Jesus fish on cars. By all means, worship what you like. Proclaiming your faith via your bumper is just tacky. Toothpaste tubes that are not squeezed from the end forward. I am constantly squeezing the paste up to the front of the tube and I see red every time I do it. When the boys at work leave their coffee cups, calipers, and random tools I cannot identify on my immaculately kept desk. Use of LOL, BRB, etc. It's actually begun creeping into real, face to face conversations. LOL in a text is bad enough. How fucking stupid are you if you say 'lawl' in a spoken conversation? Over punctuation!!!!!!!!
I had someone yell out some anti-religious thing at me once in a parking lot, because I had a fish on my car. The joke was on them, though, as it was one of these: The only thing I hate more than overtly religious people are stupid people. I ROLFL'd.
Ugghh, my husband does this and it drives me crazy crazy crazy. Even worse, he will do it on a 4 lane highway. So because he feels that somebody isn't driving fast enough to his satisfaction, instead of simply picking any of the other lanes, he chooses to "teach them a lesson" by riding their ass. And the most tragic part of this, I have to nag him to get him to either stop or to change lanes. Which brings me to mine. I fucking hate back/side seat drivers when I am a passenger. Not so much when I am a driver because I can just tell them to shut the fuck up, but I don't feel that it is my place when I am not the one driving (basically then I would be a back seat driver to the back seat driver). My mom won't even put the GPS into it's holder on the dash while my stepfather is driving. Instead she holds it in her lap so she can bark out orders in her nervous and rambling way (instead of the nice, calm, rational voice of Garmin saying "turn left in 200 feet onto Main Street"). My father in law just constantly says "easy, easy" when my mother in law gets up to a brisk 55mph and takes an extremely gradual turn on the freeway. I swear in either of these situations my blood pressure goes up by about 20 points. So, the fact that I have to actually say something about the tailgating pisses me off even more because it is making me be "that" person.
To expand on this... People that abbreviate words that have no abbreviations. My brother's ex is the worst. She does this on her phone, and it's not like android doesn't auto correct for you.
FOCUS: People who fucking speak in abbreviations. I'm sorry, "abbreves". I was at Starbuck's with my biffle Jess, then this creeper showed up! But that latte was totes legit! The whipped cream was in a star pattern! So adorbs! Shut. The. Fuck. Up.
At a stoplight, when there is no left turn lane you should nose out so that those wanting to go straight may get around you. Do you realize that be sitting on the line through the entire light cycle you are holding up the twenty fucking cars behind you?
Pull up you fucking pants you hipster douche! Why the fuck are you wearing a baseball cap without bending the brim? Are you fucking retarded? Mac's don't just fucking work you ignorant fucking douche. I don't give a shit what the Qantas business class magazine said, consolidating vendors is retarded if another vendor has a tool more suited to the fucking task at hand. You wouldn't use a fucking chainsaw to put up a dry wall, why are you trying to use Windows as a DNS server? The guy who you rear ended? It wasn't because he braked too hard, it was because you're a tail gating fucking moron. Pirating a movie, not the same as stealing a fucking handbag. Calling breach of copywrite piracy is an insult to fucking Pirates. I don't give a shit about your right to a nice night out. Take your screaming bastard to a kid specific venue, or shut them the fuck up. You're a stay at home mom, we live in a backwater fucking hick town. There's a very limited number of times when I can get to the shops around my job. You however, could take your screaming fucking bastards grocery shopping, any time you fucking want. Do it while normal people are at fucking work! you know what, I don't want to be a good parent either. But I was responsible enough to not have fucking kids. Put your unwanted bastard up for adoption, or actually be a good fucking parent. High heels are not fucking children's shoes. Unless you're Tom Selleck, your mustache almost certainly makes you look like a pedophile. Unless it's November, you're probably a tool. A corset has a correct 'up' and a correct front. Wearing it backwards or upside down is fucking retarded. Those six little rings? They're for garter belts, not fucking bra straps genius. The laces go at the back if there's only one set. And they tighten from the middle. It's not ironic, hip or scene to dress like a fucking idiot. Debut - it's not pronounced Day-but. For fuck sake. It's also not Day-boo. Jesus fucking christ, how do you people get on television? Yes, the origin of things are fucking important. And so are the fucking facts. I don't give a shit if your forwarded internet chain message 'feels true'. It's fucking lies you ignorant moron. Eeny Meeny? Really fucking racist origins. It's creepy to teach it to your kids. Wearing your pants around your dick? Comes from prisoners not being allowed to wear belts you idiots. Pronunciation? Just as fucking important. You people are the inevitable product of idiots fucking other idiots. I hope you all get cancer. If you go home with someone, and they don't own any books, you should ask them if it was a hassle to convert all their books to ebook format. And if they say 'Oh I don't read books' - you should walk the fuck out IMMEDIATELY. If you still fuck them, you're the reason that morons are wearing their pants around their dicks.
I think two abbreviations mostly common with the dumbass puckbunny community that reads all the hockey blogs I do: "bb -whoever" for a players younger brother ("OMG ITS BB SCHENN!!111") and, especially no1curr ("no1curr bout subban") I can't even rationalize it but both of those (especially the latter) just fill me with rage. On a related note: people who rage too hard on the internet.
God, I could write a book on site-specific memes. Take, for example, the Bodybuilding.com forums miscellaneous section, aka "the misc". "I c u mirin my pecs brah, u jelly? Lettuce be cereal, all I do is lift heavy and take a multi. Strong genes son." "good job dave man" I tell myself it's ironic so I can preserve my sanity. Then again, occasionally gems are produced.
I can't stand when people who are waiting at a restaurant for a table, constantly go up to the host/ess and ask for updates every 5 minutes. You were quoted 20 minutes, so shut the fuck up and wait. Go to the bar and have a beer or 3. I know you are hungry, but so is everyone else. You came out to eat on a Saturday night...don't be surprised when you have to wait a bit. Whats that? You are a diabetic and you NEED to eat now? Should have thought about bringing a snack to munch on while you wait. If you don't want to wait, go out to eat on a Monday. Old Jewish people are the absolute worst. My mom is pretty bad. She's incredibly neurotic and always freaks out at the possibility of having to wait when she's hungry. Its pretty embarrassing.