Huh...that was pretty weird.

I'm at this country bar that I've never been to. Also there is every boy I ever had a crush on throughout elementary, middle and high school, along with a bunch of random people. All of the boys are doing some weird line dance to shitty country music.

My middle school best friend and I take off to the bathroom. There are two toilets: one in a stall and one right outside beside the stall. I go into the one in the stall and try to close the door, but the door is six inches too small for the stall. I really have to go, so I attempt to pull down my pants. They're so tight it takes me five minutes to even get them down to my knees. Upon pulling my pants up, they've stretched out like crazy and keep falling down. I go to wash my hands and when I turn the tap, I hear all sorts of machinery start up and turn around to discover the bathroom has turned into a hydroelectric power plant. A pipe bursts and drenches my friend and I in gross, dirty water. We go back to the mirrors and check ourselves out before heading back into the bar with make-up running down our faces.

So confused.

 

More fucking stupid dreams last night.

I had a dream about Prince. It was him from the Purple Rain days. Same cockatoo hair. Let me say I am not a fan, never owned a Prince record, went to a show, or ever gave one thought about him aside from laughing at the Kevin Smith stories. So I was at his concert and Prince was built like a brick shit house. Huge and cartoonishly buff, but still short. He was singing, made eye contact with me. He kept staring at me as he started climbing up a brick wall like Spiderman. He did more acrobatics, flips and spins in mid air, and didn't break this ridiculous stare. Like his head rotated while he preformed.

That's when I woke up. I think I had a gay dream about Prince. This is kind of bothering me. There are plenty of fellas I'd admit are good looking, charming, whatever. No homo. Why a midget lothario built like Rambo? Why was he on steroids? I kind of want to listen to Purple Rain for clues. So many questions.

 

I dreamt I was uh... I guess the owner/floor manager at a tiny restaurant, Gordon Ramsay was there working in the kitchen trying to turn the place around. It started off well until things came down to my decisions and I quickly realised I had no idea what I was doing and kept making everything worse. I've never worked at a restaurant or in a kitchen, so basically in the dream I was the same person with no knowledge or training except I suddenly was in charge of a restaurant on a busy night.

At some point a customer was using terms for a drink I'd never heard of. She wanted a rum and coke but... something about ... ice cream and a Japanese sounding word was all I could understand. She didn't want ice cream but it was one of those terms like "on the rocks". I kept asking her politely to clarify but she just kept repeating it and brought up "You work here, how do you not know these terms" which made me feel ashamed because she was right. I was a horrible restaurant owner, I didn't know the first thing about working at one and yet in my dream I didn't connect the dots that it was because I've actually never worked in one, and couldn't remember ever buying one. I kept trying to do my best hoping it'd come back to me, because all the staff were acting like I'd learnt it all before, and that I just had to pull myself together. I didn't want to give up while they were all working so hard and depending on me.

I think I've been watching too many Kitchen Nightmares. Huh, I just realised I had an actual kitchen nightmare, that's kind of funny.

 

I just had a dream that was far too intense for a midday nap.

I was in a large ornate house, like a palace. The queen there had some vendetta against me, and she would summon me for torture at random times. Like Se7en, each torture had to do with a deadly sin, but I had no idea why I was being held or why she was torturing me. The only thing that gave me solace was I knew the torture was happening in my dream world, but I had no way of getting out.

Then I woke up and stared at myself in the mirror, realizing that my dreaming was going on for longer and longer. I wasn't sure what was real anymore, the mundane world I was always a part of, or the fantastical world where I kept getting hurt. It didn't seem to make a difference either, because my chances to be in the mundane, safe world were becoming fewer and far between anyway. I realized at some point, dream and reality were going to trade places.

Then I fell back asleep, and I am in the middle of an escape attempt from the palace. But just as me and the others I am with are going to escape, this boy who works for the queen hands me a baby. He tells me it is mine, though I refuse to believe it. I remember a time I was pregnant, but when I bore the child she had it taken away and told me it had been 'taken care of,' another one of her tortures. I take the baby and secure it to me with a sling, but it hampers my ability to aid the group.

We escape anyway, but somehow I end up separated. I am in another big house, alone this time at a table that is all white, in a room with light grey walls. I can see a fancy restaurant in the next room, and at the table are two of my good friends, Scott and Rob, sitting with a girl and her family. Scott is in the middle of proposing to the girl who I don't know at all, and it hurts me greatly because I don't trust the father and know he is against my side of the war, as in the dream world, everyone is at war. I watch them longingly, wishing he wouldn't join their side, until Rob notices me. He does not seem to remember who I am, and says to the family that he thinks my name is Rosa or something like that, then comes over to say hello.

I wish fervently that he would not, knowing some sort of danger is afoot. But he does, and I sarcastically call him by a different name, showing him what I think of his attempts to distance himself from me. He has the grace to look ashamed, but it does not last long when Scott brings his fiancee over. She is dressed all in black, though she is blond and blue-eyed and looks like a porcelain doll. She greets me gently enough, but I can tell she is an enemy. When her father comes over, I am all but certain. He seeks to make me look small compared to Scott and his daughter, and I refuse to rise to the bait. I coldly tell him to leave, and while he does, it soon turns into a battle. I am behind a large front door that he batters ruthlessly with his faction, and I try to hold it. But the locks and chains are all broken. Still, I manage to hold the door with sheer strength, and he is turned away.

I wake up again, driving toward my mother's house. The country is rich with vividly colorful flowers, and it becomes very important that I gather some, as I know they'll help me when I return to the dream war. The sun is setting, and I realize I don't have much time, as when it is dark I will slip back to the awful place. Rain starts falling and I see my mom on the side of the road. I pick her up and ask her to come gather the flowers with me, but she wants to return home instead. Taking her back would mean daylight would be gone by the time I got to the fields, but I take her anyway. As I drop her off, full dark falls on me. I want to follow her inside but I fall asleep instead.

When I return to the dream, I am in another huge house, stately and well-furnished, but horribly wrong. It is full of people who I feel connected with as family as I had known them years before, but as I feel connected, I also know they are not my family at all. I look into a bedroom and I see my brother-who-is-not-my-brother shoring up his room, as if for a flood. He looks at me with dead eyes and says I should go to my room and prepare myself too. His words unsettle me, and I know that while he is right, I cannot. I feel a trap has been laid for me inside this house. Still, I go on to look at the other rooms, and I see younger versions of my siblings-who-are-not-my-siblings in their respective rooms. I realize I will soon run into my own younger self when I find my room. The prospect fills me with dread, and each step toward my room makes me grow heavier with fear.

Finally I am at the open door. Everything is dark, and I see only the hint of brightly colored bedding with white furniture. It seems innocent, but I get that feeling of jarring wrongness once more. I see my younger self, and she looks almost a ghost, floating serenely from the window to climb under the covers, out of my vision. As I step closer to the open door to see what happened to her, I see a lump under the covers, what surely must be her. But when I look to the head of the bed, two eyes stare back, not the deadened ones of these shades of people, but piercing eyes that freeze me in my spot. The man with the piercing eyes throws back the covers, holding my younger self by the hair. He is the one who has been hunting me. I know the game has been lost. I have no other moves. My only escape is to wake myself up, leave everyone else in the dream world behind and try to save myself.

That's when I finally wake up for real and thank GOD I am not dreaming anymore. It was like being trapped in a suspense thriller movie, which is precisely why I don't watch suspense thriller movies.

 

Having just received a pair of LEOPARD PRINT UNDERWEAR that I'd purchased on eBay the previous day, a few friends and I piled into a minivan. I don't know where we were going, but we started talking about our least favorite movie directors. We all agreed that Hordak was a terrible director.



Yes, for the purposes of last night's dream, Hordak from She-Ra was not only real, but a director.

I woke up completely fucking bewildered.

 

So my dad, his girlfriend and myself drove somewhere north to get dinner. We had pizza and we were heading back home. I fell asleep in the car and when I woke up we were in Minneapolis. We went to Target field and security was chasing my dad around because he did something and I was chasing after them trying to figure out what the hell he did. Then some hot PR chick says that it's gonna be ok, my dad is fine and that I just need to get my mind off it. On that note she takes off her clothes.

 

It's the final smackdown to decide who gets to keep the kingdom and Prince Charming. I am Cinderella and I am facing off against Sleeping Beauty, Snow White and Jasmine for the rights to basically stay alive and possess all that they have. The objective is to kill off their minions before you are killed, and the playing field is my own castle.

I am winning the game when the evil stepmother comes into play. She's like a demon, hunting me relentlessly, and knowing my every move. I try to run back to the streets of the city outside the castle, but all the rooms have become confused. I take the stairs and end up in a small secret chamber and see two of my generals conspiring to sell me out and try to seize my castle in the confusion. I want to kill them, but if I reveal myself, the stepmother will find me. Then I hear a crash and realize she already has, so I leap out of hiding and shoot them both. I run out the door into another room that I don't recognize as she is gaining on me, and then another and another until finally I burst out into the street from an exit I did not know was there.

It's crowded and drizzling, and I blend into the crowd to escape. Then I woke up, which sucks because I want to know how it ended.

 

I dreamed that TiB was a high school class sitting in an auditorium listening to a boring lecture. I made some sort of smart comment about the lecturer, which resulting in everyone getting reamed, and me receiving hundreds of PMs and red-dots bitching at me for getting all of you yelled at. Yeah...what the fuck.

 

Early this morning, I dreamed I was being chased down my street at night by two hitmen. I Made it to my house through the open garage, but the garage door opener was too slow and the hitmen made it inside the house just after I did. Trying to be quiet, I slipped back outside through the front door, but they heard me close it behind me, and caught up to me. I turned, backing slowly down the front steps, and looked full in the face of the first hitman. It was Eric B...Furry Kangol and all. Following close behind was Rakim. Now, I was in the driveway. Rakim steps in front of Eric B. and pulled a long handgun with a silencer on it out of his jacket. I say, "Hey, c'mon man, dont shoot me." Rakim replies,"I aint gonna shoot you. Im gonna kill you.", and levels the gun at me.

I go for the gun. I grab his hand with both of mine and we go to the ground. Eric B. is trying to punch me in the back of the head, but his punches are ineffective. I lift up my head and see my neighbor's house across the street is the only one with lights on, and I scream for him to call the police. My voice cracks like a pubescent boy, but I keep yelling until my neighbor runs out of his garage and sees me, and runs back in to call. I turn my attention back to Rakim and I punch him in the face until I knock him out. Eric B. lunges at me and we wrestle our way to the street over a storm drain. I manage to land a good shot across his face, seemingly knocking him out. When I stand up, I see the police have just arrived and are handcuffing Rakim. My family has arrived and everyone is out in the street taking in the spectacle. I look over at Eric B, and catch him peeking at me with one eye. He wasnt knocked out after all, but I say,"If you know whats good for you you'll stay down." He closed his eye and continued to pretend to be knocked out.

Here's the really strange/ less cool part..

The crowd starts to disperse.My mother comes over to me with a huge box, full of t-shirts. She tells me they all belong to my cousin but they are all too small for him, and we have to do something for him. I take the shirts out one by one, and they all range in size from a 5-6 year old to an adult small.

Maybe I would've gotten a resolution to that last part, but my mom called and woke me up 15 minutes before my alarm was set to go off.

 

I had a weird dream.

First, I was having sex, which is odd considering how rare of an occurence it is in my life...

But it was with an audience. And not just any audience. Specifically, this audience:



The old guys from The Muppets were watching me have sex from balcony seats, and making comments as it went along. Specifically, I remember one of them yelling "Cup the balls, lady! Cup the balls!"

This was simultaneously amongst the most bizarre and hilarious things my imagination has ever come up with.

 

One of the recurring events in my dreams is getting in fights where I can't do anything. I've woken up on my stomach pushing my body off the bed with attempted punches after wondering why I could only punch a few inches in my dream; I've been slow as molasses and repeatedly punched in the face, causing me to be pushed back several feet at a time without falling anime-style. This one was even more frustrating and strange:

The earlier part of the dream was less vivid, but I was hanging with a group of people when I decided to fight J. After several minutes of him catching my punches and holding my fists in place, I managed to throw him to the ground and dump a pair of trash cans over him , which for some reason were mostly filled with pepper. I went outside, and managed to barely turn my face away as he came form behind and threw several pounds of salt at me, while someone else yelled, "Watch out StayFrosty, he got the salt!". Yes, apparently we had agreed to split some salt and pepper to use as weapons. This fucked me up more than anything else really....we went back to me throwing punches and him catching them for several minutes before I woke up.

My conclusion is that my subconscious is a bitch, thought it still has yet to top the dream wherein all I remembered was twenty seconds of missionary before seeing a mushroom cloud appear outside the window. Freud could really have had fun with that one.

 

Either my las post killed the thread, or you all have more peaceful sleep than I do. One of the possible side effects of Chantix is "vivid and abnormal dreams". They're not kidding about that. What they aren't clear on is that vivid doesn't in this case mean "bright or detailed" so much as it means "this will feel more real to you than your actual life, and you'll be very fucking confused when you wake up".

My first night on the stuff: I'm having a conversation with someone I felt familiar with, but can't remember, and we're discussing how my landlord is planning to start building houses to rent to people. In my dream, all these nice big houses were supposed to fit inside the apartment complex.

That's nothing weird, right?

The next night I was at Wal-mart. That's enough of a nightmare for anyone, but I was on a mission. I was creeping as stealthily as I could through the men's clothing department, slipping from rack to rack, trying to avoid being seen. See, I was there to buy pants, because for some reason the only clothing I was wearing was a slightly too-tight plain white t-shirt. I'm trying to tug the shirt down to give at least a tiny bit of modesty, but it's not working. And there are too many people browsing the department. Men, sexy women, older women with children in tow, and they're all yelling at me for exposing my self in a public place, and I feel ashamed, but goddamnit all I want is to get my fucking pants.

Last, but not least (and this one is still coming back in bits and pieces, spoilered for length):

Spoiler

I'm living in a different apartment. To give some backstory, in real life, the neighbor who used to live above me was a crazy ex-coworker. Any time I got home or ran out to my car, on my way back inside, I would see her blinds shifting as she peeked through to investigate the mystery of there being some sort of sound outside. Now, in the dream, I have a neighbor living next door to me. We have a shared small back yard area, kind of like if two houses side by side had fencing behind their yard, but shared those yards, along with the dividing yard between; this is all just on a much smaller scale. In my dream, I've seen her across the dividing yard peeking out at my place through her blinds. Except, it's not the same girl, its a current coworker and I have the sense that I have seen her doing this in prior dreams, or in real life. It's a sense of deja vu, and I can't tell which world this is coming from.

Are you all confused yet? If so, good - that puts us all on the same page.

I won my dad's girlfriend's anklebiter dogs - they start playing with her dog outside, she comes over, and we're talking about something, I don't know what. This makes me happy because I want to dance with her horizontally and then walk her though my own rendition of a Stamos Snugglefest. The dream shifts to her inviting me into her apartment, then shifts again.

I'm walking through a store now, with my mother. Again, this is probably enough of a nightmare for any guy - shopping with your mother is like shopping with your girlfriend, except there's no "maybe we can fool around when this shit is over". I'm carrying a gun on my hip, and we're walking past a display of them - black handguns fitted with little plastic so they can be hung from pegs on the wall. Apparently my dream world has seen the NRA president elected to a very high position of power. I digress. My mother is bitching at me about having the gun, I don't know how to use it, it's dangerous, etc. I'm trying to explain that I know how to load, unload, aim, fire, safety, handle, and clear a chambered round (this is all true in the dream). As I'm showing her these things, she snatches the gun out of my hand and throws it down. We argue. We go to leave. At this point, the person I'm walking with isn't my mother. It's someone I currently know, but I can't fucking remember who - only my end of the argument we're carrying on.

We get outside, I call for a ride from an ex-coworker. He shows up with his dad (which is strange, considering this guy has his own car, own kids, etc.), then tells me to walk home and they leave. Oh, and now it's raining. I walk over to Mcdonald's and get food. The news comes on and I hear that my coworker, who now has a different last name, died in a car crash. /Dream.

 

So I was a ghost, it took me a while to figure that out. I was running through people, eventually I found out thatd only my ex could see me. I told her that I loved her from the moment I met her. She said that I shouldn't lie. I agreed, and was brought back to life in my bed when I woke up.

I've read that it means that I'm going through a life change. Maybe it means that I'm finally over her. That would be nice.

 

One of my dreams that I want to share pertains to flying. I am not sure if it started out with me flying, or somehow doing a running start on the drive way, but I was up and about. Now the tricky thing about these dreams (for me and subsequent friends I have spoken with) is that once you fly once, you can not do it again in the same dream. It is really retarded, it is a safe guard that prohibits you from bragging about your new found abilities to anyone in the dream. But that night was memorable because I was able to fly more than once.

And the way I did it was by screaming, "FLY BITCH, YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT FLY!" - And it worked, sure I would start off with a shaky start, knees scraping the ground; but with those motivational words, I was able to eventually lift off.

 

I had a dream last night that Chater repped everyone on the board with "Take that bitches!" and it reset everyone's rep. I didn't check the board at all yesterday but when I logged in today I was puzzled when I didn't see Chater's rep. I realized it was just a dream, but he really had reset the rep points. I should probably spend less time on here.

 

The other night I drempt that I told my wife I wanted a divorce. The reason? Well I only had $5.00 on me and she wouldn't give me the extra $2.10 I needed to rent "Wall Street Gang Bangers" (yes porn) from Blockbuster. Also I was Jason Bateman for some reason.

Her day started great as she laughed her ass off at me after I told her.

 

Lately I've hardly gone a day without a piece of a dream randomly coming to my conscious. It's only bits and pieces, but the past week has included fighting demons in a giant steam room, working with a crush at a job that combines my current one with something that requires me to put a fully-grown python on a leash and walking/slithering it outside to pee, and running half-naked down a deserted four-lane road at night, in the rain, at such a high speed that everything around me is a blur.

Is this what drugs are like?