This past Wednesday, a friend of mine was headed to NYC for the Summer for an internship position. I helped her pack, and helped her get her stuff to Union Station. She hadn't had a chance to eat all day, and on the way to the train, she dropped the food she had brought to eat, spilling all over the ground. She had emptied her account buying her ticket so I gave her all the cash I had in my wallet (10 dollars) to get something to eat on the train. That's what's friends are for, right? Around March, a girl got a flat tire on the corner near my apartment building. She had a spare, but she didn't have a jack or a tire iron for her car. Lucky for her, my roommate also has a Honda. I borrowed his tire iron and used my jack to change her tire. When Snowmaggedon hit DC earlier this year, I managed to make it to a friend's apartment in MD to watch the Super Bowl on a huge flat screen LCD TV. On the way back to my apartment, I came across a girl who was trying to dig her car out of 2 feet of snow. So I grabbed one of the neighbor's snow shovels and helped her dig out the car and I pushed the car up the icy incline in the parking lot because it couldn't get enough traction to make it out. I helped my neighbor put on a Brita Water filter on his faucet last semester because he didn't really know what he was doing and didn't really have the tools for the job. Alt-focus: I could have used help when I had a blowout on my way home from DC at the beginning of May. I was about 50 miles outside of Charlotte when my rear passenger side tire went. Granted it was 3:30 AM, and I can't really blame anyone for not stopping, it would have been nice to have someone at least hold the flashlight for me.
In my parent's neighborhood there's this old lady (about 70) who lives and takes care of her mother (about 100). The older one has dementia and she's always falling over and whatnot. So about a year and a half to two years ago I see the daughter approaching me as I'm walking down to the street to get into my car and go to my friend's house. We were set to go to the beach and meet up with some other friends. I was cutting it close on time. The lady approaches me and told me that her mom had fallen down and couldn't get up. Obviously the daughter was not strong enough to lift her, so she need some one else to do it (me). She didn't want to call the paramedics because she doesn't want to be charged money (the neighborhood is unincorporated, not in the city). I barely know this bitch but I'm not going to say no to helping an old woman. If anything, I feel like God would hold it against me. So I went over there picked her up and left. I'm sure she appreciated it, right??? About a week later my next door neighbor's daughter's boyfriend is over at the house (my next door neighbor's) alone helping paint the garage while the rest of the family is at work. Since the boyfriend doesn't live there he has no idea who lives in the neighborhood and who doesn't. Sometime during one of the days he's painting some young kid is walking by and sees the empty garage. While the kid is trying to steal some shit the boyfriend walks out and catches him. The kid runs away. Ok. Sooo........... the same night my neighbor is talking to the old bitch about what happened. He tells her the story and the boyfriend's description of what the guy looks like. Well apparently this cunt saw me roaming around my neighbor's garage that day (maybe it's because I live RIGHT FUCKING NEXT DOOR) and a "tall young guy" could be no one else besides me. So the neighbor comes over and tells me the story. He tells me what the old bitch said and asked me if I could just go meet the boyfriend when he comes to visit the following Sunday to make sure it wasn't me. He says he doesn't think it was me but he wasn't home at the time so he can't determine what happened. This is a semi reasonable request. I guess. I did it and of course it wasn't me roaming around the guy's garage looking for oil rags and fucking broken broom handles to pawn off for big bucks. I couldn't believe that a week after I saved her mom from starving to death on the floor she pulled that crap on me. I hope the mom outlives the daughter. Hopefully she'll die soon and I can piss on the grave. She did ask me to pick her mom up another time after that. I told her she needed to find some one else (but I didn't tell her why). I ended up feeling bad about it though. It's not her mom's fault. If it was the daughter calling me I'd tell her to sit there until the end of time. But it wasn't. It was an old lady who has absolutely no idea what's going on. If she asked me again I would do it. But it would piss me off.
My best friends girlfriend did that a few years back only the turtle was in the street in front of their house and she put it in their backyard "where it would be safe". She promptly forgot about and accidentally ran it over with the lawn mower a few days later and went into hysterics when it exploded all over the place.
I found a mobile phone on the train the other week. It was Friday and I had a busy weekend planned, so I rang the "home" contact and got the owners address, telling them I could drop it in early the next week. I felt like a great bloke, and was sure Karma would reward me with women, cash and good fortune. Until Monday morning came by and the phone's alarm went off at 5:30am. Then again at 7am. Fucking Karma
Saturday before last I was at work, roaming the post-rush grounds musing on my upcoming 3-day weekend while mentally urging the day to die immediately. I got a call from front desk for guest assistance, but when I entered the lobby and spied no luggage I knew I was in for a waste of time and no tip. Girl at front desk pointed to a paraplegic on a scooter and told me to escort him to his room. The guy had the body of a marine animal--doughy torso (clad in Lakers jersey), nubs for limbs. Picture a sea turtle without a shell b/w a huge photoshopped beach ball head and you get the idea. Anyways, we start off to his unit, which is of course at the back end of the property. Along the way I tried to make small talk, but the man could basically only grunt through his ventilator (high grunt for yes; low for no). He had his scooter set on the slowest "turtle" speed and our walk around the main pools took forever. So, like 50 hrs later, we get up there and I am ready to leave when he gestures to the TV. I turn it on but only get static, no volume. I tell him I will inform Engineering and they will fix it for him. He lets out a long low grunt and then it hits me: Lakers... I don't follow the NBA but even I knew the playoff game was on and here he was wearing their jersey. Suddenly I realize how bad this guy wants the game on. I start tinkering with the remotes, but get nothing. I try to pull the DVD and TV out from their recessed spaces but find rear access nearly impossible as they are designed to thwart this kind of unauthorized fiddling. Somehow I finally managed to get things working and the game comes to life at full volume. Mysteriously, no other channels respond. But the turtle doesn't care about the other channels and launches into a series of high grunts and I know he is happy. I tell him I will still have Engineering stop by. He gives me a final high grunt; I give him a thumbs up and leave feeling somewhat more worthy than I had approximately 30 minutes prior.
On the same ship, I arranged the deck chairs in an aesthetically pattern. Don't think anyone noticed, though.
So many things come to my mind; Story 1- When I was seven years old and walking outside with my grandmother, she lost her footing and partially fell. Immediately, a couple of good Samaritans, a couple in their thirties, rush over to make sure that she is okay. At this point in life, I had been subjected to hundreds of hours at school of "say no/avoid strangers!" lectures and videos, so I resent this couple, and as soon as my grandmother gets up appears to be fine, I pull her away and tell her we need to leave and avoid them. She thinks I'm completely insane and goes back to thank the couple for their generosity. Meanwhile, I get angry at her for so clearly breaking the rules we were taught at school. Definitely not something I'm proud of, looking back at it. Story 2- I had a high room pick my junior year for campus housing, and rather than using it to get the single I had so desperately wanted, I used it to pull in a friend of mine into a double who had a crappy pick. At the time, he was very grateful. In the fall, he moves in, and shorty thereafter, I catch a flu. During this time, he mopes and sulks because of the lack of excitement in our dorm alley. Later that week, I get better, and after helping him complete an economics problem set, the guy informs me that he has decided to move to a different dorm, because he thinks it will be more fun there. He explains that it should also work great for me since I get the "single" I always wanted. I then explain that thanks to his selfish, juvenile actions, I will have to live in a double as a single occupant, meaning I have to pay $150 a month extra. Thanks. He cries and begs for forgiveness, to which I shrug and say "maybe". Of course, when I eventually do so, his behavior hasn't changed in the slightest, and I eventually cut him out of my life. Story 3- In general, I have been blessed with a lot of friends, acquaintances, and even total strangers who have helped me out when I needed it at various points in my life. Whether it's helping haul a Queen-sized mattress inside of a tiny elevator, acting as proxies when I can't make it somewhere, giving me a ride back after anesthesia at the hospital, etc., I'm tremendously thankful and grateful towards all these people and their actions. I think most people are a lot nicer and more helpful than we typically give them credit for.
Unless traffic conditions are heavy, I will always stop to help a turtle or snake across the highway. I will also capture a snake from people who are irrationally scared of it (and whom would otherwise kill it), and release in in a safe location. When I have tried to help women with flat tires (regardless of their age) they have been very defensive and would not allow me to do even the simplest actions on their car (like jacking the car up or loosening the lug nuts). Fuck them. If I wanted to rape or rob them, I'd choose a better place than a well traveled roadside.
I always stop for turtles. Two weeks ago, a lady and her kid were walking down the street. I waved and she asked to use my phone. So, I gave it to her and she called someone to say she was out of gas. So, I said I had about a gallon and a half in a can, she could have. I ran down the street to her truck and dumped in what I had. It got her to the station at the end of our street. I was on a date, and we went to see a movie. In the movie, I saw two girls, one was in a wheelchair. We were in our seats really early, just chatting. I noticed the girl had a hard time getting the other one out of the wheelchair and into the seat. At the end of the movie, they were both in their seats, waiting on everyone to file out. So, I asked if I could help her into the wheelchair. The little girl nodded, I picked her up and slid her into the chair. She thanked me, and we left. I thought my date was going to cry. I have stopped to help with wrecks, flat tires and other roadside issues dozens of times. Often, just because I have the road cones and know what to do to direct traffic. It never takes more than 30 minutes and the otherwise frantic people are usually very grateful, so are the police.
Once a month, I donate platelets and plasma at Children's Hospital in DC. It's not entirely altruistic, as I get four hours off of work to do it, but it definitely makes me feel good, and I've been doing it long enough now that I feel close to all of the staff there. One thing I like about doing this through Children's is that all of the blood products donated there stay there and are used on premises. Supposedly, there is a little girl who gets regular treatments there who they hold my platelets for, but they told me I can't ever learn anything else due to HIPAA. Whatever, it makes me feel good. Added bonus: drinking after donating is AWESOME.
Just in the last month, I've helped a dude up who totally ate shit running for a bus, and helped a lady who tipped over a cart full of office supplies. She gave me a luggage strap in return for which I have no use, but hey, it's a nice gesture. I was riding my bike from work, and was recognized by a guy who frequently comes into my store. He's a paraplegic, and asked me to help him with his iPod. He scoots over to the sidewalk and I turn up the volume for him. He was thankful. I also have helped blind people with shit, too. For some reason, they find me trustworthy, and in return, I get to pet the seeing-eye dog, which apparently is a big no-no. A few weeks ago, I got drunk and went outside for a smoke. I saw my neighbors getting into a cab that three dudes just walked out of, and wave. A few minutes later, one of them runs in our place and asks one of us to call this phone they found since they were in a rush and the cabbie was charging them. Sure enough, it belonged to one of the dudes who had just got out, and they went to a party down the street that my friends and I were going to go to later on. The guy was really out of it, but super thankful. I said I'd see him later at the party, and walked home and had some more beers. When we finally go there, the kid recognizes me and shouts praise across the room. He then gives me about a gram of really good nug for my valiant efforts, which I try to decline and ultimately give to my semi-stoner room mate. I later found out the guy was on acid, which would explain his demeanor. After the party, my girlfriend and I walk off to get some drunk food down the street. I was pretty googly eyed, but I managed to order and pay for my food with cash. As we wait for it to be cooked, some customers walk in. A minute later, one of them asks, "Is there a (Villagebicycle) in here?" and I excitedly look over to see if it's some random friends that stumbled in. Nope. I had dropped a credit card with a massive limit on the ground while I fumbled for cash. This good samaritan decided against identity theft and returned it to me. In thanks, I donated some change to a plastic box labeled missing children fund in her name. I would have passed that nug on, but I don't think this food establishment looks too kindly upon drug deals.
I used to give homeless guys change all the time while being in the downtown area..I've stopped doing that for the most part, however this one bum approached me while I was walking to a bar, half wasted. He told me he was known around the streets as quite the comedian. His jokes were not exactly high quality but they were vulgar and I was drunk enough to muster up a few chuckles, so I threw him a dollar. A few weeks ago I was running down in the valley and some woman was walking her dog around a small stream/pond, when the dog fell into a pretty deep area of standing water and was struggling to swim back out. I made a mad dash over and helped her pull this heavy ass dog out before it was a goner.