After getting caught by my mother (as posted in the grocery bag condom thread), as my Mom was herding us out of the house, she called my girlfriend's father, who was a bi-polar ex-pastor who worked in the lumber department at Home Depot. I had mostly been staying at their house for about a month, but down on the basement couch, where of course, Mandy would come pay me visits. Never saw her parents again, broke up with her shortly after. My Mom, meanwhile, stole my car keys so she could ground me, and forced me to go to 8 weeks of counseling at a "Church approved" counselor. So my question is, except for a couple details, do I know you?
A couple of times stand out,my Junior year of High School dad was going through a divorce from Step mom #3 and we moved out to the farm until dads lawyer got our house back. I had came home from baseball practice and done homework and ate. I was heading to town about the time Dad walked in with his new girlfriend, I drove off and then realized i left the most bad ass CD I had ever burnt in my computer, I turned around about 2 miles from home and drove back and Dad was getting a BJ in his La-z-Boy. The look on her face was priceless, his not so much. ANTI FOCUS: He got me back Senior year we had moved back to town and I knew he wouldn't be home at lunch time because he never ate at home I went home every day so I knew. He walked in as I was balls deep in a Freshman orientation course on the living room couch, he walked out and I guess ate somewhere else . We never talked about it other than him telling me to put a sheet or blanket on the couch if i am going to use it like that.
I guess the one good thing about having my parents divorce when I was 5 was that I never had the chance of walking in on them/hearing them having sex.
My dad just gave me ten bucks and said "Your mother and I need alone time, come back in an hour" I hate my life. Plus, what the fuck, I can only get like 2 beers, how the fuck can I drink enough to forget this with ten bucks??
I never heard my mother and father having sex. Although I can say that is partly because my Mom slept in the guest room for the last year and a half or so that they were married. My Mom and my step-dad however are like rabbits. I thankfully have never seen it, but I have heard it. They have a water bed and my senior year of high school (the first year that they were married) I would go to the bathroom (which was right next door to their room) and would hear the sploosh-sploosh-sploosh of the water bed taht could only be caused by one thing. I learned to ignore it. On the other hand, at the end of my senior year in high school my step-father was the one who walked in on me. We were in the basement, my boyfriend was going down on me, they were home very early. I believe that the only thing that I said was "Oh shit." He wordlessly walked back up the stairs, and then I heard my mother's voice yelling at me to get my ass upstairs. To this day I consider that the most awkward moment of my life. The guy left very quickly, and the relationship did not last much longer... I think my step-dad gave his "chainsaw and a rug" speech...
Off topic: Why does it bother us so much to think of our parents as sexual people? Why does it bother our parents to think of their adolecent and grown children as sexual? Maybe I'm wierd...or just not fucked up. I remember hearing my mom and step-dad go at it a few times. Yeah, it really creeped me out because I was like 11 or 12 so I knew what sex was, but didn't really have an adult conception of sexuality. Now that I am an adult, it seems silly that I was so freaked out about the sounds coming from mommy's bedroom. I know no one wants to see/hear their parents having sex....but wouldn't you be more creeped out to think they never had sex? Deep thoughts...
Exactly. Though I feel sorry for my mum because I'm pretty sure she's never bumped uglies since then. I don't think I'd be creeped out, more impressed with the sexless (doubt my mum was a virgin til she married my dad) birth.
Anti-Anti-Focus: about two years ago I went to a LAN party with a good female friend of mine, and the whole time we were there she kept going on and on about how she really wanted her ass penetrated, and how her ass was hungry for cock. I met this with what I still believe is a rational response: I talked about Rhapsody in Blue for a while before realizing I meant the Bohemian Rhapsody and how the first dozen or so times I heard it I couldn't understand the words, but by the time I learned the words I realized that the music had spoken to me through melody and I had a pretty good understanding of the story before I understood the words. Anyway after eating an insane amount of junk food, and kicking some serious virtual ass we head back to her place. I plopped down in front of the TV and she went into her room. I'm halfway through some random nature show when she pops out of her room and apologizes. "For what?" I ask "You didn't hear us? I thought I was screaming like a banshee, I had to bite down on my pillow." Her boyfriend steps out of the room behind her "Oh hey Allord, I didn't know you were here" At this point she and boyfriend look into each others eyes, high five and shout "BUTT BUDDIES!!" I turned up the volume on the TV. Anti-Anti-Focus: Same girl, same boyfriend, but with her old roommate instead of me. Worse yet, he actually walked in while they were in the middle of a blowjob. He walks into her room suddenly, "Hey, do you know where the [I can't remember] is?" Girl gets up really fast and in one smooth motion pivots and wipes her mouth "ROOMMATE!!! HIII!!!" Roommate smiles, "Hello" Girl tells him where the thing is and roommate turns around and leaves without even realizing what's going on. He only later realized what had happened when girl spelled it out for him a couple of hours later. I like to tell myself that my other friend is even more oblivious than I am, but it's probably a pretty close call here. Also, if you can't tell, that girl is extremely overt about sex.
Thank god I've never had the unfortunate luck of walking in on my parents. They have a system..... 1. Ask/bribe the kids to leave for the day 2. Close curtains over front and back doors 3. After the fun, send mass text message to the kids, letting them know the curtains are open again I'm not sure what's worse. That all our friends and our neighbours know what the "curtains" represent, or receiving the text from Dad 5 hours later that reads "K curtains open. Come home. Dinner". Sorry, Dad, I've suddenly lost my appetite.
I have never walked in on my parents, thank god. Anti-Focus I have had my parents walk in on me. I had just moved back in with my mom and she had a one bedroom place so my boyfriend and I slept in the living room. We were bored one Saturday afternoon, my parents were out shopping, we thought all was good, until they came home early. My boyfriend still can't look my step-dad in the eye.
Oh this happy chestnut, just when I'd buried the memories (again). Its happened twice. The first, I was eleven years old and woke early on a Sunday morning. The house we lived in at the time, there was no door to my parents room, as it was connected to a dressing room with a large entrance to their bedroom. The dressing room door was always left open, and across the landing was my bedroom, so when leaving my room I would have a clear view into the parents' boudoir before finding my way to the bathroom in the morning. This particular Sunday morning, as I hazily stagger through my door way, still clawing the sleep dust out of my eyes, I caught side of my father, happily bouncing up and down atop my mother in bed, with the occasional grunt overheard as I ran to the bathroom. By eighteen, I'd managed to forget all about it, until I went to visit some friends in Canterbury for the day. After an entertaining day, I hop onto the train and head home. The front door (new house, where I am now) is very loud. It creaks like a cheap sound effect from a low budget horror film, and the lock sounds like a tank rolling into Warsaw. I offered to pick up a book for my father while I was in Canterbury (I soon found out why he couldn't be bothered to get it himself from the book store only a two minute walk away from the house) and so I made my way up the stairs to deliver the book. I walk into my parents' room and there is my mother, sweaty and bare as the day she was born, lying on the bed. My father then walks out of the bathroom, only to say, "Oh you got it, thankyou! How was Canterbury?" while desperately trying to pretend that we're not in an awkward situation, in his birthday suit. We never spoke of either event, and I never intend to.
Growing up, I shared a wall with my folks. Well, they did have an en suite in between me and their bedroom, but this was not to contain the awful slapping sound of naked sweaty flesh that occurred one fateful night when they'd both gone out and gotten drunk at some work party. Grunts of parental ecstasy still haunt my nightmares. Other than that, they were always very discreet, but liquor unfortunately removes their inhibitions. I've been caught once by a couple of drunk friends who came to my place for a place to crash after bar hopping (I was the only one in my circle with my own place at that stage). I was fucking my girlfriend doggy-style, and I didn't hear them creep through the hallway. They flung open the door and screamed something like "hey fuckers!!!" and ran off into the living room cackling. My girlfriend shrieked, spun around like a crocodile trying to drown it's prey, whipped the sheets over herself, and in the process wrenched my cock sideways. "Lil' Turbs" was a little sore after that.
I guess I am pretty fortunate. My parents are fairly conservative, and keep their shit to themselves. Of course, as a kid, I've found condoms. I also found my mom's birth control pills, and asked if it was candy. Sure wasn't, and she adamantly refused to share. My dad's busted me for porn multiple times, though. Our family is pretty tech savvy, and we had aol 2.0 or whatever back in 95 or 96. That's odd to think about...I've been spankin' it for nearly 15 years. Also, my brother had walked in on me and my highschool girlfriend a few times, and annoyed the fuck out of us knowing full well of what was happening. Turd. Anyways, since I didn't contribute much of anything, this thread has motivated me to suggest a few of my favorite rmmb threads. Let's hope they make it.