Seems like more females are needed to post on this thread so I am willing to give it a shot. Me: 5'5". 125lbs. Brunette. Extremely athletic, but I hate walking for any major length of time. I have an attitude the size of Alaska, and a mouth like a sailor. I hate people, (especially women), but my job revolves nothing but people. I'm college educated and working on my second degree. I'm obsessed with arguing, politics, my horses, fishing, hunting, drinking, and dark chocolate. I'm a perfectionist, and I get extremely upset with myself if I fail at anything. I am extremely insecure, but I hide it really well. I act really tough, but I am really not. Sometimes I am too loyal and care too much. I find it impossible to trust anyone. I hate children and shopping. I will never get married.I can out drive and out shoot you. Go ahead, challenge me. You: Need to be tall and not fat. If you don't know how to ride a horse stay the fuck away from me. If you like to hike go throw yourself off a cliff. You must have an awesome sense of humor, be sarcastic, be able to handle your liquor, have a job, your own mode of transportation, and not live in your mommy's basement. You must be able to speak english like a normal human being, not like a schmuck. Respectful is a must. If you are afraid to get your hands dirty then keep on walking. If you try to compare me to any of your ex- girlfriends then clearly you need to seek else where. I am a spoiled brat in bed, and you better be able to make me happy. If you are interested in slow, "romantic," sex I am not the girl for you. If your main topic of conversation is football apply else where. Not many can handle me.
The best part of this thread is the complete delusion and utter lack of self-awareness. I'm picturing half of you handing over your balls, completely pussy-whipped, to the first girl who dates you for three consecutive weeks. So many badasses and hard-nosed bitches I can't keep y'all straight. Anyway, Focus: Me: Highly driven perfectionist who holds herself and others to impossibly high standards. Not looking for Mr. Right, as I don't want kids and I'm not looking to settle down for a while; simply looking for Mr. Can Hold a Somewhat Thoughtful, Deep Conversation and Doesn't Irritate the Hell Out of Me. Warning: I will compare you to an ex-boyfriend who I carry a torch for. You will not measure up, and I will lose interest within 4-8 weeks of courtship after giving you a "chance". Then, I will dump your ass and move on to the next poor schmuck. Also, I have plenty of issues thanks to being a product of an emotionally weak trophy-wife and a workaholic father who I rarely saw growing up. My mom will flirt with you; my dad will take you for a ride in his sports car. This doesn't mean they like or approve of you. Mind games, guys. You: Cute, athletic yet dorky, and, thanks to my relationship with my dad during formative years, either a) emotionally immature, b) living at least 1,000 miles away, c) in a relationship. I know how to pick 'em.
Me: 21 years old, 6'1; half black-half Filipino athletic build, 190 pounds. Fluent in German and French; soon to begin learning Italian. Soon to be a graduate from a respectable private University in Northern California. Entitlement issues. Arrogant, over-confident fueled by the fact that I usually get my way and have extremely good karma. I currently work for one of the biggest companies in the world, although, I'm at the bottom of the shit totem pole. I'm a part time DJ who refuses to listen to anything Lady Gaga or post 2001 hip-hop related. I spend my weekends getting excessively drunk off of either 1 of 3 types of alcohol - Belvedere, Jack, or Gin - and making a complete ass of myself (although, I'm told it's entertaining, non-offensive, and fun. Fucking liars). Not sure of whether I should continue working in the tech industry or if I should try my hand at acting. Why? Because I love film and secretly think I can act better than 80% of actors my age - Yes. I'm that kind of asshole. Loves to travel. You: Not fat. Can put up with my sense of humor. Movie goer. Likes music. Isn't obsessed with Lady Gaga (and by that, I mean have dreams about her like some girls I know). Wants to travel. Can live with the fact that I suck at gifts. Isn't Vegan/Republican/Hipster. Intelligent.
I'm married so I'm just gonna go off if I was single/the way I was before I met my wife... Me: career-focused emotional trainwreck seeks female out of his league. I have three loves in life: my dog, my job, and beer. I have a will be able to financially support us and won't make excess expenditures because I'm a tightass. Exceptions include fishing equipment, hunting equipment, outdoor toys and alcohol. Notice that all of these are things I enjoy, and probably things you don't enjoy. I don't care; it's my money, bitch. I'm tall and skinny and because of the time I devote to my job I don't have the time or care to work out. I have medical issues out the asshole, and because of this I am narcissistic, ocasionally depressed, have ptsd and a terrible temper. When I get mad, I shoot inanimate objects like trees with firearms. Deal.I have above average intelligence, an immoral sense of humor, and that filter that is supposed to stop people from saying/doing inappropriate things? I don't have one. Doesn't cross my mind. I get paid basically to write for a living, and I am constantly afraid that I am going to die. I want a wife and kids eventually, I hate dating, and if you aren't insanely fuckable I'm not going to waste my time. You: emotional trainwreck/charity case. You need to be tan, skinny, and have both a perfect ass and boobs because I go through "phases" where I devote all of my attention to either one or the other. You need to be close to your family but like mine more. You need to be able to put up with my shit, and laugh at my stupid jokes because I still think they're funny. You need to be smart, but dumber than me. I don't like competition. You clean, I cook. You also must have dependency issues with me, because I think that's hot. I will make you live in a constant state of fear, because it'll be known from the beginning that if you fuck up once, we're done. Also, you shouldn't like to drink, because I do, and two drunks can't drive. I don't know how my wife stands me.
Me: Narcissistic rage sums me up nicely. I am a tall, dark, and handsome Naval Officer who is very successful and likely out of your league. I hold 2 masters degrees, am likely on my way to Admiral, and have some serious "fuck you" money put away. I'm only posting this because I'm an emotionally crippled man who has a hard time relating to anyone who doesn't wear a uniform. And beyond this ad I will initiate no contact with any of you, as it is your responsibility to convince me you're worth my time. You: Brunette/Green, petite, & highly educated. No exceptions. And if your name happens to be Lynn D., you're in. If not, you'll NEVER measure up to her. Make peace with that. If you are a Princess-type that needs to be spoiled because you think you're oh-so-hot and totally worth it (like me!), be advised I'll only hate-fuck you and send the video to your significant other. I thought I was a decent and kind man until I wrote that. Its obviously wildly exaggerated for effect, but damn, it is time to re-evaluate my life. Thanks, TiB!
"Fake guy seeking woman" Me: I'm a 6'3, 190 pounds, boyish good looks, and shallow. Everyone says that I remind them of their little brother if they are mature, or their father if they are not. My hobbies include: sports of any kind, researching interesting topics that I will bring up in conversation, wishing that I hadn't broken up with ex girlfriends, and stupid part time jobs where I have to do nothing. Living with my parents now, and I plan on living off them until I can get into medical school, which they will also be paying for. To some I will seem like a genuinely nice guy, but to most I am an asshole who doesn't really care what your perception of me is. My self image is totally fucked due to a life of sports, I consider myself fat if I can't see a six pack. I am constantly judging people on their outward appearance, and these judgments will stick. Upon seeing even a picture of someone I can generally tell within 5 seconds if I am going to like them. Graduated from college a year ago and spent most of the interim time doing nothing but getting good at COD MW2, training in muay thai, and drinking. Until very recently I was on a long bender. Despite knowing that alcoholism runs in my family to some extent I will continue to drink, drinking alone happens often, which brings back memories of my aunt dying from her addiction. I reference my past often and feel as if perhaps the best times of my life are behind me. Because of a string of poor relationships I have heavy dependence issues and need constant reaffirmation of just about everything. Pleasing me is difficult because I will often say that I don't want things that I really do, like having a girl come over and take care of me while sick. Things needed in a girl: -A passion, if there isn't something in your life that you care about very deeply, you will be a boring person to me -Very good conversation skills, be able to talk about just about anything -Must be smart in at least one area of study -Daddy issues -Emotional problems usually causing outbursts to keep things interesting -A thick skin because I will make fun of you at times Call me!?
Me: 6'4", ~215 lbs. I'm fairly athletic and would rather do something outside than sit on the couch. I'm decently educated and have a job that I hate - I won't talk about work unless I'm at work. Don't ask me to fix your computer, I'll hate you for it. I'm looking to go back to school and do something that will challenge me. I'm willing to try anything at least once, if it's something that you're into and I don't like it, I'll likely not say anything and make excuses about joining you again. I have a lot of hobbies (and pick new ones up quickly) and will immerse myself fully into something interesting and will do it for a long time. If you want to know more about my hobbies, you'll have to pry it out of me as I don't like talking about myself. I don't swear and am generally polite; seven out of every ten people I talk too I find boring, if you're one of those seven and have a vagina, I'm only paying attention to you because I want to have sex with you. I'm fairly extroverted but will talk to you long enough to find out if you've got something interesting to say. I'm not looking for anything that resembles long term commitment, if it happens, it's a fluke; I'm not over my last long term relationship and the idea of being attached to anyone makes me uncomfortable. I would prefer a FWB scenario as it allows best of both worlds and it's highly unlikely that I'll want more than that (you will have to blow my mind). I'm a liberal and atheist, don't try to talk to me about religion or politics, it'll just piss me off. I'm fairly dominant in bed, when I'm not hammered out of my mind (good luck getting anything out of me when I'm drunk) and will call you a dirty whore while fucking you from behind and sticking my finger up your ass. I like having sex and like having lots of sex, if you're up for it more than twice in a day then we'll spend a lot of time in my room, your room or somewhere outside of the house. I'm an exhibitionist and voyeur, I haven't tried swinging or group sex but it's something that interests me. On the note of drinking - I like drinking, I consider myself an alcoholic, so, if you don't like it then you can fuck right off. My weekends are generally spent with friends and stumbling into walls. I like smoking pot but only do it three or four times a year, if you're against pot, fuck right off. I don't like going to the bar, they're noisy and overpriced. On a good note, I have a detachment disorder of some kind, a healthy fear of commitment, anxiety issues and too much time on my hands. I also have a hard time using to and too while typing, I don't know why, even though I've tried to figure it out. You: Must have something to say, enjoy being outdoors and athletic activities. You must be willing to try new things at the drop of a hat (spontaneity is excellent) and prefer that over sitting on a couch watching movies (although, it's nice, every once and a while). I don't care if you're a little overweight, curves are nice but you must lead a healthy lifestyle; I'm an ass man, note that and wear lots of lulu lemon. If you smoke, I'm not interested in you at all. You should have some education and a decent job (or going to school); waitresses are cool and all but they're rarely interesting to talk too. In short, bring something new to the table; educationally, work related or as a hobby - be passionate about something. You should be open minded and willing to try new things in bed (or bring something new into the bedroom). You should like to drink but are not controlled by it and you need to be at least open to the idea of weed. I'm willing to go to the bar to dance but don't expect it every weekend. Leave the daddy issues and mind games at home, it's boring and trite.
I like how all the "ads" in this thread are either pompous self-aggrandizement or pathetic self-deprecation. Fuck a balanced personality. There is no in-between.
Me: Female, tattooed & pierced. Professional body piercer in a tattoo studio. I swear like a sailor, and my knowledge consists of useless pop culture references from 1990 onward, and large swathes of lyrics to punk rock songs and facts on the back of cereal boxes. I like running outside with my pup, cat naps, reading, and pretending I am good at video games. I am not a "relationship" kind of person, at this point I just want some good ol' fuckbuddy action. An ideal evening would be entertaining ourselves with some delicious buds, beer, and sex followed by you leaving without making a mess in my bathroom or wanting to spend the night. You: Probably unemployed/mentally unstable, probably without a vehicle, or if you do have one its some raggedy-ass hoopty that sits in the driveway leaking fluids. Neither of us want this to last forever, and will act accordingly. Emotionally stunted/childhood trauma/absentee parents/jaded, you self-medicate with various substances and abuse. You might be tattooed or pierced, but that doesn't change anything. Just makes you an asshole of a different color. However, that mile-wide streak of crazy can make for some amazing sex, as long as you don't steal my shoes on your way out.
Me: PFC in the Marine Corps. Avoidant to the point where people will ask if I went on leave for a week while I was just by myself. Due to severe teenage acne, the left side of my face is scarred. I'm probably bipolar; I go between being confident, witty, and amusing to being a depressed, angry self-loathing trainwreck, often multiple times a day. I don't like other people to see when I get moody and emo, so expect me to just walk out the door and be gone for a couple days while I get my thoughts in order. I have never had sex, and will probably drive you away before you put out because I'm scared shitless of trusting other people. I flinch when someone touches me, no matter how innocuous it is. I have a complete inability to read body language and nuance, and take people seriously even when everyone else knows they're joking. You: Brunette, probably around 5'6. Doesn't really matter as long as you're reasonably attractive. Add three points onto your 1-10 score and you'll get my scale.
Me: Big-breasted brunette with body image issues. I am a caretaker by nature, so cooking/cleaning/laundry/your errands aren't going to phase me. Hell, I'll even sabotage my own plans in order to help you out with some insignificant task! I have a fucked up family, so the dysfunction spills over into all areas of my life. I cry at the drop of a hat, and my initial reaction in all situations is to turn on The Bitch Switch and operate from there. Avid reader and lover of educational banter, I need to be mentally stimulated by someone I consider to be my intellectual superior. I have OCD, so things like 1) going out and socializing, 2) dirty baseboards, and 3) having a bad day can cause me to head into a downward spiral of repetitive handwashing and insomnia. Ardently feminist and politically liberal, I do not tolerate even the slightest ribbing about women's issues. But hey, I love to fuck. Seriously. You: Marginally attractive, but incredibly charming. You are secretly a manipulative, narcissistic douche who professes to have a high sex drive but actually prefers to drink/smoke/do drugs/play Wii/talk to your mother instead of fucking....anyone. You bitch about your Mother constantly, but refuse to cut the apron strings because you actually like her large presence in your life. Everything will always be about you, and you will make sure everyone in the immediate vicinity knows that you are unhappy if the conversation/world isn't revolving around you at every second. Anger issues that involve kicking inanimate objects, pets, or destroying my personal property are a plus.
Me: 20 year old 6'4", 275 pound farm boy with big arms and strong back, who is somewhat insecure at times due to being raised in a catholic school. Is to trusting which usually causes him to get fucked over. Can fix just about anything with an engine attached, yet too lazy to work on other peoples junk. Can be a cocky douche at times without even reailzing it. Has above average intelligence but too lazy again to apply himself in school. Not extremely good at sex but what he lacks in skill he makes up in determination. Likes hunting, fishing, is a diehard conservative and wont drive anything but a lifted diesel 4x4. Dosent like sushi or PETA. Loves garlic bread and hockey. Her: Kinda chubby (160-170) on a 5'9" frame. Perferably a red head with light to moderate freckles and a pretty face. Isnt crazy. Likes to be outside. Hates Jersey Shore.
Me: 6'3" 210lbs and mildly athletic. I have a well paying technical job that is slowly crushing my spirit. I love drinking, being emotionally distant and not paying attention to whatever it was you were talking about. I fancy myself a musician and even though I play with two different bands, I would never invite anyone to see either of them because I know how bad we sound. I think I am much more intelligent than I actually am which is obvious after spending longer than five minutes with me (or reading anything I write). I have an affinity for avoiding commitment, misusing words, and putting phrases in parentheses (like this). I am just charming and witty enough to keep you from realizing dating me was a mistake for at least 2 months. You: Must be unable to make simple decisions and operate independently. I prefer someone who thinks they deserve my total attention and affection for no other reason than they are female. If you feel the need to say that commitment isn't what you want and throw tantrums because I haven't proposed a month later, I am sure we will hit it off. Being a financial burden is a huge plus.
Me: I'm 24 years old 5'10" 165lbs average guy with a beer gut but I am of good health, the military likes to keep us fighting ready. I'm in the SrA in the Air National Guard been in for 3 1/2 years. I don't drink as hard core as I usually do but once in awhile I like to go balls to the wall so I can fuck with everyone in this town. I haven't been in a serious relationship in a year since I knocked a bitch up and she lost it 2 months after we were together, after that we(She) broke up 4 months later (Did I mention I was deployed for all but the first 2 months of this relationship). I have since just used woman for sex and I don't know if its gonna change anytime soon. I am told I can be an asshole but I usually just tell the truth and people cant handle it. Oh and if you haven't notice I have terrible grammar when I write. You: Don't be a fucking amazon or a midget and I'm happy in that category. Now if you say you not fat I assume your at least hefty and cant admit it yourself. You have to like movies and and be willing to put yourself out there I cant stand shy girls. But hey if your decent looking and down to fuck I will put up with you regardless until I feel I am done with you. Have a nice day haha.
Me: A 25-year old stubborn political science grad from Canada. I'm more stubborn than a mule and nothing will change that. I will constantly say I need to lose a few pounds, but hey.. that's never going to happen! Hell, I need to lose 30 pounds! I love beer, and chances are you've never tried the beer I drink on a regular basis. I say I speak French, I even majored in it, but I can't speak the language at all. Frankly, I don't have friends so whenever I say "my friend", chances are I'll be talking about someone from 2000km away. I love weird French comedies, hockey, my iPhone.. don't get me started on my iPhone, and beer, lots of beer. I'm very pessimistic, I always think I'll never get anywhere at life.. that's just so that when something good comes my way, it's like it's a miracle or something. I'm a dumbass but I act like I know what I'm talking about - I'll turn into a major a-hole if you disagree with me, even if I'm wrong. I constantly reminisce about my past, how I should have stayed with certain girls, or had sex with other girls, and now living from the consequences, but that's how I am. When it does come towards sex, I'm stubborn. I'm never in the mood for it as I'm always in a bad mood, and when I'm in a good mood, I'd rather watch TV. Even with a politics degree, you won't see me talking politics, unless if I'm drunk, but you won't know what political party I associate with. Oh, and I'm insanely boring and try too hard to be funny, when I fail miserably. You: a mid 20s-something girl who is shorter than me, and thinner than me. You must like beer - if you say you like Bud Light Lime or Coors Light, we will not work out. If you think Justin Bieber is the greatest male musician of this era or that Lady Gaga's songs are great - eff off. I don't like that shit. You must have your drivers license and willing to drive once in a while. Oh.. you must love to cook because I don't want a girl who relies on pre-made boxed crap and I love to experiment with cooking/baking/bbqing. You must love hockey and atleast own one NHL jersey, and if you're a Leafs fan I'll make fun of you each and every day for it, and you'll love it. You will not mooch off of me, and I will be an ass if you start eating my fries when we're at a restaurant, you should've gotten your own. If you speak French, that's extra brownie points, but who are we kidding, you'll be a redneck girl whose ringtone is Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy, and you have a poster of Brad Paisley on your bedroom wall. You will most likely be a closeted Conservative who thinks Stephen Harper is the best thing to ever happen to Canada, if so, eff off.
Me: I am a 24 year-old woman who lost her virginity on anti-depressants at the age of 22. This is not because I was saving myself, but because I talk a big game and then puss out at the last minute. My roommate is a stripper who weighs 20 pounds less than me. I hold this against her and will get unbelievably pissed if you so much as look at her, but I'll still have sex with you because I'll feel like I have something to prove. That something is that my boobs are better than hers. (For those of you who are going to ask, I am not posting my breasts on the internet.) You will know I want to sleep with you when I start waiting on your hand and foot. If you mention it I will become a defensive bitch, but I'll still have sex with you, where I will lay there like a dead fish because I'm still offended. I will purposely ignore you for weeks at a time because I don't want to seem clingy, then I'll be passive aggressive when I see you because you didn't call. I will not say anything because, again, I don't want to seem clingy. You: A straight man who was born in the 80's and has some tiny common interest with me so I can convince myself we are soul mates. Also, you have to have a pleasant natural odor and mommy issues.