Indian and Irish with a splash of Italian, huh? If anyone gives you a drink, there's a sporting chance you'd fuck, marry, and then dismember them all in one felled swoop.
I would approach this deep philosophical question in a well thought-out, systematic manner - as Japanese Game Show Porn. First, I'd marry one of you at random. Then I'd leave the room, and you'd all take your clothes off and go behind a wall with strategically placed holes, hiding your identities. I would then re-enter the studio, and have to determine which one of you was my "wife" by groping and/or fucking my way down the wall. All of the action would be accompanied by poorly dubbed japanese commentary and subtitles. If I succesfuly identifed my "wife" I would win 1M yen and a used panty vending machine. If I failed, I would have to sign a three year contract starring in tentacle bukkake porn. Win or lose, in shame and horror at what I'd participated in I'd burn the TV studio down, killing you all.
I realize it's a typo, but I am absolutely in love with the idea of a viscous child custody battle. (Or... custardy battle.)