I came from a family where gravy is considered a beverage

God, I miss being a teenager.

When I was thirteen I got into an eating contest at a church social. Joe Sanchez, who outweighed my by at least 50#, wolfed down 23 bowls of Hungarian goulash and I beat him with 24! He did manage to screw the pastor's younger daughter though and I never did.

When I was eighteen, I ate 20+ tacos shortly followed by a 1/2 gallon of ice cream then went out with two girls that night (one after the other), screwed them both, dropped off the 2nd one at 4:30 a.m., went home and put on a set of slicks and drove straight to the drag strip and won my class. Best day evar!

Today I had 4 tacos, no ice cream and managed to put registration stickers on two of the cars and wash one. Sex is unlikely as we have house guests and the wife is a bit shy. Just wow.

 

Krispy Kreme ice cream sundae:

Four deep fried donuts, chocolate frosting layer, four scoops of ice cream, hot fudge, two bananas, caramel, sprinkles, whipped cream, and a cherry. I wish I had a picture of this thing, it was the size of a basketball, and they served it in a big metal mixing bowl. I ate the whole thing. I regret nothing.

Edit:

I almost forgot we were very kindly asked to close our tab at Fogo de Chao one night because our table (about a dozen big dudes) was eating like four times the meat they expect each guest to consume. At one point, we had the waiter with beef rib dropping off his whole tray (plus the knife) so we could serve ourselves while he brought another tray.

Group effort, but the staff were really cool about it; comped our drinks and dessert.

 

Oh yeah, there was one more. If you're ever in Seattle and want to hate yourself before, during and after your meal, order a 12 egg omelet at Beth's Cafe. They serve it on a pizza plate with a bed of hashbrowns with whatever filling you pick. I am simultaneously proud and disgusted with myself for being able to finish it.

Me, instantly regretting poor life decisions.

Also, it was on Man vs. Food.

 

Rep from TJMax - "After 0430? Those are some late/early drag races, but what do I know, I've never been to one..."

Well, gate opened at 7:00 a.m. and was an hour's drive. And, I did stop for breakfast on the way. Also, while I waited for the gate to open, I changed spark plugs, advanced the timing a bit, uncorked the exhaust and bullshat w/ the other early arrivals.

FWIW, everyone should go to the drags at least once. Even if you don't run, the sound, smell and sight of the top fuel cars needs to be experienced. IIRC, these beasts are generating 7,000+ horsepower these days and standing anywhere near the start line will send vibrations through you stronger than a 7.0 earthquake.

 

Fattest thing I've ever done was eat about 12-13 White Castle Sliders (with cheese), two boxes of chicken rings (which were 70% sodium, 25% bread and 5% chicken) and a large Dr. Pepper. All the sodium and lack of proper hydration caused me to faint for the first and only time in my life. Then I also ended up having one of the weirdest shits in my life, it was green, it was black, at one point I swear a piece was blue but I was seeing dots.

 

This is funny, though her consumption rate was not the most impressive:

<a class="postlink" href="http://gawker.com/my-14-hour-search-for-the-end-of-tgi-fridays-endless-ap-1606122925" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://gawker.com/my-14-hour-search-for ... 1606122925</a>

 

Anyone remember this food vacuum on Tosh.0?

http://tosh.cc.com/video-clips/gfazo7/the-world-s-fastest-dinner-date

 

Fattest thing I've done?

I went to a beer tasting event with friends. I tried every beer there (over 100) and some twice. This got me really drunk. So we went to a Chinese buffet and they made me eat until I sobered up. It took hours. I eventually puked all over the bathroom floor and the Chinese man made me mop it up....

So many Crab Rangoons.....