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I Heart Facebook Like You Heart Cock

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Beefy Phil, Jan 7, 2010.

  1. Beefy Phil

    Beefy Phil
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    Out-fucking-standing.

    Brother posts sister's hook-up list on Facebook...and tags all the guys on it

    I love revenge. Especially well-crafted, carefully planned revenge. Turn the other cheek, my fat nuts. Few things are more gratifying than witnessing a sworn enemy get their comeuppance by your hand.

    Focus: Regale us with your tales of revenge. Were you the distributor or the recipient? Any regrets? Make us laugh, or you will be so goddamn sorry.
     
  2. Misanthropic

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    ????

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  3. Crown Royal

    Crown Royal
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    I already talked about the motor oil-on-the-front-lawn-thingy a couple of times, but one other stands out for me:

    When my friends and I were going to see a movie at a local mall, my blackhearted friend and roomate El Nino thought it would be hilarious to push me into the water fountain at Westmount Mall here in London. Not just push me, but body-check me from behind in full view of at least 100 people. I was comletely submerged, soaking wet, and heavily embarrased. I couldn't really freak out, because if it wasn't me I would be laughing too. I sloshed back to the parking garage leaving a snail trail of water behind me looking like Bill Murray after he got slimed in Ghostbusters. It was the most humilating walk of shame in my life Fortunetly had a change of clothes in my trunk, and regrouped with them back at the scene of the crime. I gave El Nino the nod: "You KNOW it's coming."

    I decided not to bide my time. I have prior knowledge of a not-very-well known trick: some escalators have about 4 to 6 inches of slack in the black railing band that travels around with the stairs, and if you yank it hard enough, you can move it. So when we were on our way up to the theatre, El Nino was leaning against the rail and I grabbed it when he wasn't paying attention and yanked it with all the strength in my body. He fell ass-over-tea kettle backwards down the steel stairs (my friends and i prefer gallows humour over the usual hand-in-the-warm water prank) . Of course, everybody laughed again at his folly and pain, but messing with El Nino is not usually a smart idea: he's the tougest person I have ever met in my entire life, a former Gold Glove and has zero impulse control. He could have killed me if he wanted to, and he REALLY wanted to.

    I wish I got it on tape. Both incidents.

    However, this doesn't compare to what Beefy posted earlier on the thread. Reading that warmed my heart. Honestly, ladies. Did you keep some kind of track record hidden of guys you've done/wanted to do? Have the guys on here do that? Seriously, who do you share that with? I would just keep that knowledge upstairs, instead of where somebody could find it and scar you for life.
     
  4. Volo

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    What the fuck is the point of keeping a damn list? That list wasn't even 10 names long, so there's no reason why she needed a constant written reminder of how many dicks she was planning to suck, or how many fingers she was planning to take. Her brother definitely gets props for such a clever comeback, but he loses points for choosing a mark who's brain-dead.

    Being a teenage girl is no excuse for that kind of stupidity...or maybe I'm just bitter because I didn't get laid much in highschool.
     
  5. rei

    rei
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    Especially by asian girls. At my school they cloistered up and didn't talk to boys until university
     
  6. Tyty

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    Not public revenge, but I think this was still pretty sweet.

    Every year my old highschool rowing program does a race of the current varsity against any alumni who still row. There have been some pretty damn good rowers who have come out of the program many years back, so the alumni is usually a solid boat. My first year out, I was rowing in college, in the top freshman boat at a D1 school. There was a big facebook group for all the alumni and current rowers to talk some shit, and so that the alumni could figure out who is going to sit where.

    This douche bag guy who was a few years older then me starts posting how he won't let in someone my age, because my year was "full of fags and pussies".

    About a year before this I heard he was getting pounded by this guy on a regular basis, for coke or something. So I message: "feel free to take that post down, not come to the alumni race, and apologize, or I can tell everyone how you were fucking Benji, and we all know how that would go over"

    Needless to say he sent back a heartfelt apology and didn't show. Though I have always kind of wished that I had gone ahead and told everyone.
     
  7. DrinksOnTheHouse

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    We don't smoke that shit in the SFC
    Wow, you threatened to out someone when he talked shit on a shit-talking forum. That is some epic revenge brah!
     
  8. MooseKnuckle

    MooseKnuckle
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    Be careful man, he might PM you.
     
  9. DrinksOnTheHouse

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    We don't smoke that shit in the SFC
    Not saying there aren't others, but I am only aware of one self-proclaimed coke-head member of this board who likes to stick things up other dudes' asses.
     
  10. Supertramp

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    Obviously you don't know Aetius as well as I do.
     
  11. breakylegg

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    I got revenge (I think) on a former employer:

    I was the lone route driver for a luggage chain in Seattle. All my friends worked in the downtown warehouse. Company got bought out by a CA outfit and eventually the atmostphere declined becoming more corporatized, ie, we couldn't fuck off as much. When the lay off was announced we were happy. That didn't mean we'd go down without a fight.

    So one day I came back from a run, went into the breakroom and spied a sales training/orientation vhs tape on the counter. I snatched it up, raced home and went upstairs to my roommate's loft. He had a virtual wall of pornography up there. I grabbed a tape (Anal Riders #?), went downstairs, hooked up 2 vcrs. I ffwdd the sales tape to a random spot and then used the 2nd vcr to splice in a scene. Finished, I hurried back and put the new copy on the counter.

    Truthfully, I will never know if anyone saw my creation. I am pretty sure they did, as the new owners were pretty dogmatic about their new/retraining regiments. But I like to think about it this way:

    Suppose you are just another shmuck in need of a job. Anything. So you get a gig hucking luggage in Seattle for a faceless CA corp. There you are nodding off during orientation as some idiot on a vhs tape gives you tips on how to tighten up your sales pitch when suddenly you are watching a close up of a cock sliding in and out of some chick's ass. You realize it's a porn, a cheesy remake of Ali Baba. A sitar twangs as the buttfucking rages on. The couple are clearly white people in costumes. Ali Baba pulls out, spins the white chick in a wig around and shoots a load in her eye, to which she yells:

    "Ow!"

    Then there's a split second of static before it's back to the seminar.

    I'd like to think that happened to some miserable fuck and made his/her day. I really do.
     
  12. Aetius

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    Far be it from me to point out that in this little joke of yours, you've managed to imply that you're the one getting railed in the ass.

    Focus: just did it bitches.
     
  13. dubyu tee eff

    dubyu tee eff
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    Thinks he has a chance with Christina Hendricks...

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    Alright I don't know if this is permitted but I need some help. Tonight I was hanging with some friends and a friend's house when we got hungry. So the kid whose house it is said he had a ton of meatballs and would make some subs for us. We readily agreed so he and and another friend went down to make them. About ten minutes later they return with subs for everyone. We all thanked him and began to eat. About halfway through my sub my mouth began burn. Then it got worse. And worse. And worse. The motherfucker drenched the center of my sub with some insane hot sauce which made my entire face ignite. I had to drink a shit ton of milk to help which sucks a lot because I am lactose intolerant and this will make me shit my brains out soon. I am furious. I tried punching him in the nuts a couple of times but I either missed or he was too drunk to feel anything. It has been 2 hours since I took that bite and my mouth still burns and my stomach is killing me.

    Help me get revenge on the fucker.
     
  14. Supertramp

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    Something in this story doesn't add up.

    You're hanging out at a friend's house, the host offers meatball subs, douses them with hot sauce, you try to drown it out with milk and then you to punch his nuts. Several times. But he was too drunk to feel anything.

    Either you're lying about the nut punches or he'll wake up tomorrow with the worst pain imaginable. In either case the revenge is in his favor for getting his manhood punched because of an awesome practical joke.
     
  15. DrFrylock

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    I love the half-hearted attempt to blur out the last names of the targets/guilty in the OP. I hope Adrian Lindell and Ronnie White aren't too shy...
     
  16. dubyu tee eff

    dubyu tee eff
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    Thinks he has a chance with Christina Hendricks...

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    I don't know what to tell you. I hit him where I believed his nuts to be located. He just had almost no reaction. Why he didn't have one is speculation on my part. Since he was very drunk he may not have felt it because he was drunk. Or maybe I missed. Or maybe the fact that he was wearing jeans shielded most of the blow. Or maybe he is tougher than I think he is, but what man wont double over from a solid nut punch? I don't know man.
     
  17. DrFrylock

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    Think of it as a slutty version of Uma Thurman's Death List Five in Kill Bill. It's not like she needed a physical list of the five people she had to kill. I'm pretty sure she knew them all by heart. But, as Hattori Hanzo says in voiceover as she writes it:

    (Make appropriate substitutions, e.g.: vanquishing = orgasm; enemy = conquest; Kill => Blow)

    It's about keeping focused on your mission and not getting distracted or discouraged. But I think it's also about making sure you don't lose yourself in your quest for revenge (or sluttiness). You need something to ground you so that when the mission is over, it's over. You're done. Back to real life. Otherwise it just becomes an unending cycle of killing and/or blowjobs.
     
  18. Spekkio

    Spekkio
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    I just moved, and got a new job a little over one month ago. I work in a restaurant, and which opened when I started working there. Bunch of great people working there, but one guy started to piss me off. He kept trying to tell me what to do, and all that noise, and was a complete hypocrite.

    I read Robert Greene's The 33 Strategies of War, a great fucking book. So I had a plan to use the One Upmanship Strategy, and give him enough rope to hang himself. One time, he was trying to tell me what to do again, so after I told him why he was wrong, I told him to kindly shut the hell up. He lost his temper, and started yelling about how he was sick of my attitude. I just looked at him with a blank face. I noticed his bottom lip was twitching a little bit, so I said to him, "wow, your lip is twitching, you must be really pissed off, huh?". This made him super pissed, so he proceeded to yell louder, and ask me to go outside to fight him. He then walked away, and tried to calm down. My good co workers near me asked what his problem was, so I just shrugged my shoulders and explained that he lost his temper. The whiny girl was explaining what happened to a supervisor, and I just stood there, staring at him with a blank face. He yelled, "STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT", and stormed away.

    Inside, I was laughing my ass off. I provoked him to make himself look like a total ass, all the while I acted cool, unemotional, and almost like a victim of his anger.

    1 week ago he was fired. I helped him get fired. I win. Little girl.

    Also, I wanted him to try fight me outside of the restaurant sometime, just so I could pound his face in without risk of getting fired myself. He was a short and stocky/fat man, and I have experience wooping ass.
     
  19. Kampf Trinker

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    When I was 19 I was at a bar that only had one bathroom and I had a case of diarrhea. Some girl was getting impatient while I was taking a dump and started flicking the lights on and off (the switch was outside the bathroom). I shit all over the toilet seat. It felt good.
     
  20. Allord

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    Or maybe you just learned a little bit about the kind of sex he actually enjoys.


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