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Discussion in 'All-Star Threads' started by effinshenanigans, Dec 9, 2009.
A Boy Named Sue by Johnny Cash will still be one of my all time favorite songs.
'Cause the poor little bastard will get a homophone for pollen as a last name.
I will name any son Gunner Stahl, such a bad ass action name that came from a Disney kids film.
My best friend from childhood always said that he was going to name his first sone "Jesus Motherfuckin' Christ", and at first I thought it was a joke but he seemed to be dead set on it through the years. He's now 30 years old, married with one daughter, and another child on the way. He told me that if it was a boy, he was still considering it. Little did his wife know that when she agreed to let him name it, because she got to name the first girl.
Personally, I would have went with Big Baby Motherfuckin' Jesus, in honor of the late great ODB.
I once knew a kid named Nick Knock. As I recall his dad named him this as a result of a dare. I also work with a dude named Zebulon Power.
That was my parents' wedding song. My maternal grandmother was furious, which made it about ten times as awesome.
**edit** I've worked with kids for about 7 years now, and over the years I've heard a few. Last name highlights include "Seaman" and "Niggard" and the most recent first name I heard was "La 'Sagna." I've gotten incredibly good at pronouncing the absurd names, because chances are, I've heard it before, mispronounced it before, and gotten yelled at by Mr./Mrs. Absurdname about mispronouncing it before.
these types of threads always remind me of my favorite hillbilly joke:
A young nurse was having an affair with the local doctor. One day, she found out she was pregnant. Deep in thought while driving home, pondering whether or not to keep the child,she veered off the road and crashed into a tree. She was rushed off to the hospital, and fell into a coma. She woke up nearly a year later, greeted by the doctor she had been sleeping with. Seeing she was no longer pregnant, she figured she had lost the baby because of the crash, but the doctor reassured her,"You delivered twins! A girl and a boy!" Overcome with joy, she asked where they were. "Oh your brother came and took care of everything!" "Not my BROTHER!", said the nurse,"hes the most backwoods hick there is! He cant take care of kids!" "Oh no," said the doc," I explained our 'situation' to him and he understood. They're well taken care of. He even named them..the girl he named Denise." "Thats not bad," said the nurse," In fact it was one of the names I would have picked...what did he name my son?" The doc says....wait for it............."De'Nephew."
Two kids I went to high school I always seem to laugh a little inside when I see their names.
The first is Ryan Unrein (Pronounced Ryan Unryan)
and the second is Amy McNamee. Her name is actually pronounced Amy Mac-Nah-Me in which she constantly has to tell new people how it is really pronounced.
Also there was the kid named August. Honestly I love the name because it is actually a family name for me. August always went by Gus. Confused as to why he wouldn't go by his full name or Augie, I asked why. His answer: My full name is August Winter. Ouch.
South Africa wins for unpronounceable names, hands down. Both the town/city names and names of individual people. Check out this for proof.
When I was a teenager my father dated a woman whose maiden name was Sheila Seaman. She got married at 17, presumably to escape that horrible moniker, but she wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer...she then became Sheila Dyke.
Apparently in an attempt to pass on being fucked up by your name she named her first born daughter Daphne. Daphne Dyke. She also got married at 17....to some 37 year old dude.
And in true hillbilly fashion, yes me and Daphne went out. Thank God dad didn't marry Shelia (As he was wont to do often...he was married 6 times) that could of made for some really awkward family dinners.
I forgot about this one:
I went to high school with a girl named Honea Busch (pronounced "Honey Bush"). She married her childhood sweetheat, the boy she had been dating her entire life- a guy named Aaron Lips.
So now, she is Honea Busch Lips. True story.
A buddy of mine who works in a psychiatrist's office shared this doozy with me.
A couple weeks ago, a pair of twin girls come in for appointments. The first one goes in, no problem, her name is Sarah.
The second girl's name? NotSarah.
I wonder why they're in therapy?
I used to see some good ones when I worked a till, mostly people with celebrity names.
- Beverly Marsh (only hardcore Stephen King fans would cringe at this one)
- Tina Turner
- Three different Michael Jacksons. The most common one was a fellow who was white, about 6'3 and 220lbs, and hairy enough to pass for a gorilla (he had a habit of coming into the store in wife-beaters during the summer)
The worse one I've seen personally, though, was a real estate agent when I lived in Calgary. S/he had bus stops rented out all over a little corner of the city, advertising "Dimpy Aurora" as the agent of choice to sell your home.
This one is a classic - Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii.
My 6th grade class had Michael Jackson and Richard Pryor - both white. They went by Mike and Ricky.
When I was a summer clerk at the personnel division on a military base, I saw the same officer names over and over on various documents. The one that always made me laugh was one guy whose first and middle name was Flash Gordon.
I am going to steal my kid's name from Dave Attel and name them Pizza Pussy Santa, because everyone likes one of those things.
My ex considered "Jackbie" with the middle name "Nimble". It was funny until he seriously started considering the first name.
He also liked "Ichabod". That poor child. It would be like asking someone to beat the shit out of him everyday.
While reading an article about the Miley Cyrus concert in my local newspaper I stumbled upon the name Bravereigh, which I can only imagine is pronounced bravery, who was lucky enough to attend the concert with her dad. Also in attendance were Heaven and Nevaeh, who are twins.
Even if your child is conceived in an evening of retard-drunk physical lust, you shouldn't offer his or her name as further evidence of such.
I'm computer geek for a living, so I've always liked this one: