I suggest that we continue to go out and see what happens.

This may be the greatest followup to a first date ever -

reddit link

And they say Romance is dead.

FOCUS: First date stories. Have you had an amazing first date? Hilariously bad first date? Had a melt down or been on the receiving end of a melt down? Tried something cute to pull a victory out of a failure and got slapped with a restraining order?

 

Whomever wrote that exceedingly sad email is either autistic or spent so much time listening to Beethoven that he has never learned how to interact with humanity. Wow.

Focus: I had just moved to the area and didn't know anybody. Naturally, I turned to internet dating. I mowed through a brier patch of lols and omgs before I found a girl that was reasonably attractive, functionally literate, and had an alcoholic beverage in her hand in all 9 of her pictures. I sent her a message to the effect of, "I'd ask you for your number, but I'm afraid I don't keep enough bail money on hand for two people." She replied back, "It's cool. I've run from the cops before. Call me sometime." We chatted and set the following Sunday to meet.

We met up at a bar and grill only to find out that they were closed. It never occurred to me to check if they were open. I figured any place with a bar and grill inside it would welcome degenerates that drink on Sunday nights. Luckily, she knew the area better than I did, so I followed her to an Applebee's five miles away. We got there in 38 seconds, due to her inability to see the color red.

We immediately began to start drinking. Well, she did. I had a whiskey and coke that I slowly enjoyed while she did her best Dudley Moore impression. Not surprisingly, the conversation turned to alcohol and drifted through half-remembered bad decisions until it landed on her ex and how they totally broke up a few weeks ago. An hour later, I have one empty drink in front of me while she looks as if she's building a castle with glassware. I also now know her ex pees sitting down, brought her flowers that one Tuesday, and did a tremendous job of holding her hair back.

As I settled the check, she stumbled out to the parking lot. She threw her arms around my waist and gave me a hug that all drunks give and receive at some point in their drinking careers. I asked her if she was ok to drive. She responded, "Bitch please. I've been waaaaaay more fucked up than this."

I never saw her again. However, I did receive a text message from her the next day. She got back together with her ex.

 

This letter reminds of me of the thread with the Patrick Bateman-esque Roommate Application from the RMMB. Was that John Fitzgerald Paige?

 

The summer before my senior year of high school, I worked for a summer camp. My co-counselor was an attractive enough guy, so when he asked me out, I said yes. We lived about 20 minutes away from each other, so we decided to meet at the middle-point between our houses. This middle point ended up being a movie theater. Some highlights of the night:

[*]As the person who did the asking, I let him choose the movie. So we went to see "Hoodwinked"- the children's movie based on Little Red Riding Hood

[*]I paid for my own ticket. I don't mean he made me pay for my own ticket. I mean he bought both tickets, and in awkward first-date form, I also bought a ticket for myself.

[*] He spent the entire movie rubbing my leg, but no matter how many times I leaned in, he wouldn't kiss me. Either he wasn't getting the hint, or he was just really into the movie.

[*]After the movie, he went to that 50's themed restaurant where the staff sings every twenty minutes. I ordered a burger, fries, and two drinks, under the impression that I would be paying for my own food. That's why I felt horrible when he paid for the food while I was in the bathroom.

[*]After the restaurant, we sat in his car for half an hour listening to the Rocky Horror Picture Show soundtrack. We made out for about 5 minutes. At that point, I realized I wasn't all that into him. And felt horrible.

All that being said, I went on a second date with him. It went pretty much the same way. Except the second time we went to see "Aquamarine"- the live-action tween movie about a mermaid. Also, we went to Wendy's instead of the 50's themed restaurant. I ended up apologizing for not being into him.

 

The girl I have been seeing for over the last year and I had an interesting first date. We ended up going to Perkins on a Sunday morning while I was wearing a white tee shirt with a bloody handprint smeared on it, and blood all over my pants. I recieved some funny looks from the church going crowd. It was a morning after sort of date, as the previous night we had met and fooled around at a party of a mutual friend of ours. This story by itself is kind of typical, but the picture I have to accompany it makes me laugh every time I see it. When we met, THIS is how we looked. I am on the right, and the girl is in the middle.

Spoiler

I was also screwed out of my gourd off four locos (which I have never touched since) and I did not let either of us sleep the entire night. We slept in the back of my Chevy Cavalier and it was roughly 30 degrees inside. We both got up the next morning sore, but laughed it off and hit it off in the sobering morning sunshine. I love her to death and wouldn't trade her for the world, but it is an awesome story of how we met.

I got her number from there and we started dating at a distance, 2 hours away or so. She graduated and moved to New York City, and I graduated and am living in Binghamton, NY, and we are still about 3 and a half hours away, but doing well with it.

 

I originally thought the dude HAD to be an engineer till he realized what he did. Now I realize he has to have Aspergers or something of the like.

FOCUS: I may have put it in a rant at some point, but the weirdest first date also accompanied my only foray into online dating. Id been on a couple worthless first dates in the last 2 months, including one with a girl who after an evening of great semi-drunk conversation and making out less than a week before turned out to be beyond boring, guarded, and socially prude.

As a result, on a lark, I got on Match as my roommate had been using the site for 6 months and I thought it might be another useful tool in my ongoing relationship hustle. So after a week or so of sorting through the unattractive, the intentionally deceptive, and the awkwardly crazy, I had been going back and forth with a girl who appeared very cute in all her pictures. We began texting a bit, and she proved witty, clever, and super entertaining. I even remember telling my roommate what a good fit it seemed to be already. Fast forward to the date where we met up at a bar/lounge for a few drinks.

We end up hanging out and talking for almost 2.5 hours about family, likes/dislikes, quirks, etc... She was extremely flirtatious, touching my hands, playing with her hair (excuse me..."preening"), every good sign you look for. Towards the end of the date, things were a bit off as we talked about her trip to Austin that weekend and the goodbye was a bit hurried as she dashed off to a cab. Regardless, I figured I was reading too much into it and I looked forward to a next date.

So I texted her the next week to see how her trip was and set something up. Her replies were brief, but again, whatever. Finally, that Saturday, going back and forth, she hits me up to tell me she was at a bar near where I was and I should definitely come by, she thinks it would be fun and I would really like her friends. I think this is a positive sign, already testing me for potential acceptance in a group setting, so I grab my roommate, so I don't show up awkwardly alone, and we roll out. Once we arrive, it takes awhile to find her, but I do, make eye contact, and then proceed to wait 2-3 min while she finishes whatever convo she is engaged in. So I head over, get an awkward hug, then am introduced to a clearly drunken, plump girl and some bro wearing a hemp necklace. She walks away almost immediately, and my roommate and I awkwardly talk to this pair for some time. The bro is solid enough, but the girl is horrifically boring, all over the place, and just miserable company. Eventually my "date" returns, talks for a few min (primarily to the girl), and then walks away to take a shot with a group of guys. To this point I thought it some stupid petty "girl test", but now I realize this situation is FUBAR and its time to eject.

So I wait till she finishes, walk over, and inform her that we have other places to be and we're leaving. Then she stuns me with the following convo:
Her: Ok, thats cool. Did you like my friend?
Me: Uhh, yeah, she was nice enough.
Her: Do you want to date her?
Me: (look of shock) Ummm...what?
Her: Are you into my friend? I thought you guys would be a great match, she has your sense of humor...
Me: She's...uhh...she's not my type, sorry.
Her: Really? I think you guys would... (cut off as I walk away)

I wasn't even mad, just stunned. I told the story to everyone I could for the next week and nobody, especially girls, could make sense of it. At that point, I said fuck online dating and figured I would be better off chasing plastered bar trash than that genre of psycho skank.

 

Met a girl drunk at the corner bar, got her number. Texted back and forth a bit and set up a date for later that week. When I went to pick her up, I wasn't sure I had the correct address. You see, inside her alleged house was a family of the redneckiest rednecks I've ever seen. We're talking four young children with mullets, people. The mother was wearing a dirty wifebeater and smoking a cigarette. The father had a dirty trucker hat and mutton chops. A bong was in full view. Instead of getting out of my car and knocking on what I was sure was the wrong door, I called the girl and told her I was there. Sure enough, she emerged from the house.

We returned to the corner bar where we met. We played pool, had a couple drinks, shot the shit. Standard first date stuff. It didn't take long for her inner white trash to start coming out. I said something about needing a little spice in my life, and she said, "I think I could get you some but it'd take a day or two." She regaled me with high school stories from her youth in Texas, where, you guessed it, she'd grown up in a trailer. She had a falling out with her alcoholic father for ambiguous reasons (I'd bet my life savings on molestation) and moved to Colorado with her sister and her family. Her sister, however, was in deep financial trouble. In fact, the girl I was now desperately trying to end a date with admitted she was worried about foreclosure and being homeless. She told me she hoped someone could take her in, while looking at me with doe eyes.

I finally dropped her off (she smoked weed out of a homemade tinfoil bowl during the ride home) and said good riddance. The next day, she texted me asking for a ride to work. Sparked by curiosity, I asked her where exactly that might be. Her reply:

"Diamond Cabaret."

Fantastic.

 

I already wrote about my all-time worst first date on here somewhere, but I'm too lazy to find it. The moral of the story was that he took me to his "underground lair" and while I'm sure he was harmless, I ended up doing the "have my roommate call me, pretend to go outside to take the call and then literally run away into the night" thing. This one happened recently, and has become my second favorite bad first date story.

I met him at a bar on a Friday, and after talking for a few hours we decided that night to hang out again, and made vague plans for Monday and exchanged numbers. On Sunday night, I realized I hadn't heard from him, but figured it wouldn't hurt to text him anyway. I asked him if he wanted to go get drinks or coffee tomorrow around 8 or 9. A few hours later he texted back "I guess I'm not above that cliche." Not only did he sound like a complete douchebag, he also didn't answer either of my questions. Did he want to get coffee or drinks? 8 or 9? In Manhattan or Brooklyn? Any hint of a convenient neighborhood? Anything? Bueller? It annoyed me so much that I almost decided to just never respond, but we had had such a good time on Friday and maybe it was his idea of a joke or something, so I just went for it. My life is not so packed that I didn't have an hour to spare. I picked a bar within walking distance, decided on 8:30, and sent him the suggestion, asking if it was easy for him to get to because I had no idea where he lived and it could've been a total pain. His response: "Probably, but who knows? I'm picking up film at 6 so I can most likely be there." I couldn't even tell if this was a yes, and I told him so, and I didn't hear anything else from him the rest of the night.

(Fun fact: Even though I know there are plenty of people in this city who are "in film," I was so scared that he was going to end up being Ssycko at the NYC meetup.)

Anyway, I hadn't heard from him all Monday either, and I wasn't even sure if I should bother going at all. But 8 came and I made a half-hearted attempt to dress up and headed to the bar, figuring I would just go to my friend's if he never showed up. On my walk there, he finally texted saying he was going to be a bit late. But at least I knew he was coming. The date itself ended up being awesome. I remembered why I had fun on Friday and we were hanging out until 2am. As we were walking to his subway station, he stopped to kiss me and it. was. horrible. It reminded me of making out in your parents' rec room in seventh grade. It was just so sloppy and eager and when he was kissing my neck (normally my favorite activity) he was, like, biting it or something. I don't even know, but I had bruises for days afterwards. So between that and the pre-date texting annoyance I decided right then and there that this would be the last time I saw him. He, unfortunately, kept stopping me every other block to kiss me again, and when we got to his stop I was like "OK THIS IS YOUR STOP, BYE." But he was like "oh, no, I should walk you home. It's late." And I was like 'NO THAT'S OKAY." But he wouldn't take a hint, and I'm too nice, so I had to endure his gross kissing for twenty more minutes. By the end, when my hands were on my hips and I was practically tapping my foot in impatience, he said "You kiss like you're in a trance." And it took all of my willpower to not tell him that I was kissing like I couldn't wait for him to leave so I could just get home already.

Finally, he left. Three days later, on Thursday at 8:30, I got a text from him asking about how a writing project I was working on was going. I thought that was kind of charming, so after debating it for a while, I told him, trying to concentrate on how fun hanging out with him was when he wasn't texting or kissing. And he never responded.

Until a week later, on Thursday, at 8:30. He asked if my Betty Draperdom had gotten to me yet. It was so strange, like he had it in his schedule or something: Thursdays, 7 pm - do laundry. 7:30 - cook dinner. 8:30- text that girl I met two weeks ago. It felt like he was trying out a new opening line each week, or something. He was just too weird. So I never said anything. I was kind of relieved.

He didn't cross my mind until a week later, on Thursday, at 8:30, he texted me again.

"God, stop thinking about me so much."

It was funny, but sorry man. Too weird.

 

From Mozart Mike:

I bet this fucker read his email over and over again before he sent it. Now he's digging his eyes out at this one minor grammatical error.

 

So I'm the only one who thought the e-mail was a decent response? Fuck it. I really do have social cluelessness.

FOCUS: I don't get as far as a date. So, there's that.

I'm trying to remember when my last date was. Probably the blind double date my (now gay - one of those guys where everyone knows he's gay before he does) friend took me on. Yes, the dates were women. No, they were not pre-op or post-op but actual women - bear in mind they were about our age (about 19 at the time) and this was a decade ago. I was basically a deaf mute all night, since I had nothing in common with either of them, and the supposedly mild curry I ordered - at my friend's recommendation - was so hot it nearly burned the roof of my mouth off. I never saw either of those women again.

At least I've learned to not waste my time on dating or relationships anymore, since I'm simply not equipped for them.

 

I had a date the other week, where I planned to meet the girl in the city and have a couple of drinks. I fell asleep on the train ride in to meet her. Possibly too relaxed.

 

This email is the results of years of "God, can't you take a hint?" and then having friends try to explain to him what the specific hints were.

 

Worst first date

Little information, I am fairly active in the local Lindy Hop dance scene (fuck you, its fun and there are a ton of girls there that want to do dirty things to you on the floor), and this scene has a large number of university students.

Being busy with school, I am fucking around with the online dating thing. So after much sorting through the crazies and land whales, I set up a date with a seemingly cute, smart girl. We both agree to meet at the campus library for a coffee and walk around campus date, fairly safe first date.

First thing, as most people expect, the camera hides about 20lbs on her. What ever, I am here already, might as well go through with it. So we proceed to get down to this date, we get our coffees and proceed to hit the trails around campus. Its at this point, I find out she is an Arts/English Major. There are plenty of jokes made at the Arts and English Majors expenses, and she lived up to most of them, which is unfortunate, as I had a little hope reserved for her. At this point, I have pretty much given up on this going past a first date.

Its at this point, that I start seeing girls I know from Lindy Hop on campus. So after seeing me, they coming over, hug me, ask me if ill be at the dance on Saturday, me replying "likely", then hugging me again, and disappearing, its become obvious the girl I was on the date with was not exactly sure what the fuck is going on, and why all this good looking girl is paying me a bunch of attention in front of her. It gets better though, not only do I see 1 girl from Lindy, I see a total of 6 of them. The process of greet, hug, ask the question, hug, and leave happened 6 times.

I am pretty sure that after the 3rd time this happened, the date was dead, but we both some how managed to see it to the end, with a fairly awkward good bye.

On the plus side, my first date with the Girlfriend was awesome, we went to the local historic graveyard and walked around, talked and shot photos.

 

Dude, this would be such a good topic. "When have you known you were a terrible date?" I'm sure I have a good story, I just need to think about it.

 

[double post]

 

None, because I am awesome.

Either that or I just blocked them all out.

I was having dinner with this girl when I was in college once, and halfway through I learned that she was 1). Mormon, and 2). Eighteen. The sensible thing to do would be to turn and run, but being a dipshit 22 year old I rode it out for the rest of the night. We watched a movie - Ratatouille, because she didn't watch Rs "by choice." We were cuddling on the couch - but every time I moved in for the kiss, she brushed it aside. She even pointedly put her hands on my face, turned my head to the side, and kissed me on the cheek, just to get the point across. Lastly, she couldn't have boys over past midnight in her Latter Day Saints compound that we were watching the movie in, so with the biggest case of blue balls in the history of mandkind I went home early. I remember trudging through the snow to my car, walking past a picture of Jesus on some kid's bedroom window, and saying "Tell me, please, Jesus - what is so cool about this?"

She tried getting my attention again in various ways, but I wasn't about to touch that one with a 40 foot pole and just ignored her until she stopped.

And yes, she was very, very hot in case you were wondering. I met her at a salsa dance (fuck you).