I hate going to crowded bars, including sports bars. I hate that I cant get drinks, that I have to wait for anything, that the bathrooms are crowded, and that theres too much noise. I would much rather go to a hole-in-the-wall lounge and hang out or an out of the way whisky bar, even if I have to pay orders of magnitude more for each drink. Its not misanthropy, I just go out to hang out and relax, not get swallowed by a sea of chicks spilling their drinks and dudes with backwards hats saying "bro." Plus if Im actually trying to watch sports, they are usually playing fucking music over the game. Focus: What is something you hate that everyone else seems to enjoy doing? Alt-Focus: What do you enjoy despite what a lot of other people think?
Focus: Clubs. I can't dance, I have no idea what to say to people even if I could be heard over the skull crushing music, and I am allergic to $10 drinks. The second rant is probably the biggest impetus for me. I have shitty body language, I have to talk a long game. Those guys who can dance-flirt like Channing Tatum? Not this honkey. Cue me getting hammered then doing James Brown foot work on the dance floor while waving my hands in the air like it's a southern black church revival. "Do yuh see the light?!" Second: Gastro Pub. Couple opened up recently. They are absolutely terrible. Instead of a shitty $5-$8 vodka club, I can get a $12 Old Fashioned which still isn't made right. On my birthday I ordered an OF. Guy hands me a glass of whiskey and orange juice. I almost fucking cried. Food is pretty meh, too, for a premium price. So basically I hate anything popular and I sound like a grumpy douche. Alt. Focus: Cooking, reading, napping on cold days. One of the best things in the world is reading a book then napping on the couch during the day, when the wind is blowing cool winter air. Nobody will admit reading is gay, but I can see it in their eyes when I tell them I'm doing that instead of something "cool."
FOCUS: "Quiet" nights in. I hate not doing something on Friday and Saturday nights. I don't have to rage till 4 AM, but coming home from work and then just sitting around drives me crazy. Aside from the gym, I normally have said quiet nights on Sunday-Thur with maybe one day doing dinner or drinks. So come the weekend, I'm ready to be social and unwind. Maybe its because I don't have some boo to rub up on, but I still like to be out and about. I live in a major city for a reason. Eating soup. Just really not for me. Alt-Focus: Pop Music. As someone who is kind of a music snob, people are always shocked to find that I dont just like, but I LOVE pop music. And not just "oh thats fun", but I geek out over the clever layering of vocals or weird minor instruments du jour, like pan flutes that have popped up in a couple singles thus far in 2015. The genre is absolutely a science more than an art, and its incredibly cool to me.
FOCUS: Live music of artists I really like. Maybe it's because I was in band where we were taught to do the same thing over and over the exact same way. Maybe it was because I was a DJ where I needed things to be consistent so I could mix right. Maybe I'm just anal. But I hate going to a live performance of a band I like and they change the song in any way. When I like a song/album, I listen to it a lot, I get enjoyment from specific things happening in the song. When that gets changed it throws me off and it bothers the hell out of me. Also, I didn't go to the show to hear a bunch of drunk/high assholes horribly sing a song, pretty sure that ticket price was for the talent on stage. Alt-FOCUS: Taco Bell and Two & a Half Men. I know that show is horrible, stupid and all the things, but god I laughed at every goddamn episode. The Charlie Sheen episodes, not the other ones. It was just fucking goofy and I loved the absurdity. I'd never recommend it or defend it to anyone, but if I'm channel surfing and I see one it will be watched.
FOCUS: Video games. Jesus H. Christ, I hate video games. Being a kid growing up in the '80s/'90s, ALL of my friends played them, and they would never shut up about them. I never got the point of them. I tried playing them, and I sucked at it (surprise!), so I moved on with my life.
FOCUS: IPA's and other over the top hop heavy beers. Most microbreweries in my area live by the mantra "JUST ADD MORE HOPS!!" The uppity grocery store near my house has an entire aisle dedicated to beers, the majority being micro brews and the rest being Bud, Coors etc. Out of all those beers, they have ONE fucking amber ale but at least 40-50 different types of IPA's.
Theme parties. If you're out of elementary school, the theme should be hanging out with friends. No, I don't want to buy a zoot suit to celebrate your birthday.
Talking on the phone. The shit has driven me crazy my entire life. I immedietly lose patience on the phone, sometimes I'll sit in the room with somebody who walks around on the phone talking with one person for two hours and think "Why hasn't anybody ended your da and failed life?" I can't stand three minutes on the phone, how in the hell can you talk to somebody on the phone for three HOURS and you already see this same person twice a week? I'm extroverted, talking on the phone is the only thing in the world that makes me claustrophobic. Hate it. Always.
I've got to concur with Crown; "claustrophobia" is a good description of how I feel on the phone. A brief pause in the conversation that would normally go unnoticed seems to stretch out for hours (to me, anyway). I'll admit it: I'm one of those people who will see your number come up on my phone, let it go to voicemail, then text you back. You could come up to me and say: "Hey Bandit, I talked to Sofia Vergara today, and she's totally into you. She wants to go out with you, and she said she'd let you put it in her butt, but you need to call her first." Me: (rolls eyes) "Sigh. Do I have to? Can't I just send her a text?"
Focus: Sitcoms in general. There's one I can stand, and that's Seinfeld, and a few that I see through nostalgia-tinted glasses like Home Improvement or the Jeff Foxworthy Show that I can derive a chuckle from. In fact, I was hoping against hope that Hollywood would let the genre just die out altogether. But no, people want more of them. Why? The jokes are mostly re-tosses of the protagonist comedian's shtick, the laugh track doesn't encourage me to laugh and it just all comes off wrong for me. When people wax nostalgic about Friends I feel like they don't realize the big puling pile of shit they liked. But I try not to be snobby, to each their own. For a second one, truck stop bathrooms. I'd rather shit in a deer tick infested ditch that use some of the truck stop bathrooms I have seen and in dire need had to empty my back port into. Alternative Focus: Owning/reading books and biotope aquariums. The Walking Dead post-season five.
Focus: - fiction books (what's the point? Waste of time to me. I'd rather be learning about something.) - Crowded bars (Same reasons as mentioned earlier.) - Butt sex (I've heard her shit, and I don't want my dick anywhere near that.) - Sitcoms (CD nailed it.) - Green Bay Packers (Watching them makes me visibly angry and physically ill. I can't even watch them if they're playing a team I like.) - Mashed potatoes (Baked potatoes taste so much better; mashed is just like mush to me.) - tomatoes (Not only are they fucking disgusting, they get their nasty veggie-semen on whatever they touch.) Alt. Focus: - Mowing my lawn (Love being outside, peaceful, gives me a break from other responsibilities.) - Running (See: above) - Sitting alone in a hunting blind, even if I don't see anything (See: above) - Long drives and my commute to work (See: above) - my job (I got fortunate in that I found my passion early in life. I enjoy the weekends, but I am happy when they are over. It's nice that it pays the bills too.)
I'm the exact opposite. I fucking hate texting. I have one buddy I've seen twice in the past 20 years and he wants to text. For hours on end. Fuck that noise. Now when he texts me I call him right then and when it goes to voicemail I scream into the phone "I KNOW YOU'RE HOLDING YOUR GODDAMN PHONE RIGHT NOW! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?"
Focus: I hate spas. I love a good massage, mani, pedi, or facial. Seperately. Spending all day, or even half of a day, putzing around a spa doing all of those things? Not for me. I did it once with friends, and after about an hour of SPA DAY I started getting twitchy. Pinterest and other crafty shit. A lot of my friends and co-workers are into this. I registered a Pinterest account just to check it out. It's too overwhelming. Serious over-stim of kitschy junk. I'm probably missing out on some earth-shatteringly good crock pot recipes, but I think I'll be ok. Alt: This makes me lame, but screw it. I like going to bed early and waking up early. I think I function better with a solid 8 hours of sleep, and that necessitates going to bed before 10 since I'm up before 6. I'm more efficient in the morning, and after lunch my workday seems to go to shit for a variety of reasons specific to my job. I love rolling into work around 6:30 so that I can get the bulk of my patients seen before noon. I'm usually home by 3:30 and have a nice break before I work out. And, on non-work days I like waking up early and drinking coffee for a bit before I start my day.
I wasn't talking about texting for hours, I meant cutting a conversation down to the bare-minimum. Anyway, to stay on topic: I HATE drive-through businesses, or more specifically the drive-through aspect of them. Have you ever had a parking space blocked by some dipshit who was "waiting in line?" How goddam lazy do you have to be that you can't walk in to the store an buy your burger/beer/etc.? The only people who get a pass on this behavior are the handicapped, and single parents with a baby/small child in the car. Also, in my experience, you get your products faster if you go inside. Lastly, when you go into the place for your goods, you are much less likely to get your order messed up. I know this for two reasons: 1) I've had my order messed up MANY times, and 2) Years ago, I used to work a fast-food drive-through, and if you pissed me off, I'd fuck up your order. I wouldn't spit in your food, but I'd make sure it was the opposite of what you wanted. And I never suffered any reprisals. Joe Pesci said it best in Lethal Weapon 2:
My younger brother is sending me updates on how he's doing in his fantasy league, which he goes to pains he only plays to rub it in the face of the commissioner of the league. To be honest, I'd rather masturbate with a cheese grater.
Fantasy sports are one of those things I used to be really into, but as I got older I no longer see the point in them. And not that I just don't like them -- they literally seem pointless to me. 10 years ago I used to be super into fantasy basketball. I'd usually run 5-7 teams a season in different leagues (I also did fantasy NASAR; don't judge me... or at least please try not to). If FanDuel or DraftKings or one of those gambling things was around back then, I'm sure I would have cleaned up. I could rattle off every player's stats for the past three years at the drop of a hat. I also spent tens of hours a week researching fantasy sports in order to essentially get bragging rights on the Internet over strangers. No coincidence, I was also single. In order to be good (and I mean consistently good, not just lucky good) at fantasy sports, you have to dedicate a bunch of time to it. Time that could be spent doing productive things, or bettering yourself. And even if you're competing for money, if you break down your winnings into the number of hours you need to invest to win, you're going well below the federal minimum wage. Add on the odds of you even winning in the first place, because even for the most skilled person there is still an element of luck. It just seems like a complete waste to me. You'd get better bang for your buck playing the slots. At least you'd get free drinks out of it.
Fucking Dr. Who. Two ex-girlfriends now have tried to get me hooked on this shitshow, their logic being "Dieformetal likes Sci-Fi, he'll LOVE this!" Nope. I've seen 3-4 different episodes, different doctor each time(apparently it's the subject of endless debate who the Best Doctor is...), all ridiculously corny horseshit and unfunny people trying to be funny. No thanks.
Focus -Cars. Even as a guy, I just see them as something to get me from Point A to Point B. I have no desire to go to car shows or to read about them. -College Basketball. I respect the players' love of the game, but that doesn't mean that it's entertaining to spectate. I'll stick to watching the men, myths, and legends battle it out in the NBA playoffs. -Playing the lottery. Few things annoy me more than getting stuck behind someone buying lottery tickets and having the clerk check their old tickets when I just want to buy beer. -Mobster movies and TV shows just put me to sleep. -The Varsity and Taco Mac. You may have to be from Atlanta to know what I am talking about, but the food mostly sucks at both (yes, Taco Mac has good Buffalo wings, but I know at least a few places that have better). -I'll second bars, mashed potatoes, and video games (though I did enjoy them up until I was about 15). Anti-Focus -Doing pretty much anything alone (going out to eat, concerts, movies, etc.) If I don't have anyone to go with then it beats staying home, and I am usually surprised by how many other people I see who are also alone in all of these settings. -Blink 182. While I do use the skip button on "All the Small Things," Enema of the State is still one of my all time favorite albums--and not just for the nostalgia that it came out right before I started high school. I also like most of their other albums. -Kirsten Dunst. Yes, I have seen the snaggletooth, I have seen pictures of her without makeup on, and I know that she is not a great actress (though I thought that she was good in Crazy/Beautiful). But I can't help but to see her in movies and see the more glamorous pictures of her and find her to be one of the few celebrities who I truly think is gorgeous. -I'll second what Parker said about Two and a Half Men, though I agree that most sitcoms are awful.