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I Take Care Of Myself, Except...

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Blue Dog, Jun 17, 2011.

  1. Blue Dog

    Blue Dog
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    I was looking for my favorite pair of jeans this morning, when I remembered that I had sent them away to be cleaned. I wanted to wear them today for Casual Friday, so I went and picked them up, along with a good number of shirts that I had ironed and/or starched.

    But I didn't pick them up at the cleaners. I picked them up from my mom's.

    Now, I'm 28 years old. I have a mortgage, truck note, a shit-ton of bills that I pay myself, and for all intents and purposes can be considered an independent adult. But here's the thing- 1) my mom LOVES to be able to think that she still takes care of me, at least a little, and 2) taking shit to the cleaners in friggin' EXPENSIVE. So with this arrangement, I get to kill two birds with one stone- I make my mom happy, and I save money. Win Win!

    And its not like my mom is just putting on a front to not hurt my feelings- she actually asked The Wife after we were married if she could keep washing and ironing my nice clothes, that she loved doing it but she didn't want to impose on The Wife's territory. Of course, The Wife thought this was awesome, as it made her job 10 times easier.

    So even though I'm pretty much 99% self sufficient, I still have that pesky 1% that says I still have my mommy wash my 'undies.

    Focus:
    Are you completely independent from outside support- parents, relatives, government assistance, whatever? What forms of assistance do you accept? Spousal support doesn't count- I'm talking strictly from outside of your home.
     
  2. DrFrylock

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    You send your jeans out to be cleaned?!?
     
  3. mazian

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    I clean my own clothes, I cook my own meals etc.
    In that respect I'm pretty independent and I don't want to have any other way, even if I'm visiting my mom I mostly wash my clothes myself.
    Financially on the other hand I'm completely dependent on my mom(the small part) and the government(the bigger part).
    I'm in med school and don't have that much time to work during the semester, but fortunately I don't have to pay high tuition fees here in Germany, just about 400 $ per semester.
     
  4. Guy Fawkes

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    My parents are my dog sitters. They love the pooch, the pooch loves them (and is more importantly comfortable in their house) and I travel at a moments notice so it's tough to find someone that will take care of him to my standards.

    The calls always start the same way too.

    "Hey mauuuum can I ask a favor..."
     
  5. Disgustipated

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    None. Absolutely zero. In fact, I suck at asking for help even if I need it.

    As soon as I moved out of home, I refused to ask my parents for anything. There's been a few occasions where things have been dicey and my dad has dropped a hint that there's help there if it's asked for; but screw that. He refused to give us so much growing up in the name of making us independent that I pigheaded refuse to be any different now.

    I have a real problem even asking for the small things. I taught myself how the sew (badly) when I lost buttons off shirts. When my washing machine broke down a couple of months back, I would rather go to the laundromat than use friends' machines. I only took a couple of lots to my girlfriend's house because she kept asking when I was going to bring some over.

    I'm staring down some potential day surgery under general anesthetic in the next couple of months. Obviously, they won't let me drive home - not that I could with the operation I'm looking at. I'm not worried about the operation, I'm more worried about having to arrange someone to pick me up and wondering if they'll just let me take a taxi home.
     
  6. rei

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    At 23, I still live in my parents baseme- er live with my parents.

    Realistically I could afford to rent right now, but rent here is way more than mortgage payments so I'm saving up for a down payment right now to be less a burden on my family. I should be on my own by Christmas.

    I do a fair bit of cooking to chip in / teach myself how to not suck at preparing food.
     
  7. Trakiel

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    Call me Caitlyn. Got any cake?

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    I'm also completely independent, which I have mostly been since the summer after I turned 18 and joined the Air Force. Since that time there's only been a few occasions in which I relied on the 'rents for something: After my enlistment was up I stayed at my Mom's for a few months until I found a job and an apartment, and after I bought my house I stayed with my dad while I was fixing it up and waiting for the occupancy permit. But other than those two instances I've never asked them for money or any other type of assistance; my MGIB paid for my college education and I've been gainfully employed since I was 22 (which was 10 years ago). It's something I take pride in because I'm one of those people who absolutly hates being dependent or beholden to anyone.
     
  8. Mantis Toboggan M.D.

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    My dog still lives at my mom's house, and she (well, my dad) pays to feed him, take him to the vet, etc. I got the little dude when I was in 8th grade (just turned 27) and he's lived in the same house the whole time--other than the 2 periods after I left for college when I was living at home for a few months at a time, I've only lived one place that allowed dogs since moving out and that was a shithole apartment in Boston with a yard but no fence. My dog is a West Highland Terrier (i.e. loves to run around, dig holes, and chase things), so that wouldn't have worked. Plus his eyesight has been going for a few years now, so it's good for him to be someplace where he knows his way around and can fuck with my mom's Pekingese.

    My dad is paying for my flight out to Asia in August--sort of. When he started his job in Singapore about 3 years ago, my mom intially moved out with him and part of his compensation package was 3 round trip flights a year back to the US (not including business trips). Since then he and my mom have separated, she's back living in the US full-time, and while his side of the family lives in California that happens to be where his company is headquartered so he goes there on business a few times a year anyway. Because of those things he doesn't really need the extra 3 round trip flights a year to the US but he still gets them, so he's using one to fly me out on his company's dime as a combination belated birthday/"welcome home from Afghanistan, come visit Afghanistan's polar opposite, Thailand" gift.
     
  9. Frebis

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    I've been completely independent more or less since I graduated high school.

    I only had to ask for money once, and that was because my work hours got cut, I was at the end of a lease and the guy I was supposed to move in with bailed on me. I was living on like $5 a day. I was sleeping on friends couches and in my car when one wasn't available. I was trying to save enough money so I could get a lease on my own. My parents put a stop to this when they found out. I learned a valuable lesson that day- it is better to swallow your pride and ask for money than to be homeless.

    Recently my girlfriend has started doing my laundry. She wants to, but I feel bad about having her do it. I'm 27 years old. I don't need someone taking care of me. But it does make Sunday's a lot more enjoyable.
     
  10. Diablo

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    After I graduated college and joined the USMC, I've been completely on my own. I pay my own rent, utilities, cell phone, loan, etc. The only thing I use my parents for is their address. They are in TX, and there is no income tax, so I keep their addy instead of change mine every year when I move. Also, I use my father for financial advice whenever I need, and if I ever needed a loan for any reason, they are there to extend a hand, but I like to keep that to a minimum.
     
  11. NickAragua

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    Nowadays, I'm pretty much 100% independent. I guess I did accept a pretty sizeable set of wedding gifts from my extended family last year to help put a down payment on my condo, but if it wasn't for that, I'd have just had to wait another couple of years (and would probably have been better off doing that since housing prices have continued to drop like a rock since then).

    As a convenience, I do the laundry at my parents' house, since I visit them weekly anyway, and this way I don't have to pay exorbitant laundromat prices or deal with the shared building laundry facilities. I can usually score a pretty decent meal there while I'm at it. Let's face it, your parents are going to be better cooks than you or your spouse, unless you're some kind of weirdo cooking prodigy.
     
  12. toddus

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    Dude you realise it isn't even a debate anymore. He isn't your dog, he is your parents dog.
     
  13. shimmered

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    I don't get help with much of anything, barring moving or something like that.
    My independent streak is a mile wide, especially these days. I've asked for help in the past but lately I've realized, I'm all growed up now. No one's gonna do it for me, so I better do it for myself. Then I won't owe anyone anything.
     
  14. audreymonroe

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    I am mostly independent. Right now, my dad helps me financially with my cell phone (I'm still on his plan), health insurance and any medical things, and he's temporarily paying back my college loans, but once I get a full-time job I'm paying him back then paying them back on my own. He usually is helpful if I need temporary assistance if he thinks I'm good for paying him back, but he pushes financial independence pretty hard. I think it's fair.
     
  15. kuhjäger

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    I am married, we live on our own, we both hold down full time well paying jobs.

    However if we are too lazy or cheap to make food, we go over to the in-laws about a mile away and raid their fridge.

    Just yesterday we realized that we forgot to get anything for breakfast. So we drove over there, ate food, said happy father's day, and left.
     
  16. mya

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    I am pretty independent. I am married, so obviously we have things that we just kind of gravitate to in order to get them done (I do most cooking, he mows the yard), but basically everything is split pretty evenly. Shoot, we even each do our own laundry. One thing that I HATE to do and will push off on my husband every chance I can (which is probably about 90% of the time) is pumping gas. We don't share a car, it is my car, yet I still want him to get me gas. I have absolutely no reason for this irrational hatred, I know it is 100% my responsibility, but I still find myself asking "hey, will you get me gas" on a regular basis.
     
  17. lostalldoubt86

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    I live with my parents. Despite this, I pay my cell phone and car insurance bills, do my own laundry, pay for the upkeep on my car, and buy my own food (with the exception of dinner, which I would probably end up eating with the family even if I didn't live here.) I really only live here because I have a brother who can't be left home alone and parents who work two jobs each.
     
  18. madamsquirrel

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    My grandmother, my mother, myself and my daughter have a strange situation in our family. Anytime we go to our respective mother's home we leave with groceries. If I go to my mom's house she will empty her pantry, freezer and garden to send me home with groceries. I do the same thing with my daughter. This has been going on my whole life and I am not sure why. Obviously we are old enough and make enough money to each buy our own groceries. For some reason it makes us feel like we are providing even though in truth we are just buying each other's things.
     
  19. PIMPTRESS

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    I haven't had much help from mom and stepdad in thirteen years, I don't know what it would be like to drop laundry off at my mommy's or call dad if I need dough. It's all good, I have learned how to take care of myself. I do think I would be more helpful to my kids when they are older, provided they let me. I doubt I'll be washing anyone's jeans though, haha.
     
  20. MoreCowbell

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    I don't understand this at all. It's not even a real chore! You just...stand there. How is this something that one can even 'hate'? Is it the sticker shock of seeing the dollars go by?


    I actually have the opposite issue. My mother is like the woman on Everybody Loves Raymond. She just won't....stop. I appreciate having dinner cooked when I'm visiting, or the laundry (I hate laundry). And I suppose it's a bit silly to complain about other people doing things for you. But Jesus Christ woman,I don't need an extra cook in the kitchen for everything. I'm 22 years old. I am perfectly capable of buying my own underwear. And stop buying me clothes I don't need. I appreciate the monetary savings, but if I needed them, I would probably buy them myself, and at least I'd be guaranteed to like them.

    My future significant other is going to be driven crazy by this, in all likelihood.



    Financially...I'm about to be independent for the first time in my life. I'll be honest: I would not be where I am today if it hadn't been for the financial support I've gotten. My bill for university years (tuition and living expenses) would be over $200,000 overall. I doubt that anyone would have given an "independent" 18 year old loans for that amount. And frankly, if I didn't have a 'big-name' university on my diploma....I wouldn't have the job I do now.

    Does it bother me? Oh, hell yes. It bothers the shit out of me, because I don't feel right being an 'adult' who isn't able to provide for himself. This was probably the impetus for why I've had part-time jobs for the majority of the time since I was 14. There's no way I could have been financially independent, but the facade of bringing some money to the table was important to me, even if it was an insignificant amount relatively speaking. Sure, it's only drinking money and groceries...but at least I'm making an honest effort to pay for some of it.

    That said....financial support is, in my view, an acceptance of a certain responsibility. I always thought that if I was going to go to university on someone else's bill, I better be living up to their expectations the best I could. It's definitely part of, albeit not the entirety of, why I gave a lot of effort in university. There's a difference between being privileged and being spoiled, and I tried by best not to become the latter.