If I hadn't started fucking the worlds most insecure man, I would've gone to university elsewhere. If I hadn't gone to the university I did, I would've developed an active social life and avoided a crippling anxiety disorder. If I hadn't developed OCD/social anxiety, I wouldn't ever have considered an internet message board to be my primary form of social interaction. If I hadn't started posting on the TMMB, I never would've started seriously thinking about/identifying with feminism. (Sidenote: Thanks Bun!) If I hadn't become a feminist, I would've stayed with a man who was not a good choice for a long-term partner. If I had stayed with that man, I would've eventually ended up in prison. No joke.
If my family and I hadn't nagged my uncle to extend his vacation for a few days, he would have been on flight 93. If it hadn't been for a wakeup call, I'd still be doing something I hated. If it wasn't for that same wakeup call, I wouldn't be trying to get where I am. If my grandmother had wheels, she'd be a tractor.
If my grandmother hadn't died when she did, I never would have tried anal. Spoiler My grandmother died my freshman year of college. After she died, I had a series of massive panic attacks and decided to transfer to my local Penn State Campus so I could make sure my parents didn't die. (I still have anxiety attacks, but I am no longer obsess about my parents' death.) After two years, I transferred to another campus, where I met the guy I lost my virginity to. That guy introduced me to his friend Mike. A combination of alcohol, loneliness, and my impending college graduation convinced me that I needed to have ridiculously kinky sex before I graduated college and had to join the real world. Mike was there, so I let him, amongst other things, have anal sex with me.
Weird, I was thinking about this today. Life can be mind-blowing sometimes. -If I hadn't gotten into the only fistfight of my life, I never would have taken a job across the country in New Mexico. If I hadn't taken that job, I never would have gotten into climbing (my life now revolves around it) or met the ex-girlfriend. And if I hadn't met the ex-girlfriend I never would have spent a year in Boston. -If I'd said no to penny draft night, I never would have dropped that Sociology class and switched majors to English, thus never becoming a journalist -- or moving to New Mexico. -If I hadn't made the split-second decision to buy a $4 bottle of champagne on the way out of the grocery store, I never would have caused an engagement to end.
If I hadn't met a man named Nick when I was 12 I wouldn't have become a dancer. If I hadn't moved to Atlanta I never would've adopted my man-kitten, Toby.
If my dad's boss never approved his transfer request, I would have been raised in Germany. If I had said I had replied to a txt instead of thinking it wasn't important, I would have a girlfriend right now.
A few for starters: If it hadn't been for Chater's advice, I'd probably be a dropout or hating myself in a Biology major right now instead of Comp Sci. If it hadn't been for me getting way too drunk that night and taking that chick home (and by home I mean a good friend's deck and the nearby playground), I probably wouldn't know one of my best friends. If it hadn't been for my Grade 5 teacher telling my parents that I was doing a great job of helping her teach the class, ... I have no idea but I know my life would be EXTREMELY different from how it currently is. If it hadn't been for my decision to try out sailing, I probably wouldn't have such great summer job security when I come home from school every summer. If it hadn't been for Sparknotes, I probably would have failed High School English.
If my grade-school teacher didn't think I was retarded, I wouldn't have learned Latin or Forensics (CSI, not debate).
If I hadn't been kicked out of that poker game I never would have woken up in the hospital. Spoiler One Saturday night I was over at a friend's house, and a bunch of us decided to start the night with a poker game. We start the game fairly early in the night and everyone is drinking. I end up getting kicked out of the game first on a terrible call by one of my friends and him getting lucky on the turn and river. Anyway, once I get kicked out I turn my attention to getting hate-drunk. The next thing I know I wake up in the hospital with monitors and shit strapped to me and my girlfriend sitting beside me (she didn't come out that night). Long story short I got really fucked up and after the night out I proceeded tp puke my guts out. My friends say I looked green and I told them I was fine but they called a fucking ambulance for me. I ended up being fine but the worst part was the people at the hospital wouldn't let me have any fluids so I couldn't drink any water. Worst hangover of my life... I was hungover for two days. Oh.. and the $400 dollar ambulance bill that I got a month later kind of sucked.
If I hadn't been recognised as Gifted/Intelligent in the early years of school, I'd be very successful now.
If It hadn't been for a back-seat hookup. I could still enter the United States without any stress. Spoiler In 2006, I hooked up with a chick in the backseat of my car. Her purse spilled everywhere mid-hookup and of all things to fall out, there was a roach of marijuana. The next day I was off to Seattle for a concert, and the drug-dogs were out in full-force. I got cuffed, detained, and strip-searched. Yet after all of that hassle they still allowed me into the U.S.A. and I didn't miss the concert. Consider it a lesson learned. The ironic part was that I didn't even smoke weed at the time. If I hadn't been late for work, Maybe my boss (at the time) freezes to death. Spoiler In November 2008, I arrived late to work on a bitterly cold morning. My boss had slipped on some ice and had broken his leg and hip. I was the last of the morning crew to arrive that day, so had I not been late, he could have frozen to death and nobody would have seen or heard him. If not for Las Vegas, I would still have dignity. Spoiler Am I the only one who has ever said, "I'll go to the strip-club for just one dance," only to spend $300 with my credit-card on the V.I.P. room, and then beg the cabbie to accept $9 for the $14 ride back to the hotel because my friends ditched me and couldn't split the cab?
If it hadn't been for years of depression combined with OCD, I might have been succesful and happy. If it hadn't been for good friends and family, I'd probably be dead.
If it hadn't been for that one random girl talking to random people on AIM, I'd be dead. Spoiler I had made a decision to kill myself a long time ago. Before I logged off for the night I got a random message from some girl I had never talked to. We talked for about an hour and a half, and because of her, I changed my mind.
If it hadn't been for finding nothing in common with the people in my graduate program, I wouldn't have dropped 50 lbs. Spoiler In college, I never kept people as friends that were in my major just because we shared that one commonality. Thus, it was a shock upon going to a small Master's program that the big thing to talk about was the gossip and drama surrounding the program, especially academically. I got so fed up with it all that I stopped going out (and therefore stopped drinking) as a result of the funk. I dropped 50 lbs thanks in large part to that as well as portion control and Mike's Beginner Program. If it hadn't been for drunken dancing at a club, I would never have taken up ballroom dancing. Spoiler I have the rhythm of a worm on concrete. Yet, that didn't stop me from dancing with my friends at clubs and one night, I jokingly started twirling and dipping them. They thought was amazing and they were lining up to dance with me for whatever reason. Well, in conjunction with the above, I decided to take up ballroom dancing. Now I know how to Salsa, Merengue and Tango. My rhythm has gotten better, too. If it hadn't been for drunken Muay Thai kicking, I would never have taken up Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. Spoiler My best friend and I got drunk one night and hashed it out over Muay Thai kicks with each other. Instead of being smart, we countered shin kicks with shin kicks. Being especially drunk and never having been athletic, I blasted him with a series of blows. Unfortunately, my shin fractured and left this nasty blood blister that covered my lower leg like a shin guard. I think I fractured my left tibia since I feel a weird calcification to this day. It also hurts like a motherfucker if I try to kick someone again. Because of that, we switched to drunken BJJ with no striking rules. His superior speed, strength and technique worked me over each time. By the end of senior year, I vowed to take classes and crush him. So I did. If it hadn't been for those JTM cheesesteak kits, I would never have been able to teach myself how to cook. Spoiler I started making those things because I loved the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air (I was 13, you assholes). My parents humored me with a box of this shitty product because my mom eventually went back to work and couldn't let me starve. After figuring out how nasty it was, I started experimenting with the spices to make it better and started reading as much as I could about real food. Now, I can make some pretty decent stuff and cooked for my roommates all of senior year. I'd say we ate better than the typical college student.