So a couple of years ago, I was sitting with a group of friends, there were about 5 of us all together, and somehow the topic of our parents sex came up. Now my mother is Irish Catholic, and has about as much interest in sex as a rock would, and from an email I saw that my father had written to someone on match.com a few years ago, he said it was about as interesting as having sex with a rock. So I mentioned to them that I had not once walked in on my parents having sex. However the other 4 were not as lucky. One had walked in at the age of nine asking if they were going to church that day, and instead saw her parents going to town. Another had come home early from practice one day and seen his mom and dad getting it on in the kitchen. The other two had more or less been scared occasionally in the middle of the night, and had gone into their parents room to see them doing the under the comforter rumble, one on a few occasions. I can't say that these are all well adjusted members of society, but they didn't seem to be too scarred by their encounters, but I imagine there are some unlucky souls on this board who have just had memories brought back. FOCUS: Did you ever walk in on your parents? How did you react? How did they try to explain it? ANTI-FOCUS: Have you ever been walked in on during naughty time?
Re: I saw Mommy and Daddy wresetling last night!!! I've never actually walked in on my parents. But I've had two glimpses into it. The first is finding a pack of sex tarot cards when I was unpacking our Christmas decorations. Why the sex tarot cards were with the decorations is beyond me. The second thing I found was a big purple dildo. Not something that I would ever want to find, but what makes it worse is that I had a bunch of friends over at the time and they saw it. One of them thought it was a flashlight at first (we were like, 13), so shouting PURPLE FLASHLIGHT in my vicinity has been a joke with them ever since.
Re: I saw Mommy and Daddy wresetling last night!!! Are you kidding me? It got to the point that I would ring the damn doorbell when I came home after 7 p.m. just to give them warning.
Re: I saw Mommy and Daddy wresetling last night!!! I was 8-9 and I didn't realize it till a few years later when I really started to understand sex. My parents room was right across from mine and they had a bathroom in their room. Us kids had a bathroom down the hall, and well at (I'd say 12 am) the choice was obvious. The door was unlocked (it was well after our bedtimes) and I walked in. I don't remember the position they were in or even what the reaction was beyond anger. I do remember I used their bathroom anyway.
Re: I saw Mommy and Daddy wresetling last night!!! Focus: When I was eight I heard strange noises coming from my parents room at 1 in the morning. Thinking someone was trying to break into the house, I snuck my way into the closet and grabbed one of my dad's golf clubs, intent on stopping the thief, and thus earning my parents gratitude. Yeah. There was a lot of screaming and my mom and I still haven't discussed it. Anti-Focus: Last week three of my friends walked in on me and my girlfriend. It was at a bar that the three of them worked at, and they were trying to close up the place. I responded by laughing hysterically and screaming "rock on!"
Re: I saw Mommy and Daddy wresetling last night!!! Never saw but routinely heard my mom getting plowed by her Elvis-lookalike boyfriend through the A/C vents. I used to go out into the living room and put Texas Chainsaw Massacre (orig) in the vcr and play the last 30mins at full volume and hide the remote before going back into my room. That was one long summer.
Re: I saw Mommy and Daddy wresetling last night!!! I have been walked in on quite a few times but I have some how managed to cover it up in some fashion or another but the last time I was walked in on over the summer was the closest I've ever been legitimately caught. I had gotten into an argument with my girlfriend and after managing to smooth the whole situation over I decided to bang her on the floor of her living room. Since she lives in a really small apartment the living room is attached directly to the foyer which was only about 8 feet away or so. I'm banging her and right as were finishing up we hear a car door slam shut and were both confused because we didn't expect her mother to be back so soon because she only left around an hour ago. Surprise turns to sheer panic as we realize it is her mother and shes walking up the front steps to the front door which when she opens it is going to give her a clear shot of what were doing. Thankfully my girlfriend was in a bikini and we had only slipped the top off over her breasts so that it was still technically on and taken the bottom off. As I quickly pull out she pulls her top down and grabs her bottom and puts it back on. I've barely gotten my shorts up, sans boxers, as I hear her mother opening the front door so I quickly turn so that my back is turned to her as I zip my shorts up and stuff my boxers into my shorts. Thankfully it had been torrential downpour outside and since my clothes were soaked I hoped it made sense that my shirt was off. As her mother walks in she immediately demands to know what is going on. To which I kind of just stammer nothing, nothing at all. As it turns out my girlfriends face was kind of flushed either from the sex or the shock and realization that her mother was about to walk in on her getting railed on the floor and her mother actually thought that our fight had escalated to the point that I hit her. I'm not entirely certain which is worse the fact that her mother was completely oblivious to the fact that I was just fucking her daughter on the floor or that she thought I would actually abuse her daughter... Suffice to say I've made damn sure that no on would be walking in on us since forth....
Re: I saw Mommy and Daddy wresetling last night!!! My parents were always relatively forthright about sex. I wasn't the kid who knew what blowjobs were at six years old, but I knew that babies didn't come from "mommy's stomach" or the cabbage patch or whatever. And my dad was perfectly frank and forthright when it came time for "the talk" during my first Sex Ed class in fifth grade. So I kinda knew other things were happening between them besides huggin' and kissin'. That said, I never walked in on them doing the deed, but I have to unsettling memories, and my sister... well, I just feel sorry for her. The first happened when I was fifteen or sixteen. For vacation we always drove up to Michigan's Upper Peninsula to stay at a lake-side resort for a week. Given that my sister and I were of "that age," the cabin they rented had three bedrooms: the master for them, and one each for my sister and I. It was dead quiet during the nights. One night, after I put away the portable CD player and took off the headphones, I heard... noises. My room shared a wall with the master bedroom. Half-asleep I wondered what it was, and then I heard my mother and father moan and make their other "doin' it" sounds. I had the pillow pressed so tightly over my head to drown the sound out I could have suffocated myself. Worse is that I had masturbated like fifteen minutes before, so I got off when my parents were trying to do the same. The second memory came more recently. My sister and I shared a bedroom when we were little, again, adjacent to our parents' room. I used to sleep with a stuffed Snoopy animal, and when I would wake during the night and couldn't find him, my five-year-old self would panic. "I can't find my buddy!" I would yell. "My buddy fell down!" More than once, I distinctly remember my mother or father coming into the room stark fucking naked to help locate my stuffed animal, usually lodged between the mattress and the wall. I never made the connection they were probably banging until like two years ago. Mindfuck: How often do you think your mother kissed you goodnight right before or, worse, after your father jizzed in her mouth? If your parents were in their twenties when you were little like mine were, the answer is probably all the fucking time. Then there's my poor sister, who is a couple of years younger than me. My parents divorced during my senior year of high school. I was safely in college before mom started dating. When I came home for the weekends my sister and I would shoot the shit about whatever. One weekend she dropped this gem: "You're lucky you moved out when you did." "Why's that?" I asked. "Because mom brings her dates home sometimes," she said. "And I can hear things." It's bad enough when you imagine your mom and dad fucking. It's worse when you know your parents fucked other people after they divorced. I've never been caught in the act myself, though I hope I returned the favor to my parents when I had a girlfriend over and we "watched a movie" in the basement.
Re: I saw Mommy and Daddy wresetling last night!!! Nope, I never walked in on my parents having sex, but I did walk in on my friend's parents. I was in 2nd grade I think, and I was spending the night at a friend's house. I always have trouble sleeping when not at home so I got up around 3 am to go to the bathroom and when I walked into the living room they were plowing away right on the floor. I had absolutely no idea what sex was so I was pretty confused about it at the time. I don't think I've ever even told my friend about it. I suppose it's just our dirty little secret.
Re: I saw Mommy and Daddy wresetling last night!!! When I was around the age of 5, I awoke from a bad dream and promptly walked down the hall towards my parents bedroom. They have a king sized bed that faces the door. I opened the door, and there they were, my dad on top of my mom, stark naked, on the edge of the bed. They were horizontal, not long-ways (I'll leave the details at that), which now that I think about it, confuses me. I don't know why they would do that. It's like they knew I was coming and wanted to find the best way possible to scar me. Since I was 5, I had no idea what was going on. I asked, and my mom told me they were just hugging. I turned around and went back to my room, figuring my bad dream could wait. Little did I know, that image would be burned into my brain for the rest of my life and that I would recall it later in life, realizing what was actually going on. I can still picture it perfectly. I haven't thought about it for a while, so thanks kuhjäger for allowing me to recollect that horrifying night. ALT FOCUS: When I was young and very stupid, my girlfriend and I decided it would be a good idea to fuck in the bathroom of my cousin's house. In my retarded beer-addled brain, I forgot to lock the door. One of my cousins walked in on us, yelled "holy shit" and and ran back down the stairs. He proceeded to tell my entire extended family. Being how fucked up my family is, they ridiculed us for the whole next year. I apologized to the owners of the house, offered to clean the bathroom, etc. but that didn't help anything. On our annual camping trip, my cousins made a cardboard vanity and dry humped each other on it all weekend long, jeered us every time we went to the bathroom, posted bathroom sex related post-it notes all over our tent, the list goes on. This didn't bother me as much, I found it hilarious, but the same can't be said for my girlfriend. She was embarrassed beyond belief. We almost broke up because of that whole ordeal. Needless to say we haven't fucked at a family event since.
Re: I saw Mommy and Daddy wresetling last night!!! I never actually saw them in the act, but I always knew when they were doing the deed. How? I smelt it in their room after. To get to the main shower in my house, I had to go through my parent's room and sometimes it was just musky with the smell of sweat and dad-splooge. I don't know if getting your olfactory senses assaulted is worse than have your visual senses assaulted though. No, it probably is since smell leads directly to taste.
Re: I saw Mommy and Daddy wresetling last night!!! Not really walked in on, but probably more awkward. Me and my then girlfriend were at some bike club party that her family was at. It was basically a huge party on some dude's farm complete with a pile of kegs and live music. Everyone there had a tent to sleep in. Everyone except some dude we ran into who sort of knew my girlfriend. He is way more hammered than we were and said something about not having a place to sleep. My girlfriend promptly offered our tent to him, you know, since ours was big and it's not like we were gonna FUCK OR ANYTHING. Anyway, he passes out early in our tent and a couple hours later we drunkenly stumble to our tent and want to fuck of course. The guy was sleeping with his back to us and I figured he wouldn't wake up so I convince her to fuck. Everything is going good until mid coitus I change positions and see that this guy is turned toward us, wide awake, and laying on his side with his hand holding his head up. Like he was 5 years old on the floor in front of the TV watching saturday morning cartoons. He even gaves me the thumbs up. Since I was completely hammered I just kept fucking her. She was drunk and never even noticed. So after a lot of fucking, me and the gf go out to smoke a cigarette and the fucking guy comes out with us to chit-chat. It was fucking awkward. When the guy says something about how long we went I told him that it's apparently really fucking hard for me to reach orgasm when a dude is gawking from 4 feet away. I need a party lifeguard. Alcohol makes me do some really stupid shit.
Re: I saw Mommy and Daddy wresetling last night!!! Anti-focus: Just a few weeks ago a bunch of us were at a party at our friend's place. A chick friend of ours and I snuck off into the basement to hookup but she was a little too loud and it attracted the attention of all six people still awake. Within minutes of starting to fuck, I could hear snickering from around the corner and a shadow darted across the hall into the other room. We both just laughed and kept at it. Then, with no hesitation or shame, one of our guy friends strolls into the room butt ass naked. I honestly thought he was going to ask to join in and I'm sure she would have said yes. "Oh, hey. Where's the party? Just gotta grab the beer cooler here. Don't mind me," he says as he casually walks past the couch where I am balls deep. I didn't even bother to stop. I just kept laughing and humping simultaneously. They finally left us alone after getting the beer and after finishing up, we joined them back outside. As if what I had witnessed wasn't funny enough, our other friend told me he had commando crawled right up to the couch without us even knowing and when he poked his head up for a peak, he found himself eight inches from my asshole. Not even an hour later, I walked in on him banging his girlfriend. That whole night was pretty X-rated.
Re: I saw Mommy and Daddy wresetling last night!!! Just recently I was laying in bed watching TV. My 2 kid were playing some odd sort of hide and seek game combined with tag and they were crawling around under my bed. Suddenly my 11 year old daughter pops up with an empty condom wrapper and demands, "Is this what I think it is?" uhhhhhh think mom think. "Yes it is." Her: "Is it daddy's?" me: "Well yeah! Whose else would it be?" This was the exact moment in her life when she realized that her parents have sex. The look on her face was a random combination of confusion, disgust, amazement, and out right bewilderment. I couldn't help but laugh. Now you have to understand that I try to be real open about talking about sex with my kids. But I hadn't gotten around to the condom talk yet....I mean she's 11. But I had to ask, "How did you know what that was?" Her reply...."I saw it on family guy." Thank you peter griffin for teaching my kids about condoms! It's one thing to know what sex is and how babies are made.....it's quite another to know that this is going on in your own house, right under your nose. I sorta felt sorry for her. She looked a little hurt and disappointed. And because my child is a genius she had to know ALL THE DETAILS. (I remember reading is some stupid parenting book about.....when your kids ask you about sex, you answer the questions.....but don't add more that they ask or you might scare them.) So my daughter knows that I take a "medicine" everyday. I take that medicine so that I only have a baby when I want to. Because only stupid girls get pregnant when they don't want to. We have it down now where when she sees me take the pill she will remind me that only stupid girls get pregnant by accident. To which I reply DAM RIGHT! This is my fucked up way of setting an example. But hey....why shouldn't a 10-11 year old girl know that her mom takes birth control. I think it is a good example. So know she needs to know why we used a condom if I am taking the pill. So how does mom explain that she forgot to go to CVS and get a refill....therefore daddy has been banned to BJs only for a month because he refuses to go buy condoms and whines like a baby when he has to wear one.....but mommy got tired of giving head and went and bought some condoms herself.....I think I'll save that talk for 13. So I just told her not to worry about it.....and go put it in the trash. Another awesome parenting moment brought to you by amjrn23
Re: I saw Mommy and Daddy wresetling last night!!! I'm rather surprised that just about everyone hasn't walked in on their parents. When I was very small I was would always wake up nice and early to watch saturday morning cartoons. Sometimes I would wake up before the cartoons actually started and I would watch paid programming until they came on to turn my mind into mush. So one of these times I got really bored watching the "set it and forget it" guy (I still want one of those things, they look amazing!). To alleviate my boredom I opened up my parent's door only to see them in a strange wrestling position, which I now know is referred to as doggy style. Not knowing what was going on I just stood and watched for a second, until my dad turns and yells... We never spoke about it, but I sure as hell never went in to interrupt my parent's wrestling matches anymore. Also found a bunch of sex toys, books, and things I never want to see or think about.
Re: I saw Mommy and Daddy wresetling last night!!! When I was in 1st and 2nd grade, the housing on our military base had some strange construction. On the second floor, there were rectangular openings on the walls connecting each room, up at the ceiling. I guess for circulation? The point being that the bedrooms had zero soundproofing. On the rare night when I hadn't fallen asleep as quickly as usual, I sometimes heard my mom moaning and the occasional squeaking. I thought she was in pain, but I was too sleepy to be concerned. One night I was thirsty and knew my mom kept a glass of water by her bed, so I decided to get a sip. I opened their door and saw the blankets going up and down along with the squeaking and moaning. I had no idea what they were doing, but somehow I knew I shouldn't let them know I was there. The funny thing is that I contemplated whether I could still get a sip of water by crawling on the floor over to the bedside table. I decided against it, and it was probably a good thing. I'm sure I would have gotten more of an eyeful if I had made the attempt.
FOCUS: I think the last time I walked in on my parents getting it on was last summer. It had thankfully not happened before that moment in a long time. The biggest downside though was it was right after having been dropped off at my house by some friends after a Dave Matthews concert and I was almost too high to think about more than one thing. I walk in and hear it before I see it and instead of just going to my room and going to bed and pretending it wasn't happening, my first instinct was to flee the premises. So against my better judgment I grabbed the keys to my car and left. I ended up sitting on my grandfather's rooftop terrace and falling asleep for a little while before going back home. ANTI-FOCUS: By the end of freshman year I could have sworn that my roommate had some retarded "Margie's getting laid" spidey sense thing going on because, there were very few occasions that she didn't walk in on. Even if it was planned sex that my boyfriend and I tried to schedule in the middle of one of her classes so she wouldn't walk in, that would inevitably be the time that she decided to leave class early. It got to the point where on occasion, just before getting ready to do it, we would evaluate whether being frustrated for the rest of the day would be worth it because, we knew she would walk in. We even tried doing the "leave something on the door" thing to indicate that she shouldn't come in. But, she was usually so spaced out she wouldn't look at the door before coming in. So that attempt was utterly pointless.
I never got to the point of walking in but I used to have my room right under my parents room....the sounds will haunt me forever.
I've never walked in on my parents, but I have been walked in on by a 3rd grader. I was at a friends bonfire/house party out in the middle of no where, and the only neighbors were his aunt and uncle, about 200 yards away. Their son, the 3rd grader mentioned earlier was also running around this party unsupervised, because mommy and daddy were already blitzed, and in general horrible parents. Just to give you an example of what this kid is like, the first time I met him he pulled a butter knife on a friend for talking shit to him during Mario party. So amidst this alcohol induced, bonfire lit utopia, I start talking to a girl I had met only once before, and we ended up making out for a while, which then turned into we should go inside to "talk and get to know each other." I was drunk to the point where navigating stairs and opening a sliding glass door was a challenge, and surely not being as discrete as I thought I was. Needless to say my friends saw me stumble into the house with this girl, and the assholes decided it would be fun to fuck with me. A little while later, I ended up in the basement with the girl, and was just about a minute into the sex, when I heard the door open and little feet scampering down the stairs. The next two things happened simultaneously; I fell off the couch ass backwards, completely naked and in shock, and I heard the voice of our little 3rd grade friend yell the phrase that will both make me laugh and cringe at the same time for the rest of my life, "HEY JOEY, DO YA NEED A RUBBER?" followed by maniacal 3rd grade laughter. It was dark in the basement so he couldn't see me writhing around on the ground in my stupor but he did hear the girl scream, and me tell him to leave or experience a very painful death. After the story had been relayed to my asshole friends, they left me alone for the rest of the night but from that point on any time I'm hitting it off with a girl someone always makes the dreaded comment. Assholes.