So I was watching a documentary last week about The Highwaymen. For those of you who don't know, first...shame on you. That's country music royalty there and for you not to know is inexcusable. Second, they were a "supergroup" of the most impressive country music stars ever: Johnny Cash, Waylon Jennings, Willy Nelson and Kris Kristofferson. Here's an awesome song, if you still need more of an intro: Spoiler I had always known Kristofferson was an actor and well-known songwriter. I had no idea he is quite possibly The Most Interesting Man Alive. Briefly, he was: - An all-state athlete - Rhodes scholar with a Master's degree from Oxford - A captain in the military, flying helicopters. - An instructor at West Point. - One of the most prolific song writers in the industry. - Golden-globe winning actor. Oh, and he looked like this: So I decided that there has obviously been some kind of cosmic error, because I should have been born sometime in the 40s so that I could have been his mistress for the entire length of our lives. Focus: What person, living or dead, would you jump at the chance to be a side piece for? This is purely for attraction purposes. You don't have to live each other's lives or put up with each other's shit. Just some person that you would either see on the side of your relationship or on the side of theirs.
Check out the ego on you. Wanting a song written about you? Is it always about you? Focus: Rachel Maddow (yes, I know she's gay, I'm good with that). Anne Hathaway. Sarah Palin (No, I'm not kidding, total hate fuck vibe). Shannon Elizabeth. Jennifer Love Hewitt. Barbara Walters. Don't judge me.
I was about to write, "SERIOUSLY?!" and then I remembered the constraint that you wouldn't have to hang around and put up with their shit, so...yeah, I guess.
Viggo had my heart until I saw him on the set of A History of Violence walking around in hypercolour short shorts. Not hot. Not even a little hot. Colin Farrell. That guy looks like he probably does butt stuff.
Viggo was hot as hell in A History of Violence! That and Eastern Promises. He didn't do much for me in the LOTR movies. Colin Farrell would definitely let you put it in his butt.
Hypercolour short shorts. Do you know what Hypercolour does to your balls? BALL SWEAT EVIDENT FROM THE OUTSIDE.
Ben Nichols and Seth Avett, apparently I have a thing for musicians. Kit Harrington, preferably dressed as Jon Snow but I'm not picky. Sam Heughan, no kilt required. I'm going to stop there but apparently I'm a fan girl because I could be here all day.
Here's another one that's pretty obscure: Jocko WIllink. If you google that dude, you will find that he's a former Navy SEAL and he looks pretty much exactly what you would expect someone who gave orders and killed people for a living would look. He's got an AMAZING podcast, and after weeks of listening to his thoughts on the world and how he critically dissects everything, hells ya. There's something about a guy who's completely his own person and listens to everyone but decides for himself what he believes. Also, his voice and the fact that he can probably kill you with one hand adds a certain element to it.
You just liked Viggo in the naked locker room fight scene. Aka, the most terrifying fight scene in movie history.
Old school Paul Newman. He was gorgeous. Yes, please! Hugh Jackman. I want Wolverine to tear my clothes off while talking dirty in an Austrailian accent.
Joan Jett. Yeah, I know she's a lesbian, and she has a boyish body, but she's a rock goddess, and her voice makes me feel funny inside. I'd gladly be her oral-sex slave (and I'm sure I could convince her to take my cock with enough persuasion from my fingers).
From the past: Lynda Carter. I can tell you the exact moment too. The moment this photo was taken: Spoiler Current Katherine Winnick - something about a fierce woman.
The Rock. He's not even my type, but I would definitely not mind being his fuck buddy. And something about George Clooney...I don't know. The old school suave-ness he has? Plus if I was just a side piece I wouldn't have to put up with his political bullshit.
Grace Kelly. Diane Lane when she was filming Unfaithful. Teenage me couldn't handle that level of sexiness.
Mila Kunis. The fact that she's had long-term relationships with both Macaulay Culkin and Ashton Kutcher gives me hope that there's a legitimate shot that this could actually occur. Regardless, I would do horrible things to her and let her do even more horrible things to me. I dated a girl for way longer than I should have simply due to the fact that she was a dead ringer for Mila with the added bonus of bigger boobs.