I came from a family where gravy is considered a beverage

27 people confess to the fattest thing they've ever done

Number 3 is probably my favourite.

FOCUS: What's the fattest thing you've ever done?


I've often tried and failed dismally in numerous food eating competitions - 1kg Schnitzel with Gravy and Chips, giant hamburgers etc I don't really do them to win, because I know my limits, but it's fun to try anyway.

Burger King once released a burger called the "Quad Stack". 4 pieces of both cheese and meat. I went with my Girlfriend at the time, and ordered one large meal. After completing, I actually had a bit of room left, so I ordered another of the burgers. Straight after finishing, I (without warning) let rip one of the loudest farts of my life, which vibrated up and down Burger King's plastic seats. That was the first and last time I ever flactuated in front of any partner. Good times.

 

White trash poutine. Take two large servings of KFC chips, a pile of grated cheese - ideally the most generic cheddar you can find, and a large KFC gravy. Combine in a bowl and microwave for 1 minute so the cheese and gravy melt together. BAM - White trash poutine. You probably gained half a pound just reading the recipe.

 

Boom. Young and free means ordering pizza every day to avoid doing dishes. My friend and I owned one dish, which we only used on very special formal occasions when there was no ashtray to be found. Dishes? That's too much work.

 

I had a friend in college who when desperate for something "clean" to wear would throw a shirt in an empty protein powder tub, then add some hot water and tartar control toothpaste and swish it around with a cooking spoon. It didn't work, but putting in that much effort to remain lazy is admirable.

In my first apartment days, like I said doing dishes was too much work. What WASNT too much work was using our pizza boxes to construct forts in order to play a full-scale version of Crossbows and Catapults. But because we had no crossbows OR catapults, we settled for dropping acid, turning out the lights, throwing on some safety glasses, cracking open 100 wristband glow sticks and throwing them at each other with full strength wind-ups. But dishes were too much work.

 

Freshman year in college my friends and I would go to a little place in Bridgeport, CT called Taco Loco on Thursday nights. Why Thursday? Well, Thursday was all you could eat wings and dollar Coronas of course. One week we felt extra ambitious so between the five of us we wanted to see how much we could stuff into our maws.

Starting the day before we all fasted so we would be as hungry as possible. Between the five of us that night we ate 62 baskets of wings(10 per basket) and 92 Coronas. (I personally ate 11 baskets.) Now the wings weren't jumbo, they were small at best but the staff and owners were so impressed they took our picture and put it up on their wall.

The next morning on the other hand, was an unmitigated disaster for all of our asses. And I mean asses in the literal sense. Let's put it this way, if you had gold bond powder you could have made a lot of money on our floor that next day.

 

I once made this pizza that I saw online somewhere. You take 2 digiorno pizzas and bake them halfway, then you take those smaller red baron pizzas and you cut them in half and put them on top of the digiorno pizzas. Then you take some bagel bites and defrost them and layer them on top of the red baron pizzas on top of the digiornos. Then you take some hot but not crispy pizza rolls and put them on the bagel bites. Then, you take the the other digiorno and put it on top of the stack cheese side down and bake for about 20 minutes.

You cut it into quads and eat with a fork a knife. Those were the worst farts I ever had.

 

I've actually done #2 on that list. The gym is about 300 feet from a White Castle. I bought a #1 crave combo, ate it in the parking lot, waited a sufficient amount of time that would indicate I had worked out at least a little, then went home. The only thing I didn't do was pour water over myself.

That would have been pathetic.

 

I'm not sure if this counts since I was high, but one day in high school my friends and I went to the grocery store to get munchies and I decided to get one of those roasted chickens grocery stores sometimes sell. My intention was just to have a couple of pieces, but when we got back to my friend's house we all sat on the floor with our snacks and I had forgotten to get any of the proper tools to eat this chicken (like a knife and fork and plate), so I started to just pick at it with my hands until I got the energy to stand up again. Then the next thing I knew, I looked down and screamed because the entire chicken was gone and I had no memory of this happening. "I just ate a whole animal.....I JUST ATE A WHOLE ANIMAL." And then I started laughing so hard I couldn't breathe.

Also, thanks to my fucked up schedule, I'm usually up and hungry from 3-5am so I'll have a little snack, and one night I had basically nothing in the house so I took a spoonful of peanut butter out of the jar, put a little bit of chocolate syrup on the spoon, and ate it. Repeat. It was delicious and I have no regrets.

 

One of the local bars around here has a burger similar to a Big Mac, only the buns are grilled cheese and the patties are 1/2 lb. the order goes as follows: Grilled cheese, bacon, cheese, patty, grilled cheese, bacon, cheese, patty, grilled cheese. The thing looks ridiculous, and it's impossible to take a bite out of the whole thing. It has to be eaten in sections.
I was half pissed up one night and ended up eating the whole thing, with fries. I felt like someone filled me with 80 psi of compressed air. I made myself puke when I got home because i was too uncomfortable to sleep.

 

I'm an idiot when it comes to food and can't help myself so I've got plenty of stories to stick in this thread.

Around five or six year ago we're heading from one base to another for inter-service cricket and one of the guys mentions how some bloke at his unit finished a Maccas family value meal in 12 minutes. I made the comment I think I could give it a good nudge. This turned into Dutchie reckons he would smash it so next time we were at Maccas it was on.

Said family value meal had 2 big macs, 2 cheeseburgers, 4 chips, 4 drinks and a side of nuggets which had to be finished in 12 minutes, spewing was allowed. I got through everything except a couple of nuggets 3 drinks and 1 set of chips before time was up, I could literally fit nothing else in, each sip of drink sat at the top of my throat and I couldn't swallow it down.

I'm the fattest skinny guy I know.

 

I'm not sure which of these is the fattest:

I put an entire stick of pepperoni (cut up) onto a four cheese frozen pizza and ate the whole thing in less than 30 minutes.

I made a grilled cheese sandwich with 4 slices of bread, 10 slices of American cheese, half a tomato, and some shredded taco cheese in between what would be considered the two grilled cheese sandwiches.

I ate an entire grand sushi tray from Wegman's (80 pieces) and followed it up with a miniature peanut butter pie.

Spoiler for size:

Spoiler

 

When I was pregnant with my second child I craved - regularly - a footlong pizza sub on honey oat with extra cheese and ranch dressing, a bean burrito, and two chicken soft tacos. All at once.

I've never really done anything fatter.

 

I can say right now, that I could easily smash that sushi platter with ease, and I'm not that hungry. Sushi, despite the rice, is something I can eat EXTREME amounts of. People go out and get 2 rolls for their meal, thats like an appetizer for me. And I'm 165 lbs, so its not like I'm a beastly eating machine.

 

I bought 150 chicken wings for 4 people. Originally, I was going to buy 100, but they threw an extra 50 on there for like $10 because of some deal. That is why Amurika is the best. You only want 100 of something? Too fucking bad, you get 50% more because freedom.

My two gal friends managed 8 wings a piece. I sucked down 32 before I had to push it back down my gullet. My sick bastard friend ate 84. There was still enough wings for two more lunches. After 84 wings he ate half a gallon of ice cream.



I wanted this guy to get into competitive eating so bad. He would have dominated with a little practice. The sport is, frankly, abhorrent, but he was just so damned good at stuffing his face with garbage. I even came up with a workout regime so he would not kill himself, like that little Japanese dude who looks like a fricken Greek athlete. Eating like a madman, doing the workout, would have benefited this guy's health he was so unhealthy at the time. Couldn't convince him to do it because then everyone would know he was a secret gorger.

 

I have a love/hate relationship with weed. I love how it relaxes me, but hate that I turn into a human garbage disposal. My brother and I decided that the best way to celebrate our first paychecks was to get high as balls and go to Old Country Buffett. Three hubcap sized plates and dessert later, that was the first and only time I've ever wept after a meal.

 

My old roommate and good friend is like that. He'd order a pizza and 2 liter of Coke and demolish it himself. Just take the 2 liter up to his room and drink out of it like most people drink out of a 20 oz bottle. He was travelling for work and would order pizzas so it would
be there when he got home, offer one of our other roommates a slice to justify not eating the whole thing, then crush the other 7 slices with impunity. I mean, it was what it was, live you life, but when you'd hear him boast about getting in better shape and eating better, then defend his food choice with "i travelled today and was tired and its convenient" it was ridiculous. We live in the 3rd biggest city in the country, basically downtown, there are TONS of sensible delivery choices if you don't want to cook.

But when you'd want him to use those talents for good, such as a massive jumbo burger challenge at a bar we frequented, he was terrible. He could eat just enough food to be like "gross man, stop overindulging" but not enough to pull some Man vs Food stuff. Also terrible strategy such as eating the fries early on and filling up on carbs. Amateur stuff.

Amusingly, when he began dating his now-fiancee, she implicitly encouraged it. They'd come home from the grocery store with a Digiorno pizza and roll of cookie combo, fire up the over and demolish them both. Or the time we came home to find them sitting around the counter polishing off a pie with a pair of forks. Neither were obese, my buddy is a tall guy who has gotten big but can carry weight decently and she's always been a big thicker, but I shudder to think at what may happen post-wedding living in the burbs.