New game we came up with: If it hadn't been for Stumbleupon, I would have never joined the Peace Corps (no shit). If it hadn't been for that stabbing, I would be married right now. If it hadn't been for Halo, that dick would have been the best man in my worst wedding. If it hadn't been for Tucker's book, I would have become a retail manager. Focus: The strange little ticks in life that turn out to be pivotal to the overall direction your life went. This also doubles as a ludicrous drinking game among friends-you play the game and if you know what the fuck the other person is talking about, you drink.
I like this thread. Let's see where it goes. I'll say that you should expand on any non-obvious entries with stories...put them in spoiler tags if you like. For example, I don't want you to just leave us all hanging with "If it weren't for that elephant, I'd be a hermaphrodite." That's like being That Guy on Facebook who posts updates that only he can possibly interpret like "Sometimes I wish people would be honest about their desires" and nobody has a fucking clue what they're talking about. For my part: If it weren't for my girlfriend working that weekend, I would not have to be bumping threads right now.
If it hadn't of been for getting in to the University of Alabama's honor program, I'd be a starving writer. Students in the UA honors program were all invited to take an honor intro to philosophy class first semester. We had four professors, each covering a different topic (I think law, ethics, religion, and politics). The head of the department did the law section, and taught a different philosophy of law class every semester. I took them all, and that pretty naturally led to me going to law school. The other thing I was really interested in during undergrad was creative writing. I doubled in English and Philosophy, so I had a ton of lit classes, but also took 4 creative writing classes, spent 3 years on the lit journal, and was managing editor my senior year. I probably could have gotten a full ride to an MFA program, but instead I went to law school. And strangely enough, here I am, either way, starving writer. Funny the way things work out.
Riiiiiiight... FOCUS: If I hadn't decided to get drunk instead of do homework, I never would have gone to Peru. Spoiler In my last year of undergrad I had a bunch of term papers I should have been doing, but I said fuck it and went out. While riding a bus, drunk, a friend of a friend mentioned how he worked for an organization that went around the world on 1 month trips working on schools and such. He said he needed a few more people for his trip to Peru in a couple months, so I signed up and it turned out to be one of the best experiences of my life so far.
If I hadn't of talked to that Indian guy on the subway, I never would have ended up in the New York Presbyterian Psychiatric Emergency Room (yes, there's a separate ER for the psych ward). Long story short, it was on-campus interview season, I was drunk returning from some law firm event, and one of the goodies they gave us was a Rubik's Cube with the firm name printed on the white squares. Around ahundredandeleventieth street, this Indian (dot) guy starts talking to me, and I'm a pretty gregarious friendly person, and for whatever reason I get his card. He writes for the Village Voice, should be a cool dude. I end up going to the launch party of some new magazine with him (yeah, turns out he's gay as the shit I'd let Jon Stewart do to me, but I didn't know it at the time), and it turns out he's friends with a classmate of mine from NYU law. Guy from NYU and I have a lot in common, naturally we become friends, but little do I know that he's got serious addiction problems with amphetamines, pot, and alcohol (I'm a drunk, but this guy was fucking addicted; drink a 750 ml before going out on a Tuesday addicted). Long story short, first year out of law school I get a call from his girlfriend. My buddy (the guy from school, not the Indian) is in the psych ER, completely schizophrenic, paranoid, something. Of course, you can't cut out from work without an explanation, and "my friend's in the ER" seemed to do. But, then you go back to work the next day and people ask "is your friend alright?" Man, people just don't know what to do when you say "No, he's not." Anyways, that's how I ended up in the psych ER, and later the psych ward about 5 times. Grateful I was a visitor. There but for the grace of God...
I can see the conversation now... Indian Guy: Hey, nice RENT shirt... BL1Y: Oh, thanks, it's my favorite musical. I've seen it like 10 times. Those are great pants, by the way. Indian Guy: Thanks! Who's your favorite character? BL1Y: Angel, naturally. Indian Guy: I'm Samir. Samir Venkataputitinyourbutta. BL1Y: I'm BL1Y, pleased to meet you, Samir. Samir: So do you go to any clubs around here? BL1Y: A few. I'm always looking for recommendations, though. Samir: Have you been to the Blue Oyster Bar? BL1Y: No, but that sounds like my kind of place! Hey, what are you listening to on your iPod? Samir: The Village People. BL1Y: Oh, man, they're one of my favorite bands! That's uncanny! Samir: Do you like blowjobs? BL1Y: Oh hell yes, who doesn't? Samir: I got blown in the bathroom of that club TWICE last month. BL1Y: No shit! Oh, man, I have got to get over there! Samir: Here's my card. Give me a call sometime. BL1Y: Will do! DrFrylock EDIT: BL1Y PMed me to say that he didn't enjoy RENT and to complain that this post was offtopic. As such: If it weren't for John Popper, I wouldn't have learned to play the guitar.
If my first job out of college wasn't in a call center I probably would have settled for a mediocre entry level analyst job and never become and actuary. Spoiler All my math and actuarial science major friends wanted to be actuaries but got good, not great jobs out of college and never really pushed to take the exams because their jobs were cushy enough. I was in call center hell out of college and was willing to do anything (seriously, anything) to get out, all of the cushy jobs I wanted were taken and my only options were to settle (no way in hell) or shoot for the moon and start taking the exams. Everyone told me I didn't have the grades to get in a legit program, but I was able to find a small company that is giving me all the benefits of a program (study time, bonuses and raises for passing each exam) and I only work like 25-30 hours a week. My first company is also one of the biggest consulting firms in the world... I may just so happen to not put that I worked in the call center there for my next job interview. The hilarious part is that my math friends were all much more hard working than me, I had no intentions to take the exams and they were all planning on becoming actuaries, but my job sucked so bad I was willing to do anything to get out. Now, after a little over four years of being content but not going anywhere, a good chunk of them are starting to think about the exams. I win.
If it hadnt been for a flat tire, my father would have been killed on in the north tower on 9/11 If it hadnt been for my ex girlfriend, Id be unemployed right now If it hadnt been for my fraternity in college, I never would have bought an Acura If it hadnt been for a Sacagawea dollar coin, all my socks wouldnt have been destroyed
If the line at the Rehab Pool Party hadn't been that long, I never would have ended up in that Las Vegas hospital. Spoiler We decided to go to Wet Republic instead, but of course on the way out I wanted to get shots and a 32-ish oz vodka/energy drink, which I subsequently chugged in about 10 minutes. It started the day on the wrong foot entirely. 110 degrees in the sun + 3rd consecutive liquor binge day = yeeaahhh....
If I hadn't dated that jerk in university, I'd never have learned about Tucker Max, and by extension, the RMMB and then the TiB. If I hadn't talked to one woman on the airport shuttle in Seattle, I probably would have been arrested at the Canadian border. If I hadn't sat in the third row of calculus class in 11th grade, I'd never have met my best friend. If I hadn't met my best friend, I wouldn't have been able to tell anyone that I was in a physically abusive relationship. If I hadn't told anyone, I wouldn't have had the courage to leave. And if I hadn't had the courage to leave, I'd probably be dead by now, instead of happy and healthy and successful.
If I hadn't worn that wash cloth, I'd have never met my wife. If it hadn't been for my math teacher, I'd never be a published author. If it hadn't been for the brain tumor, I'd be unemployed. If it hadn't been for that teacher, I'd have never learned about Tucker Max. If it hadn't been for alcohol, I'd still be sober. If it hadn't been for that tricycle, I'd have broken a lot more bones.
If my buddy hadn't got that ridiculous hickey, I wouldn't have my girlfriend. If I hadn't won a challenge match at the start of the wrestling season in my Junior year of high school, my business wouldn't exist.
If it wasn't for that guy on the hill, I'd be a pile of frozen polar bear crap right now. Spoiler I'll make it short because I've posted it before. Worked in Alaska for a few weeks on the northern coast. Guy on a hill above us spots a polar heading right for us, that we couldn't see because we were in a ditch. He alerts us by waving his arms, and we go up the hill, turn around and watch the polar bear go right to where we had been and sniff around. "the polar bear, among the most dangerous of all bears, has been known to stalk and hunt man." Outdoor.com
If it hadn't been for my asthma, I never would have swam varsity in high school. It it hadn't been for those 4 shots of 151, I wouldn't have lost my virginity to a stripper. If it hadn't been for my cousin, I'd be an introverted, anti-social, emo mess.
If it were not for that seatbelt, I'd have been dead at 19. If it were not for my left arm and right hand breaking in many different places to reduce the impact of my skull onto concrete, I'd have been dead at 32. Come to think of it, I can probably make a list of about 10 different "if not . . . then dead" episodes during my college career. If it were not for my father bumping into my former scout master at the grocery store, I'd have spent another college Summer working on a maintenance crew instead of as co-op that totally changed my career path.
If I hadn't had given my friend a ride to a recruiter that one day when we were in high school, I would've never joined the Air Force.
If it wasnt for playing tyke football I wouldnt have met D.M. If I didnt meet D.M. I wouldnt have met F.I. in highschool. If I didnt meet F.I. in highschool I wouldnt have thrown that party where I met my exgirlfriend. If I didnt meet my exgirlfriend I wouldnt have met H.C. If I didnt meet H.C. I wouldnt be an Electricial Apprentice right now. If I didnt try to fuck my best friends exgirlfriends sister we'd still be bestfriends right now. If we were still bestfriends right now Id be in the prison cell beside him for the next 4 years.