My younger brother is about to have his first child a month after my wife gives birth to my second. I've known his wife since she was in the 6th grade, we went to the same school until college. A few days ago we were talking about how it doesn't feel like I should be a father of two at this point, and how it seems like just yesterday he was doing keg stands and running from the cops at house parties. While I've been on and off the sauce for a while, I haven't gotten properly drunk in years, largely because the last time I did was when the hangovers were lasting two days. I'd rather get up early and enjoy my coffee in a hunting blind now, rather than tequila shots and jager bombs. I was so happy yesterday when my amazon package arrived, a pair of New Balance 574s. My wife about pissed herself laughing at my "dad shoes" and asked me if I was going to jam rock to James Taylor in them. Fuck her, they're comfortable!! Focus: What marked that transition for you into being "old"? Or at least when did you realize you had finally grown up? Alt. Focus: What did you used to be able to do that you can't (or shouldn't) now? What can you do now that you wish you'd learned when you were in the generation you now refer to as "kids these days"?
When I went to loud, crowded bars and immediately wished I was at home watching TV or something. That hit me somewhere around 23 or so. I was pretty much done with that whole scene and I would much rather go to a decent restaurant or a nicer bar and relax and enjoy a cocktail. Alt. Focus: I wished I started seriously exercising much earlier. I was always active, but I am probably in relatively better shape now than I was 10 years ago, and it took a shit load of work. I used to be able to eat anything I wanted and never gained a pound. Now if I day dreamed about a slice of pizza, I start putting them on.
Same, if my ears will be ringing the next day then I'm done. I'm okay with being out late just as long as its at my pace and doesn't feel forced. Alt-focus: I'm still in pretty good shape but doubt I'll be putting in any sub-5:00 mile runs anytime soon. It would hurt like hell to get back on that level. What can I do now? A modicum of self-control and the ability to converse with women. Dropping the "nice guy" attitude halfway through college was a big breakthrough.
Focus: Two weeks after my first daughter was born, my dad got diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer. Four months later he died. Needless to say, it was an emotional rollercoaster in my life; from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows. It also made me realize, holy shit, I not only have to take care of my newborn, but I was the only one that could even functionally deal with all the other shit going on with my family, just from a day to day standpoint. That and the first time my balls kissed the cold water whilst taking my morning constitutional. However, I'm still trying to blame that on an overfilled toilet. Alt-focus: I'm with Juice on the exercising thing. I'm in better shape now than I was in my early 20's; who knows what I could've been like if I put in the effort than that I do now. Also, I wish I would've know when I was younger what I now know about cooking and nutrition in general. Granted, I'm still way ahead of the curve compared to most people, but it would've been so much more impressive to have my culinary skills back when I was in college. Naïve college girls love themselves a guy with even a novice level knowledge on how to make something other than ramen.
Da fuq? Is this really a thing? I'm 47 years old. Never even been close to that happening. Focus: I felt a little bit of panic when I realized that all three of my kids had reached reproductive age. I got over it though when I took them to Six Flags and wore them out. I was still going strong but they were ready to leave, and all three of them fell asleep on the way home. Alt. Focus: The skill I wish I'd had when I was younger is understanding people and knowing how to relate to them and see what they really need. I've developed that over the past few years, primarily from my MBA courses and another management seminar. It was really enlightening, and if I'd learned those skills earlier in school I would be in a very different place right now. It's a shame that I mastered so many technical subjects in high school and college, but not building relationships.
FOCUS: Helping my stepson fix the wires in his phone charger a few years ago. Little bastards were just too small for me to see at the distance I could actually focus on them. I've always had fantastic eye sight and while I can still see a country mile, seeing shit up close is getting increasingly difficult. I'm guessing reading glasses are 5-7 years away. It doesn't help that my facial structure and nose size do not lend themselves to rocking a set of spectacles.
Ive got the long balls. It causes unspeakable terror when they do happen to touch the water. You sit there holding them up like the top guy in a porno three way so that his balls don't touch the guy's balls underneath the girl. Except it's cold toilet water. Focus: I haven't grown up but I have gotten old. My neighbor and 1st grade classmate just finished his residency and is now a neck surgeon. Im living at home barely working part time and still going out to get trashed on the weekends hoping to hook up with one night stands. Two day hangovers was the big one for me as far as feeling old. Alt focus: I actually learn better now than I ever have, I make connections much easier between concepts and their real world applications. I grew up in a house where my grandpa had a tv repair store and my dand and brother worked on all things mechanical. Growing up I'd be in the same rooms as this stuff going on but nothing ever really clicked. I started working on cars a year of so ago and all of the mechanical concepts Id been around suddenly made sense. Same goes with guitar. I had two or three yeas of pitiful lessons. I watched a handful of great youtube videos last month and all of the theory my teacher had gone over made sense in the grander scheme of music to me. I wish, like my brother, this had happened when I was a kid.
I'm rockin the 517's as I type this. When I went from putting 10,000 miles a year on my motorcycle to less than a 1,000, then finally selling it was, I think, the beginning of my adult. Then I sold the dirt bike cause of my knees and losing interest. Lower back won't let me waterski like I used to, I still do it, just not nearly as far or as well as used to. I was the oldest guy on a softball team about 5 years ago, I begged to be put in right field. I noticed that I lost a step, hits I used to make in to triples were now doubles, doubles now singles. Those youngsters said I ran like a Clydesdale, lots of thunderous sounds and dust, but slow. I used to drink at least a case of beer a weekend, now I drink a case of beer a year. I was given a minivan for a company car, and I liked it. And there is not a damn thing wrong with listening to James Taylor.
Focus: I'm starting to get grey hairs. Jungle Julia loves them, but they piss me off. I usually pluck them out as soon as I see them, but I know that eventually I'm going to have to quit that, or else I'm going to wind up bald; my dad's hair was completely grey by the time he was 40. He really rocked it though, looking like an older Burt Reynolds (think "Boogie Nights" Burt). At least I'm not going bald.
There's been a couple times that have made me feel pretty old. The first was when I was hanging out with a little kid who a) didn't understand why I didn't have kids because I was "like really old" and b) was making up a superhero and when he named him something like Magic Guy 89 I said "oh that's the year I was born" and he says "but there hasn't been a 2089 yet" and I said "you're right" and he goes "so you're telling me...you were born in NINETEEN eighty nine?????" Which I realize yes must sound like ancient history to someone born in 2011. Fidget spinners also make me feel old. Most of the time when I've caught wind of what the youths are into these days I can at least see some kind of parallel to stuff we were into when I was their age or understand the appeal in some way. But fidget spinners? I just DO NOT get them. How does that amuse you for more than 30 seconds? And it's crazy how kids from ages 3-18 all seem to be equally obsessed with them. Shrug. Also, I'm currently staying in a 16 year old's bedroom and I have no idea who the band is in the poster hanging on the ceiling. I think this makes me officially out of touch.
Focus: I still maintain that there was one week in mid February 2009 that marked my official transition into adulthood. There were some things that happened in my social life that week and also some more general things that were happening right around that time that changed my college life as I knew it, though I don't want to delve too deeply into them. I'm also pretty sure that that week was the exact time that I went from being able to drink whatever I wanted and feel like a champ the next day to not being able to have more than one beer if I wanted to be able to function like normal the next day. I had turned 23 the previous October, so I was right at that age where I was supposed to be transitioning out of the college life. I did have to take a year off from school and as a result didn't graduate until the following December, so it was rough for me trying to finish my bachelors degree while not being able to enjoy the college life any longer. To make matters worse that was also right around the time that it hit me that I would soon be graduating with a degree that, while not completely worthless, was not a good one in a recessionary economy and I would be moving back in with my parents after I graduated with no clear path for the future. I hate to sound like an astrologer nut job, but I still have a very hard time believing that it was a coincidence that everything happened the way that it did right at that time. I also think that 20, 23, 26, and 29 were all turning points in terms of maturity, but 23 is still by far and away the biggest and shittiest. And I'll be 32 in October, so it will be interesting to see if the "every 3 years" pattern continues.
3-18, 48 I found one in the parking lot, and play with it all the time while watching TV. Pick it up, spin, spin, set it down, time passes, pick it up, spin, spin. And so on. Couldn't you just roll over and ask him?
No, nothing that exciting. More like getting dumped and also seeing most of my friends getting ready to graduate that May and us just not really hanging out anymore.
For me it's been more of a gradual transition, mostly typical things - gradual weight gain, hair loss, a reduction in athletic ability and more recently changes in vision and hearing. A couple of weeks ago I flew down to Tampa to meet some friends for the Iron Maiden concert. There was as much drinking as ever, but it was hilarious when we went to eat and everyone used their phone flashlights to read the menus. If there was a shocking moment for me it was about 5 years ago at age 45. I was at a job site with a coworker when I suddenly realized that I felt good. No aches, pains twinges, stiffness etc- which brought on the revelation that things were starting to hurt on a regular basis. The other stuff (weight, vision etc) I was expecting. The realization that something on me will hurt for the rest of my life is really fucking depressing.