I was gonna go with Kristen Bell Spoiler or Hayden Panettiere Spoiler because I've had a thing for petite blondes lately. But my real type is petite athletic brunettes. So Mila Kunis, please. Spoiler
Today, Kate Upton. I guess. Not really set on it, though. All time, Lindsay Lohan (Mean Girls era). Natalie Portman, Agent Scully, Anne Hathaway, Monica Bellucci in that fish dress from the Matrix Reloaded, and Liz Taylor all deserve shoutouts though. I'm a face guy, I guess. Before my time, but fuck. This entire movie. Why won't you sleep with her, Paul? What are ya, gay? I really don't understand her appeal at all. "But she's so indie and quirky and ironic!" Uh huh. She also looks like an 8 year old sick boy. Those dead eyes, man...
Apparently, my unconscious self has a completely different opinion on this topic. Last night I had an erotic dream guest starring...Kristen Wiig. Pages upon pages of fuckable celebrities in this thread, and the recesses of my brain picks someone mentioned in the gender bias thread. I need to find a Freudian over in the dept. of psychology to tell me what this means. At least it wasn't Roseanne or Paula Poundstone.
Marisa Tomei now, 10, 20 or 30 years ago. She drives me crazy. If you've seen her movies over the last 5 or 6 years, you know that her body still looks incredible. MT now: And look at this picture from high school. She is so goddamned cute it's insane:
Fine. Now she's just a dark-haired Christina Hendricks. ARE YOU HAPPY WORLD? HERE IS YOUR PERFECT WOMAN!
I think either consideration is a waste of an amazing opportunity. It's any woman, alive or dead. Sure, nailing some really gorgeous momentarily hot pop icon will score you some points with your friends for a week, but that's about it. "Hey bros, remember when I fucked Christina Hendricks?" "Oh, that chick from Mad Money? Yeah, I remember her. Too bad her career tanked after the show was cancelled." "Wait, didn't she have that other show?" "CSI Camden?" Famous isn't going big enough, gotta go legendary (like the people who said Helen of Troy or Cleopatra). For me, I'm fucking Joan of Arc.
You know what, you're absolutely right. Im changing my time travel option to Susan B Anthony. You know why.
I'm not an overly complicated man, but deep down there is a part of me that holds a deep loathing for myself. It's a part of me that keeps me drinking, a part of me that wants to bathe in misery. And when I read this thread, this vicious, rotten piece of my soul throws one name at me: Spoiler Susan Boyle I'm not sure what it is, but maybe it's because she kind of looks down syndrome with the down syndromey-ness to it; a face that screams "I'M GONNA WRECK YOU!" Or at least just screams and tears me to pieces with orangutan strength. Failing that, I'm gonna have to agree with whoever said Scarlett Johansson before (fuck scrolling back and reading his name). I find that all my troubles just melt when I see this picture. All my problems just floating away, like the steam from instant noodles. I am %100 sure that this picture is in the Pulp Fiction briefcase: Spoiler So yeah, I'd definitely make the sex on her with my rude bits. And by the time I'm done, the instant noodles will be ready, which is a bonus because I'd be hungry. The NSFW stuff because you're lazy: NSFW NSFW
If you are going with historical women of note, why not add some brown sugar to it? Harriet Tubmen You know there is some good pussy under that dress:
So while completely happy with my original choice, I spent my homeless weekend at my buddy's place he shares with his gf, and this cover stared at me from the coffee table all weekend. Always been one of my favorites and I feel absolutely shameful I neglected her. I've seen enough non-photoshopped magazine cover candid pictures of her to know that she has some pact with the devil to look like she does at nearly 40 and with children.