Juice would be my marry - well, either him or effinshenanigans. They both seem like they are good boyfriends/fiancés to their ladies. Hooker would obviously be my fuck because tits/she's awesome. And Nitwit for the kill - you can't do the same thing over and over again and expect different results. Also just straight-up creepy.
Fuck: Either Roxanne or Audrey. Dark-haired middle eastern looking women with borderline alcohol dependency issues are my kryptonite. Marry: Bewildered, because I'm tired of making my own damn lunch every day. Kill: MSNbot Media. I see you, lurking out there, trying to horn in on Google Adsense [Bot]'s turf... Nobody likes you, or your retarded cousin Bing.
Fuck: Black Jesus, shimmered (dat ass) Marry: Rush, Noland or Juice for poop reasons Kill: Canadian Ted Mosby
Fuck: I've spent a disturbingly long time thinking about this, and I just can't decide between sisterkathlouise and DCC. I get the smart, hot, potentially kinky vibe from both of them, but while I think DCC's emotional unavailability would make for great uncomplicated sex, sometimes I want the cuddles afterwards. Marry: Pinkcup. Intelligent discussions on feminism AND that ass? Sold. Kill: that farmer guy that kills animals and uses women.
Fuck: xrayvision. That boy has something going on... Fuck Part Deux/Accidently Kill: Village Idiot. A brain, a sense of humour and a severely neglected penis. I'd lock him up for a week, do things to him that would make Ron Jeremy blush, release him back into his frigid life, wherein he would off himself because, well, thats obvious. Marry: Noland. He tolerates my 5am drunken nonsense and more importantly, everyone needs a DD. Kill: You know who you are. Nevermind, you're not worth the effort. Additional focus, Party With: Almostgaunt. This dude knows how to have fun with zero apologies. My people.
I have thought about this carefully, and here is what I have come up with: Fuck: this guy, just because Marry: joecanada because he lives in Vancouver and I would like to live there. Plus I'd be Canadian, eh? Kill: Chirpy because someone who seems so unstable should not be allowed to teach children Honorable mentions in either the f or m category (simply because they have been making me laugh lately) are xrayvision and almostgaunt
Fuck: Durbanite. Because apparently no one else will. I'm not gay so I doubt I'd get a boner, I think I'd just fold my flaccid dick in half and jam it up there and maybe something will happen. Marry: I don't really come around enough to know any of the Tibettes at all really. I guess Bewildered, she seems laid back and I recall something about trapping and getting rid of the stray cats in her neighborhood. Since I have that exact problem right now those skills could come in handy. Kill: I don't really dislike anyone, I guess it's more of a conditional thing. Like I'd pick Dixie the next time he bitches about cops because they arrested him for being a drunk idiot. That or Crown whenever he talks about religion. We get it, if you want to have an anti-religion circlejerk go to Reddit and get on the atheism sub.
I almost listed AlmostGaunt as a guilty pleasure fuck but I was afraid I was starting to sound a little slutty. Complete opposite of me, not into the whole drug scene, but I think the bedroom times would be awesome. And based on the rep I've been receiving, I am now adding FreeCorps as a hate fuck just to prove that old people can still get it on. I also like xrayvision as he seems like a sweetheart.
So I'm the only one with a boner then? Anyway... Fuck: TX: her bikini thread posts made me start believing in God. Roxanne, maybe: I'm equal parts attracted to and afraid of her. (Ok maybe 40/60.) Marry: audrey or (and?) mya. They seem like cool ladies. They've also both sent me several green dots over the years, so I'm pretty sure they're in to me. Kill: I'm not usually much of a murderer. Definitely Nom though. He's smarter and wittier than me, so fuck that guy.
Wait a sec.... can the person we fuck and the person we kill be the same person? Because if it can be I want to change my answer.
Fuck: This one is easy, ALL the TiBettes. No, this is not a copout. If you lined up all the girls I've had sex with over the years, while there'd be similarities between some of them, many of them are pretty different. I find different things about different women sexy. In general, I find most women have something sexy about them, sometimes you just have to look a little harder. Same applies to the ladies here. There is something absolutely sexy about everyone of them. I really think it would be fun no matter the TiBette. Then again, a cynic would say that I'm married and desperate and would take anything. I prefer not to be cynical... Marry: Since I've learned the hard way that marriage and sex can be very mutually exclusive, I'd marry toytoy. I imagine all the fun we'd have. Driving construction vehicles around the property, yelling at children, playing guitar, drinking unhealthy amounts of alcohol. Boy, we'd laugh and laugh. I might even learn to cuddle, if that was absolutely necessary. Kill: This one's the toughest. Nobody that's on here regularly irritates me. Well, some do, but it's so minimal that death is pretty damn harsh for what amounts to a traffic ticket. So I went another route: biggest benefit to me. Jimmy Page said that he named his record label 'Swan Song' because the most beautiful noise a swan made was right before it passed. I don't like swans, nor want to be hanging around when fowl run afoul, which is besides the point. But I think the basic reasoning is sound. Therefore, I'd kill CharlesJohnson. Why? Because I think he'd make his funniest tirade right before he died (which means I can't kill him via Alzheimers). I would appropriate that tirade into an hour stand up set and make millions. I would also probably consume part of his lifeless body, in order to absorb his power. But hey, that's just me.
So after a little deliberation, I think I've figured it out: Fuck: Rob4Broncos (because lion and posts of cute animals) Marry: Nom (because DAT ASS, and also he is smarter than I am) Kill: I'm not a very kill-y kind of a person, but Cult might need to die for what he wrote earlier in this thread (because yuck)
Fuck: Nom Chomsky, although his smoove moves would probably intimidate me to the point I'd run away. Marry: Kuhjager, I'm kind of a Europe-o-phile Kill: Revengeofnerds, but only because I can't stand his avatar. Cannot. stand. it.
Fuck: Katokoch. Soooo hot, want to touch the hiney! Scootah. Master/slave between two people that have very little sexual limits. Bring it. TX. Adorable. And could massage me afterward. Marry: Psychodyne. Sweet and adorable. Noland. Our marriage would be based mostly on Simpsons quotes. I'm cool with this. Kill: Meh. Not even worth it.
Fuck: Crown. Prison rape style. It's about power, not love. Marry: Wickedbitch. When we have kids, she could handle the discipline. Kill: Shegirl. We would be star-crossed lovers who have no choice but to end it because our families don't approve. Her family wouldn't approve of my Irish-Italian heritage, and my family wouldn't approve of her donkey shows she performs in on the weekends. Nevertheless, we would be in love. A passionate love. And it would unravel in a consummate display of that passion. I love you, and I'm sooo sorry. Shakespeare. Double dreamhands. ~Fin~