoubt86

    lostalldoubt86
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    20
    Joined:
    May 23, 2010
    Messages:
    1,031
    Location:
    Earth, The Universe
    My immediate family is not particularly physical. My aunts and uncles on my father's side hug and kiss when saying hello or goodbye, but my parents and siblings not so much. My parents kissed me goodnight when I was a kid, but that stopped happening so much as I got older. It became more prevalent when I went away to college, but ended again when I moved back home.
     
  3. CanisDirus

    CanisDirus
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    143
    Joined:
    Aug 7, 2014
    Messages:
    1,104
    Location:
    Coeur d' Alene, Idaho
    Me and my brothers will do the typical back-pounding hugs, and my mom will hug. I don't think my dad does much more than on occasion patting a shoulder. Outside the immediate family and into the extended family, it's usually just hugs with females and the back-pound hug with males.
     
  4. bewildered

    bewildered
    Expand Collapse
    Deeply satisfied pooper

    Reputation:
    1,222
    Joined:
    Oct 26, 2009
    Messages:
    10,970
    Focus: We were very much not a lovey family. My parents did not hug me, kiss me, or generally show me much affection. The only time I remember my mother telling me that she loved me was when I was in middle school and a dear relative died. Even then, she phrased it, "You know I love you."

    Somehow, I did not turn into a stripper or a drug addict. I guess there's still time, though.
     
  5. Rush-O-Matic

    Rush-O-Matic
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    1,309
    Joined:
    Nov 11, 2009
    Messages:
    12,136
    Fingers crossed!

    I don't remember much lovey-dovey contact as a child, so I'm assuming no. Wait, does getting spanked with a fly swatter count as physically demonstrative? We're more of a side hug crowd. My mom will say "love you" on the phone, but usually after she's given me some kind of advice on what I'm doing wrong.
     
  6. Juice

    Juice
    Expand Collapse
    Moderately Gender Fluid

    Reputation:
    1,389
    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2009
    Messages:
    13,425
    Location:
    Boston
    My grandma kisses me. On the lips. Full tongue. Then I throw her on the floor and fuck the b'jesus out of her until her hips break like a wishbone.

    The Italian side does the cheek kisses, but I always just hugged my parents, still do. Any time I see them after a while or if Im leaving their house again.

    FutureWife's dad's side is comprised of all Italian immigrants, very few first generation Americans among them. They are big into the cheek kissing with. The dudes too.
     
  7. Kubla Kahn

    Kubla Kahn
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    711
    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2009
    Messages:
    11,296
    Yeah the cheek kissing thing can be very jarring when you first encounter it and didn't grow up in a physically affectionate house. One of my brother's friends in Shanghai was Italian and would do the cheek kiss thing. It blew my mind that the guy did it when saying goodbye the first time I met the dude.

    We didn't hug or kiss very much growing up. We sure as hell didn't share are feelings. Not that it was looked down upon or anything we were just was awkward in that introverted sort of way. It wasn't until college that I started saying I love you as a goodbye to my mom when talking to her on the phone. One of my coworkers heard me talking to my mom one day and chided me that she'd never hang up the phone with out stating that emphatically. I was embarrassed enough to actively to say it more.

    It's odd that my dad's side of the family is almost completely walled off in this manner, my aunt and uncle on this side were very introverted. My aunt has only opened up since she married her last husband who is insanely out going. My uncle has to be severely autistic but just has never been diagnosed he can barely look at people when he's talking and was lucky enough to marry another odd ball who supports him. My mom's side is the complete opposite very affectionate and outgoing. My mom and her four sisters are always on the phone talking, sharing feelings, etc. Quite the dichotomy.
     
  8. JWags

    JWags
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    153
    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2009
    Messages:
    3,210
    Location:
    Chicago
    My family is pretty affectionate. My parents and my sisters all hug regularly. My dad's side of the family is a bit stiffer but is all about cheek kisses and Seinfeld hugs. My grandpa has kissed me on the cheek whenever I say goodbye to him my entire life. My mom's side is a bit less so, but thats due to the abnormal nature and small size of her extended family.

    I hug most of my guy friends. Not longer lingering hugs but quick embraces. People who are adverse or not used to affection kind of puzzle me. I had an ex who just was not a touchy feely person at all. Apparently in her household, it just wasn't common. She would get mildly weirded out if I tried to make extended token physical contact if we were hanging out one on one. Kind of strange since she was Italian
     
  9. Currer Bell

    Currer Bell
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    171
    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2009
    Messages:
    1,673
    In my family, hugs would happen when you haven't seen someone in a long time. The only relatives I remember doing the kiss on the cheek was my grandmother because she was awesome, and an adult cousin that always said "Give me some sugar!" and somehow not in a pervy way.

    Similar to toytoy, in college I became friends with a girl who was very huggy. Like, uncomfortably long hugs that you put up with because she was wonderful and she would only give these hugs to people she thought was wonderful.
     
  10. katokoch

    katokoch
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    477
    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2009
    Messages:
    4,631
    Location:
    Minneapolis
    My family is more affectionate but mostly coming from my mom and sisters. My mom is always big on hugs and one of my sisters can be touchy feely to the point of it being annoying and creepy (and still manages to get pissed off when I twist her wrists to get her off me after I ask her to stop). I just do a hand shake and back pat with my dad and brother. In general my sisters are super close with each other (identical twins) and my brother and I still keep some distance.
     
  11. audreymonroe

    audreymonroe
    Expand Collapse
    The most powerful cervix... in the world...

    Reputation:
    546
    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2009
    Messages:
    2,859
    Location:
    Brooklyn, NY
    My dad and I hug hello and goodbye. I'm a little weird about physical affection. For the most part, I don't like when people are touchy-feely with me, even close friends. A hug is good sometimes, but there are those people who are super into platonic cuddles or are just always. touching. you. and I'm not into that. But, when it comes to romantic entanglements, there will be this sudden snap where it. is. ON and I'll switch from "please don't touch me unless really necessary" to "why are we within a few feet of one another and not touching what is this come snug me!" And then there's nothing that I love more than a good snug and I feel really sad without them. Sometimes it happens right away, sometimes it takes months. I can never really predict it.
     
  12. voltronman

    voltronman
    Expand Collapse
    Average Idiot

    Reputation:
    23
    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2009
    Messages:
    86
    Location:
    Spokane, WA
    I am Greek and Italian. Physical affection is not weird in the slightest. Everyone hugs, and both sides of my family do the kiss on the cheek thing.
     
  13. Luke 217

    Luke 217
    Expand Collapse
    Disturbed

    Reputation:
    4
    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2009
    Messages:
    393
    Location:
    Provo. Spain?
    I once stole my fathers car for the weekend. He was away on a fishing trip, and my mother worked nights. I ended up picking up a buddy and a couple of chicks, grabbed a couple cases of beer, got drunk and did figure eights in the lawn around trees in front of my High School.
    Of course I got caught. But how? Was it the mileage? Did I leave beer cans in the back seat? Jizz stains on the interior? Turns out a combination of everything....... AND, the fact that my father had been taping all incoming and outgoing phone calls from the house. This was 1989. He had a recorder hidden in the basement crawlspace, and caught me talking to my buddy telling him to shut his mouth about the donuts in front of the school.

    So when the old man confronted me about it, we both got angry, I took a swing...... And that's the last thing I remember from that day. Knocked the fuck out.
    We're not super close, but we've hugged since then.

    About a couple months after that my teenage brain got to thinking about how he knew so much about that night's events, so I went snooping and found the tape recorder. And his multiple drop guns. With numbers filed off and double sided tape on the handles.
    I'm not saying the old man is going to die in a hail of bullets, but it wouldn't surprise me. I should give him a call.
     
  14. ghettoastronaut

    ghettoastronaut
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    70
    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2009
    Messages:
    4,917
    It's kind of a weird mix. My own family was extremely hands off and unemotional in every way. It started with my parents - I don't think I've ever seen them so much as hold hands, let along hug or kiss or demonstrate affection of any sort. My mother likes to hug me when/if she sees me now. My dad kind of started doing that as well after I'd moved out, but he and I are no longer on speaking terms, so there's that. I am not what you would call "close" with my siblings, in that the only communication we have had over the last several years was an e-mail my brother sent to me asking for my home address because he needed it for a background check. Hugs don't happen between us, and I don't think I've seen my sister since 2012 or 2013, and even if I had seen her, I sincerely doubt there would be any hugging.

    My dad's side of the family is Italian so various members of them do the kiss on the cheek. I mostly feel weird about doing it but do it anyways whenever I am among Europeans and it is the normal thing to do.
     
  15. TX.

    TX.
    Expand Collapse
    The Mad Pooper

    Reputation:
    421
    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2009
    Messages:
    2,724
    Location:
    With Waylon, Willie and the boys
    My family does the side hug. Occasionally my parents will kiss me on the cheek, but it's rare.

    My dad's family was extemely cold. Like, so cold I don't think my grandma ever hugged or kissed us. Or told us she loved us. I know she did, but she certainly didn't believe in physical affection. Her way of showing love was teaching me how to play the piano (she played by ear) or teaching me about prime numbers (she was a math teacher). It might've been because she was from upstate NY and we saw her once a year for a week. I always felt like a stranger in her house. Like I barely knew her.

    My MIL is very touchy feely, and it grates on my nerves. Every time I see her there's going to be some wet kisses and hand holding. I'm not ok with it. Apparently pulling away and not reciprocating isn't enough of a social cue.
     
  16. CharlesJohnson

    CharlesJohnson
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    401
    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2009
    Messages:
    3,974
    I recently met someone like this. She's fuckin' loopy, major hippie. Instead of saying bye like a normal person she rubs circles on your back, lingering in the hug until it is uncomfortable. My buddy used to snog her and says he has seen her and her twin sister showering together to, "Save time." I told him he was full of shit, but he swears it up and down, they did it regularly and slept in the same bed, often. Considering her boundary issues, I might believe it. That's fucking weird. People don't do this. Even twins. I don't necessarily have a good gauge of what people do or what might be considered proper, but people don't do that. I'm not saying everyone like this has been molested, I'm just saying everyone I know who does this has been molested.

    Focus: I do the perfunctory fast hug with my cousins. Acquaintances get a handshake, and friends get picked off their feet and mouth kissed like that scene in The Notebook. But not for too long, because that would be weird.
     
  17. Parker

    Parker
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    90
    Joined:
    Jan 18, 2010
    Messages:
    5,831
    Location:
    Chicago, IL
    Family and friends get hugs. Bros get the modified shake-hug combo. Full on bro hugs happen usually when there is drunkness or joking commentary leading up to it being an awkward hug. Me and the lady have a strict affection policy that we can be as disgusting as we want in private, but when around friends we tone that shit down.

    My mom was always pretty affectionate in terms of hands on touching. She also handed out most of the spankings so I think she might have been overcompensating, whatever. My dad always did the hand on the shoulder or pat on the back. I also think he just liked to lean on me when I was shorter than him. I thankfully don't have any memories of kissing my parents so I'm guessing it stopped before 5 or 6. I don't remember "I love yous" when I was younger, but they kicked up when I moved out between my mom and I.
     
  18. Kubla Kahn

    Kubla Kahn
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    711
    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2009
    Messages:
    11,296
    One of my buddies dated a girl with a twin brother and said weird shit like that always went on. Always hugging and touching each other. He said the weirdest thing was when she had some sort of breakdown in the shower, I forget why, but she began sobbing. Her brother came in and got her out of the shower without wrapping her in a towel and held her in his arms in the doorway. She cried naked while her brother hugged and consoled her. Odd sight my fiend said.
     
  19. dewercs

    dewercs
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    170
    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2009
    Messages:
    1,262
    Location:
    phoenix, arizona
    My parents were not huggers, they only did the Christian side hug thing so as to not have contact that could lead to sex. I have evolved quite a bit and I hug everyone that I am glad to see, my dad tried to shake my hand on my birthday and I left him hanging and hugged him instead.
    I especially like hugging a girl I bartend with because she likes to rub her huge tits on me everytime.
     
  20. iczorro

    iczorro
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    107
    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2009
    Messages:
    3,541
    Location:
    The Island
    So it's not just my mom. She's super christian, but like, the way they're supposed to be (you know, the loving and accepting kind, not the judgemental fox news abortion clinic bomb kind). She won't hug me straight on, only the weird shoulder first, body at an angle, side hug. I guess it's too uncomfortable for her that her breasts might touch her son?