Huh...that was pretty weird.

Had a dream I fucked the hell out of a friend's hot girlfriend.

What could it possibly mean?
(Not going to)

 

Not really a dream, but after one glorious day of Christmas vacation I spent every waking hour playing Forza Motorsport, so I was constantly in the frame of mind of doing automatic driving calculations and constantly thinking about aerodynamics, fuel weight, and tire wear.

When I went to bed I was lying down half asleep and kept thinking "I need to be more aerodynamic...I need to be more aerodynamic..." and was trying to sleep as low to the bed as I could.

That's right, I attempted to minimize the drag coefficient of my motionless, sleeping body while half asleep.

It probably adds to the hilarity of this situation that at my parents house I still sleep in the car bed my parents got me when I was 3. And it's a fucking Ferrari, BADASS MOTHERFUCKER.

Hey, don't judge, maaaan. My mom says I'm cool.

In other news my lucid moments are often stranger than my dreams anyway.

Spoiler

 

Last night I dreamed about a zombie attack. (I think it might have been because I watched Daywalkers before bed).

Anyways I was very proud of my dreamself being quick on my feet and escaping pretty fast moving Zombies. I built a bunch of deadfalls around my house and was catching Zombies in them from morning till night. The majority of the dream was just me resetting the deadfalls. I've never constructed a deadfall in real life.

I also had an awesome quad-barreled shotgun that I used quite liberally. The thing was sweet and now I want one.

 

I dreamed that I was running on a psychedelic track inside the White House- only the White House was enormous. I was running because I had done something petty and insignificant, but they were going to lock me up for it. I took off running from the guard (all the guards were wearing bright yellow vests to help me see them, how thoughtful). I was running, and the initial guard was about to catch me when the words "This requires leg strength" flashes in front of me on the track itself and suddenly the track curves sharply upward, and all of a sudden, I'm running in the opposite direction, but on the ceiling. More words flash on the track, such as "Most fail because they cannot stay in the middle" "People crash because they don't keep their head down." "You can go for the jump or stay on the track." Suddenly, the track curves sharply downward, my speed increases again, and the track is flying past me. For a brief second the words "24 foot jump ahead" appears on the track. I press on, going faster. The track comes to a very short ramp straight ahead and diverges into a curve which goes sharply to the right which will lead to me being captured. I have no idea how I know I'll be captured if I go that way, but I know that will be the outcome. So, I opt for the ramp, hit it at full speed, and jump. I go flying in the air, clear the jump, and end up outside of the White House. I land like a sack of potatoes and I wake up.

I go back to sleep, and proceed to have the exact same dream; except the petty thing that gets me in trouble this time is throwing snowballs at people, and then when the jump is coming up, I misjudge the timing and jump too soon. I'm going to crash to the floor when the track extends beneath my flailing feet, I hit the track running, another ramp appears and I make the jump this time, only to smash into the ground outside while the White House explodes behind me - my friend's voice can be heard in my head saying "You weren't going to make it, so I extended the track for you so you could make the jump. I did that." I wake up again.

 

Last night I kinda had an odd dream I guess. It was eerily similar to a really bad action movie. It was so entertaining I actually remember most of it.

So there I was minding my own business in one of my classes when a secret service looking dude with an ear piece in and sunglasses on walks into the classroom. Our instructor starts yelling at him to leave because he's interrupting. Dude hands me a folded sheet of paper and walks out. So I read the paper and it says something like: If you want something more, meet my agency at so-and-so address tomorrow at some random time. So naturally being the curious one I am, I go to said address at said time. The place looks like CTU from 24 with glass offices and lots of high tech blue lighted computers. Some dude walks up to me and hands me an ear piece and a 9mm pistol and directs me to one of the front offices where I meet this really hot, shorter red-head (ha, I know they don't really exist, I was shocked too!!). We get to chatting for a min when some dude walks in and hands us both semi-automatic rifles, sweet high tech sunglasses, and body armor and tells us to 'survive'. Me knowing that something bad was going to happen very soon, I grab the red-head with one hand and flip over the desk with the other and get behind it. Sure enough some bad guys run in and start lighting the place up killing everyone. Then it turns into an almost Tombstone-ish standoff between me and their leader and my pistol somehow becomes a revolver. So we both draw and I shoot him in the forehead and he shoots me in the shoulder...whatever I won and got the girl. The last thing I remember was me standing in front of a bullet riddled glass wall in some sort of a Duke Nukem pose.

Really weird, but at least it was a helluva lot of fun.

 

Last night I dreamt I was waking up after being knocked unconscious from a car accident. I'm laying on my back about 20 feet away from the upside down car. I guess I was thrown from it during the accident. I get up and start wandering around the empty streets. I discover this movie theater that is 100 floor deep. Like a sky scraper in reverse I guess. Each floor has two screens, with screen 199 and 200 being at the bottom of the movie theater/cave. So I take the elevator all the way down to the ground floor. As I'm about to walk up to the concession stand the ceiling starts caving in and as I look up at the falling debris I wake up.

 

I've had the most fucked up, recurring dream lately.

My bedroom is a bit of an off layout. There is a short hallway in the bedroom (i.e. the bedroom door is at the beginning of the hallway, instead of the end. So you close the door, then walk the hallway to the bedroom). To the right of the hallway is the closet door.

I was having one of those not-sure-if-I-am-awake dreams, and something dark and amorphous came down the hallway, turned right and stood in the corner by the closet door. I rolled over and I felt this terrible, menacing thing collapse onto me. I woke up completely out of breath and utterly petrified. It's not really a dream so much as a terrible feeling of forboding, I guess.

This is recurring and is fucking my shit up.

 

Why is it that in my dreams I make decisions I would never make in real life? It doesn't make sense.

Last night I had a dream where I was with this hot/trashy girl I vaguely know. Then my girlfriend's 2 best friends walk through the room we're in, look at us, and then walk into the next room. It's at this point that for some reason I decide to ignore the fact that they're in the other room, and I start kissing the trashy girl all over her body. It makes no sense because I don't want to cheat on my girlfriend, her friends are in the other room, and the trashy girl probably has VD. That's all I remember but I will never understand why I make such ridiculous decisions when I'm dreaming. It makes me afraid I'll one day do something that stupid in real life.

 

I'm driving north towards Orlando on a back road. I get stuck in the SNOW, get out and dig my tires out. The road behind me is completely covered, but clear ahead. I get the car going and immediately get stuck again after spinning out. This causes a flat. I limp down to an auto parts store, but it's like Auto Zone in the sense you tell them what you need and they go to the back and get it. I tell them I need a puncture/fix-a-flat kit. A man with no shirt who looks strikingly like Matt Walsh comes up and asks me my two last names, which I answer with Lamont XXXXX. He puts his hand on my shoulder, says 'why do you have to give me a hard time.' I then sit down and wait and William Daniels is sitting there, getting grilled about his role on St. Elmo's Fire (which was actually St. Elsewhere). I wait knowing that I'll be there awhile, at which point I wake up.

 

Last night's dream was a fucking doozie. Very vivid, too.

I'd built a large shed next to what was presumably my house. I was using the shed to grow weed. I was there with my brother or my cousin and a few other people. I don't remember who they were supposed to be. Anyway... Part of growing the weed in the dream was BURNING said weed. This also included setting fire to the palm trees that surrounded the shed. It was bizarre.

As we're burning everything, my brother/cousin (I don't remember) told me that my grandfather had just died. I grieved for a few seconds before realizing that he'd actually died close to a decade ago. And then we all laughed about it. I looked out a window and my grandmother's old house was now next to the shed. There were 2 or 3 ambulances in front of it and thinking that someone really had died, I left to go there.

I was then at a specific grocery store in my hometown. My mother, my brother (I'm sure that it was him) and my mother's asshole ex-husband walked up to me. Mom started to tell me that my grandfather had indeed just died. I calmly told her that my brother had already told me. He just stood there. Grinning.

So... Then I was at my grandmother's house. Some family members were there. There was a death, but it wasn't my grandfather. It was my in-laws' Staff Terrier mix, Stryker. I picked this 50-pound dog up and he wasn't really dead. Everybody was then at a different house and my dog, Bowser, was running around my feet because he wanted to play with Stryker. As he usually does. I tried to put Stryker down so I could restrain Bowser and Stryker hit the floor unusually hard. He started yelping and looked like he was having a seizure or something. I fell to the floor, held Bowser, started bawling and told everyone how sorry I was. They just silently stood there and accepted what was happening.

And that's when I woke up. VERY disoriented.

 

I had a weird one last night, probably martini-induced.

From what I can remember it was me and some guy who was either my brother or a buddy of mine, and we were secret agents or something like that. We had two cats, one of which was clearly my cat (black and insane), and the other's origins were unknown. We got a message from central headquarters that the cats "knew too much" and couldn't be trusted, so we had to kill them.

We shot the mystery cat in the head and succeeded in killing it, but we fucked up in shooting my real-life cat and only made it retarded, and it stumbled from room to room looking at the ceiling in mongoloid confusion. Then I woke up and drained the boa so I guess I'll never know. My real-life cat is psycho, not retarded.

I've never had recurring dreams per se, but I did have recurring themes back before I was in junior high from time to time. The most common one involved a kind of sasquatch or wildman (psychologists of the Jungian school would have a field day with my dreams). I'd be alone, in an accurate or spookier version of a place I knew well that I could count on being abandoned (a hill outside of town, a derelict house where local drop-outs would go to fuck during the summer, etc.) But after I poked around for a while, kicking rocks in the dust, I'd know something was there, and I'd hear a yowl (if you've ever seen Legend of Boggy Creek, that kind of yowl), and I'd turn around to be face to face with a bigfoot (but he'd never have a face, it was always just more matter grizzly-esque hair). Then I'd wake up and I could forget about sleep until the next night. It only happened a few times but I can remember it 20 years later, which is saying something since I can't remember processes at work from last month.

 

Last night I had one that found me back in the town I grew up in. It involved me running away from a dog. A black scottish terrier to be exact. For some reason I was completely terrified of this particular dog, even though it did nothing, but advance on me slowly.
I was running around the town and every time I turned around, the dog was always behind me, walking really slowly but still keeping up, every time just a bit closer than the last. I was panicing so I finally ducked into the back yard of one of my friends. There was a swingset there so for some reason I got on and started swinging as fast and as high as I could, the dog still slowly getting closer and closer. When it felt like I was close to a heart attack I finally woke up.

I wish I could try lucid dreaming. I've actually realized in a dream that I'm dreaming, but the second I try to do anything (move my hands/feet etc.), I wake up. Ah well.

 

I had another dream last night where I asked out this girl who I had a couple of college classes with and she said yes. She is the one girl who regret never having talked to for real.

 

I dreamt that I was in the shower and my dick fell off and onto the floor. This was obviously very distressing and I tried to stick it back on without any luck.

I woke up in a cold sweat scared shitless and double checked that my dick was in fact still attached which it thankfully was. I don’t remember ever having such a freaky nightmare and I hope that I never have another one.

 

I was napping on the couch, dreaming that I was holding something important. It started to fall off a cliff, and I reached my hand down and snatched it out of midair.

The movement jarred me awake and I realized my phone had slipped off the couch, and when I woke up I was holding it where I had caught it two inches from the ground.

 

I had a movie dream. I don’t remember the title, but it was a Kevin Smith movie about the teenage adventures of Jay and Silent Bob, and it took place in 1984. Silent Bob didn’t have a beard They were in high school, and they were still drug pushers, but they were selling coke, crack, and ritalin. It opened with some anonymous teenagers in an alley rolling a joint and mixing some crack in it.
Then it cut a beach in New Jersey, where there was a beach cleanup going on, and Jay and Silent Bob were there. The beach was absolutely filthy, complete with used condoms and syringes, dead fish and birds, abandoned cars, and the water looked like piss. They broke away from the crowd, and walked over to a port/dock where ships were going by. Silent Bob pulled a fishing rod out of his trench coat, handed it to Jay, and he casted it out in the direction of a boat that was going by. He got a bite on the line, reeled it in, and pulled a fake fish onto the dock. He said it was a grouper. They took it to a run down boat house, and cut it open to reveal bags of cocaine and pills. They took them and left.
Later, they wanted to have a rap music show to raise money for something, so they used their drug earnings to put it on. It was a success, but the crusty school principle (I think it was Bill Cosby) decided to confiscate their earnings because some of it was drug money. There were antics, hijinks, misdemeanors and monkey shines, and in the end Jay and Silent Bob just had to do time in detention.
There was also a little kid who lived in a sewer, and people were spitting and pissing on him through a grating in the street. I’m not sure what he had to do with anything, but he was there.

 

Another Movie dream:

The movie was called Deep Green. It was about these aliens who came to Earth from a dying planet, and they looked just like us, but they were a more highly evolved. Internally they were different, and they were superior to us in terms of disease resistance, strength, and especially intelligence. But they did not let their presence be known. Instead, they infiltrated our society, and got into the upper levels of international government and industry.

The problem was that the Earth's climate wasn't good for them, so they tried to change it by melting the North polar ice cap with nuclear weapons, and they were in the process of altering the earth's axis to where Antarctica was in a state of permanent winter, and the ice built up there on the southern hemisphere. Their plan would drop the sea levels so drastically that the northpole/Arctic Ocean would become an inland sea.

They were found out though, and we (humans) found a way to defeat them. When their secret plans were exposed, it became evident that they intended to slaughter the 6 billion humans who call the earth home.

The aliens had taken control of the governments/militaries and economies of North America and Europe. They had almost finished with South America and Australia, but for some reason they were having trouble with Asia. I don't remember Africa being a concern of theirs.

The whole movie had a techno/electronic/pop soundrack, by either the Dust Brothers or the Crystal Method.

 

In my most recent dream, the boyfriend asked me to get my nipple pierced. Dream me did a whole bunch of research and concluded that it would be a bad idea as I would apparently lose all nipple sensitivity.

Naturally, I told him about his dream and he then proceeded to asked me to get it done for real. I looked into it and apparently I most likely will not lose sensitivity, but perhaps gain even more. Win.

 

I just got my fist DUI in a dream. I can't remember who I was with, but was out riding motorcycles with someone and came to a road block on N. Druid Hills in Atlanta. The road block was Sheriffs standing shoulder to shoulder. Failed my sobriety test without even knowing it.

Going back to sleep, but note to self, watch out.