Inspired by the Side Piece thread. I notice the ladies have mentioned they would do dirty things to X. My curiosity is piqued. FOCUS: Ladies, just what dirty things would you do to a guy? And like done to you?
Yeah the problem with this question is this: as a thirty something heterosexual female, I'm 99% convinced that you could ask your partner to try ANYTHING and he'd go along with it at least once. I think guys have some kind of conditioning that says, "she's actually interested in fucking me and all I have to do is X!" Within reason, of course. They probably won't kill someone or submit to receiving a group gang bang, but most things are fair game.
Ah. Minor league dirty. Pity. I guess I'd rim job a guy after a shower on a bed covered in rose petals and cinnamon lube. Let me know when you want the filth.
This isn't entirely on topic but it's so broad that I'm going to muse on this here anyway. I've realized that I haven't yet encountered where my boundaries are in person. Like, there are things I know are potentially out there that I'd say no to - anything poo related or suspension hooks come to mind - but the things real people have brought up wanting to do with me in the real world have always been things I'm either into already or I'd give it a shot. Same goes with hearing about my friends' experiences too. I found a gentleman that was into foot stuff and, while it wouldn't have given me any sexual pleasure at all, I was fully planning on indulging him, but we didn't end up going out for all that long and we never got around to it. And I know some pals are peeing on each other nowadays and I haven't entirely ruled that out yet under very specific circumstances because all the cool kids are doing it and I care very much about being In. Just sitting here now I would say I wouldn't ever peg a guy, but I wouldn't be entirely surprised if I looked back on my life from my deathbed to find a few anuses I've penetrated along the line. The only thing that I have heard about a friend doing in bed that caused an extreme negative reaction in me - like complete skincrawling revulsion - was hearing her talk about a guy who had some kind of mommy fetish and wanted to curl up in her lap and pretend to breastfeed. A GROWN ASS MAN. I'm actually dry-heaving just typing this out. But everything about pregnancy, childbirth, and motherhood physically disgusts me so this isn't surprising. So the world is my oyster and who even knows anymore what's "dirty" is I guess what I'm trying to say here.
This is something I believed as well. Up until lately I was under the impression that the only thing stopping guys from doing whatever popped into their heads was the woman they were with telling them "No". I've become aware that this is absolutely not the case. There are men out there who tell their women "No". Personally I'm baffled by that attitude, but it happens.
I know a lot of guys that don't want things going in their butt. I've never said no, but there are things my dick won't work for. The concept of hurting my partner is a complete turn off. Spanking, tying them up, basically any advanced S&M idea is a no go and makes me go limp like an overly cooked pasta noodle. I actually feel bad participating. I guess my head is just all wonky.
I'm mostly baffled by it as well. There are a few boundaries I can think of that are theoretically totally off-limits - mostly things like poo and anything that involves serious injury - but a big part of the fun of sex is getting your partner off. To that end, I'm willing to try a lot of things. I suspect that even things I'm not strictly "into" in an abstract way, I'd be a lot more enthusiastic about if my partner is turned on. I mean, scootah used to talk about rope play and I'm not sure I really get it as a fetish, but I'd enthusiastically do it five nights a week if it was a huge turn on for my girlfriend.
This is exactly what I was trying to say, though I'm not sure if I said it well. If you're with someone that you like and trust enough to sleep with and they say, "Hey, doing [X] really, really turns me on. Can we try?" I'm not sure that there are too many things I wouldn't at least have a conversation about. Sure, there's a few hard lines that are pretty much no brainers, but beyond that? I think most people are down for whatever the other person likes. The only thing I've heard my guy friends say was a failure or a line they wouldn't cross was violence. Women who really like to get hurt during sex, I would guess, probably have a tough time finding partners. Most of the guys I've had this discussion with could go along with some ass slapping and light choking, but to haul off and punch or degrade someone was outside their wheelhouse.
Yeah, I can't really get into violence. Probably depends on how serious we're talking, since I've never actually dated anyone who was into it. Or maybe I have a buried sadistic streak and just haven't discovered it yet, but somehow I doubt it. Like you said, I'm guessing women (or men) who are into "serious" kinks like getting hurt probably have trouble finding partners, and need to seek out like-minded individuals through websites or local groups or whatever. I actually wonder if those women (or men) often have extremely unhealthy sex lives, since that's definitely a kink where strong boundaries and clear communication is needed, lest it bleed over (no pun intended) into times when consent isn't received or daily life. This is all kind of off topic I guess, but it's interesting. Do most of the women on here feel the same way as Audrey/Dcc? That most kink, regardless of the subject, is probably on the table if you've got a partner you trust? I mean, aside from Angel, who we all know would be up for bukakke while dangling from meat hooks as long as someone would touch her butt afterwards.
I know I've already given my $0.02, but one more thing to add - in my experience this is a hard question for guys to answer. What they're willing to admit to when talking to a single female that they trust is often far different than what they'd admit otherwise, even to close friends. As an example, a large chunk of the men I've been with have admitted to being somewhere on the bisexual spectrum. That can range between "I would have a threesome with you and another guy, though I'm not big on having him touch me," to, "Yeah I watch gay porn and would love to have a guy-on-guy experience." I don't think, culturally, we've gotten to a point where men can admit these things the way women can. I wouldn't be surprised if the majority of the replies to this message were, "I am totally not down with guys," but like I said...my life experience has me thinking it's way, way more common than would ever be admitted to publicly.
Maybe I'm misunderstanding because you might be talking about people kind of pushing their kinks on people who aren't interested in them, but typically people with kinks and fetishes who have found partners who are into them have much healthier sex lives because it requires strong boundaries and clear communication. (Along with generally not being repressed about their own sexuality and sex in general.) (Not to say that people who aren't kinky have unhealthy sex lives either, it's just that if there's a kink to contend with the elements of a healthy sex life HAVE to be there and if there isn't it's pretty hit or miss.)
@audreymonroe I agree that people with serious kinks and healthy sex lives probably have healthier sex lives than the average person. Given how good the average person is with communication and positive decision making, though, I'm not sure (without evidence to the contrary) that the average person who likes getting hit has fully developed that into a safe, healthy sexual activity. Maybe I'm wrong, but unless people who like getting beat up are inherently smarter or more well adjusted than the typical human being, isn't it likely that they'll have just as dysfunctional a sex life as a ton of people do, only with the added confusion of enjoying an activity that can be extremely unhealthy or dangerous if it's not expressed properly? I knew a girl who used to cry a lot because she liked getting choked but her boyfriend just kind of did it when he felt like it. She couldn't figure out how to enjoy it AND set clear boundaries. Hell, I know plenty of people that can't even get regular sex right because they can't communicate.
In my experience, with girls I've been with and girl friends I've talked sex with, the majority seem very willing to do whatever the guy wants (besides poop stuff), but they want him to bring it up or, better yet, just do it. I'm sure there are many reasons why, but I'd be interested to see if any TiBettes (or your girl friends during sex talks) agree, and could offer up reasons why/why not. There was also a stretch in my 20s when I had more sex-based relationships where the girl(s) would date a guy off and on, and the main reason they went 'off' was because he didn't want to be dominant in bed. Two in particular were really kinky, but had realistic expectations that their otherwise super compatible boyfriends refused to meet. Specifically, they wanted face slaps and double penetration with another guy, but would have happily settled for ass spanks and hair pulling. Why the latter was too much for those guys completely baffles me to this day. A story that seems fitting for this thread: I'm good friends with my buddy's wife, and we all enjoy a good sex talk. She told us a story of one of her (smoking hot) best friends who was engaged to the only guy she'd ever been with. They broke up entirely because of his foot fetish. Seems like a lame reason, right? Well apparently it was so crucial that he could no longer get off in any other way -- she had to stroke him with her feet or it wasn't happening. Even though she developed abs from lifting her legs and manipulating her feet in that way, shit got tiring and boring. But it was a deal breaker for him, which was a deal breaker for her. I wouldn't believe it if I didn't know the girl. So once she was over their break up, she gets back in the game and they have a girls night out. She wants to have her first (and what turned out to be only) one night stand. Finds a handsome fella at the club, they leave and get a hotel room. Things are going swimmingly, he ends up behind her and then pulls out. She awaits a back/ass cum shot. Doesn't happen right away. Then she feels something warm, but...kinda solid. And more of a drop than a shot or spray. Then she realizes: dude pulled out, squatted over her and dropped a deuce on her back. I was mostly puzzled, and kind of impressed, to be honest, that he could go seconds after fucking.
I largely agree with you, though I think it involves degrees and qualifiers even more than you're talking about. For example, I would be totally fine having sex with my wife in front of other people. I would also be totally fine with another dude fucking my wife in front of me. But I would not be fine with another dude fucking my wife at the same time that I am fucking my wife. If a guy touches me or is involved in the same sexual act as me, that somehow crosses an invisible "killing the mood" line for me that it otherwise stays well away from so long as him and I are physically separate (even though, I'm guessing, many people on here would kill someone if they ever fucked their significant other). Does that make sense? Of course not, because our brains are weird and human sexuality is even more un-defined and hyper individualized. Hell, even the term "gay" has a scale.
I have serious issues with my person being restrained. In any matter really, I don't like being pinned down, tied up or put in a position of vulnerability. I'm not claustrophobic either, but that's just me. I always preferred control without pain or degradation. I never had open relationships, because I hardly had ANY relationships. I was a complete libertine for quite a few years before meeting my wife and then *zap* and I have been monogamous for thirteen years now.